A Perfect Life: A Novel (26 page)

“What about you and my mom?” she asked him bluntly.

“That’s kind of on hold for now,” he said vaguely, in an apologetic tone.

“You mean it’s over?” Salima looked sorely disappointed and even more so that he was leaving and on such short notice.

“I don’t know. It’s complicated. I have to work some things out, and your mom probably won’t want to wait while I do. It’ll take some time.”

“I think she loves you, Simon,” Salima said softly. She could hear how sad he was, and her mother’s cheeks had been wet when Salima hugged her after she explained that Simon was going.

“I love her too. And I loved my three months with you. I’ll send you text messages every day.” She could write hers by phone, and receive his by voice.

“Will you come to visit?” May seemed an eternity away to her, when he finished the school year.

“If it’s okay with your mother,” he said respectfully. “We’re going to miss you at Caldwell. It won’t be the same without you.” But Salima was happy to be staying in New York. She had a wonderful new life there, thanks to Simon. And she didn’t want to go back to the cottage there when Abby died. But she was worried about his replacement.

“What if Becky is a drip and we don’t get along? I had so much fun with you.”

“So did I.” He smiled. “Your mom can find someone else if she has to, from one of the schools here. But I think Becky will be fine. Give her a chance. You weren’t all that happy about me in the beginning either.” They both smiled at the memory of Salima’s early defiance.

Becky arrived while all three of them were in the kitchen, carrying
one small suitcase, and she looked daunted by the group. She said hello to Simon, he introduced her to Salima and they shook hands, and then he introduced her to Blaise, who looked somber as she looked her over. She was too upset to give her a warm welcome, and Salima was no better. Becky looked worried when Simon showed her to her room next to his.

“Did someone die, or is that because you’re leaving? They look really sad,” Becky commented as she set down her suitcase, and looked around the tiny room, and then back at Simon. “I guess they don’t want you to go.”

“I’m sad too. They’re really nice people. Just give them some time. They’ll warm up. This is a big change for them. It was an adjustment for them to have Salima at home, and when Abby died. Now they’re used to me, so you just have to keep her busy, and establish a relationship with her yourself.”

“I’ll try,” Becky said shyly. Her personality was more like Abby’s than his.

“Don’t baby her,” he warned her. “She likes to get out. And she still won’t use a cane, or a dog. You can work on that with her.” Becky nodded. She had long blond hair she wore in a braid down her back, and big, frightened eyes.

“What’s Miss McCarthy like? Is she scary?” Becky had thought so when she walked in, but Simon knew she was just sad.

“Not if you do your job well. That’s all she wants. And she travels a lot, so you have to be fully responsible while she’s away, and all the time.” He took her out to the kitchen then and showed her where things were. He walked her around the apartment, pointing
out the piano where Salima had her lessons, indicated Blaise’s suite, and then walked down the hall to Salima’s room. Becky already seemed lost. It was all more than a little frightening to her. She was a simple girl who had grown up on a farm in New Hampshire, and got into working with blind children when her mother went blind. Most of the staff had some kind of personal tie to their work.

Salima was listening to music in her room and looked up when they walked in. She had recognized Simon’s step, and she had heard Becky’s, so she knew he wasn’t alone. Salima looked sad, and her mother’s door had been closed when they walked by it. Simon’s heart felt like a rock in his chest.

They went back to the kitchen, and he told Becky all the things Salima liked to do, and about her insulin pump, her aspirations for Juilliard, and how talented she was. He sounded proud of her when he said it. And for a minute, Becky felt like he was a member of the family, not an employee. He was fiercely protective of both Salima and Blaise and raved about them both.

Blaise asked him to come to her office at the end of the afternoon. She had been there all day, and she was tired and pale when he walked in. But he didn’t look much better. They both looked strained, and he knew leaving was going to be hard. He was trying not to think of that as he looked at Blaise, and she invited him to sit down. He did, with a sigh.

“What do you think of Becky?” she asked him directly. He had been with her all afternoon, describing the job.

“I think she’s competent and smart. I know she’s reliable from working with her before, although it’s been a while. I think she’s
scared, and it’ll take her time to feel comfortable. But once she does, I think she’ll do a good job. She’s not an exciting person, or as fun as Abby, but she’s nice, she knows what she’s doing, and you can rely on her.”

“She looks terrified,” Blaise commented, looking worn out.

“You’re a pretty impressive figure,” he said gently, and Blaise smiled.

“Is that what you thought when you came here?”

“For a short time. I knew you wanted a woman in the job, but you made me feel at home very quickly. And I really wanted to make it work. Becky’s more hesitant as a person. But I think she and Salima will warm up to each other with time. And Salima doesn’t need as much help as she used to.”

“Thanks to you.” Blaise looked at him for a long time, and he nodded. And he had won them over in the beginning.

“I don’t know what to say.… You know how I feel,” he said, choking on the words, and she nodded as her eyes filled with tears.

“Yeah … me too …” she said softly. There was nothing left to say, about Megan, and all the rest.

Blaise went to ask Salima then how she felt about Becky, and Salima said she was okay. She wasn’t excited about her, and she wasn’t Abby or Simon. She shrugged. She had no specific objections to her, she just wasn’t enthused and neither was Blaise, and Becky could sense it, but she had a feeling there was something else going on, and she didn’t know what it was. Simon looked as distressed as they did, and Becky felt like she was intruding on all of them at a bad time.

Blaise ordered pizza for dinner, and Simon had a slice before he left. He couldn’t even finish it, he was too upset, and then he looked at Blaise, who sat at the table eating nothing, while Salima toyed with her salad, and Becky was embarrassed as she took a second slice. No one was eating but her, and she was starving. She hadn’t eaten all day.

“I’d better get going,” Simon said, looking at Blaise, and she nodded. He had rented a car for the return trip to Massachusetts.

He wished Becky luck and told her to call him if she had any questions, and then he hugged Salima hard. She burst into tears, and he told her to call or text him whenever she wanted. Blaise had walked into the front hall by then and was waiting for him near the door where he had left his bags. The others stayed in the kitchen, and Simon looked down at her and wanted to forget everything and stay, but he didn’t say it and knew he couldn’t.

He took Blaise in his arms, and she didn’t resist. She was soaking up the last feel of him, as she smelled the familiar aftershave on his neck and felt his powerful arms around her for the last time. “Take care of yourself, Blaise.… Call me if you need me.…”

She nodded and pulled away a little to look at him with a sad smile. “Be a good boy, figure your life out … you deserve wonderful things in your life, and a great woman.” She felt as though she were giving up her child and the man she loved.

“I love you,” he said in a choked voice, with tears in his eyes.

“I love you too,” she said in the saddest voice he’d ever heard. Because she loved him, she was letting him go. Somewhere in her heart she thought it was right for him to go back to Megan, and
what he wanted, so she wasn’t trying to hold on to him, or stop him, or convince him otherwise. Besides, she was too proud. It seemed cleaner to just release him, with no strings.

He picked up his bags then, opened the front door, and rang for the elevator, and a minute later he was standing in it and looking at her. She gave him a small wave as he stared at her, and the door closed. She almost fainted as she walked back into the apartment. She wanted to scream. She had never been in so much pain in her life. It was a powerful reminder to her not to fall in love again.

The days dragged by after Simon left, and Blaise filled them as she always did, with work. With Susie Quentin back in Miami, there was no one else lusting after her job for the moment, and she was working on upcoming specials, doing her morning segment, and planning interviews abroad. She put off the trip to Lebanon. She wanted to stay home for a few weeks to make sure that Becky was working out with Salima. Neither Blaise nor Salima had any real objection to her, although Salima said she was boring. She had the personality of a mouse, and she started off on the wrong foot.

She took Salima’s clothes out for her in the morning and put the toothpaste on her brush for her, trying to be helpful, and Salima snapped at her that she wasn’t a child, she was almost twenty years old. Abby had done it for her, and Salima had liked it, but Simon had led her into a whole other world and treated her like an adult. Salima texted him several times a day, and he always responded. Salima always went discreetly into another room to listen to his texts, so she could hear them in private and not upset her mother.
But Blaise didn’t hear a word from him after he left, and was sure she wouldn’t. She didn’t call or write to him either, and hearing the sorrow in her mother’s voice, Salima didn’t mention him anymore, or tell her about the texts.

“I’m sorry, Mom, about Simon,” she said one Sunday night, when Blaise was trying to cook them dinner. She was roasting a chicken, and attempting one of his recipes for risotto. She burned the chicken beyond recognition, and the rice turned into cement.

“I’m fine,” she said about Simon, trying to believe it. She had to be. He wasn’t coming back, and she had to take care of Salima and work. She couldn’t afford the luxury of falling apart over a man, no matter how much she had loved him. She had learned that lesson with Andrew. And as though he had radar, Andrew had called the day after Simon left. Blaise didn’t take the call and didn’t even care. And for the first time, she knew she would never answer his calls again. She had no desire to talk to Andrew. She was finally healed. Loving Simon had freed her, no matter how it worked out in the end.

“I guess I need a class at Cordon Bleu,” Blaise said when they ordered sushi after she threw away the charred chicken and inedible rice. The smell was awful.

Becky had offered to cook for Salima, but her cooking was even worse than Blaise’s. Blaise felt like they had lost so much when Simon left. The laughter in their house. The excitement for Salima over their outings. Delicious dinners. Someone for her to talk to at night, who cared about her. Now Blaise was left with silent evenings, too much work, and no one to ask her how she was. The only
thing that made the atmosphere a little better was Salima singing with Lucianna or practicing every night.

By Valentine’s Day, he had been gone for three weeks, and it felt like a year to Blaise. Salima was starting to adjust to Becky, who was trying hard. They had made Valentine cupcakes that afternoon, for Salima to give to her mother to cheer her up. She knew how sad she was even though she didn’t talk about it or mention Simon’s name. And when Becky said something about him in passing, Blaise always fell silent and changed the subject, or left the room. She had bought a special Valentine cake for Salima, made with artificial sweeteners. It was a big chocolate heart with pink icing, which was a rare treat for her. But with careful planning, Salima could indulge from time to time. And Salima had bought her tulips too.

Lucianna joined them in eating the cake after their lesson, and she asked Salima with some concern if her mother wasn’t feeling well. Blaise was so depressed she looked sick. In her office, Mark was worried about it too and tried urging her to see her doctor, which she refused to do.

“I don’t need a doctor,” she told him. “I’m just feeling down. No one ever died from that.”

“You look too sad,” he told her. “You’re starting to turn green. You either need a vacation, or a visit to the doctor to make sure you’re okay, or a new boyfriend.”

“I’ll settle for my trip to Morocco to interview King Mohammed VI in two weeks.” It would be the first trip she’d taken since Simon left. She felt confident she could trust Becky with Salima now. Becky was both knowledgeable and diligent about Salima’s pump.
She was going to interview the king and do a special on his fabulous fleet of fancy cars. He had priceless Aston Martins that he flew to England for maintenance and repair. And a lovely wife whom Blaise was going to interview as well.

But a week before the trip, she was in bed with the flu and felt like death. She missed two days of work, which wasn’t like her, and when she went back to the office, Mark put his foot down.

“Let’s talk straight here. I don’t care how fine you say you are. You look like someone exhumed you. You never miss work, and you just did. I don’t think you’ve eaten in three weeks, and to be honest, Blaise, you look like shit. If you get any thinner, you’ll disappear. And I can tell you don’t feel good. And you think you’re going to make it to Morocco and back? I like my job, and if you drop dead in Rabat, I’ll be out of work.” She smiled at what he said, and she wouldn’t admit it to him, but she felt as bad as she looked. Her stomach had been somewhere around her knees since Simon left, and she never ate dinner anymore. She was so exhausted that she came home and went to bed. “I’m so sorry Simon left and things didn’t work out.” He hated her being alone again, and he could see how bad she felt.

“I’m just depressed,” she said again, dismissing what he said.

“Then take antidepressants. You won’t be able to do a good interview feeling like that, and it’s a long trip.” They had plans to go out to the desert so he could show off his cars and the kind of speeds they could reach. Just thinking about the heat made her feel sick.