A Miracle of Hope (The Amish Wonders Series) (22 page)

Something rose up in Josiah to defend Lindie. None of this had anything to do with her not being desirable. That was far from the truth. But children? Simon knew nothing of her pregnancy. Otherwise he would realize it was enough for Josiah to accept her unborn child as his own.

Simon clapped his shoulder. “I had to pray about how I was treating Lindie. I realized it wasn’t God’s will for me to
nett
accept your
fraa
. You need to pray also. Your marriage isn’t too hard for God, but it does require you taking your place of authority as head of the
haus
.”

Josiah’s mind reeled.

“I think you’ve already made that decision, though.”

“What do you mean?” Josiah’s voice quivered.

“I know the decision to cut down trees again wasn’t easy to make. But you’re ready to move forward. I see that.”

This wasn’t about moving forward. Was it?

“Simon.” Josiah pushed the lump forming in his throat down with a hard swallow. “I only plan on taking down an elm tree or two. I wasn’t going to reopen the sawmill.”

Simon rubbed his beard. “
Sohn
, moving forward is something Caroline would want you to do.”

Josiah wasn’t sure how to respond. When he first recognized his growing feelings toward Lindie, he purposely reminded
himself of his love and devotion to Caroline. Now Simon was giving his blessing to move on.

The sun was setting by the time the men came inside. “It’s snowing hard,” Josiah said as he entered the kitchen.

Lindie smiled at the way his hair was matted down from his hat. “I’ll have the table set in a minute. Did you see Hannah’s drawing?”

Josiah leaned over his daughter’s shoulder. “Wow.” He looked up at Lindie. “She’s really
gut
, isn’t she?”

Simon peered longer at the picture. “Did you know she could draw?” he asked Josiah.

“
Nett
that
gut
.”

Lindie pulled a stack of plates out of the cabinet. She had just set them on the counter when Hannah rushed over and wrapped her arms around Lindie’s waist. Lindie paused a moment and then put her hand on the girl’s shoulder. A child’s love felt so pure.

During the meal, Lindie sensed a new atmosphere in the room. Even Simon talked more and made a point to marvel at Hannah’s ability to capture a true depiction of nature. When the meal ended, Simon retreated to the
grossdaadi haus
.

Josiah excused Hannah. She went to her bedroom with her art supplies, while he loitered around the kitchen.

Lindie stacked the dishes. “You know what we forgot?”

“What?” Josiah took the dishes from her hands and carried them to the sink.

“The bell for the door.” She placed the stopper in the sink, then turned the tap water on and added soap.

“We can stop in the morning after your
doktah’s
appointment.”

She froze. “What appointment?”

“He wants to do a . . . I forgot what he called the procedure, but you’re scheduled for one at nine o’clock.” He grabbed a dish-cloth and dried his hands.

“I’m
nett
going back. I want a midwife to deliver the
boppli
.” Certainly he would respect her decision. She was the one having the baby.

He stared at her.

“Josiah, that’s how it’s done in
mei
district.”

“Didn’t the
doktah
tell you? You’re at high risk.”

She chewed the inside of her lip.

He locked eyes with her. “Did you hear me? High risk,” he repeated.

“I still want a midwife.”

He shook his head. “
Doktah
Ethridge is
gut
. He delivered Hannah. Besides, our district is so small we don’t have any midwives. Even if we did, she would refer you to a
doktah
.”

“A lot of women have their
boppli
alone. Without anyone. I can deliver—”

“
Nay!
You can’t possibly think of having the
boppli
without a medical person’s help. It’s
nett
safe.”

She stared at the floor.

“You seem uninterested in the
boppli
. I don’t know what happened between you and the
boppli’s
father. Any decent man would have married you,” he mumbled under his breath as he crossed the room. “That’s what you’re upset about, isn’t it? You can’t get over the fact that the father didn’t marry you.”

That was furthest from the truth, but she held her tongue. She recalled how Eli had jumped to conclusions and stormed over to Moses’s parents’ home to confront him. Had Moses not already
left town to go work for his uncle, her brother would have put him on the spot to marry her.

“I knew it,” he said. “Pretending the
boppli
doesn’t exist won’t make it so.” He continued, “Just because some man rejected you, you can’t reject this innocent—”

“That’s
nett
why.” She ground the words through clenched teeth. A sharp pain struck her side and she gasped.

“Wha–what’s wrong?” Josiah wrapped his arm around her waist and guided her to a chair. He knelt beside her. “Lindie, are you having pains?”

She clutched her side. “I’ll be all right,” she said through guarded breaths.

“I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Josiah spread his hand over her belly. He closed his eyes.

She should be praying too, but she couldn’t focus on anything but the shards of pain coursing through her. Unable to hold it in, she whimpered.

Josiah opened his eyes. “It’s
nett
any better?”

She shook her head.

“You’re sweating.” He hurried to the sink and returned with a wet dishrag. Kneeling beside her, he dabbed the cool cloth against her forehead, uttering another prayer under his breath.

A moment passed. “The pain is easing
nau
.”

“
Ach gut
,” he said, blowing out a breath. “Will you tell me if it happens again?”

Before she formed her response, another driving sharpness stole her breath. This time the intensity passed quickly. Even so, the pain had left her weak. What else could it be but her body rejecting the baby?

“Do you want to check yourself?”

A dull hum filled her ears. “What?”

“You know. Go in the bathroom and see if you’re bleeding?”

“
Jah
, I suppose I should.” She stood too fast and swayed. His arm came around her waist and she leaned against him, thankful for his support. Taking small steps, they ambled to the bathroom.

He opened the door and entered the room with her.

She cleared her throat. She might be dizzy, but she wasn’t about to invite him to stay.

“Are you going to be all right?”

“Jah.”

“Let me light the lamp.” He struck a match and lit the wick. “I’ll be in the hall.” He reached for the knob and hesitated. “Call me if you need me.”

She nodded.

Lindie waited until the door clicked. She then made her inspection. Nothing. Relief washed over her.
Lord, please forgive me. I don’t know why I’m still struggling to accept all that’s happened. Help me, Jesus, to see this pregnancy through your eyes
.

Lindie sank to her knees and cried.

He knocked. “Are you okay?”

She wasn’t ready to leave the sanctuary of the bathroom.

“Lindie?” He knocked again.

She drew in a hitched breath. She wasn’t okay. This was all too much.

“Cover yourself if you need to. I’m
kumming
in.” Josiah opened the door. He knelt beside her and pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have upset you.” He brushed the stray hairs away from her face and kissed her cheek.

His tenderness soothed her.

“Are you . . . ?” His focus dropped to her abdomen.

“I didn’t lose the
boppli
,” she whispered.

“Praise God.” He wrapped her in a tighter hug.

She silently thanked God for a concerned husband. He was a good man. Any woman would be singing praises to be married to him.

“Can you get up?” He rose, reached for her elbow, and helped her off the floor.

“
Denki
,” she squeaked as he ushered her into his arms. Lindie buried her face in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes as he rubbed her back.

“For what?”

“For
nett
despising me.”

He pulled back. When she lowered her head, he tipped her chin up so that she had no choice but to look at him. “I wish you would tell me about your past.”

She flinched. “I—I’m
nett
ready yet.”

“I’m trying to understand, and I’ll wait . . . but I want you to know, no matter what, I’ll always be your husband.”

Tears blurred her vision. She didn’t deserve him.

“
Kumm
on. I’m taking you to bed.”

“I have to
redd-up
the kitchen. The dishes aren’t even done.”

“Tomorrow is another day.” He guided her down the hall and into the bedroom. Once she was seated on the bed, he lit the lamp and went to her dresser. He pulled out a nightdress and handed it to her. “Are you going to be okay changing alone?”

“
Jah. Denki,
though.”

He strolled to the door and paused. “Don’t stay up too late. You need rest for your
doktah’s
appointment in the morning.” He left the room.

Lindie eased into her nightdress. She would pray for a blizzard, if she thought God would listen.

Josiah whispered another prayer thanking God that Lindie’s pain had subsided. He nearly gasped when he felt her abdomen. She was small—the baby no more than a bump. And this was her second trimester. After leaving Lindie’s room, he poked his head into his daughter’s room. “Don’t burn your lamp wick down. It’s time to go to sleep,” he signed.

Hannah set her pencil down and stretched out her arms toward him.

Josiah hugged her, then took a moment to study her picture. “Very good.” Lindie had been right about his daughter’s talent. The bird looked real. He waited until she packed her supplies, then he pulled the covers up and kissed her forehead.
“Gut nacht.”

His daughter hadn’t been this happy since before Caroline died.

Neither had he.

Josiah glanced at Lindie’s closed door. He still didn’t understand why she would want to risk delivering the baby without a doctor. Maybe the intense pain she had experienced was God’s way of helping her see she could not do this alone. Her stubborn determination to hide her past didn’t help.

Josiah entered the kitchen. He didn’t want Lindie waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes. Besides, if he tried to go to bed now, he would only wrestle with his thoughts. Had she turned and faced him after he kissed her cheek in the bathroom, he would have kissed her the way he wanted. And that might have led him to break his own rules of the marital arrangement.

Chapter Seventeen

M
r. Plank?” The nurse stood at the end of the office lobby. His stomach pitted as he rose from his chair. It hadn’t been more than a few minutes since they took Lindie to the exam room. “Is something wrong?”

The nurse smiled. “I thought you might like to see your baby on the ultrasound screen.”

“Ah . . .” He exhaled louder than he intended.

“Fathers.” She rolled her eyes. “You men are always so nervous.” Chuckling, the nurse turned. “Follow me. I’ll show you to the room.”

He trailed the nurse to the first door on the left, then entered. A half second later his eyes adjusted to the darkened room. The dim light from the monitor illuminated Lindie’s unwelcoming stare.

The nurse nudged him forward. Josiah cracked a smile at Lindie and inched closer. The black-and-white image on the screen sure didn’t look like a
boppli
until the woman doing the test pointed out the
boppli’s
positioning. He reached for Lindie’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s an amazing sight,
jah
?”

The tiny, shadowy mass moved on the display. Her eyes welled and she nodded.

Josiah looked off to his side at the small-framed woman who was busy adding more ointment to Lindie’s abdomen. Even to him her belly looked too small to be holding a baby. “Everything is all right, isn’t it?”

“Once I’m finished getting the measurements, Doctor Ethridge will discuss everything with you.” The woman glided the wand over the gooey substance, then stopped. The screen faded to black. “I think I have all the measurements needed, but before you empty your bladder, I’d like the doctor to come in and take a look.” She disappeared from the room.