A Million Kisses or More (30 page)

Tears that had been gathering spilled over and she saw the struggle in his rigid body as he took a step towards her and then deliberately stopped. “Yes, I’ve meant every word of it. I want to stay so badly my heart aches with it. I don’t want to leave you.”

“Then stay,” he rasped, taking one awkward step forward. “Accept your mother’s offer and we’ll figure out a way to pay
her
back.”

She smiled as she tilted her head back to keep even more tears from staining her cheeks. “It isn’t about the money.”

“Then what is it about?” he asked, his lips pressed together in a tight line. “Because from where I’m standing, that seems to be the only reason you have to leave and your mother….”

“She told me who my father is,” she blurted, repeating her earlier words, her chest aching with hurt and sorrow, excitement and agony, and a million other contradictory emotions. “She’s known all along because she was never just some groupie and she’s concealed his identity all of this time because she was trying to protect me or she was trying to protect herself, I don’t know. But now I know and the lie was the truth and the truth was the lie and it’s… It’s too much. It’s all too much.”

“Come here,” he rasped, pulling her into his arms and hugging her. She hadn’t realized just how cold she was until she sunk into his embrace and began to thaw out. While holding her in the protective circle of his arms, he asked, “Who’s your father?”

Closing her eyes and breathing in Harrison’s beloved scent, she muttered against his shoulder, “Maddox Cooper.”

His hands stilled on her back as he absorbed the revelation. Maybe he was one of the few people in the universe who didn’t know who Maddox Cooper was and Harrison was wondering why it was such a big deal…. In a rough voice, he said, “Maddox Cooper is your father.”

“That was my reaction as well,” she said, tilting her head back and seeing the shell shocked expression on Harrison’s face.

“With him as your father, you could do anything you want,” he said in a monotonous voice, his eyes carefully shielded. Brushing his thumb over her damp cheek, he continued, “Once you get out west, every door will be opened to you. You could work in any studio… hell, you could open your own studio….”

His dejection punched her in the gut, snapping her out of the emotional fog that she had been drowning in. Did he truly believe that she would be so enamored of a glitzy life that she’d turn her back on him and Jolie? Silly man. Yes, she needed to complete the terms of her scholarship for reasons she was still trying to fully figure out but it was only a year.

“Harrison,” she murmured, reaching up and cupping his cheek. The rasp of his unshaven beard against her palm felt like home and she wasn’t going to give it up for fame and fortune. Not that she wanted fame and fortune because she didn’t. She just wanted him. “I’ll be back.”

Searching her eyes, he murmured, “You have to go, don’t you?”

“I do,” she affirmed. Catching her lower lip, she told him, “I have a half-sister, Harrison. I have the chance to meet her.”

“And your father.”

She shook her head no then frowned, uncertain. “Maybe. Someday. But he’s really sick right now and I don’t know when he’ll be well enough to meet me.”

Touching her cheek, he murmured, “My sweet Ana.”

Stepping back, she took both of his hands in hers, whispering, “Come to bed, Harrison.”

He glanced upwards, that slight frown creasing his forehead, “Your mother is here.”

“I’m sure she’s a sound sleeper,” Ana said. “I just don’t want to be alone tonight. Having you here makes it easier to breathe.”

He finally nodded, following her up the stairs and into her bedroom, looking as bewildered as she felt. Standing in front of him, she held his eyes as she pulled her shirt off over her head. When he started to do the same, she stopped him, sliding her hand beneath his shirt and running her hands up his chest. When the shirt reached his neck, he grabbed the gathered material and pulled it off, tossing it onto the floor. Ana smoothed her hands over his warm muscles, concentrating on the feel of his skin, the beat of his heart, the sound of his breath.

“I used to idolize my mother,” she said softly, not knowing where the words came from or that she was going to speak them. Focusing on the movements of her hands, she continued, “When I was younger, I was never happier than when I was with her and I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.”

“What happened?” he asked in a soft voice, letting her do what she needed to do while she tried to work through her past.

Glancing up at him, seeing the love in his eyes, she hesitated because she didn’t want to see that love dim. Returning her gaze back to her hands, his chest, she said, “She told me about her sordid past and the pedestal I had put her on sort of crashed to the ground. Now she tells me that she lied and I realize that I’m an awful daughter because it shouldn’t matter whether she slept with a thousand men or just one. She was…
is
an amazing mother and I turned my back on her because she wasn’t perfect.”

“You were fourteen,” he said, trying to comfort her. Reaching up, he brushed her hair from her face.

“You want to know what’s truly awful?” she asked. At his nod, she let out a huff, half-laugh/ half-groan. “I wanted my father to be a prince or a king and he was but he made my mom’s life hell. She wanted the husband and the white picket fence and instead she got a rock star.”

“And you got a cop,” he said softly.

“Hey, don’t knock it,” she scolded teasingly, worried that he was serious. “You’re everything I ever wanted.”

“Except you’re leaving me just to make sure.”

His words made her soul ache and she wasn’t sure there was anything she could do about it.

“What happens if
you
fall in love with a rock star or a movie idol?”

“My heart belongs to you and only you,” she whispered, hoping the words were enough to reassure him. He’d never hold her back but it was obvious he didn’t want her to go either and she loved him all the more for it. How was it possible to fall in love with someone in such a short amount of time?

Chapter 13

Harrison lay in bed long after Ana had fallen asleep, his mind too filled with what she had told him to shut off. Despite her assurances that she was going to come back, he couldn’t help but think that she wouldn’t. Once she got out there and started to see everything that she could do, all of the opportunities that were going to be available to her, why would she want someone like him? A man who preferred staying at home and writing rather than bar hopping? Even if he was the type who enjoyed going out every night and having a good time, he had a daughter to worry about and Jolie had to be his top priority, no matter how much he loved Ana.

Ana was going to leave, taking his heart with her, and she was never going to come back. It would have been smarter if he had followed his rules about casual affairs, if he had ignored his attraction to her, if he had never let her into his life. But Ana was a force of nature, impossible to ignore and all the more beautiful for it. If, by some godforsaken chance, he had been able to avoid her, Asher would have swooped in and had all of her passion to himself and Harrison would have hated that. Would she have stayed for Asher? Absently, he rubbed at the sudden ache in his chest, as if he had already lost her even though she was lying right beside him, her body curled so peacefully against his.

If he had been smart, he would have held a part of himself back but that wouldn’t have been fair to Ana. From the very beginning, she had given everything of herself and the least she deserved was everything of him.

But, holy crap, her father was Maddox Cooper. Harrison had idolized the rock star when he had been in high school. Hell, he and Carrie lost their virginity to the Absynthe song
Eternal
. Probably every kid of his generation lost their virginity to that song. The music and the lyrics were so powerful that anyone who heard the song knew that the singer had known the depths and pain of an epic love.

As beautiful as the music was, however, it was the video that had earned the song’s place in the collective imagination. The videographer had pushed to the very edge of sexual limits so it was only shown late at night. Even better, there had been an uncensored version that showed everything, from breasts to the actual act in slow, mesmerizing detail, artistically shot in black and white. Harrison wasn’t too proud to admit he had jerked off to the video many times in his misspent youth….

Oh, fuck.

His heart stilled in his chest as he recalled the video, the glimpses of the female he had lusted after. Oh, god, he was going to be sick. Or he was sick. How was he ever going to face Ana’s mom again if she was, in fact, the girl from the video?

It wasn’t that her face was seen but Harrison remembered reading an interview that Maddox Cooper had given where he talked about the love of his life. He hadn’t given any names but knowing what he knew now, there were enough clues that made Harrison believe Heather was that woman.

“What are you thinking about?” Ana’s sweetly unknowing voice asked.

He couldn’t very well tell her the truth; it was too disturbing to admit out loud. Clearing his throat, he racked his brain for something to say, anything, and blurted out the very thing that had sent his mind on its current path. “I lost my virginity to one of your dad’s songs.”

Reflecting upon it, that probably wasn’t much better.

“I… see,” she murmured, stroking the light smattering of dark hair on his chest. “Will you tell me more about her, about Carrie?”

“I shouldn’t have said anything because I’d rather not talk about my ex,” he returned, his own fingers tangling with the strands of her hair.

“Please,” she whispered, breaking his resolve to hold his tongue. She owned him, body and soul, and he could deny her nothing. “I want to know.”

His fingers stilled a moment before he heaved a sigh and started stroking her hair again. If he was going to tell her the story about Carrie and him, he’d have to start at the beginning. “Tanner and Brandy met in kindergarten….”

“I don’t want to hear about your brother,” she interrupted, laughing softly.

He felt her laughter in the depths of his soul, a sound he never wanted to live without. Trying to concentrate on the story, he continued, “It’s relevant to what I’m telling you.”

“Oh,” she murmured, obviously a little surprised. Pressing a kiss against his warm skin, she said, “Well, please continue.”

“Why thank you,” he chuckled. “Anyway, they met in kindergarten when they were supposed to be sleeping or reading quietly or something. They were whispering and got into trouble and it was the start of a lifelong relationship. I think Tanner asked her to marry him over pudding snacks a week later.”

Ana giggled and his heart turned over at the sweet sound. “Did she accept?”

“Not right away,” Harrison said, laughter in his voice. “I think she held out until Halloween. They’ve always been inseparable and since they both had siblings that were the same age… well, we sort of got thrown together as well. I think it was almost expected of Carrie and me to become a couple.” He shrugged his shoulders as he stared up at the ceiling. “I liked her so it was easy enough to fall in to that life.”

He felt her tilt her head back and when he looked down, she was studying his face in the low light coming from the moon through the window. Her brows were drawn together as she looked at him and all he could do was watch as she worked out whatever was going on in that beautiful head of hers. “Was the song on the radio or was it part of your seduction? Or did she seduce you?”

The memory washed over him and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to block it out. After a moment, he forced his eyes open, glancing down at her and meeting her trusting gaze. “We were just a couple of kids who discovered sex together and the song happened to be playing when we went all the way. Well, we were in the backseat of my car and it was on repeat….”

“You do have a penchant for sex in automobiles, don’t you?” she asked, her voice light though her eyes were troubled.

Her words took him aback for a moment until he realized he had taken her virginity in much the same manner. Although it had been a transcendental experience, he now wished he would have made sure her first time was better, more romantic. “I am sorry about that. Um, usually I have more control.”

“I have no complaints,” she said, laughter in her voice. “What song was it?”

“
Eternal
,” he answered. Remembering his first time, he winced because his first time with Ana had been embarrassingly similar to his first time with Carrie. “I have to admit I lasted longer with you than I did with her and after the three weeks of foreplay between you and me, I didn’t last very long at all.”

“Still no complaints,” she chuckled, wrapping her arm around his ribs and hugging him.

Heaving a sigh, he admitted, “I don’t blame Carrie for wanting to know what else was out there.”

Reaching up, she brushed her fingers through his hair. “I just can’t believe she even knew that anything else existed. I mean, she had
you
.”

He smiled at her, a slow smile that formed as he shed a few layers of guilt. “You do wonders for my ego, Ana. If you’re not careful, I’m going to get a massive head.”

With a wicked grin, she slid her hand down his chest and wrapped it around his penis, stroking it until it hardened, making him suck in a breath. “I’ve noticed.”

Kissing his chest, she slid beneath the covers, her hot breath moving over his skin and pushing all thoughts of Carrie and everything else out of his head. Her lips were hot and wet and as she took his cock deeper and deeper into her mouth, he thought he’d died and gone to Heaven. And when he came a few minutes later, she swallowed every last drop and gave him a sensuous smile that would put courtesans to shame.

How could he not love her?

*****

Ana finished spooning eggs onto three plates when Harrison showed up looking impossibly sexy in sleeper pants and sleep-mussed hair. She probably should have reminded him that her mom was there but she was selfish and enjoyed seeing his naked chest. With a smile, she beamed, “Good morning.”