A Night to Forget (3 page)

“Fuck, Emma. What do I need to do to make it feel right for you? When will you ever be ready? College is almost over. It’s our senior year. I can’t believe I have a girlfriend and I haven’t gotten laid in over a year!” he said with exasperation.

“It just doesn’t feel right yet,” I repeated.

“Emma, I’ve tried really hard to be patient with you, but do you know what my frat bros think about me? Do you know what they say behind my back—no actually, what they say to my face?” Mike’s face was filled with frustration.

“Why are you talking to them about our sex life?” I interrupted him.

“What sex life?” he retorted, “We are guys, Emma. We talk about sex, girls, sports, and more sex. We talk and think about sex
all
the time. And for most of us, we are having sex
all
the time,” he said in disgust. “Except for me, that is. Do you know that I’m the laughing stock at the house? Before I met you, I got so much ass, the guys respected me. But then I met you. I thought you were special and unlike the other blondes around L.A., so I was willing to wait a little longer. But, it’s been over a year now, Emma. Are you ever going to sleep with me?” Mike’s voice was a mixture of anger and resentment.

“I—I don’t know,” I said, surprised by my admission. A look of hurt broke through Mike’s angry face. He had not been expecting that response.

“What? Why? Why the hell not?” he demanded.

“Honestly? Well … I’m not sure.” I paused, trying to figure out what to say next. “For some reason, it just doesn’t feel right, at least not right now. And I don’t know if it’s timing … or if it’s us.” Tears rolled down my face as I looked up at him when I spoke.
Why did it take this long for me to admit this to myself?
I thought.

“Is there someone else?” he asked accusingly.

“No, there’s never been anyone else,” I said defensively.
He doesn’t have to know about the dreams. Plus, it’s not like I have any control over those thoughts.

“Shit, I don’t know what to believe anymore with you. You tell me you love me, but you don’t even know if you’ll ever want to have sex with me.” He sighed in frustration and violently rubbed his face with his hands. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?” A feeling of dread flooded through me.

“This, Emma,” he said as he motioned his hands back and forth between us. “Whatever this is between us? This sex-less relationship. This
friendship
,” he said with disdain in his voice.

“Mike, it just doesn’t feel right yet,” I whispered.

“I know what happened to you during freshman year traumatized you, but it’s been three years, Emma, and I’ve been very patient up until now.”

He backed away from me and walked towards the front door. He paused and looked back at me when his hand grabbed the door knob. A long, awkward silence filled the air as he waited for me to respond.

I remained silent, unsure of what I could say to make this situation better.

Then the expression on his face changed from frustration to anger. “It’s my last fucking year of college, and I’m going to have sex. If not with you, then with one of the many ready and willing girls who would love to fuck me.” He opened the front door before looking back at me, “Last chance, Emma.” A spark of hope broke through in his angry voice.

I looked at him in shock and indignation. “I’m sorry, Mike. I can’t … I just can’t, especially not with someone I apparently don’t even know.”

“Fine. Goodbye, Emma. Have a great fucking life.” Mike slammed the door behind him, and with that, he was gone.

I stood there in shock, unable to move or understand what exactly just happened.

Mike’s words echoed in my head. Why was I holding out on him? I mean, I knew that I was ready for sex—in fact, I had been for quite some time. I’ve even been having sex dreams lately. So why hadn’t it felt right with Mike?

He was right to be upset with me. Aside from some minor things, he had been a good boyfriend. So after a year of dating, I should want to sleep with him, even if I had been traumatized three years ago. That had nothing to do with Mike, and I shouldn’t hold out on him for something he hadn’t done. I shuddered as the memory of that night crept into my consciousness, and I immediately pushed it out of my thoughts.

No, it must be more than that. Maybe it was because I never felt that electric spark with Mike. I did love him and cared for him, but I never thought that he was the
one
. He was someone I felt comfortable with, someone who never pressured me into sex—well, that was, until tonight. But I had never looked at him and thought,
God, I want him here and now
. Wasn’t that something I should feel about someone I was going to give up my virginity to? Was I asking for too much?

“Emma?”

I jumped in surprised when Jill lightly touched my arms. “What just happened? I heard the yelling,” she said with concern in her eyes.

“I don’t know. I think Mike and I just broke up,” I whispered, my voice slightly shaky and uncertain.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, hun. Are you okay?” she hugged me as my body was limp and unresponsive, still reeling from shock of the breakup and my thoughts.

“I think I am, surprisingly,” I said slowly as my mind came out of the fog. “He wanted to have sex, and I didn’t.”

“And he should respect that. He always has. What’s changed?” Jill said in a protective tone.

“Well, it has been over a year since we’ve been together. And Jill, I do want to have sex. But I want my first time to be with someone special, and I just realized tonight that I’ve never wanted it to be with him.” As I said these words aloud, and mixed feelings of loss and freedom flooded through me.

“I can’t believe I never realized that before,” I continued.

“Yeah, well … I think I always thought that,” Jill said sheepishly.

“Really?” I looked at her in surprise. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, you guys did seem to love each other, but I never saw passion between the two of you—well, at least not from you. It was always playful, but I’ve never seen you look at him in that way.”

“In what way?” I asked, not quite sure what she was implying.

“You know, the look someone gets when they’re completely in love with someone in every way and they can’t keep their hands off that person. You didn’t have that with Mike.”

She was right
, I realized. I always found Mike to be handsome and charming, but I had never found myself having sexual thoughts of him. At that moment, a few flashbacks of my sex dreams of the mystery dream man came into my thoughts.
Mmm, yeah, definitely no sexual thoughts like those.

“Well Cancun cannot have arrived at a more perfect time,” Jill said with excitement. She was always the one to find the positive side to things. “Now that you’re single, it’ll be so much more fun! Four single girls on spring break in Cancun!” She giggled in excitement.

I laughed at her, and realized how infectious her positive energy had always been on me. “You’re right. Cancun will be fun, and we’re going to have an unforgettable time,” I said, making an effort to join in the excitement.

“And who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone there who you do have a passionate spark with,” she teased.

“Oh come on, Jill. I’m a virgin and that’s just not like me,” I said, laughing at her suggestion.

“Hey, anything can happen. As they say, ‘whatever happens in Cancun, stays in Cancun!’” she said with a devious wink and giggle.

Chap
ter 3

I laid lazily on my back with my eyes closed, enjoying the relaxing day that Jill had blocked out for us in her busy itinerary. This was our fourth day in Cancun, and up until now, our days have been packed with events. I laughed at the memory of seeing Jill’s color-coded itinerary, charts, and maps for the first time when we landed in Cancun. The itinerary was more than a little ambitious, but Jill was determined to make this week a memorable one.

I thought back to the last three incredible days we’ve had. We had arrived in Cancun Sunday morning full of giggles and excitement. Since then, we’d explored the strip, ate more than our fair share of delicious fish tacos, and spent hours at Mercado 28, the amazing open market that sold a hodgepodge of local handcrafts, souvenirs, clothes, and food. We had also went on an all-day catamaran snorkeling tour, where we sunbathed on the deck and snorkeled in the turquoise-blue waters that housed fish of various colors. I was pretty sure I saw Nemo and Dory, but the girls didn’t believe me. We had also spent a day visiting Chichen Itza, the large pre-Columbian city built by the Mayans.
And of course, at night, we drank more tequila than we’d ever drank in our lives and danced the nights away at a different club each night.

Today—thank God—was our “day off” according to Jill’s itinerary, and the plan was to spend the entire day on the beach.

“Hey Emma, Jill and I are going to walk down to that beach party over there,” Steph said as she got up from her spot on the sand.

I opened my eyes slightly, squinting at the light as I looked up at her. I then looked over to the direction of the beach
Steph was pointing towards. There was a large beach party about two beach resorts over. Even from several hundred yards away, I could see the sea of people and hear the faint sounds of a Bruno Mars song playing.

“
Wanna come with us?” Steph continued, as she brushed her fingers through her wavy, blonde hair.

“Maybe a little later. I’ll find you guys,” I said. I felt too comfortable at the moment to move.

“I’ll stay here with Emma,” Gloria said. She was laying on her stomach and flipping through
Cosmopolitan
.

“Thanks,
Glo.”

“Okay, don’t wait too long, or we’ll claim all the hot guys for ourselves,”
Steph teased.

“See you guys in a few. And I’ll try to control
Steph and save you guys a few hotties,” Jill yelled back, as she and Steph walked towards the party.

I laughed after them.
Steph was 5’9”, blonde, and had big boobs and a size 2 waist. While she had no trouble drawing guys in, she also intimidated most of them. She was incredibly smart and aggressive, and for as long as I’ve known her, she had never lost an argument with someone else, over anything. I had no doubt that she was going to make a great future lawyer.

Right after
Steph and Jill left, a hot, tanned shirtless waiter came by to take our drink order.

“I’ll have another strawberry daiquiri,” I said as I handed him my empty glass.

“Can I get a pina colada?” Gloria asked. I made a mental note to myself to get that next.

As the waiter headed back towards the bar area, Gloria and I could not resist catching a glimpse of his broad muscular tanned back and his shorts that hugged tightly around his butt.

Gloria and I glanced at each other, and she said, “Cute ass.” We broke out in a fit of laughter.

“Anything good in
Cosmo
?” I asked as I motioned at the magazine opened in front of her.

“Just the usual. The featured section this month is ‘Hot Relationships with the Older Man,’” she said with interest. My eyes were probably playing tricks on me, but I thought I saw a flush in her cheeks.

“Oh interesting. I’ve always wanted to date an older man,” I said with a giggle.

“You have?” Gloria asked with interest in her voice.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind if the guy was a few years older. Older men are much more mature than the guys our age. What about you?” I asked. Something about Gloria’s behavior peaked my curiosity.

“I think older men are hot, so I probably would,” she said. She giggled as her cheeks became rosier.

“Have you—”

“What’s the oldest you’d date?” she continued, interrupting me.

“Hmm, I’m not sure. I’ve never really thought about it. Maybe 10 years older?” I ventured. “Do you have an age limit?” I asked.

“Not really,” she said without hesitation, “I used to think so, but I’ve met some older men that are really hot and realized that I can’t really set a limit.” she said.

“Gloria, are you seeing an older guy?” I asked cautiously.

“No—no, I meant, you know, older guys like Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp. They’re both about to turn 50, but they’re so hot.” Gloria said in a rush.

“Yeah, they are,” I agreed. I decided not to push the subject. “So are you excited about Paris? I can’t believe you’re leaving right after we graduate,” I said, changing the subject.

“Yeah, I’ll really miss you guys,” Gloria said.

“I’ll definitely visit,” I said with a wink. “Any excuse to go to Paris.”

Gloria laughed, but said nothing. There was an awkward silence as I waited for her to respond.

Just then, the waiter came with our drinks. I took a deep sip from my strawberry daiquiri. The icy sweet drink was perfect and the tinge of worry that began to rise from our conversation was melting away the more I drank.

I looked over at her, and she had already downed half of her
pina colada. She then got up from her towel and said, “I’m going to go take a dip in the ocean and then tan my front side.” And before I could respond, she was gone.