A Merry Little Christmas (18 page)

For one perfect moment, it was a joy-filled Christmas Eve, like any other, like so many they’d had in the past.

Vi announced dinner was ready as she carried the platter of sliced turkey to the table. Amanda hurried to grab the last of the serving bowls, wishing she knew how to hold on to this perfect moment of grace.

And to make it last.

It was like looking at the past and the present side by side, like the picture in a picture feature on his television. Colt stuffed in the last bite of pie, already way too full from the delicious meal, and let the tastes of chocolate and whipped cream and cookie crust remind him of Christmases past.

Of his mom, when she was alive, hurrying around the apartment, after she’d rushed home from work, filling the kitchen with the scents of good things to eat. More important were the family traditions of ham and gravy, mashed potatoes and green beans—his brother
had
to have green beans—and chocolate pie.

Sadness hurt like a broken rib, all the family he’d lost—his dad, then his mom, and the traditions that went with them. Last Christmas he’d spent alone at his Malibu property with his computer humming and his work spread out in front of him. He hadn’t minded it…at least, that’s what he’d told himself.

Jeremy had said something to make everyone laugh; Colt had missed what it was, lost in thought. But he didn’t miss the flash of merriment that reflected in the faces of the people surrounding him at this table. Ed’s grandfatherly kindness and wry humor making a comment that sent Vi and Amanda into a laughter fit. Something about a Christmas disaster years ago, when Amanda’s mother had been alive.

He’d never seen her like this, bright with laughter, beaming with happiness. She was luminous. Relaxed. Cradling her daughter in her lap, one hand pressed gently, soothingly against the curve of Jessie’s downy head, holding her close. She pressed a kiss to her child’s soft hair, clearly treasuring this time with her.

She doesn’t deserve this. Jessie doesn’t deserve this. No one does. Emotion—a tangle of frustration, injustice and grief—jackhammered against his sternum. Never had he felt so helpless. Or so moved by the tides of his heart.

The sudden scrape of a wood chair against linoleum rang above the clang of flatware and the conversation. Jeremy hopped to his feet. “Is it time for the presents now?”

He’d hardly been able to sit still through the meal. Maybe he’d gone a little overboard in the toy department, Colt thought as he laid the fork on the empty dessert plate. But the truth was, he had two more equal-sized boxes in his living room, ready as a surprise for Christmas morning. The pleasure of thinking about how happy the kids were going to be changed him, too.

“Please, please,
please?
” Jeremy hopped in place, bursting with excitement.
“Pleeeease!”

Ed burst out laughing, Vi chuckled softly and pure love shone in Amanda’s eyes. “Goodness, don’t bust a seam, Wonder Boy. I suppose we could do presents now.”

“Yaaaaaay!” Jeremy bounced around the table, shouting all the way, as hyper as if he’d inhaled a pound sack of sugar. He hopped in place as if his feet were springs, waiting for everyone else to catch up with him.

“Gotta put a new disk in the camera first.” Ed shoved away from the table and rummaged around in the kitchen.

“They’re in my purse, Ed,” Vi called as she rose to help him.

From his chair in the corner, Colt had a perfect view into the shadowed kitchen. The long-married couple took a private moment at the far end of the kitchen, side by side, searching through their things. Ed’s arm went around his wife and he whispered something in her ear. Pure love shone on Vi’s face, apparent even in the darkness.

Now that’s what I want. The wish came from the deepest places within him. It was providential, wasn’t it, that he’d never felt this soul-deep longing before, until he met Amanda. She cradled her daughter as she rose from the table, her gaze finding his over the top of Jessie’s red-gold curls. Happiness glinted through the tears in her eyes, joy shining up through the sadness.

He followed her into the living room with the flash and glow of the Christmas tree. Jeremy had dropped to his knees, looking but not touching, vibrating with anticipation.

“I’ve got the first present all picked out,” he said the moment Colt crouched down next to him. “It’s
that
one. It’s for Jessie.”

“It’s good that she gets the first one,” Colt agreed. “Here comes Ed and Vi. Wait until he gets his camcorder in place, okay? I bet he wants to give your mom some really good movies of tonight.”

“It’s takin’
forever.
” Jeremy was trying so hard to restrain himself.

The instant Ed had settled into the recliner and said, “Film rolling,” the boy leaped into action. He grabbed the gift for his sister and flew across to the couch where she snuggled cozily in her mom’s lap.

Pure delight shone on Jessie’s button face. The store-wrapped package glittered with pink foil ribbon and a matching bow. “Pretty.” She hugged it close, for it was a soft package that held a fuzzy pair of foot pajamas. The salesclerk had promised it would make the wearer feel like a little bunny.

Jeremy started handing out more presents. One for Vi. One for Ed. Two more for Jessie. He started a stack for himself. Jessie was giggling with happiness as she ripped open the package and discovered the fuzzy pajamas inside, pink and lavender to match Brittany Bunny. Jeremy hooted with happiness as he found another present with his name on it under the tree.

“Thank you, Colt,” Amanda said.

Her words were lost in the chaos of the joy-filled room but not the look in her eyes or the meaning in her heart. He could read both even through the noise. It wasn’t happiness only that made him feel as bright as those jewel-colored bulbs blinking hopefully on the tree.

It was more the sudden awareness of his life starting anew, as if the years to this point had just been a warm-up. Prep work. For his true purpose in life—loving her.

H
ow did she hold on to the sweetness? To never let it go?

There was no answer to that. All Amanda could do was to hold her daughter for one moment longer, and then the next, feeling grateful for this time she’d been given. How could her heart be breaking and happy at the same moment? There was no answer to that, either.

Only Colt, quietly, capably picking up torn shreds of wrapping paper and lengths of ribbons from the floor. Filling the big box he’d brought all the presents in.

Jeremy had torn through his pile of gifts and sat head bent examining his loot exclaiming, “Wow” and “Cool” and “Mom, look!” He investigated the Wonder Boy books, official T-shirt, a baseball cap and electronic gizmos she couldn’t see for the tall pile of discarded packaging surrounding him like a fort.

Things were going more slowly for Jessie. Her little hands had gotten tired from ripping so much wrapping paper, and Vi had taken over for her. With one arm tight around her new dolly, she pointed at the gift she wanted opened next.

“This is pretty big.” Vi tugged the designated present from the pile on the coffee table. “Ed, are you gettin’ this?”

“Just had to slip in a new disk. This works slick as can be, but you gotta wait a minute. There.” He snapped the camera back together and knelt down. “Ready. This makes a nice picture, Amanda, you holding Jessie like this.”

It was what he didn’t say that brought tears to her eyes, tears she blinked stubbornly back. This was a way of freezing time, in a fashion, of holding on to this night forever. She pressed a kiss to the soft crown of Jessie’s head, refusing to think of tomorrow or of the doctor’s gentle sympathy when they’d spoken early this morning on the phone.

All that mattered was this moment. This beautiful, irreplaceable moment.

“Oh, look!” Vi ripped away the snowflake-imprinted paper to reveal a brightly colored box. “It’s one of those game system things. A portable one.”

Amanda leaned slightly forward to get a peek at the box, but she was distracted by Jeremy and Colt heading to the kitchen. The junk drawer opened with a rasp—they must be looking for batteries or scissors.

“I don’t know if I approve of video games.” Amanda took a closer look at the box. “And isn’t that kind of young for her?”

“Oh, it’s for preschoolers. Look.” Vi ripped off the last corner of paper. “These are learning games. Oh, they look fun. And wholesome. Well, I’ll be.” She handed Amanda the enclosed game cartridge, a DVD that showed an animated pine tree talking to an animated maple tree.

It taught about friends. And math. How sweet. Amanda turned the game over. Nichols Industries was the manufacturer. Why did that ring a bell? She’d heard of that company.

“And look, it plays movies, too. It’s portable, just right for…” Vi didn’t finish.

The hospital. When Amanda looked at the gifts Colt had chosen on his own, they were all things to bring a sick child a little solace. Books and fuzzy pajamas and games. As Vi opened a few of the smaller presents, wholesome children’s movies and Bible stories began to make quite a stack on the coffee table.

“Isn’t that thoughtful of Colt?” Vi shone with admiration as she glanced toward the kitchen.

Amanda could make him out, head bent, scissors in hand, Jeremy at his side. Thoughtful? Yes. Perfect? Yes. Did she adore him even more?

Absolutely yes.

Something troubled her, but it was just beyond her grasp. Something familiar—

“You know—” Vi leaned closer and dropped her voice “—he owns this com—”

“Mom! Mom! Look! Wonder Boy action figures. I can help a lot of people with these.” Jeremy hurtled into the room, holding up Wonder Boy and his sidekick in each hand and flew around the couch with them. They circled over Jessie, making her laugh.

“It’s past someone’s bedtime,” Amanda commented.

“Not me! Wonder Boy doesn’t have a bedtime.” Jeremy bounded into the dark and around the other side of the kitchen.

Colt leaned one muscled shoulder against the archway between the rooms, amusement shaping his smile.

“See what you’ve done?” Amanda asked.

“How is he ever gonna wind down?” Colt’s gaze followed Jeremy making another revolution through the living room. “He’s gaining speed. Soon he’ll be supersonic.”

Jessie clapped her hands, watching her brother make another loop. Amanda didn’t mind much that Jeremy wasn’t supposed to run in the house; Jessie’s laughter was rare these days.

“Outta disk space,” Ed commented from the recliner. “Jeremy, come help me haul your loot to your room. Amanda, this is a gift from Vi and me. We know yours got lost in the move.”

“Ed, you and Vi—” There were no words. It shouldn’t take the harder times to appreciate the wonderful people in your life, but these days she treasured and respected her aunt and uncle even more. “Thank you.”

“You just push this doohickey here, and you can watch everything on the disk.” He set the new camcorder on the table. “I’ll detain Wonder Boy there and get him wound down for bedtime. Deal?”

“Deal.” Amanda held on tight to the little girl in her arms. “It’s past your bedtime, too, baby.”

“A story, Mommy.” Jessie pulled at a new picture book in the unwrapped pile.

“You got it, cutie.” She took the book and, holding her child close, slipped from the room.

Colt watched her go, sticking to the shadows in the kitchen, feeling whole—truly complete—for the first time in his life. As if finally all the jagged pieces of his lifetime fit. Amanda may have dodged his attempt to kiss her outside in the snow, but he thought he’d seen the wish on her face—the wish for more between them.

Ed ambled into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. “I’ve come for a piece of pie. Want one?”

“Why not?” He watched Ed pull out what remained of the chocolate cream pie. Colt nodded and took two dessert plates from the upper cabinets.

Ed set the foil pie plate on the counter. “You seem fine enough, for a rich guy from California. Jeremy sure seems fond of you.”

Okay, where was this going? Colt had the feeling Ed hadn’t come in for just a piece of pie. He hauled forks out of the drawer. “He’s a great kid.”

“He surely is. Me and Vi, we’re pretty fond of him and Jessie and his mom.”

“I can see why.” Colt waited while the older man sliced the chunk of pie that remained in half and dumped one on each plate. It was hard not to like Ed; his father had been a lot like him. “You’re wondering what I’m doing hanging around here.”

“Sure I am. I promised my dear sister, Amanda’s mom, before she passed, that I’d watch over her. Now, Amanda’s having a hard time of things with her little one so sick and likely to get worse. No one wants that, but it’s just the facts. So Amanda doesn’t need anyone hurting her. One man’s already let her down, and her heart’s burdened enough.”

“I’m not about to hurt her. Believe me. That’s the last thing I’m here to do.”

“Then why are you here? Don’t get me wrong—that was a real nice thing you did for the kids tonight, but I gotta ask. Vi told me you wanted the name of the private investigator we’re using. What are your intentions?”

“The best kind.” Colt met the man’s steely gaze.

“All right, then. I’m gonna hit the nightly news.”

“Maybe I will, too.” He took his plate and followed Ed into the living room. He chose the overstuffed chair instead of the couch because he could see Amanda across the length of two rooms, snuggled next to her daughter in bed. The bedside table lamp cast a soft white glow over mother and child.

She was like a vision, one he’d never tire of admiring. He watched her tense slightly, as if she were aware of his gaze. She didn’t look up.

So she wasn’t going to acknowledge what was building between them. Fine, but he wasn’t through with her yet. Not by a long shot. She could run, she could procrastinate, but she couldn’t halt the progression of this relationship.

Their first kiss was going to happen. It was just a matter of when.

In the hushed shadows of the bedroom, Vi tucked Brittany Bunny safely beneath the covers before kneeling down at Amanda’s side. “Your baby is sleeping. Let me take the first shift.”

“I can’t leave her.” This could be Jessie’s last night at home. Amanda couldn’t stop the panic rising up like a monster in the dark. Time was moving on, she hadn’t been able to stop it—of course. “I’ll just sit here for a while longer.”

“Nonsense. You go check on your son and that man out there waiting for you. Then you get some shut-eye if you can manage it. Tomorrow is going to be a long difficult day, and this little girl is gonna need a mom who’s rested enough to be there for her.”

“You’re right. You’re always right. I just don’t want to take my eyes off her.”

“I know. But I’ll be here. You’ll be one room away.”

There was no one she trusted more with her kids. That didn’t make it any simpler to leave. It felt as if she’d ripped out her heart and left it behind as she tore herself from the room.

Colt hadn’t left yet. He was at the back door, she could see him from her position in the hallway, helping Ed carry the serving dishes that Vi had brought and various other things to the car. The back door closed behind the two men, and they were out of sight. She whispered a quick thanksgiving for the reprieve. She knew Colt was waiting to talk with her, alone. Just the two of them.

Somehow she had to keep her feelings at bay, keep her regard for him secret. Easy, right? In theory, sure, when he wasn’t in the same room with her. But all through the evening as they’d been opening presents, he’d been everywhere she looked, in the background, but she’d consciously noticed him there. She cared for him more than she wanted to admit.

Overwhelmed, she paused in the middle of the living room, which was in awesome disarray, a few missed scraps of paper, forgotten glittering bits of ribbon and tinsel and unwrapped toys. Colt had made this wonderful celebration extra special, with his generosity and his thoughtfulness. While Christmas was not about presents and bows, not at its heart, he had made Jessie’s Christmas Eve an example in kindness.

He’d made her children happy, and if he was to walk through that door right now, how was she going to be able to hold back the wealth of love in her heart for him, for what he’d done tonight and for the man he was?

Impossible.

The back door opened, and there was Colt in all his six-foot-plus grandeur. Wait, it was the man’s character that made him so huge in her view. His heart that touched hers despite everything. Too bad she had no more dreams left for herself.

“Colt.” His name passed across her lips before she could stop them or alter the sound of admiration in her voice.

Good going, Amanda. He’ll never guess that you like him now—not. She rolled her eyes. So, he just might be on to her.

Her hand shook as she reached to open the dishwasher. “Is Ed gone home?”

“He asked me to tell you goodbye. He’ll be back in the morning early.” Colt remained in his snow-dappled winter gear. “Is your little girl settled and asleep? Is she okay?”

“She’s finally out like a light. You know, don’t you, how much what you did means to us?” Her hand shook again as she opened the dishwasher.

“I didn’t do so much. Ran a few errands. Bought a few gifts. Normal holiday stuff.”

“The things you got Jessie, they were thoughtful. They were meant to make her hospital stay a little better. You know the doctor said if her condition keeps deteriorating like this, if she continues to decline at this rate and she isn’t responding to their treatments, then—”

Agony left her shattered and she quickly snatched a plate from the counter and scraped it over the garbage disposal. Focus, Amanda. Keep it together. “So what you’ve done for her is…I don’t know the word. I’ll be grateful to you for the rest of my life.”

Blindly she stabbed the plate toward the dishwasher rack and slipped it into place more by feel than by sight, the way she was doing everything these days. “I know you are simply being a good neighbor, a Good Samaritan, a man acting on your faith tonight, with your generosity and goodwill, but it has mattered so much—”

You will always be a hero to me. She bit her bottom lip to keep the words inside her heart. A secret best kept. She reached for another plate without seeing it, scraping, slipping it into the dishwasher. Another. Blocking the sound of his footsteps coming closer, a soft pad of boots against the linoleum, approaching slow and deliberate. Her pulse skyrocketed when he halted behind her, so close she could feel the air between them.

His hands came to rest on her shoulders, fingers splayed and radiating comfort and a connection that chased away the shadows of loneliness within her.

He leaned so close, she could detect the subtle masculine scents of winter wind and snow and woodsy aftershave and feel the heat of his breath against her ear. “Let me take some of this from you.”

She shivered all the way to the bottom of her soul. “You want to do the dishes? But you’re a guest, and there’s no way I’m going to let you—”

“I’m not a guest. That’s not how I see things at all.” His fingers dug into her shoulder with careful firmness, not to bruise but to direct her back away from the counter. “You look like a woman who needs to put her feet up and have a hot cup of tea.”