A Mother's Wish (16 page)

“This is important to Jeff,” Cole said as if reading her mind, “and I couldn’t disappoint him. If it had been anyone else it wouldn’t have been as important. But Jeff matters—” his eyes locked with hers “—and so do you.”

Robin felt giddy with relief. For the first time since Lenny’s tragic death, she understood how carefully, how completely, she’d anesthetized her life, refusing to let in anyone or anything that might cause her or Jeff more pain. For years she’d been drifting in a haze of denial and grief, refusing to acknowledge or deal with either. What Angela had said was true. Robin had dated infrequently and haphazardly, and kept any suitors at a safe distance.

For some reason, she hadn’t been able to do that with Cole. Robin couldn’t understand what was different or why; all she knew was that she was in serious danger of falling for this man, and falling hard. It terrified her ….

“Have you and Jeff had dinner?” Cole asked.

Robin turned to face him, but it was a long moment before she grasped that he’d asked her a question. He
repeated it and she shook her head. “Jeff was too excited to eat.”

“Good. There’s an excellent Chinese restaurant close by. The three of us can celebrate after the game.”

“That’d be nice,” she whispered, thinking she should make some excuse to avoid this, and accepting almost immediately that she didn’t want to avoid it at all.

“Can I have some more pork-fried rice?” Jeff asked.

Cole passed him the dish and Robin watched as her son heaped his plate high with a third helping.

“You won,” she said wistfully.

“Mom, I wish you’d stop saying that. It’s the fourth time you’ve said it. I
know
we won,” Jeff muttered, glancing at Cole as if to beg forgiveness for his mother, who was obviously suffering from an overdose of maternal pride.

“But Jeff, you were fantastic,” she couldn’t resist telling him.

“The whole team was fantastic.” Jeff reached for what was left of the egg rolls and added a dollop of plum sauce to his plate.

“I had no idea you were such a good hitter,” Robin said, still impressed with her son’s athletic ability. “I knew you could pitch—but two home runs! Oh, Jeff, I’m so proud of you—and everyone else.” It was difficult to remember
that Jeff was only one member of a team, and that his success was part of a larger effort.

“I wanted to make sure I played well, especially ‘cause you were there, Cole.” Jeff stretched his arm across the table again, this time reaching for the nearly empty platter of almond chicken.

As for herself, Robin couldn’t down another bite. Cole had said the food at the Golden Wok was good, and he hadn’t exaggerated. It was probably the best Chinese meal she’d ever tasted. Jeff apparently thought so, too. The boy couldn’t seem to stop eating.

It was while they were laughing over their fortune cookies that Robin heard bits and pieces of the conversation from the booth behind them.

“I bet they’re celebrating something special,” an elderly gentleman remarked.

“I think their little boy must have done well at the baseball game,” his wife said.

Their little boy,
Robin mused. The older couple dining directly behind them thought Cole and Jeff were father and son.

Robin’s eyes flew to Cole, but if he had heard the comment he didn’t give any sign.

“His mother and father are certainly proud of him.”

“It’s such a delight to see these young people so happy. A family should spend time together.”

A family.
The three of them looked like a family.

Once more Robin turned to Cole, but once more he seemed not to hear the comments. Or if he had, he ignored them.

But Cole must have sensed her scrutiny because his gaze found hers just then. Their eyes lingered without a hint of the awkwardness Robin had felt so often before.

Jeff chatted constantly on the ride home with Robin. Since she and Cole had both brought their cars, they drove home separately. They exchanged good-nights in the driveway and entered their own houses.

Jeff had some homework to finish and Robin ran a load of clothes through the washing machine. An hour later, after a little television and quick baths, they were both ready for bed. Robin tucked the blankets around Jeff’s shoulders, although he protested that he was much too old for her to do that. But he didn’t complain too loudly or too long.

“Night, Jeff.”

“Night, Mom. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

“Don’t go all sentimental on me, okay?” she teased as she turned off his light. He seemed to fall asleep the instant she left the room. She went downstairs to secure the house for the night, then headed up to her own bedroom. Once upstairs, she paused in her son’s doorway and smiled gently. They’d both had quite a day.

At about ten o’clock, she was sitting up in bed reading
a mystery when the phone rang. She answered quickly, always anxious about late calls. “Hello.”

“You’re still awake.” It was Cole, and his voice affected her like a surge of electricity.

“I … was reading,” she said.

“It suddenly occurred to me that we never had the chance to finish our conversation the other night.”

“What conversation?” Robin asked.

“The one at the front door … that Jeff interrupted. Remind me to give that boy lessons in timing, by the way.”

“I don’t even remember what we were talking about.” She settled back against the pillows, savoring the sound of his voice, enjoying the small intimacy of lying in bed, listening to him. Her eyes drifted shut.

“As I recall, you’d just said something about how it isn’t any of your business who I lunch with or spend my weekends with. I assume you think I’m with a woman.”

Robin’s eyes shot open. “I can assure you, I don’t think anything of the sort.”

“I guess I should explain about the weekends.”

“No. I mean, Cole, it really isn’t my business. It doesn’t matter. Really.”

“I have some property north of here, about forty acres,” he said gently, despite her protests. “The land once belonged to my grandfather, and he willed it to me when he passed away a couple of years back. This house was part
of the estate, as well. My father was born and raised here. I’ve been spending a lot of my free time remodeling the old farmhouse. Sometime in the future I might move out there.”

“I see.” She didn’t want to think about Cole leaving the neighborhood, ever.

“The place still needs a lot of work, and I’ve enjoyed doing it on my own. It’s coming along well.”

She nodded and a second later realized he couldn’t see her action. “It sounds lovely.”

“Are there any other questions you’d like to ask me?” His voice was low and teasing.

“Of course not,” she denied immediately.

“Then would you be willing to admit you enjoy it when I kiss you? A high seven? Really? I think Jeff’s right—we need more practice.”

“Uh …” Robin didn’t know how to answer that.

“I’m willing,” he said, and she could almost hear him smile.

Robin lifted the hair from her forehead with one hand. “I can’t believe we’re having this discussion.”

“Would it help if I told you how much I enjoy kissing you?”

“Please … don’t,” she whispered. She didn’t want him to tell her that. Every time he kissed her, it confused her more. Despite the sheltered feeling she experienced in his arms, something deep and fundamental inside her was
afraid of loving again. No, terrified. She was terrified of falling in love with Cole. Terrified of what the future might hold.

“The first time shook me more than I care to admit,” he said. “Remember that Friday night we rented the movie?”

“I remember.”

“I tried to stay away from you afterward. For an entire week I avoided you.”

Robin didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Lying back against the pillows, she stared at the ceiling as a sense of warmth enveloped her. A feeling of comfort … of happiness.

There was a short silence, and in an effort to bring their discussion back to a less intimate—less risky—level, she said, “Thank you for dinner. Jeff had the time of his life.” She had, too, but she couldn’t find the courage to acknowledge it.

“You’re welcome.”

“Are you going away this weekend to work on the property?”

She had no right to ask him that, and was shocked at how easily the question emerged.

“I don’t think so.” After another brief pause, he murmured, “When’s the last time you went on a picnic and flew a kite?”

“I don’t recall.”

“Would you consider going with me on Saturday afternoon? You and Jeff. The three of us together.”

“Yes … Jeff would love it.”

“How about you? Would you love it?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

There didn’t seem to be anything more to say, and Robin ended the conversation. “I’ll tell Jeff in the morning. He’ll be thrilled. Thank you.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.”

“Yes. Tomorrow.”

“Good night, Robin.”

She smiled softly. He said her name the way she’d always dreamed a man would, softly, with a mixture of excitement and need. “Good night, Cole.”

For a long time after they’d hung up Robin lay staring at her bedroom walls. When she did flick off her light, she fell asleep as quickly as Jeff seemed to have. She woke about midnight, surprised to find the sheets all twisted as if she’d tossed and turned frantically. The bedspread had slipped onto the floor, and the top sheet was wound around her legs, trapping her.

Sitting up, she untangled her legs and brushed the curls from her face, wondering what had caused her restlessness. She didn’t usually wake abruptly like this.

She slid off the bed, found her slippers and went downstairs for a glass of milk.

It was while she was sitting at the table that it came to her. Her hand stilled. Her heartbeat accelerated. The
couple in the Chinese restaurant. Robin had overheard them and she was certain Cole had, too.

Their little boy. A family.

Cole had lost a son. From the little Robin had learned, Cole’s son had been about the same age Jeff was now when he’d died. First divorce, and then death.

Suddenly it all made sense. A painful kind of sense. A panicky kind of sense. The common ground between them wasn’t their backyards, but the fact that they were both victims.

Cole was trying to replace the family that had been so cruelly taken from him.

Robin was just as guilty. She’d been so caught up in the tide of emotion and attraction that she’d refused to recognize what was staring her in the face. She’d ignored her own suspicions and fears, shoving them aside.

She and Cole were both hurting, needy people.

But once the hurt was assuaged, once the need had been satisfied, Cole would discover what Robin had known from the beginning. They were completely different people with little, if anything, in common.

“W
hat do you mean you want to meet my cousin?” Angela demanded, glancing up from her desk, a shocked look on her face.

“You’ve been after me for weeks to go out with Fred.”

“Frank. Yes, I have, but that was B.C.”

“B.C.?”

“Before Cole. What happened with you two?”

“Nothing!”

“And pigs have wings,” Angela said with more than a trace of sarcasm. She stood up and walked around to the front of her desk, leaning against one corner while she folded her arms and stared unblinkingly at Robin.

Robin knew it would do little good to try to disguise her feelings. She’d had a restless night and was convinced
it showed. No doubt her eyes were glazed; they ached. Her bones ached. But mostly her heart ached. Arranging a date with Angela’s cousin was a sure indication of her distress.

“The last thing I heard, Cole was supposed to attend Jeff’s baseball game with you.”

“He did.” Robin walked to her own desk and reached for the cup of coffee she’d brought upstairs with her. Peeling off the plastic lid, she cautiously took a sip.

“And?”

“Jeff pitched and he played a fabulous game,” Robin said, hoping her friend wouldn’t question her further.

Angela continued to stare at Robin. Good grief, Robin thought, the woman had eyes that could cut through solid rock.

“What?” Robin snapped when she couldn’t stand her friend’s scrutiny any longer. She took another sip of her coffee and nearly scalded her lips. If the rest of her day followed the pattern set that morning, she might as well go home now. The temptation to climb back into bed and hide her head under the pillow was growing stronger every minute.

“Tell me what happened with Cole,” Angela said again.

“Nothing. I already told you he was at Jeff’s baseball game. What more do you want?”

“The least you can do is tell me what went on last night,” Angela said slowly, carefully enunciating each
word as though speaking to someone who was hard of hearing.

“Before or after Jeff’s game?” Robin pulled out her chair and sat down.

“Both.”

Robin gave up. Gesturing weakly with her hands, she shrugged, took a deep breath and poured out the whole story in one huge rush. “Cole was held up at the office in a meeting, so we didn’t meet at the house the way we’d planned. Naturally Jeff was disappointed, but we decided that whatever was keeping Cole wasn’t his fault, and we left for Balboa Park without him. Cole arrived at the bottom of the second inning, just as Jeff was ready to pitch. Jeff only allowed three hits the entire game, and scored two home runs himself. Afterward Cole took us all out for Chinese food at a fabulous restaurant I’ve never heard of but one you and I will have to try sometime. Our next raise, okay? Later Cole phoned and asked to take Jeff and me on a picnic Saturday. I think we’re going to Golden Gate Park because he also talked about flying kites.” She paused, dragged in a fresh gulp of air and gave Angela a look that said “make something out of that if you can!”

“I see,” Angela said after a lengthy pause.

“Good.”

Robin wasn’t up to explaining things, so if Angela really
didn’t
understand, that was just too bad. She only knew
that she was dangerously close to letting her emotions take charge of her life. She was becoming increasingly attracted to a man who could well be trying to replace the son he’d lost. Robin needed to find a way to keep from following her heart, which was moving at breakneck speed straight into Cole’s arms.

“Will you introduce me to Frank or not?” she asked a second time, strengthening her voice and her conviction.

Angela was still watching her with those diamond-cutting eyes. “I’m not sure yet.”

“You’re not sure!” Robin echoed, dismayed. “For weeks you’ve been spouting his virtues. According to you, this cousin is as close to a god as a human being can get. He works hard, buys municipal bonds, goes to church regularly and flosses his teeth.”

“I said all that?”

“Just about,” Robin muttered. “I made up the part about flossing his teeth. Yet when I ask to meet this paragon of limitless virtue, you say you’re not sure you want to introduce me. I would’ve thought you’d be pleased.”

“I am pleased,” Angela said, frowning, “but I’m also concerned.”

“It’s not your job to be concerned. All you have to do is call Fred and let him know I’m available Saturday evening for drinks or dinner or a movie or whatever. I’ll let him decide what he’s most comfortable with.”

“It’s Frank, and I thought you said you were going on a picnic with Cole on Saturday.”

Robin turned on her computer, prepared to check several columns of figures. If she looked busy and suitably nonchalant, it might prompt Angela to agree. “Jeff and I will be with Cole earlier in the day. I’ll simply make sure we’re back before late afternoon, so there’s no reason to worry.”

Robin’s forehead puckered. “I
am
worried. I can’t help being worried. Honestly, Robin, I’ve never seen you like this. You’re so … so determined.”

“I’ve always been determined,” Robin countered, glancing up from the computer.

“Oh, I agree one hundred percent,” Angela said with a heavy sigh, “but not when it comes to anything that has to do with men. My thirteen-year-old niece has more savvy with the opposite sex than you do!”

“Mom, look how high my kite is,” Jeff hollered as his box kite soared toward the heavens.

“It’s touching the sky!” Robin shouted, and laughed with her son as he tugged and twisted the string. Despite all her misgivings about her relationship with Cole, she was thoroughly enjoying the afternoon. At first, she’d been positive the day would turn into a disaster. She was sure Cole would take one look at her and know she was
going out with another man that evening. She was equally sure she’d blurt it out if he didn’t immediately guess.

Cole had been as excited as Jeff about the picnic and kite-flying expedition. The two of them had been fussing with the kites for hours—buying, building and now flying them. For her part, Robin was content to soak up the sunshine.

The weather couldn’t have been more cooperative. The sky was a brilliant blue and the wind was perfect. Sailboats scudding on the choppy green waters added dashes of bright color.

In contrast to all the beauty surrounding her, Robin’s heart was troubled. Watching Cole, so patient and gentle with her son, filled her with contradictory emotions. Part of her wanted to thank him. Thank him for the smile that lit up Jeff’s face. Thank him for throwing open the shades and easing her toward the light. And part of her wanted to shut her eyes and run for cover.

“Mom, look!” Jeff cried as the kite whipped and kicked in the wind. Blackie raced at his side as the sleek red-and-blue kite sliced through the sky, then dipped sharply and crashed toward the ground at heart-stopping speed, only to be caught at the last second and lifted higher and higher.

“I’m looking, I’m looking!” Robin shouted back. She’d never seen Jeff happier. Pride and joy shone from his face, and Robin was moved almost to tears.

Cole stood behind Jeff, watching the kite. One hand rested on the boy’s shoulder, the other shaded his eyes as he gazed up at the sky. They laughed, and once more Robin was struck by the mingling of their voices. One mature and measured, the other young and excited. Both happy.

A few minutes later, Cole jogged over to Robin’s blanket and sat down beside her. He did nothing more than smile at her, but she felt an actual jolt.

Cole stretched out and leaned back on his elbows, grinning at the sun. “I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much.”

“You two seem to be enjoying this,” Robin said.

If Cole noticed anything awry, he didn’t comment. She’d managed not to tell him about the date with Angela’s cousin; she certainly didn’t want him to think she was trying to make him jealous. That wasn’t the evening’s purpose at all. Actually she wasn’t sure
what
she hoped to accomplish by dating Fred … Frank. She mentally shouted the name five times. Why did she keep calling him Fred? She didn’t know that any more than she knew why she was going out with him. On the morning she’d talked Angela into making the arrangements for her, it had seemed a matter of life and death. Now she only felt confused and regretful.

“Jeff says you’ve got a date this evening.”

So much for her worry that she might blurt it out herself,
Robin thought. She glanced at Cole. He might’ve been referring to the weather for all the emotion revealed in his voice.

“A cousin of a good friend. She’s been after me for months to meet Frank—we’re having dinner.”

“Could this be the Frank you weren’t going out with and that was final?”

Robin stared at him blankly.

“You answered the phone with that when I called to inquire about Blackie. Remember?”

“Oh, yes …” Suddenly she felt an intense need to justify her actions. “It’s just that Angela’s been talking about him for so long and it seemed like the right thing to do. He’s apparently very nice and Angela’s been telling me he’s a lot of fun and I didn’t think it would hurt to meet him ….” Once she got started, Robin couldn’t seem to stop explaining.

“Robin,” Cole said, his eyes tender. “You don’t owe me any explanations.”

She instantly grew silent. He was right, she knew that, yet she couldn’t help feeling guilty. She was making a terrible mess of this.

“I’m not the jealous type,” Cole informed her matter-of-factly.

“I’m not trying to make you jealous,” she returned stiffly.

“Good,” Cole said and shrugged. His gaze moved from
her to Jeff, who was jogging across the grass. Blackie was beside him, barking excitedly.

He hadn’t asked, but she felt obliged to explain who’d be looking after her son while she was out. “Jeff’s going to the movies with Heather and Kelly Lawrence while I’m out.”

Cole didn’t say anything. All he did was smile. It was the same smile he’d flashed at her earlier. The same devastating, wickedly charming smile.

He seemed to be telling her she could dine with a thousand different men and it wouldn’t disturb him in the least. As he’d said, he wasn’t the jealous type. Great. This was exactly the way she’d wanted him to respond, wasn’t it? She could date a thousand different men, because Cole didn’t care about her. He cared about her son.

“Let me know when you want to leave,” he said with infuriating self-assurance. “I wouldn’t want you to be late.”

On that cue, Robin checked her watch and was surprised to note that it was well past four. They’d been having so much fun, the day had simply slipped away. When she looked up, she found Cole studying her expectantly. “It’s … I’m not meeting Frank until later,” she said, answering his unspoken question evasively while she gathered up the remains of their picnic.

An hour later, they decided to leave Golden Gate Park. Jeff and Cole loaded up the kites, as well as the picnic
cooler, in the back of Cole’s car. It took them another hour to get back to Glen Park because of the traffic, which made Robin’s schedule even tighter. But that was hardly Cole’s fault—it wasn’t as if he’d
arranged
for an accident on the freeway.

Cole and Jeff chatted easily for most of the ride home. When they finally arrived at the house, both Robin and Jeff helped Cole unload the car. Blackie’s barking only added to the confusion.

“I suppose I’d better get inside,” Robin said, her eyes briefly meeting Cole’s. She felt awkward all of a sudden, wishing Jeff was standing there as a barrier, instead of busily carrying things onto Cole’s porch.

“We had a great time,” she added self-consciously. She couldn’t really blame her nervousness on Cole; he’d been the perfect companion all day. “Thank you for the picnic.”

Jeff joined them, his eyes narrowing as he looked at Cole. “Are you gonna let her do it?”

“Do what?” Robin asked.

“Go out with that other man,” Jeff said righteously, inviting Cole to leap into the argument. “I can’t believe you’re letting her get away with this.”

“Jeff. This isn’t something we should be discussing with Mr. Camden.”

“All right,” he murmured with a sigh. “But I think you’re making a mistake.” He cast a speculative glance
in Cole’s direction. “Both of you,” he mumbled under his breath and headed for the house.

“Thanks for the wonderful afternoon, Cole,” Robin said again.

“No problem,” he responded, hands in his pockets, his stance relaxed. “Have a good time with Frank.”

“Thanks, I will,” she said, squinting at him suspiciously just before she turned toward the house. Darn it, she actually felt guilty! There wasn’t a single solitary reason she should feel guilty for agreeing to this dinner date with Angela’s cousin, yet she did. Cole must’ve known it, too, otherwise he wouldn’t have made that remark about having a good time. Oh, he knew all right.

As Robin was running the bath, Jeff raced up the stairs. “Mom, I need money for the movie.” He thrust her purse into her hands. “How much are you giving me for goodies?”

“Goodies?”

“You know, popcorn, pop, a couple of candy bars. I’m starving.”

“Jeff, you haven’t stopped eating all day. What about the two hot dogs I just fixed you?”

“I ate them, but that was fifteen minutes ago. I’m hungry again.”

Robin handed him fifteen dollars, prepared for an argument. That amount should be enough to pay his way
into the movie and supply him with popcorn and a soda. Anything beyond that he could do without.

Jeff took the money from her and slowly shook his head. “That’s it, kid,” she said in a firm voice.

“Did I complain?” Bright blue eyes gazed innocently back at her.

“You didn’t have to. I could see it in your face.”

Jeff was ready to leave a few minutes later, just as Robin was getting dressed. He stood outside her bedroom door and shouted that Kelly and her mom were there to pick him up.

“Have fun. I won’t be any later than ten-thirty,” she assured him.

“Can’t I wait for you over at Cole’s after the movie?”

“Absolutely not!” Robin’s heart skidded to a dead stop at the suggestion. The last person she wanted to face at the end of this evening was Cole Camden. “You didn’t ask him, did you?”