A Natural Father (11 page)

“I’ll get it,” Dom said from the doorway.

She sank back on the pillows as he handed over her bag. She hadn’t seen him since her family had arrived. He’d faded discreetly into the background when they bustled in and clustered around the bed, and the next time she’d looked up he’d been gone.

“Thanks. I thought you might have gone home by now,” she said. “No.”

He didn’t say anything else and for some reason she couldn’t hold his eye. Now that she knew her baby was safe, fear had receded and the memory of their kiss was like a third presence in the room.

Craziness, all of it. What had she been thinking? What had
he
been thinking?

Flustered, she indicated her bag.

“I wanted to check to see if Marcus had called. It occurred to me he might have tried my cell phone.”

“Right.”

Dom’s face and voice were neutral, but she found herself feeling defensive on Marcus’s behalf.

“He’s probably out doing something and has left his cell at home,” she said.

She checked her phone quickly, but there were no messages.

“He mustn’t have got the message yet,” she said.

“Can I get you anything?” Dom asked.

“No, thank you. I’m going to try to sleep, I think.”

“Good. You look tired,” he said.

“I feel tired.”

He stepped closer to the bed and leaned toward her. She held her breath as his lips brushed her cheek.

“Sleep well. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You don’t need to bother,” she said. “Rosie and Andrew will take me home in the morning once I’ve been cleared for discharge, and then I’ll probably rest.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he repeated.

She stared at the empty doorway for a long moment after he’d gone, his words from earlier in the evening echoing in her mind.

I’ve always been attracted to you.

She had no idea what to think or feel about his declaration. She certainly didn’t know what to think or feel about his kiss—apart from the fact that it had been the hottest damn thing she’d experienced in a long time.

Craziness.

She reached for the switch beside her bed and turned off the overhead light. Then she rolled onto her side, one arm cradling her belly.

Lying in the dark, the depth and breadth of what had almost happened tonight hit her. She shuddered as she relived the horrible moment when she’d lifted her hand from between her legs and seen blood. She was so lucky. For the long, tense minutes of the ambulance ride and the first hurried moments in the emergency department she’d been so sure she was losing her baby. But her daughter was still alive inside her. It felt like a miracle.

Not that a previa diagnosis was to be taken lightly. She was going to have to be very careful from now on. But her baby was alive.

She closed her eyes as she smoothed circles on her belly and whispered quietly to her little girl.

“You gave Mommy a scare, didn’t you, little one? Let’s never do that again, okay?”

She was so tired. She wanted to sleep very badly, but her body remained tense. It wasn’t until she heard the distant ring of a phone at the nurses’ station and realized she was straining her ears, waiting for the footfall of a nurse coming to tell her she had a call that she understood what she was doing: waiting for Marcus to call.

There were a million explanations for why he hadn’t shown up at the hospital or at the very least called to check on her and the baby. He could have gone away for the weekend and forgotten his phone. He might have forgotten to charge it. Or he might be at the movies or someplace else where he couldn’t have his phone on.

She closed her eyes again. Her baby needed her to sleep. She could worry about Marcus in the morning.

“I’m fine. I have to be careful, but the baby is well and so am I,” she said.

Her sister collected Lucy’s things and stepped out into the corridor to give her privacy.

“That’s a relief. I wasn’t sure if I should call the hospital first, but then I figured if you answered your cell things couldn’t be too bad,” he said.

“I was very lucky. My placenta is low in my womb, but the doctor told me that there’s every chance it will shift as the baby gets bigger.”

“Well, good to know it was just a false alarm,” Marcus said.

He sounded distracted. She could hear noise in the background, as though he had the television on.

“It was more a warning than a false alarm,” she said, frowning. “I’m going to have to be very careful the next few weeks.”

“Right.”

Her hand tightened on the phone.

“I’ll be home this afternoon if you wanted to hear more about what the doctor said,” she prompted when he didn’t ask any more questions.

“I know the important stuff already. You’re going to be okay.”

“And the baby,” she said.

“Right.”

Rosie returned to the doorway. Lucy glanced up and met her sister’s watchful, sympathetic eyes. She dropped her gaze to her feet.

“I found out the baby’s sex,” she said.

Marcus was silent for a moment before exhaling loudly.

“Listen, Luce, all that stuff is great, but I don’t know if it’s the sort of thing I need to know.”

“Sorry?”

“This is your baby, not mine. I don’t want to get too attached. I’ve got my own life now. I don’t think it’s helpful for either of us to get things too confused.”

“You don’t even want to know if I’m having a boy or a girl?”

He sighed heavily again. “Sure. Why not, if you want to tell me.”

Lucy hunched forward as though she could somehow protect her baby from his disinterest.

“On second thought, I’ve changed my mind,” she said in a rush. Then she ended the call and let the phone drop to the bed.

Rosie sat beside her.

“He doesn’t want to know anything about the baby,” Lucy reported.

“No.”

Her sister didn’t sound surprised.

“I know he’s been absorbed with Belinda the Nimble, but I figured that something like this…”

“He’s a selfish little boy, Lucy. Always has been, always will be.”

Lucy stared at her sister.

“I’m so stupid.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am. I expected him to rush to the hospital. I expected him to care.”

“That doesn’t make you stupid.”

Lucy stared down at her hands. “I want to go home now.”

“Okay.”

She stared out the window all the way from the city to Northcote.

She felt as though the rug had been jerked from beneath her feet. Which was irrational, because Marcus had been gone for months. He was in love with another woman; he’d abandoned her utterly. Yet somehow, despite all of that, she’d still expected him to be there for her and the baby if she needed him. She’d still expected him to care. To want to know. To participate. To want to be a father, even if he didn’t want to be her partner anymore. The baby she was carrying was half his—surely that was an ironclad guarantee that he was as invested as she was?

Apparently not. Apparently he had no interest in his daughter at all.

She stared blindly at the cars and trees and houses flashing past.

It’s just me. Rosie and Andrew and Ma are there, but when it all boils down to it, it’s just me and no one else.

For a moment, fear gripped her. Could she really be everything to her baby, both mother and father? Was she up to it? Strong enough? Brave enough?

She took a deep breath. She thought about the tiny person she’d seen on the ultrasound last night. She straightened as resolve hardened inside her.

She could handle this alone. She
would
handle this alone. And from this moment on, she wouldn’t allow herself the indulgence, the luxury of ever imagining that she didn’t have to. No more secret, hidden beliefs that Marcus would come through for her. No more thinking of Dominic Bianco and letting herself wonder what if.

It was tempting to buy in to the fantasy that Dom represented—a new romance with a hot, desirable man who just happened to have no problems whatsoever with the fact that she was about to give birth to another man’s child. A man apparently willing to share the load, wake to feed the baby, change diapers, cook dinner, rub her aching back. In short, a man who would slot ready-made into her life and fill the roles of husband, partner, father and lover all in one.

But she would have to be very foolish and very reckless to believe in that fantasy. And she was neither of those things—she couldn’t afford to be.

She was almost glad Marcus had been so blunt, so direct in his rejection of her and her child. She’d needed the wake-up call. The time for dreams and fantasies was over.

“Are your feet up?” he asked as he took the call.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Are you lying down?” he repeated.

He wondered if she was frowning or smiling at his interference. Maybe a bit of both.

“I’m sitting on the couch.”

“Okay, then I can tell you the deliveries are all done for the day and I’m about to head back to the market.”

“Already? You were fast.” She sounded surprised.

“I thought you were usually done by midday.”

“I am. But you’re the new guy. You’re supposed to be slower.”

Definitely she was smiling. He leaned against the side of the van. Even over a cell phone call, her voice had the slight husk in it that always grabbed at the pit of his stomach.

“I want you to know, I really appreciate this, Dom,” she said. “I know this wasn’t part of our deal and that I was supposed to be the one who was hands-on with the business, at least until we got the Web site up and running and a second van on the road.”

“You’re right, it wasn’t part of our deal. So I guess you owe me.”

There was a small silence, then she laughed.

“Okay. Sure. When this is over, I owe you two weeks of hard labor. Fair deal,” she said.

The sun came out from behind a cloud, and he lifted his face to the warmth.

“Do I get to choose the labor?” he asked.

For a moment the only thing coming from the other end of the line was silence. When she spoke again her tone was brisk.

“I don’t think so. But you can trust me to ante up,” she said.

He straightened and opened the door to the van.

“I’ve been thinking, since you’re off the road for the next couple of weeks, this is a perfect time to kick-start the Web site development,” he said.

“That was what I was going to suggest, too.” She sounded surprised.

“Great minds think alike.”

“I guess so. I’ve been going over my plans, but I wanted to talk to you before I brief the development company.”

“Why don’t I drop in after work tonight and take a look at them?”

“Okay.” There was a short pause. “Do you want to stay for dinner? Ma has made me about fifty casseroles. I can barely get a slice of cheese into the fridge.”

He hadn’t expected to see her until the end of the week. Tonight was much better.

“Sounds good,” he said. “I’ll see you later.”

He was smiling as he ended the call. Then he remembered the little hiccup in their conversation.

Neither of them had mentioned the kiss. Other things had kind of gotten in the way. But he hadn’t forgotten. And neither had she, clearly. He stared out the windshield.

She hadn’t liked it when he got personal. And he’d promised her that he wouldn’t pressure her.

But she’d kissed him on Saturday night. She’d opened her mouth to him and pressed herself against him and held on to his arms as though she wanted to be as close to him as much as he wanted to be close to her. He hadn’t imagined that moment.

He started the van. He was seeing her tonight. That would have to be enough for now.