A Mended Man (The Men of Halfway House Book 4) (35 page)

Jessie placed his hand at the back of Aidan's neck, rubbing the tension in the tight muscles. "What about after the service? Anyone since then?"

"No," he responded, his features devoid of any emotion.

Jessie remained quiet, processing the new bit of information—
personal
information—Aidan had provided. After all this time, he'd barely opened up about details, especially something that seemed to hold such a mix of emotions for him. Aidan often said little in his words but spoke volumes in his body language and tone. His words from the other night connected with the new personal piece of information, interlocking like two pieces of the same puzzle, finally revealing a little more of the big image. "You're worried I'm going to walk away if we get closer," he said, more as a statement than a question.

Aidan pushed his palms together and thinned his lips. "I lost the only two guys who were more than friends to me. I lost my parents. My best friend's in protective custody. I almost lost my brother. And…" He stopped himself as if fighting to finish his sentence. "I feel I've been cursed since birth to be alone."

"I'm not walking away from
us
."

"I've been through all kinds of shit and I'm still here. But losing you…" He looked over to Jessie, the mix of emotions screaming from his hazel eyes gripped Jessie's throat. "I can't lose you. I won't recover from that. I don't need you to leave for me to realize—"

"What are you afraid of?"

Aidan's jaw muscles twitched. "I wasn't expecting to ever find someone who'd understand me. Someone who'd want to be with me." He looked away and took a deep breath. "I don't ever want to lose that feeling."

"You won't." Jessie wrapped his arms around Aidan's bicep.

Aidan scoffed. "I'm a stubborn asshole who's insensitive and sarcastic and—"

"Just because you say it, doesn't mean it's true. You're a sweet man. I'm glad I'm the only one who knows that side of you."

"I know I'm not easy and I know I'm going to fuck this up—"

Jessie released Aidan's arm and firmly gripped his face, drawing his focus. "I'm not going to let you sabotage what we
can
have. I've already told you I'm not going anywhere. You joke that you're taking baby steps, and I'm fine with that because I know that means you're not giving up."

"No one is that patient," Aidan said, pulling away, sitting straight and tugging on the edge of his shirt. "And…I'm not sure I can do the hold your hand walking down the street thing. You need someone nice. Someone who'll laugh as much as you do and be as…I don't know…as perfect as you."

"First of all, I'm not perfect. Secondly, that sounds really boring," he said, ticking the items off on his fingers. "And I'm completely rejecting my invitation to this pity party you're hosting at the moment. It doesn't suit you at all."

Aidan shook his head and scoffed.

Jessie reached up and ran his thumb along Aidan's stubble. "I want someone who makes me feel special. Someone who respects me. Someone who makes me feel safe and strong. Someone who treats me like an equal in the relationship. Someone who cares enough about me to stop for a second and make sure I'm okay. Someone who I can be the real me with and lets me know that's okay." He searched Aidan's features, trying to send a telepathic message that would bypass his iron defenses. "That's you, Aidan. It's always been you. That's you without even trying."

Aidan turned toward Jessie, leaning in to keep his cheek in contact with Jessie's fingers.

Jessie's lips parted on a breath, clearly seeing every unspoken emotion aimed at him in those hazel eyes—a silent message that nothing else mattered in that moment or in the world other than Jessie. It was those intimate, candid moments Jessie craved more than anything, where Aidan shed the facade the outside world knew and exposed his soul for only Jessie to see. "I don't need someone who's going to hold my hand in public then treat me like shit in private. I'm fine going slow, and I'm fine being discreet, because it's nobody's business. This is about you and me."

Aidan turned and kissed Jessie's palm. "I'm not ashamed of us. I just don't want anyone telling me it's wrong because I know it's not." He leaned over and brushed his lips against Jessie's ear. "It feels too fucking perfect when I'm with you."

Jessie closed his eyes, knowing the words wouldn't come easily for Aidan…if they ever did. But it was always there, in his eyes, in the way he tentatively ghosted his fingers with a touch, and the way his tone softened when they were alone. Because of Aidan, he finally knew what it felt like to be loved. So if Aidan needed time or space, Jessie would grant him an eternity if he could cherish a few moments with the real Aidan—the one who showed the unfiltered, sacred, pure emotion in his soul.

He observed every fidgeting gesture in Aidan's body. He reached out, stroking Aidan's arm, hoping to ease the tension in his tight muscles. "You know I love you, Aidan. I don't say it because I don't want you to think I'm pressuring you to say it back. But it's there. It's a constant between us. Words don't come easy for you, and that's okay. I feel it in everything you do." He brushed his fingertips along the length of Aidan's arm, hoping his words didn't spook Aidan and trigger his retreat. "Everyone you've gotten close to…leaves. So I understand why you close yourself off whenever we start to get close."

"I don't mean to," Aidan whispered.

Jessie glanced up, his chest tightening at the worry in Aidan's expression. The battling need to stay strong and the desire to open up pushed and pulled in that hazel gaze. "I know," he said, reaching out to stroke Aidan's hair at his temple. "Your heart knows I'm not like everyone else, but until your head gets with the program, you're going to fight it. But please know, every second of every day, with every breath and heartbeat, I love you."

Aidan's jaw muscles twitched.

"I can understand why you need to be a hardass at work and why you guard your privacy so fiercely. But I want you to be yourself with me and know you're in a safe place and can tell me anything."

Aidan pressed a lingering kiss to the side of Jessie's head. "I don't deserve you."

"Do you want me to kick you in the balls now or later for saying that?" The soft rumble of Aidan's chuckle vibrated throughout Jessie's body, lighting up each nerve ending.

"Promise me something," Aidan whispered.

"Anything."

Aidan kept his face hidden as he spoke. "If you… If…I take too long and you think you're going to give up on me…give me a heads up, okay?"

Jessie turned toward Aidan and brushed their lips together for a barely-there kiss.

"I'm not giving up on you. Whether you know it or not, when I was in the hospital stuck in that weird state of limbo, it was you…your voice, knowing you were there… You brought me back. You never gave up on me." He reached up and placed his palm at the side of Aidan's face, hoping to calm the worry staring back at him in those hazel eyes. "Just know, I'm here with you. However long it takes through whatever we need to work through."

Aidan leaned forward and pressed their lips together, cupping Jessie's face to deliver a kiss fused with tenderness and need, sparking the always-present urgency for closeness while keeping it in check with a solemn vow of forever.

Jessie reached out, grabbing onto Aidan's arm, reveling in the slow slide of their tongues, triggering a surge of goose pimples to burst across his skin. He dug his fingers in the lean muscles and reached up with his other hand, tugging Aidan closer. A whimper escaped when Aidan broke the kiss, inching away slightly but staying close enough for each strangled breath to blow across Jessie's cheek.

"I promise I'm trying."

"I know you are," Jessie said, running his fingers through Aidan's hair. "But I might nudge you a bit along the way. Are you okay with that?"

Aidan nodded. "I swear there's nowhere else I'd rather be than with you."

Jessie closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Aidan's neck, holding back the flood of emotions triggered by the promise in those few words. "Then don't you dare stop trying, or I'm kicking you in the balls."

Aidan quietly laughed, pulling Jessie close, refusing to release him from the embrace. "Deal."

* * * *

"Aidan?"

"Yeah…" he said, leaning back on the couch. He could easily do this every night. Hanging out, avoiding all the drama and stress of work and the burden of having to be on guard all the time. Being with Jessie was easy. Effortless. And definitely what he needed nearing the end of another long week at the precinct.

Jessie grabbed the remote and switched off the television then turned to face him, delivering a heated stare. That look in those piercing crystal blue eyes always shot a bolt straight to his dick. The desire, the need, the want.

All for him.

Only for him.

"I'm horny."

Aidan's heartbeat quickened. "Is this your way of nudging me?" Maybe a week of non-progress in the relationship department triggered Jessie's nudging gene to kick in.

Jessie stared at him, not saying a single word. He pulled the T-shirt up and over his head and tossed it carelessly to the side.

"Okay," he said, cautiously, not really sure what the hell to do with this side of Jessie. He would expect Jessie to be subtle, to have folded the shirt perfectly and set it on the table.

Jessie shook his head slowly. "It's definitely
not
okay." He inched toward him.

When Jessie had that determined look in his eye and decided to step it up, taking the initiative when his slow ass didn't make a move, Aidan was totally screwed and defenseless. The spontaneous element both excited him and made him nervous as hell. Aidan inched back toward the end of the couch, hoping for some safety in his corner. Apparently, exactly where Jessie wanted him to be. Cornered, unable to escape. Jessie worked his way up Aidan's torso, slowly, cautiously, inch by inch, pressing himself into Aidan.

"I know you're horny too."

Aidan swallowed heavily. "No, I'm not."
Bullshit.
Hornier than a herd of feral beasts during mating season, he willed his body to remain in check, fighting his natural reaction to Jessie's nearness.

Jessie arched into Aidan then dipped his head, kissing and nipping Aidan's earlobe. "You're lying. You have a tell."

"No, I don't." He gripped the edge of the sofa cushions, trying to level his breathing.

"Yes, you do."

"I don't."

Jessie reached down and gripped Aidan's rock-hard dick jammed between them. "Trust me. You've got a very big, unmistakable tell."

"Jess…"

Jessie stopped and backed away a few inches, granting just enough distance between them to stop the exploration. He scanned Aidan's features, observing in that way he did that seemed to be deciphering each of Aidan's actions. "Do you…want me to stop?"

Fuck. No
. Aidan wanted this closeness. Every atom in his body desperately craved a physical connection with Jess. He shook his head, unable to speak.

Jessie pulled Aidan's shirt off. "Touch me."

Aidan released a shaky breath. The weight of Jessie, the warmth of his skin, his scent, the tentative touch—all becoming familiar and addictive.

Jessie rubbed his thumb along Aidan's stubble. "Touch me."

Aidan reached out but hesitated. He clenched his fist before finally deciding to graze his fingertips against Jessie's skin. Jessie closed his eyes and pressed himself against Aidan's hard chest, burying his nose at the side of Aidan's neck and running the tip of his tongue along Aidan's bobbing Adam's apple. Anticipation thrummed through Aidan with his forwardness.

He wanted this…more than anything.

"Tell me what you want," Jessie whispered between licks and kisses along his neck.

He moaned and turned his head, granting Jessie more room to continue exploring. He reached behind Jessie's neck and gently cupped the back of his head, keeping him in place and holding him close, not wanting the contact to end.

"I don't know."
This. All of this. Any of this.

Jessie pulled back and watched him closely. "Okay, how about you tell me what's a
hell no,
then we'll go from there."

Aidan cleared his throat, not exactly sure where or how to begin. And hell, there was no way he could think of more than one thing at a time with his fingers buried in Jessie's hair and Jessie's fingertips rubbing against his skin while he waited for Aidan to speak.

Jessie inched closer, leaning in and placing a trail of slow kisses along Aidan's jawline. "Nothing will scare me away from you."

A frustrated moan escaped him. He couldn't sort his thoughts or assemble a sentence when Jessie did that thing with his tongue and lips against Aidan's skin. Jessie reached out and clasped Aidan's wrists, pulling them up and out, bracing him as Jessie pushed his body against him.

Aidan instinctively stilled. "
Never
hold me down."

Jessie immediately released him and gazed into his eyes as if fitting another piece into the puzzle. "Okay."

Fighting his growing arousal, he couldn't focus on stringing together more words. He screwed his eyes shut and let Jessie continue with his kissing trail. He finally opened his eyes and reached out to cup Jessie's face, knowing he needed to speak and finish his thought. "That applies to me and you. I can't…I…" He took another deep breath as he stared into the crystal sea of blue in Jessie's questioning gaze, trying to connect his thoughts into a sentence. "I won't hurt you."

The edges of Jessie's lips curved upward into a soft smile. "I know."

Aidan exhaled a relieved breath.

"But you know…"

Aidan closed his eyes for a moment when Jessie's fingertips traveled down from his neck to his torso, tracing the ink at his side.

"Having your way with me over your favorite couch, on the table, or against a wall won't
hurt
me." Jessie leaned over Aidan and chased his fingertips with the warmth of his mouth.

Aidan arched up into Jessie's lips, seeking and craving every slow, long swipe of his tongue and brush of his full lips. Every millimeter of contact awakened his body, resurrecting desires and needs that had been dormant for far too long. He gripped the back of Jessie's head, encouraging him to continue as a groan escaped. He reached around with his other hand and kneaded Jessie's ass cheek, tugging him closer, flush against his already hard and ready body.