A Mother's Shame (46 page)

‘Goodbye, Father, I hope you rest in peace,’ she muttered, and she then left the room to allow Mr Boot to do his job.

‘It was a good turnout, wasn’t it?’ Maria said on the way back from the church following the burial.

‘Yes, it was,’ Martha said as she stared from the window of the carriage. ‘But then your father was a well-respected man.’

‘Only because people didn’t know him as we did,’ Maria said before she could stop herself.

‘It’s wrong to speak ill of the dead.’ Martha frowned at her as she held tight to Emma’s small hand. ‘Especially so soon after their death.’

‘But I’m only speaking the truth, Mother.’ Maria’s chin lifted in defiance. She could not be a hypocrite and pretend to be sad at her father’s passing, especially as there were more pressing things on her mind. She hadn’t wished to raise them before the service but now she said tentatively, ‘Wasn’t the cottage tied to Father’s job?’

Martha sighed. ‘Yes, it was, and the landlord has already been to see me. He intimated that as soon as another preacher is instructed to take your father’s place, he will be entitled to move into the cottage.’

‘And how long will that be?’

 Martha shrugged, trying to hide her deep concern. ‘I don’t know, dear. But I shouldn’t think it will take the chapel authorities long to find a replacement.’ In actual fact she had lain awake all night worrying about it.

‘And where will we all live then?’ asked Emma, looking scared. She had been crying, and there were tear-tracks running down her face.

‘I have no idea,’ Martha said, ‘but I’ve no doubt something will turn up, although it will be difficult to find anywhere as cheap. It’s hard enough as it is with only Henry’s wage coming in, and it’s the wrong time of the year to take in any more washing. It’s so difficult to get it all dry. I’m sure that having wet washing strung about the kitchen all the time isn’t helping your chest, pet, but what else can I do?’

‘Well, I can help out now that I’m back,’ Maria assured her. ‘I’m sure Mrs Montgomery will give me a wage for looking after Faith until she employs a proper nanny, and then I can get another position.’

‘Don’t you get fretting about us. I’m just happy to have you back safe and sound,’ Martha told her affectionately as she took both her daughters’ hands. ‘You know what they say: when one door shuts another door opens, so let’s just wait and see, eh?’ But despite her brave words she was worried sick. She had seen too many people end up in the workhouse, and the thought of her youngest daughter having to live there if she could not provide for her, filled Martha with dread. It was different for Henry and Maria: they were so much older and capable of taking care of themselves if need be, but Emma, who had been left in the care of a neighbour, was still so young.

Changing the subject, Martha said, ‘But what about young Master Josh then, Maria? I’m not blind and it’s more than obvious that he cares for you. Do you not care for him?’

The colour that flooded into Maria’s cheeks was her answer.

‘So if you care for him too, what is to stop you coming together?’

‘The difference in our classes,’ Maria said shortly. ‘I would drag him down were I to marry him, Mother. You know that his kind would never accept me.’

A pain seared through Martha’s heart as she looked deep into this beloved girl’s eyes, and not for the first time she was sorely tempted to take her aside later and tell her the secret she had been forced to keep for so many years. But would Maria thank her for knowing the truth, or would she despise her? Somehow, Martha knew that she was not strong enough to risk that right now. There was so much going on in their lives, so once again she remained silent.
But one day,
she promised herself,
one day I will tell her and pray that she will forgive me.
One lapse had resulted in a lifetime of heartbreak, and all she could do now was pray that the same fate was not destined for her dear girl.

‘Will you come in for some tea before you go back to Willow Park?’ she asked when the carriage drew up outside the cottage. There would be no funeral tea for Edward Mundy; there were no spare funds for such luxuries.

‘I’ll see you safely inside but then I ought to be going,’ Maria answered. ‘Mrs Montgomery will be expecting me back and I wouldn’t like to take advantage of her good nature.’

‘I understand.’ Martha, Emma and Henry climbed down from the carriage, closely followed by Maria. It was as Martha was about to put the key in the lock that she noticed a large brown envelope that had been hidden behind the old barrel that stood by the cottage door and in which she planted pansies in the spring. Pulling it out, and brushing the snow off it, she said, ‘I wonder what this could be?’

Martha entered the kitchen and placed the envelope on the table whilst she removed her Sunday-best bonnet and her cloak. She had trimmed the bonnet with black ribbon as a token of mourning. Lifting the envelope again she slit it open, and as the contents spilled onto the table they all gasped. It was full of banknotes.

Henry pounced on them, his eyes almost popping from his head. ‘Good Lord, there must be hundreds of pounds here,’ he breathed. ‘But who could it be from? Is there a letter with it?’

Her hands shaking, Martha peered into the envelope. ‘Nothing at all,’ she choked. ‘But the envelope is clearly addressed to me. What can it mean?’

‘It means that someone has given you a very generous donation,’ Henry whooped. Suddenly it seemed that all their troubles were over. ‘It was probably one of Father’s better-off parishioners.’

‘But I can’t think of anyone who would have this much money,’ Martha stated as she eyed the pile in stunned disbelief. ‘The congregation at chapel are mostly as poor as us. How much is there, Henry?’

With Maria’s help her son began to count it and when they were done he told her, ‘There’s three hundred pounds here.’

Martha clutched at her heart; it was more money than she had ever seen or dreamed of in the whole of her downtrodden life.

‘Do you realise what this means?’ Henry crowed delightedly. Then before anyone could answer him he rushed on, ‘It means that we won’t have to worry about where we are going to live, ever again. In fact, we can afford to buy that cottage in Ridge Lane that I was telling you about – and still have enough money to spare to last us for years if we’re careful.’ He took Emma by the arms and danced about the kitchen with her until they were both breathless.

‘Stop that, the pair of you! Henry, put the money back in the envelope,’ his mother told him. ‘I cannot accept it without knowing where it came from.’

‘I think I may know who gave it to you,’ Maria said. It must be from Josh – it was the kind of generous thing he would do. ‘Just keep it somewhere very safe while I make a few enquiries,’ she ordered Henry, but Martha was obdurate.

‘No, my dear. If you think you know who it belongs to, you must return it to them for me. Give them my heartfelt thanks, but tell them that I could not accept such a sum.’

‘But—’

Martha held up her hand as Henry began to object and he clamped his mouth shut, although he did not at all agree with his mother’s decision. This was like looking a gift horse in the mouth as far as he was concerned – the answer to all their prayers – but knowing how stubborn and proud his mother could be, he accepted that it was useless to argue. Shuffling the money back into a pile, he then rammed it back into the envelope and passed it begrudgingly to Maria, who bent to kiss her mother’s pale cheek before saying, ‘I shall see that it is returned, if you are sure that is what you want, and I shall try to get back to see you later today if it’s at all possible.’

Martha nodded numbly, so with a quick hug of her brother and sister, Maria then turned and hurried out to the waiting carriage.

When Maria entered the hall of Willow Park a short time later, she found Josh waiting for her. He helped her off with her cape, asking, ‘How did the funeral go?’

‘As well as could be expected. The church was full,’ she told him, then added, ‘Thank you so much for paying the expenses. We will reimburse you, of course, as soon as possible.’

He waved her thanks aside, telling her, ‘It was the very least I could do after all you have done for Isabelle and Faith. But please, come into the drawing room. I took the liberty of ordering some tea when I saw the carriage approaching and I’m sure you must be ready for some refreshment after such a distressing morning.’

Maria hesitated, but then clutching her bag containing the money, she followed him along the hallway. It might be as well to return it now and get it over and done with.

They had barely entered the room when there was a tap at the door and a maid wheeled in a trolley containing tea and pastries. Once she was gone, Josh began to pour it out as Maria took the envelope from her bag and said quietly, ‘This was yet another very kind gesture on your part, Josh. But I am afraid my mother is already indebted to you and therefore she does not feel that she can accept it.’

He frowned in bewilderment as he paused to ask, ‘Accept what?’

She thrust the envelope towards him and, once he had glanced inside, he said: ‘I’m afraid I don’t understand. What is this?’

‘It’s the money you left for my mother whilst we were at the church.’

‘I assure you
I
didn’t leave it,’ he answered firmly. ‘The name on the envelope isn’t even in my handwriting.’

Now it was her turn to look bewildered as she spluttered, ‘But if
you
didn’t leave it, then who
did?’

‘I have absolutely no idea, but I promise you it wasn’t me, so I suggest you return it to your mother as soon as possible. Someone obviously intended her to have it.’

Stunned, Maria returned the envelope to her bag and accepted the tea he held out to her, but Josh did not give her long to ponder on it because then he asked, ‘What are we going to do, Maria? About us, I mean. You know that I love you and I believe that you love me too. Surely you are not willing to throw that away?’

Her lips set in a prim line, she said, ‘I can see no point in going over this again. Your family would be the laughing stock of the county, should word get out that you were going to marry someone from my background. Especially as your mother has just accepted her illegitimate grandchild into her home. Think of what people would say.’

‘I don’t give a cuss about what people will say.’ Josh glared at her as he slammed his cup down on a small occasional table, sending tea spraying all over the fine Turkish carpet. ‘Surely we can rise above a bit of local gossip?’

‘I think that it would amount to much more than a little gossip,’ Maria said sensibly.

‘All right then – but at least answer me one question truthfully, please. Do you have any tenderness for me, Maria, or have I imagined it?’

She wrestled with her conscience, which was screaming at her to tell him that she didn’t. And yet she found that she could not lie to him so she nodded miserably.

‘I have very deep feelings for you, and had we been born of the same class I would have been proud to be your wife. But I cannot allow you to be shunned by your own kind because of me. And anyway, my mother is going to need all the help she can get now, and once I leave here I intend to see that she receives it.’

‘Oh, don’t make your mother an excuse,’ Josh said angrily. ‘I would be more than happy to ensure that she and your family never went without anything. But you have made up your mind, haven’t you, so it appears there is no more to be said on the subject. I will not bother you again, Maria.’ And with that he strode straight-backed from the room as hot tears welled in Maria’s eyes.

In the day room, Helena was listening open-mouthed to the tale that Robert Pettifer was telling her, and trying to take it all in. She had known Robert for more years than she cared to remember and trusted him implicitly, but even so she was reeling from the shock of what he had just revealed to her. He had called at Willow Park to offer his condolences on the death of her husband, but when she told him about Josh and Maria, and the reason why the girl had rejected him, he had confessed to her his secret.

‘And so you see, if what you are saying is right, I
have
to talk to them,’ he ended. ‘I owe them that much at least. I will never be able to live with my conscience again if I don’t do the right thing. Neither you nor I had the happiest of marriages unfortunately, but it could be different for them. You do understand, don’t you, Helena?’

‘Yes, I do,’ she answered softly. ‘And there is no time like the present. I shall ask the maid to fetch them both in here and then I shall leave whilst you speak to them.’

‘There is no need for you to leave,’ he told her as he looked at this dear woman he had secretly admired for years. There had been so much heartbreak but his love for the village girl who had borne his first child had never died. He wondered if she might ever be able to return the feelings he still had for her. Of course, it would have to be some long time before he revealed how he felt. Her husband had only just been laid to rest and there would have to be the usual period of mourning following his funeral, but then . . . perhaps? He stopped his mind from going any further. It might be best to tackle one thing at a time at present.

‘’Scuse me, miss. Sorry to disturb you but the mistress would like to see you in the day room.’

‘Oh, er . . . thank you.’ Maria surreptiously dried her eyes then sedately followed the young maid from the room wondering what Mrs Montgomery might want her for.

Josh was dressed for outdoors when the maid summoned him too. He was not in the best of humours and he scowled at Maria as they entered the day room to find Helena and Robert Pettifer waiting for them.

‘Yes?’ Josh said shortly, still stinging from Maria’s final rejection. He had been hoping to go for a gallop on his horse to clear his head.

‘Ah, Josh, Maria,’ his mother said. ‘Thank you for coming. Robert has something that he needs to explain to Maria, and he thought that you should be present to hear it too, darling.’

Josh noted that his mother appeared to be highly agitated, but then he supposed that was to be expected, given all that had gone on in the last couple of days. Flicking his coat-tails aside, he sat down and crossed his arms as Maria eyed Robert warily.