A Moment of Weakness (27 page)

“Daddy says truth is different for different people.”

The comments continued until Jade practically looked forward to the hearing. At least then they could come to some kind of agreement and move on. Her attorney was hoping to win 80 percent custody for Jade.

Once he lost his battle for full custody, Jade was sure Jim would give up.

Unless Kathy had convinced him she wanted to be Ty’s second mother. Jade’s stomach hurt at the thought.
Please, no, Lord
.

Until her attorney arrived—just three minutes before the hearing—Jade remained alone, silent, absorbed in an urgent conversation with the only One who could set her son free.

The hearing was underway, and the Honorable Judge Arthur Goldberg presided. So far Jade was having trouble keeping up. Issues of material goods and financial support and joint bank accounts were discussed and considered. Generally, their possessions were split down the middle, and the attorneys handled the details. Meanwhile, Jade sat on one side of the courtroom; Jim, the other.

Occasionally, she would glance in his direction and wonder again why she had married him. Why hadn’t she trusted God to give her the strength to be a single mother? Jim kept his gaze straight ahead and seemed almost unaware that she was in the room.

Judge Goldberg was speaking. “And now, we will decide the
custody matter. First we will hear from the plaintiff.”

Jim made his way to the witness stand, and Jade watched him smile warmly at the judge.

“Mr. Rudolph, this court understands you are seeking full and permanent custody of your minor child, Ty Robert Rudolph, is that correct?”

“Yes, your honor.” Jim looked the picture of professionalism. Only someone like Jade, someone who knew him well, could detect the steel-hard hatred that lurked deep in his dark eyes. “That is correct.”

“Would you please explain to the court your reason for this?”

Jim drew a deep breath and began. He talked about Jade’s determination to convert everyone to her way of thinking. It was enough that Jade did this with strangers and merchants and school board members, he said. But now she was doing it with their son. One by one, he rattled off detailed accounts of the battles she’d fought, battles to maintain religious values and overt parental control in areas that concerned her son.

Jade’s hands began to tremble as Jim continued. She clasped them tightly and worked to draw a deep breath.

Do not be anxious about anything.…

Somehow, when Jim was finished speaking, Jade realized her efforts didn’t seem altruistic. They seemed extreme and paranoid and one-sided, a distraction to the job of raising a child.
What’s happening here, God? It isn’t supposed to be like this
. Jade struggled to breathe under the weight of her fear.

By the time she was allowed to speak, Jade had trouble keeping her head up. She felt like a terrible mother, a criminal almost, and she struggled to make eye contact with the judge.

“Is it true you told your son it was wrong for two men to love each other?” Judge Goldberg’s question caught Jade off
guard.
What? How did the judge know that? Ty must have innocently passed her comments onto Jim and …

“Yes, your honor. But only because that’s what God’s Word teaches.” Jade studied the judge’s face and saw that clearly he did not approve of this.

“So you’re raising your son by the standard of the Bible, is that right?” The judge said the word Bible like it shouldn’t be spoken in public places, and Jade looked to her attorney for help. He was sorting through a stack of documents and seemed unconcerned with the dialogue taking place.

Jade continued to answer questions until finally the judge called for a brief recess. Five minutes later he was back with his decision.

“This court finds Mr. Rudolph to be of sound mind and accurate opinion when he states his concern for his son. Indeed, the boy is at great risk for being converted to his mother’s way of thinking. I believe he is being forced to adapt her views of intolerance at an age that is too young to make those types of decisions. Intolerant children will only spread hate in our world, and when presented this type of opportunity, I must act the way few judges have acted before.”

Jade shot a desperate look toward her attorney, but again he was preoccupied with paperwork and seemed unaware of the proceedings taking place. What did the judge mean that he must “act the way few judges have acted before”? What was happening here? Where had this judge come from anyway? Didn’t her attorney know the judge and what his opinions would be about the case?

Judge Goldberg glanced at Jim, and then Jade. “For that reason, I do hereby award full custody of minor child, Ty Robert Rudolph, to Mr. Jim Rudolph. Supervised visits for Mrs. Jade Rudolph will begin one week after the custody exchange takes place.”

Jade stared at the judge and blinked. It was impossible. This couldn’t be happening. A cold clamminess came over her, and spots danced wildly before her eyes. This wasn’t Judge Goldberg’s decision to make. It couldn’t be. She was Ty’s mother, after all, and Jim … he wasn’t even …

“Wait a minute!” She was on her feet, her voice ringing through the courtroom. “You can’t do this. My son needs me; we need each other.”

The judge looked at her over the rim of his glasses. “You had your chance, Mrs. Rudolph. Even over the past few weeks you’ve been given an opportunity to soften your views. But you’ve insisted on leaning so far to the religious right that this court no longer feels you to be a safe and responsible parent for your son.”

“But you can’t!”

“Order!” Judge Goldberg rose from his chair, his face twisted in a scowl as he banged his gavel twice. “If you speak again, I will hold you in contempt of court. Is that understood?”

Jade sat weakly down in her chair and felt the tears begin to flow.
Why, God? What can I do to stop this?
She looked at Jim and saw he was smiling and whispering with his attorney. Jade felt as if her heart had been ripped out and thrown on the floor for everyone to step on and laugh at.

Jim and his attorney had actually done it. They’d won Ty because they had the correct viewpoint and she did not.
I’ll get him back; I have to. But until then … Oh, God, please help me.… How will I live without him?

“Mrs. Rudolph, you will have forty-eight hours. At that point a deputy will arrive at your door, along with Mr. Rudolph and his attorney, and custody will be handed over. If you do not cooperate or do not make yourself available for the transfer,
you will be in contempt of court, and a warrant will be issued for your arrest. Is that understood?”

Jade had to force herself to respond. “Yes, your honor.” She looked at her attorney once more, but still he seemed like an indifferent bystander watching the proceedings without a single interjection or show of concern.

Feeling helpless, Jade spoke out. “Please make a note that I will be finding a new attorney.…” Her lawyer cast her a look and then shrugged. The man didn’t care about her pain or whether she won the case. He was merely going through the motions, earning a paycheck. Jade struggled to remain standing and thought she might faint or die from heart failure. Her chest ached from the blow of the judge’s decision. She cleared her throat. “And please make a note that I will be appealing this decision.”

The judge looked at her, and Jade had the feeling he was mocking her. “That will be noted. You have sixty days to file an appeal, or the decision will stand.”

Jade did not talk to anyone, including the reporter from
The Oregonian
who sat in the back row. Why bother? He had a story that would, Jade guessed, make the front page. She needed a new attorney, needed a plan. But right now none of it mattered. As she stumbled to her car, weak from shock and pain, terrified about the future, there was only one thing she wanted: to get home and explain the situation to Ty, help him understand that for a little while—and only a little while—they would have to be separated.

Then she would spend the next forty-eight hours telling him good-bye.

T
HE WEDDING PLANS WERE FAR MORE EXTRAVAGANT THAN
Tanner had pictured, and by the third week of March they were becoming overwhelming. Leslie showed amazing attention to detail, and Tanner was growing increasingly tired of her twice daily calls updating him on the progress.

He had her on the phone now, and Tanner tapped his pencil against the edge of his desk as he listened to the latest bit of wedding information. Leslie’s voice sounded shrill and demanding. Funny how it hadn’t seemed that way at first.
What’s wrong with me, Lord? I should be thrilled to marry a woman like Leslie.…

Do not be unequally yoked, my son
.

The verse caught Tanner square in his gut. Leslie continued to ramble, but he wasn’t listening. If God hadn’t wanted him to be unequally yoked, why hadn’t he pointed it out earlier?

Tanner thought of the Bible, and a sinking feeling settled in his heart. He had known from the beginning that Leslie wasn’t a strong believer. In fact, there had been many times when the fact had haunted him late into the night. God had indeed pointed it out earlier.
But she does believe, Lord
.

I know the plans I have for you.…

There it was, that Jeremiah verse again. Ever since Jade had married someone else, Tanner had been unsure about the plans God had for him. Leslie had brought him new perspective. She might not have been a dynamic believer, but she had potential.
Certainly she was the plan God had intended for him, wasn’t she? Doubts nibbled at him like so many bats in a dark cave.

Tanner forced himself to concentrate on what Leslie was saying.

“There is simply no way we can sign the current caterer. Mother checked his background, and he’s only had three years of professional experience. Ours would be the largest wedding he’s serviced, and that won’t do. We need someone with experience; there’s no other way around it.”

Tanner stared at the crystal blue sky and wished for a moment he was outside walking somewhere. Between Leslie’s wedding plans and the workload he was facing that day, he needed a moment by himself to clear his thoughts. Or maybe his workload had nothing to do with it. Maybe it was the wedding itself making his thoughts foggy.
What am I feeling, Lord? Why am I confused?
He loved Leslie, didn’t he? Of course he did. He was only tired of the details. Color schemes, bridesmaids’ dresses, tuxedos, flowers.

Leslie was still stuck on the caterer. He tuned back in and tried to feel interested.

“Anyway, Mother says she knows someone in the Bay Area who could fly in, but then I thought we should check into that famous chef, what’s his name? The one who creates meals for the stars?”

Stars
. For an instant he thought of a night long ago when he and Jade sat alongside the Cowlitz River and counted the constellations. He had seen more stars that night than at any time before or since. Or was that just the way Jade made him feel? Tanner drew a deep breath.

Fine time to be thinking of Jade.

“… of fish and veal, and anyway, it’s got to be the right man, don’t you agree, Tanner?”

He felt a rush of panic. He had no idea what Leslie was talking about. “Right. Definitely. The right man.”

“Tanner!” Leslie’s voice was half whine, half reprimand. “You’re not listening are you? You never listen when we talk about the wedding. I hope you’re planning to show up.”

Tanner forced a laugh, but it sounded hollow even to him. “Honey, it’s just that you’re so much better at making these decisions than I am. I’ll be happy with whatever you choose.

Really.”

“It would be nice if you were interested, even just a little bit.” For a woman with a Harvard English degree and a resume littered with accomplishments, Leslie sometimes acted like a child demanding attention. Tanner shook his head and tried again to clear his thoughts.

Leslie’s wonderful. Why am I sabotaging my feelings toward the woman I’m about to marry? The woman I’ll spend the rest of my life with?

“I’m listening and I’m interested. I’m sorry, honey, go ahead. Have you called anyone about the catering.”

Leslie released an exaggerated sigh. “I already told you, I called him yesterday. I’m waiting to hear back later today whether …”

Matt Bronzan entered his office. He held a newspaper clipping, and he looked stricken. Tanner raised his eyebrows in response, and Matt mouthed the word, “Emergency.”

Tanner motioned for Matt to sit down and he pointed at the phone, signaling that he would be off in a moment. He waited for Leslie to take a breath. “Honey, something’s come up. I gotta run.” He hesitated. Why was he feeling so uncomfortable with her? Maybe they needed a day away, time to talk about something other than the wedding.

“As usual. Something always comes up. I’ll figure it out by
myself.” She was gifted at playing the role of persecuted martyr. “I’ll let you know what time to be at the church.”

“I’m sorry, Leslie. I’ll call you back.… I love you.” But the words sounded forced. He did, didn’t he? If he didn’t love her, what was he doing marrying her? And where were these feelings of doubt coming from? He tried to remember all the reasons he’d asked her to marry him in the first place.

Be careful, my son. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread
.

The warning flashed through his mind and hit him like a physical blow. First the verse about being unequally yoked and now this. Was the Lord trying to warn him? He stored the possibility in the back pocket of his mind and turned his attention to Matt. “What’s up?”

Matt set the news clipping on the desk and turned it so it faced Tanner. He glanced at the headline. “Woman Loses Custody of Son Because of Religious Fanaticism.”

Tanner’s eyes grew wide. It was the case Matt had told him about. It had really happened. The woman had been genuine, and now she had lost possession of her son. “Is it her?”

Matt nodded. “Definitely. Portland. Press makes her out to be a freak, just like the guy’s attorney and the judge. One of those cases where everything lined up against her.”