A New Beginning (22 page)

It was on a Sunday midway through the fall of that year when Christopher shared another very personal message from his heart. This one had more to do with me.

“Ever since Corrie and my decision to remain here in Miracle Springs,” he began, “I have been struggling within my own heart to understand the events leading up to that decision. I have said nothing publicly about it, and actually, Corrie and I have not spoken about it a great deal either.

“To be perfectly honest, I have been embarrassed about this and have felt the need to understand it myself before being able to talk to anyone else about it. At last I have come to feel some perspective dawning which I would like to share this morning with you—and with my dear wife too,” he added, looking at me with a smile. “I have stressed the necessity of obedience so frequently that I hope this will be helpful to you in those circumstances in which you are uncertain about what exactly obedience might mean.”

He paused to collect his thoughts, took in a couple of breaths, then continued.

“Oftentimes for the Christian man or woman, the Lord's leading in a certain direction is very quiet and subtle at first,” he said. “You begin simply to
sense
something stirring deep in the hidden regions of your mind or heart. Have any of you had that experience?”

He paused, and a few heads nodded.

“You might not even know what it is at first,” Christopher went on. “It
may
be the beginning of the Lord's leading, or it may
not
be. But it has been my experience that if it
is
the Lord's voice, that sense will gradually grow stronger over the next weeks and months. If it is not, then gradually it will go away.

“Now when that sense I speak of does begin to grow stronger, two more things begin to happen. They move you closer to the point of one day being able to say you are confident that you
are
hearing God's voice and that you are thus ready to
do
what he is telling you.

“The first of these factors is—
specificity
. The gradual sense you felt initially in an undefined way becomes more and more specific. Instead of just having a vague feeling, you find your thoughts beginning to focus on something specific to
do
.

“The second factor has to do with
circumstances
. Events and situations begin to line up in your life in such a way as to make the doing of that specific thing possible.

“All right, are you with me so far?” he asked, glancing around the church. “First comes a feeling of some direction, followed by specificity and circumstances which ultimately will make obedience possible.” He continued to wait a moment more.

“Now let me tell you how this worked for me last year,” he went on. “At first I began to feel a vague sense that perhaps my days of ministry were not over after all, as I had previously thought. As I continued to pray, this sense grew stronger. I eventually began to feel what I thought was the Lord saying that a time was coming when I would serve him in a new place in a new way. You see, the sense that I first felt grew gradually stronger and more specific.”

Christopher stopped and smiled.

“It was all going according to the proper order up to this point. But then . . . I made a mistake,” he said. “I put the cart before the horse, so to speak.
Circumstances
hadn't yet developed in my life to focus that leading into some
specific
direction and toward some
definite
course of action the Lord wanted me to follow.

“So what did I do? I'm embarrassed to say it, but I now realize that I went out on my own,
without
the Lord's leading, and tried to manufacture my
own
set of circumstances into which I then tried to fit the partial leading that had come to me at the time.

“Time, patience, and
waiting
upon the Lord—these are all critical elements in discerning and obeying the Lord's voice. Sometimes the specificity and the circumstances take a long while to develop. If we're not careful, having received a preliminary sense in a given direction, we can go charging off prematurely on our own without waiting for the rest of God's leading. In so doing we leave the Lord and his guidance behind.

“This is exactly what I did. What I thought I heard from the Lord was indeed accurate—he
was
preparing to use me in a new place in a new way. I think I was hearing his voice in a true direction. But I did not wait. I began to infuse into that leading my
own
interpretation of what I concluded God must be planning to do.

“I did not wait for circumstances to confirm God's direction, I acted impatiently and created my own circumstances. And as you all know—Corrie best of all—I began making plans for us to return to the East, because that was how I assumed he intended to carry out the leading I had felt.

“Of course, we all realize now that I was wrong. Circumstances did eventually come, in this case sad circumstances for us all, which prevented my continuing on my mistake and brought me back to the specific course of action the Lord intended all along—which was to remain right here among you in Miracle Springs.”

Christopher paused again and glanced at me with an earnest and loving expression.

“I would therefore,” he went on, “like to take this opportunity to apologize to all of you, and especially to you, Corrie, for my impatience at the time, and for putting you through that period of uncertainty. I was wrong. I had stepped out from under the Lord's guiding hand, and I am truly and humbly sorry.”

I smiled back at Christopher and nodded slightly. If I had any need to forgive him, I had done so long before.

“You see, friends,” Christopher now went on, “it is possible to hear the Lord
correctly
, but in our impatience to obey
wrongly
. Several months ago I spoke to you about the need to obey promptly when the way before you is clear. If you have wronged someone, for example, to delay restitution is to disobey. Obedience in such a case must be swift and immediate.

“But in other situations, such as this which I faced where the specificity of the obedience was
not
yet clear, waiting is a vital and necessary component of the obedience. I was doing my best to walk in the light I had at the time. But I did not yet have the full light of God's direction, so to act was premature.

“The revelation was a growing one, and I needed to give it time to develop within me until the path the Lord was laying out was clear. This is not to say that there are not times when you must step out in obedience in the face of uncertainties. Yet often we must wait patiently for more light.

“Earlier this year I did the one when I should have been doing the other. I did a thing that is sometimes a right and proper thing to do. I believe my motives were honest. But in my impatience, I stepped out too hastily ahead of the leading. I got God's message mixed up.

“Now, did I
sin
in what I did?

“Perhaps not, I don't know. I did not so much do
wrong
as make an honest mistake. I mistook the specifics of God's initial leading. I should have listened more attentively to the reservations Corrie was voicing at the time. You see, that was a circumstance too—the fact that Corrie felt uncomfortable about the proposed move. But by then I had already convinced myself that we were to go another direction. My failure to listen to her caused tension between us . . . yet another circumstance I should have heeded, for when the Lord is truly leading, tension ought not to be present.

“As I now look back, I can see all sorts of warning signals indicating that I was mistaken. Yet somehow I was blind to them at the time.”

Christopher stopped and took a deep breath.

“Now, there are two important questions this brings up,” he went on. “One, how do you tell the difference between these two kinds of leading from God—when you should obey instantly and when you must wait for further clarification of specifics and circumstances? And two, what do you do if and when you realize you
have
made a mistake?

“Let me address the second question first.

“When you've made a mistake, the most important thing is to summon the courage to go back and undo it. As difficult as it might be, apologize where you need to, then start out fresh by trying to hear God's voice accurately. You may have to undo a decision you've already made, as we did. Our tickets were already bought and paid for!” he laughed.

“It may mean that you will have to be willing to look foolish. Imagine the embarrassment, for example, of being at the wedding altar and suddenly realizing the whole thing is a mistake! Yet better to admit it, egg on your face and all, than to base a marriage on something other than God's leading.

“I can tell you I have felt something like that many times this year. Here I am your pastor, and yet my very being here in this pulpit began with a huge blunder on my part. I cannot recall it now without a certain lingering sense of humiliation.

“But that is part of our human weakness. We
do
make mistakes. I will make many more as your pastor, and I hope you will continue to be forgiving and patient with me. I am struggling to understand how to live my Christian faith just as are all of you. Yet looking foolish is still better than going ahead with a mistaken decision.

“For imagine what the consequences might have been had I been too stubborn and proud to admit my mistake. Corrie and I would now be in the East, lonely and probably miserable. I would probably not be pastoring, or if I had managed to find a church my ministry would be ineffective because I would not be where the Lord had planned for me to be. My ministry would be based not upon the Lord's leading, but upon my impatience. And you here in Miracle Springs would not have the pastor God intended for you.

“This is not to say that God cannot redeem situations and turn them to good in spite of our mistakes. He certainly can and does. But my point is that we can perpetuate a great deal of mischief and heartache in our own lives and in the lives of others when we are not willing to retrace our steps and humbly listen for
his
voice instead of our own.”

Christopher paused. “Imagine yourself walking through a stretch of forest in the hills east of here, trying to get back home,” he said. “If the path you are on is an unfamiliar one, and suddenly you realize you have taken a wrong turn, what is the quickest way back here to Miracle Springs? Clearly it is to turn around and go back to wherever you made a wrong turn. To keep going on the wrong path will only take you further and further from where you are trying to get.

“Do you see what I mean? Sometimes to keep moving forward is the worst thing to do. Progress in such a case lies only in turning around to get back on the right path that leads back down out of the mountains to where you are trying to get. Such is, I believe, the importance of being able to admit our mistakes.”

Christopher paused, took out his watch, and glanced down at it.

“Ten to twelve,” he said, smiling. “Give me another five minutes, and we will be done.”

“Take as long as you want, son!” Pa called out from the front row.

“I appreciate your support, Drum,” rejoined Christopher. “But everyone may not agree with you.”

“Then they can lodge their complaints with me!”

“I think five minutes will do it,” laughed Christopher. “All right,” he went on, “now to the other question I asked—how do you know the difference between situations where you must obey quickly and those where you must wait?”

He paused for his question to sink in.

“Actually,” he said after a moment, “I think it is rather a simple distinction. I doubt it will even take the full five minutes! Where doing good toward some other individual is involved, then I say obey without delay. Has the Lord put before you the opportunity to show some kindness, to speak a gracious word, to forgive, to serve? Then do it now.

“There is no use waiting and pondering in prayer,
O Lord, wouldst thou have me exercise kindness and do a good deed
toward this soul you have placed before me, or wouldst thou have me wait and keep my kindnesses to myself
, and pray for thy guidance?
”

I could hear some laughing as Christopher said it!

“Such is a Pharisee's prayer,” he went on. “Is there a kindness to do? Do it! Is there forgiveness to be asked? Ask it! Is the way from Scripture clear? Then obey the Lord's words immediately and daily.

“But, on the other hand, do you face a decision that involves not a clear good toward your neighbor, but rather a direction in your own life? Then I say this may be occasion for waiting.
Either
direction may bring good, yet you do not know which of two courses the Lord would have you pursue. Then it is time to wait patiently for specific circumstances to unfold.

“It may be a choice between two equally good options. Then wait for the Lord, continue to pray, and do not force events, as I did, with circumstances of your own devising.

“You see, friends, the Christian walk of faith, while the simplest of lives, is also one of the most complex. If we were given a mere set of rules, as is the case with many of the world's religions, such uncertainties as we have been speaking about this morning would not exist. But our Father has made us his sons and daughters, not his slaves, and as such he instructs us to walk by faith, not by sight. Therein sometimes lies the difficulty of being a Christian, but at the same time, the wonderful and glorious challenge. Shall we pray together?

“Our dear Father
,”
Christopher prayed,
“we are so thankful for the life
of faith you have given us as your sons and daughters. We thank you that you lead and guide and
speak to us. And we thank you that you allow
us a part in listening and interpreting and learning to perceive your voice. As weak as we are, you yet
trust us to hear you and obey you. Increase our
capacity, Lord, to hear you rightly and to obey your voice truly. Help us to obey with hasty and unhesitant
love toward our neighbors, and help us to obey with patient waiting when you speak new directions into our personal
lives. We thank you, Father, that your ways toward us
are always good, always loving, and that in all things we may trust you. Amen.”