A Mate's Submission: (Hot Paranormal Shifter Romance) (Ozark Mountain Shifters Book 4) (7 page)

Avan felt like every ounce of air had been knocked from her lungs. This was bad. It was shit upon shit upon shit with a shit cherry on top.

The tears were coming, and they were coming fast. She had to get out of here.

Spinning, she practically ran to the bathroom, ignoring the pain from her wounds. She was tired. Tired of hurting, of fighting, of worrying, and wondering. She was tired of feeling so damn good when Lexar was around, but then knowing that this relationship was bad for them both. And that it was going to come to a screeching halt at some point.

If she controlled when—and when was right now—then it would hurt less. That’s what she’d told herself.

But now, this. His pledge.

Fuck.

She turned the shower faucet so hard it nearly broke, but it responded with hot water so… mission accomplished. Stepping under the spray, she flinched as the heat hit her wounds. Let it burn. She needed the distraction.

Cael was going to be furious. How was she going to explain stealing his best wolf? Maybe he’d fight her for him and force Lexar back to Ravendale. It’s what Jax would’ve done.

But then the part of her that wanted Lexar to remain in her life was doing a happy dance that consisted of an obscene version of the Macarena.

He’d committed to her. Not the pack.
Her
. It wasn’t something he could get out of easily. He’d have to fight his way out, and survive. And maybe he could do that, if it ever came to that point, but it definitely wasn’t something he’d take lightly.

Avan washed off the remnants of battle. When she stepped out of the shower, she was still in shock. But at least she was clean.

Rubbing the fog off the mirror, she examined her reflection. There were bruises forming, and cuts. Raw spots. Swelling. Nothing too major. But what troubled her was her eyes. They looked softer. She couldn’t afford to be soft.

She slammed her palm on the counter. Damn. She was going to have to admit that things were changing with her. With the pack. With the entire fucking world. And she wasn’t actually in control of any of it. Which blew balls on a hot summer day.

A good alpha rolls with the punches… and throws a few of their own. But they sure as hell don’t cower in their bathroom because times are a-changing. She’d have to find a way to make this work.

Wrapping a towel around her body, she went to her room. She was only a little surprised Lexar wasn’t there. She dressed and went to look for him in the living room. But he wasn’t there either. Instead she found her sister, pacing the small area of the kitchen.

“Where’s Lexar?”

Seleka stopped. She chewed her thumbnail, but pulled her hand away long enough to answer. “He left. But he was adamant that he’d be back tonight. Wanted to make sure you knew that.”

Avan let out the breath she’d been holding. Okay. He was gone. Would he really be back? She wasn’t sure.

She stared at her sister. The female looked nervous enough to finish off her own nails and then start on Avan’s.

“Sel, what’s wrong?”

She shook her head, reaching down to straighten her sweater. “Nothing. I’m just… all the upheaval in the camp is wearing on me.” Her voice shook. Avan had never seen her sister quite this shaken. Fights had been the norm for the past three months, and Seleka held it together fine.

“The fighting will be over soon, sis. But there are always going to be challenges for us, for our pack. When the contenders stop coming for me, I’ll have to sort out this mess Jax created with the Elders. And after that, it’ll be something else. All we can hope for is a little peace in between storms.”

A depressing outlook, but she wouldn’t lie to herself or to Seleka. It took years to make a mess of Ozarka and it would take years to fix it.

Seleka shook her head. “I’m not strong like you. I don’t know if I can do this.”

Avan frowned. Her sister’s words didn’t make sense. She played her role in the pack perfectly.

“I’m too meek. I cry when things bother me. I worry and fret, and I don’t have an ounce of fight in me. How am I supposed to make it through this?” Tears danced with the brims of her eyes, but she seemed determined not to let them fall.

Aw, damn. Seleka
was
all those things, but she was so much more. A pack didn’t survive by only the strong. It took all sorts, working together for the good of the whole.

“I just want to be happy, Avan.”

Avan did something she hadn’t done in years. She pulled her sister into a hug. “I know, Sel, I know. I want that too. And I’m trying my best.”

Seleka shook her head. “It’s not that.”

Avan pulled back, giving her a questioning look. Seleka began pacing again.

“Your next fight… do you think it will be the last?”

So that’s what was wrong. She was worried for Avan. It was damn sweet… but also, kind of insulting.

Avan sighed. “I don’t know. There aren’t any other challengers in line, so that’s a good sign.”

Seleka nodded. “And when do you fight Raden?”

“Five days.”

Seleka pressed her lips together. “Five days. So soon,” she muttered.

“We’ll be fine, baby sis,” Avan assured her. “We always are. And you? You’re amazing. You know I don’t lie. The part you play in this pack is just as important as mine.”

Seleka scoffed, shaking her head.

“It’s true. There are princesses and then there are alphas. You are a princess; I’m a fucking alpha. But the only real difference is princesses wear crowns. I wear the blood of my enemies. You remind us how beautiful things can be, how sweet. You’re a breath of fresh air. I’m the one who makes sure we all have a chance to inhale it.” Avan shrugged a shoulder. “What good is breathing if there’s no air?”

Seleka’s eyes glistened. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too. Always.” Avan’s throat clogged up. “Now, go. Stop worrying about me. It’s fucking embarrassing.”

Seleka didn’t laugh. She crossed her arms, nodded, and pushed past Avan.

***

Avan was lying in bed, trying—and failing—to sleep, when she heard the front door slide open and shut. There was only one wolf who would help himself to her cabin at this late hour.

His footsteps were light as he moved around her place. She waited for him to make his way to her bedroom, but he never did. She tossed and turned for hours hoping to finally succumb to sleep, but she’d grown accustomed to feeling Lexar next to her, his body curving around hers while they slept. She should’ve never let him stay in her bed.

She sat up, yanking the covers aside. Maybe she just needed to walk it off.

Pacing the circuit around her bed didn’t really help, and soon, she found herself inching the door open to listen. There was no sound except for breathing. Her wolf was asleep.

Avan stepped into the hall. She just wanted to see him. Then she’d go back to her room and punch herself in the face if that’s what it took to fall asleep.

Lexar lounged on the couch with his feet propped on the coffee table. His hands were folded over his stomach. Avan swallowed, remembering his tight abs and the way they’d rippled with power as he thrust into her.

She pushed the thought away.

His head rested on the back of the couch, a baseball cap covering the eyes she loved to stare into.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” His rough voice startled her.

“Didn’t feel like it.”

There was a long silence before he spoke again.

“I’m yours.” He sighed. “Whether you want me or not. I’ve pissed off Cael so bad, I don’t even know if he’ll let me back into Ravendale to get my stuff.”

Oh, shit.

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth.”

“Which is?”

He shook his head, causing the cap to wobble. “You don’t want to hear it.”

“Maybe I do.”

Slowly, he sat up, removing the hat and drilling her with his eyes. “You don’t, but it doesn’t matter.” He stood, facing her. She could feel his frustration, thick and suffocating. “I told him we were meant to be together. I told him I needed to be wherever you are. I told him… I’d found the part of myself that was lost for a very long time.”

Avan’s head shook but she felt disconnected from it. Her actions denied what he said, but her heart agreed with him. Her animal whimpered at his words.

She stumbled over to the chair and practically fell into it. “But… that’s not true. We
aren’t
meant to be together. Do you forget who my intended is? That I have a mate? Me and Cael are
meant
to be together. Not us.”

He placed his hands on either side of the chair, invading her personal space without a qualm. “I know exactly who your mate is,” he growled. “He’s my best fucking friend. And I just screwed up years worth of devotion because I can’t imagine ever leaving this place without you by my side.”

“Lex—“

He bent closer, dragging in a ragged breath. “I’ve thought of you every single
fucking
day since you walked into that bar and renounced your claim on him. You think this can’t work, that you know everything about me, but you’re dead wrong. I have a mate of my own. I know exactly what that means and I don’t give a damn. We
are
meant for each other.”

Avan’s mouth went dry. Holy… shit. “You’re mated?”

There was no mark. And he… he… fucked her. He shouldn’t be able to do that. Only to his intended. But then, it was possible for Cael. Maybe there was a way around that instinct.

“No,” he said quietly, pushing off from the arms of the chair. “I’m not mated. I have a mate. As you well know, there’s a difference.”

“Where is she? Why aren’t you with her?” Avan felt like her lungs had been scraped raw. She’d never once considered they could be in similar situations. It was so out of the ordinary, how could she have?

Lexar stared at her, hands planted on his hips, before dropping his head to look at the floor. “She’s in Hawaii. She belongs to the Coppertone pack.” The next part was said with an undertone of trepidation. “I’m not with her because she didn’t want me.”

Avan’s heart broke for him. That feeling of not being wanted. It was like someone shot a cannon ball straight through your chest leaving a gaping hole you had no choice but to live with. And the shame of it. Having to cover it up so people didn’t think less of you.

She recalled the day Trager brought his mate to camp. The elders predicted she’d shun him. Avan had been a first class bitch to the lady, explaining the customs of their pack and why Trager no longer fit in. Families were to have cubs. If they could not, they were useless to the pack. Avan didn’t necessarily agree, but it was the way of the shifters. At the time, she’d been stupid enough to think she’d have young herself some day. Then she’d scented her mate, learned he was—at the time—the pack’s greatest enemy, and knew she’d never have a family of her own.

Except she’d be damned if she let her pack see her as useless.

That was the moment her priorities shifted from being an alpha female to becoming a female alpha. To this day only four people in the camp knew Cael was her intended mate. Mama, Seleka, Farrow, and Lexar. But the Elders would find out soon enough.

“Did you love her?” She had to know. Was he heartbroken? Was his bond with her a rebound thing? Was that why he was able to…

“No. I didn’t love her. I wanted to. I tried to. An Elder from my former pack told me if I tried hard enough, I could make her see. But all it did was push her further away. She crossed the pacific to get away from me even after I told her I’d never claim her.” He laughed humorlessly. “Why should she trust a wolf?”

Avan froze. “She’s not a wolf?”

“She is. She’s a shade. Never shifted. Didn’t know a thing about shifters until I tracked her down.”

Avan eyes went wide. A
shade
. They were so rare they were almost mythical. Raised as a human, they usually didn’t shift until they met another of their kind. And then, years of stifled animal instinct came busting out all at once. They were dangerous. To themselves, but most especially to others.

“Now you know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and letting his hands slap against his thighs. “All about me. And why you aren’t just another romp in the hay. You’re the one my wolf chose, and the one I would’ve chosen had the decision been mine.”

Avan went to him. She had to. She touched his arm and he jerked in surprise. “I…” She didn’t know what to say. Her head filled with so many possibilities. What she
wanted
to tell him warred with what she
should
tell him.

She didn’t get to finish her thought though because he crowded her against the wall, and kissed her. His lips on hers were urgent, pressing. An emergency. Emotion poured from him as he worked her mouth, and she responded. She couldn’t say what she wanted to. She couldn’t accept what he offered either. But she could show him how she felt in this moment. That was within the realm of her power.

So she did. Kissing. Pulling him closer, until she could feel every plane of his hard body pressing into hers.