A Moment (13 page)

Someone bumps into my shoulder, making me stumble.

“Sorry,” I hear a mumble, but I don’t look and I think I might have said something back, but I’m not sure it’s anything coherent.

Ryan is gorgeous.

Drop sexy, beautiful. The sun glints off his dark hair, highlighting strands of red throughout. He’s not looking at anything, I have to think his eyes are closed, which means I can’t stop feasting on him.

The man reads books-- great, wonderful, literary classics. He loves sushi. Has terrible taste in coffee, but that’s such a minor sin compared to the fact that he makes me laugh and for whatever reason, makes me feel again.

All that talk this morning about not wanting him in my life… it’s all lies, all stupid, stupid lies. Because I’ve never been so intrigued in my life-- he’s funny and sweet and so terribly wounded that it calls out to me.

Just as I’m ready to finally walk across I notice the light has switched again, impatient now, I debate whether to call his name and call him over to me, but then the door opens again and a woman walks out.

I recognize her immediately and the claws come out, a hot tide of heat slithers and slinks through my gut and I recognize it for what it is. I’m jealous. Disgustingly, getting ready to snarl jealous.

It’s the blonde bimbo, and she’s rubbing up next to him. My nails dig into my palms. Smiling broadly, he tilts his head back down and then wraps his arm around her waist as he whispers something in her ear.

She drinks from her cup, and then rubbing noses with him, steals a kiss.

Anger burns through my eyes, heats them and my vision starts to blur and I can’t believe I want to cry. I’m so stupid to care, he and I aren’t dating. Because of me, because I’d shot him down in the zoo, I’d rubbed myself like a freaking cat in heat on Frankie… I did this.

Then he stills, like some sixth sense draws him to me and I know he sees me. His entire body is tense, his arm drops from bimbo’s waist and I bite a corner of my lip, wishing I could say something, do something.

She’s running her fingers through his hair and he’s shrugging her off, looking like he’s getting ready to take a step forward.

But I can’t talk now, not without letting him hear my voice break, or see my eyes tear up. So I do the only thing I can, I twirl on my heels and run.

***

It’s been two days since I’ve seen Ryan. I’ve avoided Chai Time like the plague.
 

And I keep telling myself that running off the way I did wasn’t really that bad, that maybe he hadn’t really seen me, been too busy with the bimbo groping him up, but unfortunately my heart doesn’t agree. Every time my phone rings I experience a momentary thrill of adrenaline only to be replaced by disappointment a second later when I read the number.

I’m an idiot to hope he’ll call. Especially after the way I ran off, but seeing him with blondie, hugging him, him smiling and laughing and looking so good, my heart had twisted painfully. I liked this new Ryan, a lot. Too much.

So much, that I kept forgetting this Ryan and the one from February are the same guy.

Mama notices my mood. She notices everything. I think she knows it’s about a guy, and probably even knows which guy, but she doesn’t mention him. Just hugs me and tells me everything will be okay.

She’s always my biggest cheerleader, even when I’m the one who screws up.

Sighing, I look up at the sky-- blue and bright, and not a cloud in it. It’s so sunny, blindingly so, typical
Texas
day.
 
Swatting a fly away from my face, I huff.

I want a coffee.

Not really.

I want to see Alex.

I’ve been trying the last two days to find excuses to go back, get brave, but no sooner do I take the first step I remember seeing him leaning against the brick wall and bimbo clinging like a baby monkey and I just can’t see that again. So I leave.

Which is ridiculous. He and I aren’t dating, it’s a free world. If I want coffee I should be able to get coffee, who the hell cares who he spends his free time with?

Trying not to overthink this, I stuff my books into my bag and get up, following the scent of coffee like a homing beacon. Even if he’s there again, I’m going in. I might even be brave and smile and wave and pretend nothing ever happened, pretend he’s just another random face. Another guy.

I swallow hard as I nibble on my lip. I still owe him an apology though, no matter what, I’m going to do it this time. If he’s there, I’m going to do it. Not for his sake, because obviously he doesn’t care anymore, but for mine. I’m not that girl that tries to get guys jealous by kissing other guys, never done it before in my life and I’ll never do it again.

I open the door and sigh with relief the moment the icy AC kisses my face. Quickly I scan the milling faces, heart beating a rapid tattoo in my skull, proving yet again what a liar I am. No matter how much I try to shake him, the man is under my skin, making me freaking crazy.

“Lily Bean,” Alex’s call is a welcome sound, turning toward his voice I manage to smile despite my frustration that Ryan isn’t around. But Alex doesn’t sound angry with me and that’s a good thing, because maybe it means Ryan’s not as pissed I’d feared.

“Heya, Alex. How are you?” My voice sounds unnaturally perky and fake, and I have to breathe to settle my nerves.

“Oh you know, life…” he shrugs and winks and yeah, my heart does pitter patter. I might be seriously obsessing about his cousin, but Alex is easy on the eyes.

Why couldn’t I like him instead?

He has such a gorgeous smile. Surfer good looks and seems infinitely more normal. He doesn’t make me want to act stupid, or kiss him until I can’t breathe, he’s safe and Ryan’s the great unknown and that scares me.

Grabbing a cup, he starts my drink.

“Can you add ice this time?”

“What?” His brows shoot up to his hairline. “You don’t mean to tell me that you can’t handle the heat.”

Sticking out my tongue, I lean against the counter and cross my sandaled feet. “Yeah, well, shocker… it’s hot as hell out there and I don’t particularly feel like sweating my ass off today.”

“I could grind the ice for you. Make it real smooth,” his tone is suggestive and I have to laugh.

“Have I told you how much I love you lately?”

He snorts as he grinds my beans. “What you doing Friday night?”

“Considering that it’s the start of summer, not much. Thank God. I need a break.” I slump my shoulders. “Why do you want to know?”

“Oh no reason, just the guys at the frat are throwing some stupid dance. Back to the seventies, or some shit like that.”

I grip the edge of the counter and do a small shimmy. “You mean to tell me you don’t dig those bell bottoms, dude?”

“Hardly. But,” he snaps the lid onto my cup, “I’ve got a fro, the vest, and some snazzy pants. No date though. So whadda say?”

If it was anyone else I’d think he really meant it. But no matter how much we flirt, with Alex, I know it’ll never get beyond that point, not to mention the fact that mama’s been hounding me to go out again. Also, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to being a little bit hopeful Ryan might show up. I take the cup from him and drink, the sweet and creamy coffee is like ambrosia. “I’m pretty sure I can find something in my closet.”

“Awesome.” He wipes his hands on his pants. “Now give me three bucks.”

“Thief,” I fish the quarters out of my pocket. “There, saved all week.”

Laughing, he wiggles his brows. “Hey, if we were dating, I’d buy. You know how it is.”

“Be still my beating heart.” I plant my hand against my chest and flutter my lashes. “My hero.”

As I’m turning to go, he asks, “Heard from Ryan?”

My stomach bottoms out, the smile freezes on my lips.

“How is he?”

“Beating the shit out of stuff. He’s down at the gym.”

Is that a hint? I glance at my watch. No way I’ll make it there in time. Probably better this way anyway. I doubt he wants to see me right now.
 
“Can’t. Got anatomy finals in thirty minutes. But tell him I said hi, okay.”

“Yeah.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’ll do that. Take it easy, Lily Bean. Tomorrow at seven, K?”

Walking out the door I can’t stop wishing again he was the one I liked and that he had no issues with my Javi.

But reality is never so easy.

***

Ryan

“You look like a moron.” I laugh the second Alex walks out his door. He has on a black afro wig ten sizes too big for his head that bounces with each step he takes. A purple sleeveless vest with stripes and some sort of fringed beading on the bottom. Blue jeans that come up way too high on his waist and flare huge at his ankles, to top it off he’s wearing honest to God boots with chunky heels.

“You’re just jealous cause I make this look good.” He smiles and twirls, then does some sort of stupid crotch grab before doing a Michael Jackson ‘he he’.

“Wrong decade and, dude, good luck getting laid tonight.” I take a sip of the tepid water I’d been nursing the past hour.

It’s a Saturday night and I have nowhere to go. Normally I’d just hang with Alex, hit the streets and whoop and holler at anything walking in heels. Which tells me two things. A. I have a fucking boring life. And B. I desperately need more friends.

“Come with me.”

“Nah,” I get up and walk to the kitchen, dumping half the bottle down the drain. Hate warm water. “I don’t dress up like a clown. Not my style.”

“No one’s gonna care how you look, man. I’m a brother, that’s why I got to dress like this. But it’s not mandatory.”

Glancing down at my jeans and shirt, I wrinkle my nose.

“C’mon. Who knows you might meet someone.”

“Yeah, right.” Rolling my eyes, I head to the bathroom. “Met one, she kissed the first thing walking passed. Think I’m done for a while.”

“Whatever, dude. Not like you didn’t make up for it that night. Are you coming or what?”

What the hell. Not like I have anything else to do and sitting on the couch watching porn all night doesn’t appeal right now. “Yeah, just let me hit the head. Meet you outside.”

Twenty minutes later I know something’s not right. We aren’t headed toward the campus, but down a road I never wanted to see again.

“What the hell are we doing here?”

“Gotta pick up my date tonight.”

“What the hell, man!” Glowering, I whip around. The knuckles of my left fist are bruised and tender, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to punch him in the face right now.

“It’s a non-date, okay. Two friends hanging out. I like her. I already told you that.”

“Non-date.” Anger boils hot through my veins, buzzes in my head. “I’ve heard that shit before.”

Parking the car, Alex shakes his head. “Relax, man. Not cock blocking, okay. You guys need to talk and since you’re both too thick headed I worked it so that you’d have no choice.”

Damn him.

Why does Alex always feel the need to get involved in my business? “You were the one who told me to stay away, why do you care?”

Jangling his key ring, he grimaces. “Hell if I know. But I can’t stand watching you mope around like some lovesick ass anymore.”

“No, I’m not.”

Face droll, he just gives me a look that says ‘okay, whatever’. Not speaking another word, he gets out and in three long strides is up the path and knocking on her door.

Drumming my fingers on my pants, my palms grew suddenly slick. Why the hell had he done this? Alex needs to mind his own business, not butt into mine.

Liliana made her feelings clear kissing that fucking boy, moving on his body like sex on a stick. She’d told me all I needed to know that night. What if she thought I’d arranged this on purpose? Fuck.