A Matter of Heart (31 page)

“Stop—” I gasp, because it’s
too much. It’s all too much.

“Would it have helped, had
you known these things?” Jens presses, and I’m flat out shivering now, unable
to even get the words out to defend myself.

But Alex can, because he’s
suddenly standing in front of us, murder in his own eyes. For all of his
surveillance, Jens must’ve miscalculated the time I was supposed to meet with
my friend this afternoon, ironically to discuss him of all things. “Get the
hell away from her,” he barks.

Jens stands up and brushes
away imaginary lint from his slacks. “We were simply talking.”

Alex’s eyes narrow. “Right.
Well, go talk to somebody else, asshole.”

The former head of the Guard
gives me another of his calculated smiles. “Think about what I’ve said.” And
then he walks away.

“Are you okay?” Alex asks,
sitting in his spot. I shake my head, and Alex throws an arm around my
shoulders. “I swear, Chloe. We will find a way to neutralize this guy.”

But
Jens Belladonna is the least of my concerns now. There are two other people
who’ve taken his place.

Astrid and Callie are at
Jonah’s when I get home after heading to a drugstore first to obtain ibuprofen
for another raging headache. Kellan’s here, too. They’re all laughing while
sitting around, drinking tea and coffee, and the sight of this forces me to
paste a smile on my face that is one of the fakest I’ve ever managed.

“Chloe!” Astrid stands up to
hug me. Normally I’d soak up this bit of affection for all its worth, but I
can’t stand the thought of anyone touching me. Caring for me. Not after what
I’ve done. Two lives.
Two
. “I was hoping to catch you before we left,”
she’s saying. Both boys’ attentions immediately laser in on me, no doubt as a
result of my unsteady psyche. But I ignore them and their concern and choose,
instead, to sit next to Callie, who has isolated herself as far away from Jonah
as she can possibly get. I can’t explain it, but she feels like the safest
choice here.

I build up an emotional
shield around me. I’m so stupid. I should have done it before I even walked
through the door. I don’t want Jonah worrying about this. He has enough on his
plate nowadays, what with his recent elevation and responsibilities in the
Council.

Callie gives me an assessing
look over before turning back to the conversation at hand. Jonah attempts to
ask me what’s wrong, but Callie bulldozes right over his question with a
breakdown of sales she’s noticed over the weekend. It shuts Jonah up, but it
doesn’t do anything for the worry in his eyes.

I choose to ignore it. I
ignore the mirrored reflection in Kellan’s as well; at least he has the grace
to not try to drag anything out of me in front of Astrid and Callie. “We were
hoping to have a family dinner tonight,” Astrid is saying once Callie’s
finished with her blessedly lengthy report. It takes me a moment to realize
she’s directed her statement at me.

“That’d be great,” I say at
the same time Jonah says, “I don’t think—”

“We used to do weekly family
dinners,” Astrid continues. “To ensure everyone was caught up with what
everyone else was doing. But that fell to the wayside once the boys moved to
California. Now that everyone is back in the same city, I’m afraid I’m
insisting on reinstating the tradition or I may never know what my loved ones
are up to.”

“There’s this amazing
invention called a telephone,” Callie mutters from next to me. “Better yet,
there’s email.”

“Yes, well, phone calls are
all well and good, but I prefer seeing for myself how you’re all doing.” As if
on cue, Astrid’s phone goes off at that very moment. She pulls it out of her
purse and sighs. Her three kids make pointed comments about this irony before
she moves off to the kitchen to answer it.

“Chloe,” Jonah tries again,
but Callie once more cuts him off.

“I was thinking of hitting
up the boutique a block south from here. There’s a skirt there that I’ve been
eyeing for a couple weeks now. Want to come along?” she asks me.

“Yes,” I say right away. I
stand up at the same time Callie does. I can’t do what he wants. I can’t talk
about this yet.

“We’ll see you guys at the
restaurant,” Callie says for the both of us. She grabs her purse and leans down
to say something to Kellan. I take the moment to press a quick kiss against
Jonah’s cheek.

“Chloe,”
he tries for a third time, reaching for my arm, but I evade his grasp. And then
I leave.

Callie doesn’t ask why I’m
upset, even though she’d have to be blind and heavily concussed not to notice.
I’m back to shaking now that I don’t have to pretend. And my head feels like
it’s underwater, there’s so much pressure there. Despite all of this, it’s
pleasantly surprising and kind when she says, “Emotionals can be a real pain in
the ass when you’re putting on a brave face,” before leaving us in silence for
the rest of the walk.

We do not end up going to a
store. Instead, Callie takes me to a pub half a mile away. She orders us two
shots apiece as we sit on stools at the bar, which we down quickly. Caleb
disapproves, but I tell him to leave me alone.

“So,” Callie finally says.
“Can I tell you something?”

Our shot glasses form a neat
row in front of us. “Sure.”

She makes a face before
rubbing at her hair. It goes static-y for the briefest of moments, making her
look as haggard as I feel. “It’s hard to be around your boyfriend. Or should I
say, my brother? ‘Cause that’s all he is now.”

I stare at her for a couple
of seconds before a bubble of laughter escapes my lips. Her grimace turns
upwards in a rueful grin that could mirror her mother’s. “I know. Pathetic,
right?”

“No,” I tell her. “You’re
just . . . I’d say Human, but you’re an Elf, too.”

It’s her turn to laugh, all
throaty and warm. “Is it wrong that I make sure he feels just how uncomfortable
I am with all of this? How . . . mad, I guess, and hurt, I still am?” She puts
a finger up for another shot but then thinks twice about it, explaining her
mother will kill her if we show up tanked at dinner.

I think about what she’s
said, though, grateful to focus on somebody else’s problems. “No. He was your
first love. What would be weird would be you two completely at ease with one
another this soon.” Which sounds like the right thing to say, but as my
experience with love is limited, too, and even more messed up than hers, I
can’t be a hundred percent certain I’m telling her the truth.

“Between me and Jonah,” she
says, propping her head up on a bent elbow and fist, “and you and Kellan,
tonight is going to be a real blast.” She chuckles under her breath. “If
there’s ever been a messed up family made for a daytime talk show, it’d be our
incestuous one.”

I snort and then giggle at
the ridiculous noise.

She grins, her silvery hair
spilling down against the sticky bar—but she doesn’t care. I like that about
her, envy, even. She seems comfortable in her skin, despite what she’s just
said. And even though she’s talking to me about my Connection, the man I’m
going to marry, I can tell she feels lighter now that she’s told me this and
I’m glad for it.

“Can I tell you something?”
She nods, and there’s an urge in me to confide in her, too. It doesn’t make
sense, and is probably the worst idea ever, but Callie—bristly, gorgeous,
damaged Callie Lotus—suddenly feels like one of the safest people to talk to.
“Being a Creator sucks.”

She considers this. “I
should imagine it does.”

So many people are always
asking me what’s wrong; but not her. I like how she takes what I have to offer
and doesn’t press for more details.

I
don’t ask her any questions about Jonah. She doesn’t ask me anything else,
either. We stay in the pub for the rest of the hour, sitting next to each other
in silence, and it’s exactly what I need.

“How was shopping?” Jonah
asks me at dinner. He’s like a hawk, this boy. Nothing gets by him.

I shrug and say, “Fine,”
which is basically girl-speak for NOT FINE. His brows knit in concern at the
same time Kellan asks Callie about her afternoon.

“Since when do you give two
shits about shopping?” she snarls, but it’s all bark and no bite. Astrid
admonishes her, but Kellan merely smiles in return.

It’s then I notice Jens
Belladonna at a table across the restaurant. He holds up his wine glass in a
silent toast to me. Two of the glasses of water on our table explode in my
anguish. Jonah shoves me back before my lap is soaked; his jeans, though, do
not manage to escape. A waiter hurries over and mops up the mess, apologizing
like he’d somehow caused the glasses to crack rather than my continued lack of
control over my emotions. While Jonah and Astrid repeatedly assure the young
man he has nothing to apologize for, Callie catches my eye.

I debate not telling her,
but I tilt my head slightly in Jens’ direction anyway.

Her focus swivels to him.
He’s now talking to the person at his table, another Guard who Alex informed me
earlier is one of his more loyal cronies. Once her glance is over, Callie
pounds a fist in her other open hand. Eyebrows rise questioningly.

I choke down a gasp of
hysteria. It’d almost be worth it just to see this girl—calm, collected and
smooth Callie Lotus—deck a guy in the face. But I end up shaking my head.

She shrugs but pounds her
fist one more time. Despite the circumstances of how we came into each other’s
orbits, my heart kind of grows in that moment.

“This table is fine,” Astrid
is telling the waiter. “We can stay here; it’s no problem.”

“Get lost already,” Kellan
snaps at the guy, his fingers drumming against the table. He’s clearly on edge,
because he wouldn’t normally be so rude in public like this.

The waiter scurries away,
and Astrid rounds on Kellan immediately. “Between you and Callie, I think I’ve
had my fill of piss poor behavior today, thank you very much.”

Callie rolls her eyes.
Kellan begins to, but apparently thinks better of it. Jonah says nothing while
he gets to work dabbing a napkin against his wet knees.

“Tonight is supposed to be a
return to normalcy,” Astrid continues, her pale lavender eyes narrowing
dangerously.

“It’s normal for us to act
like assholes,” Callie mutters. “Or have you forgotten?”

Her mother is appalled.
Jonah dabs at the stain harder, like he’s fully aware he’s the cause of
Callie’s bad attitude. As Callie and Astrid bicker about appropriate restaurant
behavior now that all at the table are officially adults, I can’t help but peek
at Jens’ table.

He’s back to watching me,
that smug smile that I now know I definitely loathe on his face. I look away
quickly, jerking an arm up to do—well, I don’t know,
anything
, just to
keep busy, and manage to knock over my new glass of water. As luck would have
it, it dumps right onto Jonah’s lap. He jerks away; horrified, I grab my napkin
to help dry him off, but this only serves to send my silverware straight at the
table next to us. Startled, the couple sitting there leaps out of their seats.

GODS. REALLY? CAN ANYTHING
ELSE GO WRONG?

“It’s fine, Chloe,” Jonah
murmurs, taking the napkin away from me before I rip a hole in his jeans from
rubbing too hard. It’s then I realize just how close I am to a place I
definitely should not be rubbing in public. My cheeks erupt in flames as I slam
back into my chair. Thankfully, he excuses himself to go to the restroom before
I can wreak any more havoc or continue to feel him up in the middle of a
restaurant. In front of his mother. And ex-girlfriend. And brother, who I have
also felt up in the past.

This is clearly a nightmare
of epic proportions. I want nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed.
Find some more medicine for this headache. Gods, what is wrong with me? Why
can’t I get rid of these headaches?

Astrid is embarrassingly
sympathetic with her reassurances that everything is all right to me and the
couple next to us before paging the waiter for yet another glass of water. “I,
uh . . .” I stammer, thinking I ought to say something, but then I shut my mouth
and decide silence is my best ally.

I need to go to the Library.
Find out if what Jens said is true. I wonder if anyone would notice if I went
to the bathroom and just didn’t come back?

“Family dinners are the
best,” Callie says. To the waiter gingerly placing a noticeably smaller glass
of water near me, she orders a bottle of wine. And then, upon consideration,
doubles the order.

Astrid
sighs and drops her chin into a propped up hand.

Jonah reappears five minutes
later, jeans mostly dry. Everyone else at the table is drinking their wine,
engaging in forced chitchat. I have assumed a statue pose, too afraid to move
even though I’ve been plotting my escape. He’s just about to sit down when his
eyes widen and then narrow sharply.

Kellan’s head whips around in
the direction Jonah is staring. What are they—oh. They’ve noticed Jens.

Jonah closes his eyes and
takes a deep breath. Then he shoves his chair back in place and marches off
towards Jens. “Jonah, wait—” I say, but if he’s heard me, he doesn’t care.
Kellan stands up, and I try again. “Kellan, don’t—” But he’s no better than his
brother.