A Loving Family (18 page)

‘No matter. I'll wait for you.' He cast a sideways glance at her beneath lashes that Stella had always considered to be ridiculously long for a mere male. ‘I'll wait forever if you'll come back to me one day, Stella.'

‘Don't ask me to make promises I can't keep, Bob.' The vehicle had barely drawn to a halt before she alighted, and she did not look back as she mounted the steps. She knocked on the door and waited, hardly daring to believe that she would soon be reunited with her sister. She had dreamed of this day many times in the past and now it was coming to fruition in the most unexpected way. She could hear footsteps and when the door opened she was faced with a young nun, who gazed at her, unsmiling.

‘May I help you?'

Stella explained the reason for her visit and was ushered into the spacious entrance hall. ‘If you will wait here I'll seek permission from Mother Superior.'

She left Stella to pace the tiled floor, clasping and unclasping her hands as her frayed nerves threatened to destroy her outward show of composure. Her palms were damp and her heart was thudding uncomfortably against the tight confines of her stays. Her footsteps echoed off the high ceiling with its ornate cornices and delicate plasterwork. A curved flight of stairs led upwards to a galleried landing and she tried to divert her thoughts by imagining what the house must have been like in its heyday. Pale patches on the walls outlined by ghostlike picture frames were a reminder of paintings which must once have hung there. The stair treads might have been covered in richly hued carpet, but the only physical evidence of past grandeur was the crystal chandelier which dangled above her head. It seemed oddly out of place in the austere setting.

Stella turned with a start at the sound of a voice close behind her. She wondered if the nuns glided on wheels to make them move so silently and effortlessly like skaters on a frozen lake.

‘Will you come this way?' The nun led her through a maze of corridors to a small room at the back of the house. ‘Wait here, please.'

Stella found herself in what appeared to be a waiting room. The wainscoted walls were lined with wooden chairs with upright backs that looked as if they had been designed to mortify the flesh rather than provide a comfortable seat. She went to the window but its outlook was disappointingly dull, overlooking what appeared to be a yard hung with washing lines and sheets flapping in the breeze. The smell of beeswax polish made with turpentine and linseed oil was harsh and overpowering without the addition of lavender, but the nuns obviously believed in forswearing such luxuries.

She could not help wondering if her sister was conscious of the commitment she was about to undertake, and if she was fully aware of the life she would lead in the convent. It was the question burning on her lips when the door opened and a young woman entered.

Dressed in a shapeless grey gown with her hair concealed by a white headdress, Belinda stared at her with a hostile expression on her lovely young face. ‘So you've turned up at last. Isn't it a bit late in the day to show concern for me, Stella?'

Her harsh words slashed at Stella's heart like the blade of a cut-throat razor. ‘I tried to find you, but I was just a child.'

‘You were old enough to go into service. I was the child.'

‘I wasn't allowed home for almost a year, and then only because it was Mothering Sunday. I arrived at Broadway Wharf to find that you had all vanished without a trace.'

Belinda's eyes were dark pools of suspicion. ‘You couldn't have tried very hard to find us.'

‘I went to the workhouse but they wouldn't help me. I fell ill and I might have died in the gutter if a kind man hadn't found me and taken me home to his wife who nursed me back to health. When I recovered there was nothing I could do other than return to my place of work.'

‘You've had eleven years to seek me out. What have you been doing all that time?'

‘This is so unfair, Belinda. I know how you must feel . . .'

‘No. You have no idea what it was like in the workhouse, or how it felt to know that your mother and sister had abandoned you. I wasn't even allowed to see my brother.'

‘It must have been terrible, but I didn't know where you were.'

‘You're as bad as Ma. You only think about yourself.'

Stung by the unfairness of her sister's words, Stella shook her head. ‘That's not true. I never gave up hope of finding you and Freddie.'

‘I grew up without love, but now I've found solace with the nuns. Our saviour loves us all, even me – unloved for so many harsh years.'

Blinded by tears, Stella held her hands out to her sister. ‘I was abandoned too.'

‘Then we are the same,' Belinda said with no outward sign of emotion. ‘But I have found salvation.'

‘You don't know what you're doing, Belle.'

‘Don't call me that. Ma used to call me Belle and she walked away, never to return. I hate her and I hate you too. Now go away and leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with you, Stella.'

‘Please hear me out.'

‘You can say nothing that will change the past.'

‘I understand why you're bitter, but can't we start again? Come with me now and let's find Freddie. We could be a family again.'

‘Freddie joined the Navy. I haven't seen him for years. He doesn't care about either of us, so don't waste your time. Go now and don't come back.'

‘I am so sorry.' Stella bowed her head.

‘It's too late for that. Don't come here again, because I won't see you.' Belinda moved swiftly to the door, opened it and was gone, leaving Stella standing in the middle of an empty room. The rows of chairs stared blindly at her. She was alone.

AT STELLA'S INSISTENCE,
Bob drove her to the railway station. He had tried to persuade her to return to the farm, and although it was tempting she had set her heart on finding her mother, and nothing was going to stop her now. Belinda's angry reaction had been a shock and a crushing disappointment and Stella's visions of a happy reunion had been dashed, but she refused to admit defeat. Belinda was very young and easily influenced. She had suffered more in her short life than most, and Stella could understand in part why she had received such a hostile reception. If she could trace their mother and Freddie it would prove that she had meant what she said. If Belinda still wanted to devote her life to Christ then that was her choice, but she must be offered an alternative before she made her final decision.

‘You haven't heard a word I've said.' Bob's tone was plaintive as he drew up on the station forecourt. ‘Are you sure you want to go back to London today? You're upset and I can understand that, but why not come back to the farm for a day or two? We'd look after you – I'll look after you.'

‘I know you would, but this is something I must do on my own. It's even more important for me to find my mother now.'

‘I understand, but I can't help wondering if you're doing the right thing, Stella.'

She stared at him, shocked by his tone. ‘What makes you say that?'

‘Perhaps your mother doesn't want to be found. Maybe she's made a life for herself that doesn't include her children.'

‘That's a dreadful thing to say. We had the best mother in the world.'

‘It's a possibility you might have to face.' He seized both her hands in his. ‘Let me take care of you forever, Stella. Let go of the past and marry me. I'll do my best to make you happy.'

‘I'm sorry, Bob,' she said slowly. ‘I'm touched and honoured by your proposal but I can't marry you or anyone until I'm satisfied that I've done everything I can to reunite my family.'

‘I'd be your family. Pa and even Bertie would be part of it and we all love you. It was fate that threw us together. We're meant for each other, Stella. I – I love you.' He kissed each of her fingers and the touch of his lips was warm and soft as velvet.

She looked into his eyes and knew that he was sincere, but that only made it harder to dash his hopes. ‘No, Bob. I have to do this on my own. I don't know what my feelings are exactly. I'm very fond of you but that's not reason enough to marry you. We might both end up miserable and you, of all people, don't deserve that.' She withdrew her hands gently. ‘Don't come with me. I'll catch the next train to London, but I promise to write to you and let you know how things are with me.' She gathered up her skirts and alighted from the trap, pausing to smooth the crumpled material.

‘At least tell me where you're staying. I can't let you disappear like this.'

‘Number six, Fleur-de-Lis Street. I'll be in touch.' She hurried away without giving him a chance to reply. She knew she had hurt him, and she hated herself for allowing him to fall in love with her in the first place. She had known that it was happening and she was genuinely fond of him, but that was before she had met Kit Rivenhall. She was only too well aware that a man of his birth and standing would never think of an alliance with a girl who had started out as a scullery maid, but he filled her thoughts and dreams even though he had never given her a second glance.

She walked into the ticket office. Her personal problems were of little importance compared to the choice that her sister was about to make. If anyone could make Belinda see sense, it was Ma, and that made her mission even more important. Ma would know what to do. She must find her.

Stella arrived back in Fleur-de-Lis Street at midday. The stench of the city was even more offensive than usual after the clean country air. The bustling crowds and the constant din of traffic and raised voices made her head spin after the quiet of rural Essex, but this was now her home and she knew she was amongst friends.

She was admitted to the house by Spike, who caught her by the hand and dragged her into Maud's room before she had time to take off her shawl and bonnet. ‘The old lady's off her head. She's calling for someone called Jacinta and won't be pacified by nothing.'

Stella's worst fears were realised when she saw Perry standing over Maud, fanning her with a burnt feather. ‘What are you doing?' She was forced to shout to make herself heard over Maud's loud cries. ‘What have you done to make her like this?'

‘Nothing, miss. We was getting on splendidly and she seemed like she was talking sense, but then she began to moan and wail and call out for Jacinta. She fell into a swoon and now she's come to and I wish she hadn't.'

Stella pushed him out of the way. ‘Leave us alone. I don't know what you said but you've upset the poor lady.'

He backed towards the door. ‘I was just asking her where the Spanish woman had gone. For a moment I thought she was going to say something sensible.'

‘Please go.' Stella went down on her knees at Maud's side and slipped her arm around her shoulders. She turned to Spike. ‘Ask Rosa to make a cup of tea for Mrs Clifford.'

‘She ain't here,' Spike said sulkily. ‘That was the trouble. She's gone somewhere with Mr Kit. They left us to look after the old lady, but see where it's led.'

‘Just make a pot of tea. I could do with some myself.'

He followed Perry from the room, closing the door with unnecessary force. Stella stroked wisps of grey hair back from Maud's forehead. ‘It's me, Stella. I'll look after you now.'

‘Where have you been?' Maud's eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. She grasped Stella's hand with bony fingers. ‘They've been making me tell secrets, Stella. I nearly told them everything.'

‘What secrets? Can you tell me without upsetting yourself?'

‘You won't leave me again, will you, dear? I don't like that skinny man with the pointy nose. He scares me.'

‘I won't allow him to come near you again. Just tell me why you're so distressed. What did he say to you?'

‘It's Jacinta, dear. I know where they took her but Ronald threatened to slit my throat if I ever breathed a word of it to another soul. I told that man about him and now Ronald will come here and kill me.'

‘What has Ronald got to do with my mother's disappearance?'

‘He's a bad man, Stella. I'm scared.'

‘Don't worry, Aunt. He won't be allowed anywhere near you, but you must tell me what you know.'

‘Jacinta came to me for help. She had been forced to leave her little ones in the workhouse. She was distraught but I couldn't take her in. I had to depend upon Ronald for the pittance he allowed me.'

Stella grasped Maud's hand in hers. ‘What happened then? Where did she go?'

‘It's all my fault. I should have known better, but I took her to the funeral parlour. I thought that Ronald might find her work. He was all charm and flattery with Jacinta and he said he knew of a gentleman in need of a housekeeper. He brought her here, to Silas Norville's house.'

‘I knew it,' Stella whispered, hardly daring to breathe. ‘The moment I saw her initials carved on the wine rack I knew she'd been here, but what I don't understand is why she stayed. Why didn't she try to escape?'

‘I wouldn't have taken her to Ronald if I'd known what he was up to. He's a bad man, Stella.'

‘What did he do, Aunt Maud?'

‘He came to my room one day, taunting me and saying that Jacinta was just one in a long line of women he had traded with Silas Norville, who employed them in his house to begin with and then sold them on to his rich patrons. The poor unfortunate creatures are used for men's pleasure, but heaven knows what happens to them when they are no longer wanted.' Maud rubbed her hand over her eyes and her lips trembled. ‘I had to keep his secret, Stella. I was forced to rely on my stepson for everything and had I told anyone he would have cut me off without a penny, or I would have been found murdered. He had my coffin ready made. He took me into the workshop and showed me the one that was to be mine, and he said he'd have me buried six foot under if I so much as breathed a word of it to anyone.'