A Moment in Time (18 page)

She waited in the barn with Robert for the next hour. It was discovered that the baby was a male. A darling little colt that Alice instantly lost her heart to.

Poor baby. I don’t even know if you will
get to live, and you have no way of knowing,
either.

The foal nursed while the couple watched in silence. This was a good sign, Robert had told her, but she knew it wasn’t the sign they needed. Robert suggested they go about their business and meet back after lunch. Alice went to her ironing, glad to find her mother had gone to tend to something else. She attacked the baskets of clothes and sheets as if they were enemies to be conquered. By the time Marty and Hannah
showed up to start the noon meal, she had things well in hand and was just finishing with a pillowcase.

“Goodness, but I thought that would take you most of the day,” Hannah said, noting the freshly ironed pieces.

“I suppose I found it better to focus on this than that poor little colt.”

Marty smiled. “Robert told us what Mr. Reid said about it. I hope that he’s wrong.”

“He could be, couldn’t he?” Alice asked hopefully.

Hannah patted her back. “Of course he could. There’s always exceptions to every situation. I’ve seen plenty of pretty white horses in my day.”

“Mr. Reid said it was something that happened at times with the paints,” Alice relayed.

“He can still be wrong. We have a mighty God who answers prayers, and I’m praying that colt will live.”

“Me too,” Alice said.

“I think we all are,” Marty agreed.

After lunch Alice went to the barn with Robert. The baby seemed to be doing well. He nursed without seeming to notice them, although Belleza was very aware of them. They agreed to come back just before supper and see how things were going.

Alice continued to pray, even as she worked on the evening meal with Hannah. Alice’s mother wasn’t feeling well and had taken a nap. Marty had gone to rest, as well, and that left the two women alone.

“You seem awfully quiet,” Hannah said, interrupting Alice’s thoughts. “Is it just the horse or is something else bothering you?”

Alice looked at the older woman and found only compassion in her expression. “I had words with my mother. I’m afraid I wasn’t very kind.”

“Ah, I see,” Hannah replied and picked up a carving knife. “Sometimes that happens. If you care to talk about it, I’m willing to listen.”

For some reason, Alice didn’t even consider remaining silent. “She told me my father was a bad man. He did bad things—illegal things. That’s why she had to leave. I can’t believe it. He was always so good to me. Sure, he lost his temper at times, but . . . well . . . she said he was cruel toward her and Simon.”

“That had to be hard to hear.” Hannah busied herself with slicing up a large roast.

“It was horrible. My father isn’t here to defend himself, and I suppose I felt as though
I
should. Now I find myself so confused. I was only thirteen when Mother left. I loved them both so much, but I thought my father was very nearly perfect. I knew I was his favorite, and I thought there was nothing wrong with that because I figured Simon was Mama’s favorite.”

“Favoritism never leads to anything good. We can see that in our Bible stories about Jacob and Esau, and of course the ordeals of Joseph and his many brothers.”

“I know, but when I was younger, it didn’t seem to be a bad thing. My mama said it was a big problem because . . . well . . . my father . . .” She fell silent and tried to think how to express the delicate matter. “He thought my mother had been unfaithful.”

Hannah looked up. “He didn’t believe the boy to be his son?”

Alice nodded. “Mama said he wouldn’t believe her. He was jealous of everyone. I don’t know what to think. She said he was involved in illegal activities and he had evil people for friends. That doesn’t fit my memories of him.”

Smiling, Hannah continued to slice the meat. “I think we often create our own image of people, especially after they’ve passed on. Remember, if your father favored you, then most likely you benefited from his good nature and kindness. If he didn’t extend the same to your mother and brother, it wasn’t your fault. You mustn’t carry any of the blame. Obviously there were circumstances that made the situation unbearable, or your mother would never have made such a daring choice.”

Alice considered that for a moment. It was true that it must have been quite perilous to sneak out in the middle of the night—to leave with a small child and no one to help her. She mulled these things over in her mind as everyone was called to supper and Will offered the blessing.

Hannah’s words stayed with Alice throughout the meal, even while her brother detailed his day with Will.

“I got to ride on a horse, and it was really big. Mr. Barnett showed me how to put the saddle away and how to brush the horse. It almost stepped on my foot, and Mr. Barnett said if we stayed very long I was going to need a pair of boots.” He paused with a big grin. “When Mama’s feeling better, I’m going to ask her if we can stay for a long time.”

Alice loved the excitement in his voice. She felt a bond with him that she couldn’t explain. He was so like her in appearance that she found it hard to believe her father could have ever doubted Simon’s paternity. Perhaps jealousy could make a person blind.

After dinner, Marty and Hannah urged Alice to go ahead with Robert to check on the foal. “Don’t worry about a thing,” Hannah ordered. “I’m going to pop in on your mother and see that she eats something. You go on and see how that baby is doing. Let us know.”

Walking alone with Robert, Alice tried not to think about
her mother or father. Instead, she focused on the colt and the man at her side. In the distance she heard a rumble of thunder and noticed dark clouds moving in.

“It’s gonna storm,” Robert declared. “Hope we get some decent rain with it.” He opened the barn door and reached for a lantern that hung on the wall. Nearby a metal box of matches had been nailed to the wall to allow for quick lighting. He struck a match and lit the lantern. Light spilled out across the barn, and Alice made the mistake of looking up to find Robert watching her with a strange look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, putting her hand up to cover her scar.

“Nothing. I was just noticing how beautiful you are.”

She shivered and tried to make light of the moment. “Not nearly as pretty as your fiancée.”

He shook his head. “She’s not my fiancée.” The tenderness of his expression hardened, and the magic of the moment passed. “Come on. Let’s see how they’re doing.”

Alice followed Robert to the stall. He hung the lantern on the post and opened the gate. “You stay here.”

She nodded and leaned against the stall rail. The little foal seemed quite interested to find Robert in the stall with them. He danced around a bit and backed off behind his mother as Robert approached. Belleza seemed unfazed, however. She knew Robert and it was evident she felt safe with him there. Alice had to admit that she did, too.

“Is he doing all right?” she asked softly.

“I think so. He’s frisky and doesn’t look to be in any discomfort.” Robert worked his way around the mare to better see the colt. The animal did its best to avoid him, and made Robert work to get to him. After maneuvering around the mare, Robert stopped.

Alice couldn’t see much of Robert behind the large animal, but just then he started laughing.

“Why are you laughing?” she asked. In such a grave situation, laughter seemed quite foreign.

Robert came around to the front of the mare and gave her face a nuzzle with his own. “It’s gonna be all right, Mama,” he told the animal. He glanced back over at Alice with a grin. “The little guy is making a mess back there, and I stepped right in it. Best thing I’ve ever seen.”

Alice felt a surge of joy. “You mean he’ll be all right? He won’t die or need to be killed?”

“No, ma’am,” Robert said, coming to where she stood. “We got our miracle.”

Relief flooded her and Alice couldn’t help but laugh. “That’s what you should name him. Miracle.” She didn’t attempt to turn away when Robert hugged her. The fence between them seemed to make it all very innocent and proper.

“I’ll give him the name in Spanish,” Robert said. “Milagro.”

She fixed her eyes on the white colt. “I think that’s beautiful.”

Robert smiled and whispered against her ear. “And I think you are.”

Alice sat listening to the preacher share his thoughts on Jesus’ teachings on the Beatitudes. She was well familiar with the Scriptures taken from the fifth chapter of Matthew, but her heart wasn’t at all on the topic. At least not until the man spoke out on verse nine.

“ ‘Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.’ ”

She didn’t hear much else the man said. She pondered the word
peacemaker
and wondered if that included being the kind of person who put aside old issues and focused on the ones at hand.

Forgiving her mother for leaving her was something that Alice had complete control over. No one could force it from her or keep her from giving it. The past could not be altered, not even in part. If her father was the man her mother declared him to be, Alice could not change that by denying it.

You were good to me,
Papa. Why not to them?

Her mother had been sickly that morning, and Hannah insisted she remain behind. No one seemed to question Mrs. Barnett’s commands. Even Will just nodded and told everyone he’d have the carriage ready by eight. Hannah remained with Mother, and for this Alice had been grateful. She wasn’t yet ready to sit at her mother’s side and hear further discussion on her father’s failings. Alice had questioned Hannah about her mother’s condition—seeking to learn the extent of her ailment. Hannah told her that most likely she was just overly exhausted from the trip to Texas. But Alice thought Hannah had seemed guarded in her response.

Simon fidgeted beside her. It was clear the boy found confinement in his suit coat to be a misery unlike any other. He looked downcast and continued to glance toward the windows. Alice thought to take him out of the service and let him walk a bit, but she didn’t want to draw attention to them. She’d never thought to ask if her brother was used to attending church. They weren’t an overly religious family when they’d all been together years ago.

After the service concluded, Alice whispered in his ear. “Why don’t you go outside with the other children and see if you can make friends.”

She didn’t have to suggest it twice. Simon darted away like a startled fawn. She smiled and watched him weave his way through the mass of people. Alice stayed by Marty’s side, uncertain of what she should do. Her scar made her feel quite self-conscious as she noted several people seeming to study her face.

“When is the birthday party, Mrs. Wythe?” a young woman asked Marty. “I thought it was gonna be right after the roundup.”

“We had to postpone it a week, but it’ll be next Friday
evening,” she assured her. “Have you met Miss Chesterfield, Miriam?”

The young woman shook her head. She was a pretty redhead with a simple taste in her fashion. She looked to be Alice’s age.

“Miriam, this is my dear friend Alice Chesterfield. Alice, this is Miriam Palmer. She’s the daughter of Mr. Palmer, who participated in the roundup with his sons. Miriam remained at home to help her mother.”

“She’d just given birth to my little sister,” Miriam announced proudly. “I liked to thought we’d never get us another girl after five boys.”

Alice smiled. “I’m pleased to meet you.”

“What did your folks name the little one?” Marty asked.

“Edith,” Miriam replied. She returned her gaze to Marty. “After my grandmother.”

“It’s a good name.” Marty put her hand to her growing waistline. “We haven’t yet thought up names for our baby. Hopefully by the time he or she arrives, we will have sorted it out.”

Alice couldn’t help but smile. Marty was finally starting to act and think like this pregnancy was something she could carry through to completion. It did Alice’s heart good to see her friend brighten at discussions of the baby and plans for the future.

Jake joined them just then. “Will said he needed to help the preacher with something, so we’ll be a little delayed in returning home. You feeling all right?”

“I’m fine,” Marty said. She smiled at her husband as he put his hand on her arm.

Alice excused herself. “I’m going to go look for Simon.”

She exited the church and exchanged greetings with
various people, keeping her head down to avoid their stares. She walked along the front of the church and spied Simon, now jacket free, playing with a couple of the other boys. He seemed content and so she continued her walk toward the cemetery yard.

Reflecting on the pastor’s words, Alice strolled among the headstones and thought of her father. How could he have done the things her mother said he’d done? How could he have put Alice in such a precarious position? If what her mother said was true, then he was as much to blame for the attack as the men who carried it out. If the company he kept was corrupt and evil, how could he expect their actions to be otherwise?

She frowned and touched one of the more ornate marble statues. The angel form seemed to glare at her in disapproval. Alice quickly pulled her hand away and looked heavenward.

Why? Why is this happening
, Lord? I don’t know what to think or to
do. I want to be a peacemaker, but I don
’t understand what that means. Do I just forget that
my mother left me? Do I accept that my father
was truly evil?

Alice couldn’t help but remember the nights she had cried herself to sleep, wishing and praying that her mother and brother would come home. When Papa told her of their deaths a year after their departure, Alice wanted to die, as well. She had been so certain they would return. Father had been very angry about her concerns for them, and at the time Alice thought it was because of her nagging. Now she wondered if it was for the very reasons Mother had stated.

Alice continued to walk amongst the dead and ponder the living. There had to be answers if she was just brave enough to find them.

———

“You look awfully deep in thought,” Robert said, coming upon Alice in the graveyard.

She seemed not to mind his interruption. “I was contemplating.”

“Would you care to share what you were thinking about?”

Alice shrugged. “My life. My father’s death. My mother and brother being alive. I suppose the quiet of the place led me to such reflections.”

He nodded. “I’ve always liked cemeteries myself. They are, as you say, quiet and good for thinking. I can leave you alone if you’d like.”

“That isn’t necessary.” She gave him a brief smile and glanced all around the yard. “Did you know most of these people?”

“Most,” he admitted and came closer to where she stood. “Some not so much as others. Why?”

“I don’t know. I suppose because I’ve always wanted to feel connected, a part of something or someone. My family was torn apart when I was thirteen, and my father kept to himself. He insisted I do the same.”

“Didn’t you have friends?”

“At school I had a couple of friends, but because of my mother’s desertion, I quit school after eighth grade. Most figured that to be an adequate education for a young woman, but I wanted more.”

“I think times are changing,” Robert said. “Used to be most children ended their education about that time. Boys were needed to help with the work, and girls married or helped their mothers. These days I know there’s more of a push to get a full education. I don’t mind at all that my folks insisted I stay in school. I went away to college for a year, but found
it wasn’t for me.” He smiled. “My heart is out there on the range, not in a classroom.”

“I can understand that. It’s beautiful here.” She turned to walk away and stumbled.

Robert reached out and caught her before she could fall. To his complete frustration that was the moment Jessica Atherton chose to appear.

“Robert Barnett, I’ve been looking for you.” She eyed him with a raised brow and then turned her attention to Alice. “Miss Chesterfield.” Her look was one of contempt.

“I should get back to Simon,” Alice said in a most uncomfortable manner. She pulled away from Robert’s hold and hurried past Jessica.

Robert waited for whatever assault Jessica might release. She looked madder than a wet cat, and he knew she could be twice as dangerous.

“What are you doing with her? All throughout church I saw you watching her.”

“Jess, you need to calm down. Alice and I have become good friends.”

“We used to be good friends, but now you avoid me like I should be in quarantine. What is it that’s happened between us?” She came to stand directly in front of him, blocking his way to leave.

“Jess, I’ve told you before, we are friends. You’re like a little sister to me. I’d do whatever I could to help you or protect you. You mean the world to me.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Then stay away from Miss Chesterfield. I know you feel sorry for her, but you belong to me.”

“I don’t belong to anyone,” Robert countered, “save God. I keep tellin’ folks that, but nobody seems to believe me. Furthermore, Alice is staying at our ranch. I can’t ignore her or
stay away from her any more than I can my folks. Nor do I want to.”

“She’s an unsightly woman with troubles brewing. I know, because I heard Mama talking to Marty about it just a few minutes ago. Marty said that Alice has had trouble most of her life and now with her mother and brother here, things might even get worse.”

“Then I want to be here for her.”

“You need to be here for me,” Jessica said, sounding childish. She stamped her foot. “We were doing just fine until she came here. Now everywhere I go, folks are talking about her. It’s Alice this and Miss Chesterfield that. I’m sick of it. You’ve always cared about broken things, but that damaged woman doesn’t need to be one of your projects, Robert Barnett!”

“I never knew you to be so heartless and meanspirited.” He pushed her aside gently and left her to contemplate her words. It was all he could do to keep from slapping her for what she’d said. He didn’t like anyone talking mean about someone he loved—especially not this time.

Back on the ranch, Alice quietly changed from her Sunday clothes and put on a simple cotton blouse and skirt. She and Marty had rid themselves of most of their surplus clothing and now maintained only a few pieces. It sometimes amazed Alice that she had come full circle from a time of well-being with her father to poverty after his death, then to wealth and opulence at the Wythe mansion and finally to this. Life had a way of changing the scenery without a person even realizing what was happening.

A light rap at the door grew her attention. “Come in.”

Hannah Barnett opened the door. “I hoped to find you here. May I speak to you for a moment?”

“Of course. What is it?”

“It’s about your mother.”

“Is she worse? Do we need a doctor?”

“No. I think her condition is mostly one of the heart.”

Alice felt herself stiffen. “Why do you say that?”

Hannah sat on the bed and patted the pretty quilt that covered it. “Come sit with me for a minute.”

Alice did as instructed but already felt more than a little guarded.

Hannah quickly got to the heart of the matter. “Your mother is discouraged and downtrodden over all that has happened between you two. She wants so much to renew her relationship with you.”

“I know, but she said so many things that I just don’t understand.”

Hannah took Alice’s hand in her own. “I know you’re hurt and maybe even afraid. Afraid that if you believe your mother, you are somehow betraying your father. Alice, your father is dead. You can’t help or hurt him anymore, but you can do both to your mother. She needs you to forgive her. . . . Otherwise . . .”

“Otherwise what?” Alice asked.

“Otherwise, I’m not sure that she’ll ever forgive herself.”

“So it’s my responsibility to make her feel better for her mistakes?” Alice asked in a snide voice. She immediately hated herself for having those feelings. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t kind. But sometimes I feel so frustrated by it all. I was a child. I was deserted by the one person I thought would never leave me. I trusted her to always be there.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “I needed her, and she left me to face life all alone.”

Hannah pulled Alice into her arms and hugged her close. “She didn’t want to. She loved you. She loves you now. Yes, she hurt you and she made a terrible mistake in leaving you. But your father made mistakes, too, and you will, as well. We all make bad choices—decisions that would better be left to rot in the bottom of the barrel. But we can’t undo them. We can only move forward.”

“I want to,” Alice said, trying to regain control. Hannah’s warm embrace was like that of a comforting mother, and Alice couldn’t help but remember the way she and her mother had held each other at the train station. “I love her so much.”

“Then tell her. Tell her that you love her and forgive her. She needs to hear it from you, and Alice, you need to hear it, as well.” Hannah let her go and got to her feet. “I’m gonna get the noon meal on the table. Why don’t you go spend some time with your mother? I had the men bring her here so I could keep an eye on her. She’s in the room at the end of the hall. I’ll bring you two a tray to share.”

Alice nodded. She wasn’t sure how things would go with her mother, but it was worth a try. Escaping the past was one of the reasons she’d come to Texas with Marty. There was no sense in letting part of it go and not all.