A Piece of Mine (11 page)

I sees most everything, if not everything that goes on in this here town, and all I don’t see, I blieve I hear about! I mean I hear it all! But I like what I can see, cause I can count on that! You can’t count on what people say … now can you? They say what they think they saw. But when you see, then you see! Now, what I done seen, for all kinds of years 20, 30, 40, 50, 70 and 80 headin toward 90, then a hundred, I hope! Don’t you?

These rolls are going to be delicious!

Now on this street, there be eight or nine families; for all the years I have been here. In most of em the daddy done died or gone, most all the grammas and grampas and even some of the kids. But I notice the wives get left behind more. That’s why so many women alone in this town and that’s why these women that got men got to hold on to em, cause most of these church goin folks here don’t mind taken your husband or your wife for a while anyway … That’s what brings me to the very person I want to tell you about. Mr. Luther Lester! L.L.!

Now, there have been all kinds of women, sick ones, well ones, even one blind one have liked that man! He is old now, or older I guess is a better word. He bout 70 years old or so. But he always been kinda nice and soft and easy going; least ways it seemed like he was. He always seem to be givin you somethin! But, it all be second hand trash from the junk yard, stuff that still works a little. Still if you ain’t got one, and he got a used one to give you … what you gonna do? Do you know? See what I mean, chile? So he give away a lot, been given to him, don’t cost him a dime! And if it do, he gets that much from you by way of a piece of chicken or a piece of pie, half a cake or a ham hock or two!

I don’t know is he a lover or not cause we ain’t never crossed the same road together! My husband was alive and
his friend for bout 50 years (now he dead, rest his soul, he was a good man, you know), and Lester used to come over here and talk and drink beer and I used to hear them talk. If I didn’t hear them talk, my husband would tell me later, cause I kept my mouth shut. I learned early that you learned more if your mouth was shut! Before and after! So you can tell me anything you want to bout your business cause I’ll take it to my grave with me. I don’t tell nothin!

Now, let me finish tellin you. Luther Lester never was married. No! Not ever! Got all he needed of everything without marrying up with nobody. These ladies done killed they selves off on account of losing all the power … in the give-away! You can’t give away nothin worth something! Do, sometime it means it wasn’t worth much. Course that means did you give it to a fool or not! But it seem to me … and I may be dumb, cause I ain’t been here but 81 years … that he liked all of em! Even the sick ones … so he can feel like he givin them something. All of em! Well … 70 years … you got time to get em all! Well … me, myself … I think he takes somethin away.

How many ain’t so important no way … it’s the fact and reason he ain’t never kept nobody for his own! He been nice to em all, but ain’t never spent a long dime … maybe a short one for a beer or somethin, but not a long one, like for nothin they need that might have to be brand new. You know what I mean?

Ohhh these rolls are turning out nicely
.

I didn’t really pay that man no real mind until my niece came here to stay awhile and it come to my attention to think about him. She was right pretty, wasn’t too young and wasn’t old, but was real nice. A real nice person. Had a city name, Rayetta; one of them sisters of mine done dug a trench in the city and stayed there. She, Rayetta, had pretty hair and skin and legs and a powerful bust and behind; you know the kind. Men likes them same now as a thousand years ago, I guess. Anyway, she came and she was always walkin, goin
somewhere, and a whole lot of men got to see her, and the women, too.
(I’m gonna put this pan in the oven.)
Well, Lester commence to coming round askin me if I needed anything and how was I and all that … you know what I mean? And his eyes just bulge out and around corners and all, to get a look at Rayetta. She thought it was cute in a amusin kind of way so she encouraged him by laughin and talkin with him and having a beer or two. He was 70 years old, for God’s sake! What he wanta be sniffin round somebody for? I thought to myself, what could he do, do he get her in that position? But whatever he could do … he sure wanted to try it! Then, he got to taken her for a ride in that ole grey jalopy of his! All that money he got (oh, he got plenty money), and he won’t buy a decent automobile. They would ride bout a hour or so, she say the car make so much noise you couldn’t hear no conversation so they just bounced all over these country roads! Then he bring her back, grinning. She just laugh … not mean, just havin fun.

Now somehow, she got to thinking nobody ever done much for him and she like to see people happy so she start to takin cakes and pies over to his house and little things she pay money for, given them to him and he took them all … grinning. But he don’t never give her nothin but a beer. Then, I guess he wondered what he could do (in the bed) if she was to let him. She say he was always tryin to feel her bust on the secret, you know what I mean? (My husband used to do that to women sometime … damm him!) She was mostly just laughin, but somethin happened and she took to takin special care for her looks when she was going to see him! And sitting round that phone when it didn’t ring! And it got to where he didn’t call or even come by sometimes! I could see that woman was likin on that man … really!!! I don’t know what he done, but he knew somethin to do. Cause she start talkin bout maybe she would live here. Live here! And wonderin why he ain’t never been married and why he was alone. I coulda told her he wasn’t alone … he had a married
woman he been goin with for years … but I didn’t want to tell her somethin that would make her think she liked him for sure! She was already sayin he wasn’t happy and his house needed cleaning and all. (I just was watchin cause I thought I must be learning somethin new but I didn’t never find out what it was.)

Now that good lookin, young woman became that old man’s lover! You understand me? Do you understand? I don’t know how many times, but once is enough! Whatever he did, he musta done it right! I ask her if she knew what she was doing thinkin like that bout a old man. She said, “He may be old, but he was a good man, a honest man, reliable, kind, sweet, always kept his word,” stuff like that! Well I said to myself she had some sense to like a man like that, cause it was all true.

I thought like that til I went to bed that night and my mind could see through the dark to the truth and it hit me in the middle of my head that he was all those things … 
BUT
a person can think you good cause they don’t know nothin bout you if you keeps your business to yourself! You can be honest, if you ain’t poor and don’t want nothing; new car, clean house, nothin! Reliable, if you don’t promise nobody nothin but little bitty things don’t take no time nor money, and kind, if you just smile and say nice things cause you ain’t givin nobody nothing that would make you mad if you don’t get it back. There was two sides to that coin and he was on both sides. Kept his word cause he never gave it if a thing was too big! I was proud of myself too, cause I had done some real thinkin! I was havin fun doing it too! I planned to tell Rayetta about it all, but before I got a chance to they musta talked bout marriage and he told her he was already happy. Chile, that 70 year-old man dropped that young fine woman, smart from the city! Well, didn’t drop her … he do anything she ask if she don’t ask too much. Wasn’t long before Rayetta laughed a little broken laugh and went on back home to the big city to people she could understand.

Just a little more time now our rolls be ready! I blieve I’ll send Lester some of these
.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, at the end! Anyway, that Lester rambled round in my mind after she left. I thought to myself: He ain’t happy (or is he?) Ain’t nobody happy, ain’t spozed to be, if they are alone! He ain’t got chick or child to worry bout or leave all that money and property to. Just sittin on it! He close to dyin … sure ain’t gon get no younger! Rayetta was fun, clean, cooked nice, drank beer with him and all without being a drunk. I can’t stand a drunk woman! And he didn’t want her!

Well, when he came by one day (to ask about her, I could tell), I sat out on the porch and gave him some cake and lemonade and we talked. I looked him over real good and he wasn’t bad at all in his body, so I tried lookin in his mind. Now it ain’t no sense in beatin round the bush with the fellow who planted it so I said right out, “How come you ain’t never married, Lester?” He chewed awhile, lookin in his plate then up to the sky and finally said, “I blieve if you doin alright you ought to keep it thata way!”

I said, “Spose you could do better if you change?”

He grinned, “That’s somethin we don’t know, least I don’t know.”

I pushed, “Nobody know til they try!”

He said, “Well Mz. Walker, when I was growen up, my mama always fighten with my daddy til he left. I don’t want that.”

He thought that would shut me up. I went further, “Every woman ain’t your mama!”

He grinned. “That’s right. Every woman ain’t my mama.” Then he didn’t say nothing so I pushed on. “Seems to me a person would want to try something if he old enough to know what he’s doing.” I wanted to say something mean about his being a old fool but that’s as far as I could fix it.

He said, “Yea, if he know what he’s doing.”

I could see he was as far as he was going so I said, “And if
he meet a nice person, who makes him happy, he ought to try to keep that happiness.”

Grinning again, he said, “Yea, a person sure should try to keep the happiness he finds.”

Now I understood part of his secret; see, he only gives you back what you give him … no more … so it’s like you talkin to yourself and he says it always with a smile so you got to think he nice! You understand? But I wanted more so I said, “Mr. Lester, you old enough now not to be afraid of life. You ain’t got nothin to lose by livin it til you die.”

He said (smiling), “Sure got to live it til I die.”

I said, “Oh shit! Mr. Lester, can’t you think for yourself?”

He looked at me. “I do … I think for myself … and I blieve I know what you gettin to.”

So I told him, “Well, get to it then!”

He said, “Mz. Walker, I am an old man!”

I said, “You wasn’t always old! You didn’t get married when you was 20 either!”

He said, “I was too poor.”

I said, “Well, you worked and got you some money and property, then what?”

He said (no smile), “Well, then I knew nobody wasn’t gonna want me just for myself! They gonna want my house or my money.”

I said, “That’s what you think of all the women was foolin with you?” Somehow his guard or somethin dropped cause he snapped, “That’s right! I ain’t never known a woman that wasn’t a huzzy deep down in her heart! Womens is dangerous! They lie! They ain’t got a serious bone in their body! They just want to dance, laugh and spend money. They are greedy people who want to come out the kitchen and sit like a lady in the livinroom! I ain’t gon let none of em make a fool of me! They woulda spent
MY
money on clothes and cars and furniture and trips and whatever all that women find to spend money on!” He wore himself out and clicked them foolish false teeth. I should have snatched em from
his mouth and crushed em for lettin such words pass through em!

I whispered to him, “Some of those things might have made life worth living more.”

He whispered back, “Yea … theirs!”

I said (I could hardly believe I didn’t shut up and put him off my porch, but I was learning something), “Didn’t you meet some nice women in your church?”

He grinned, “Yes ma’m! Some nice women.”

I said, “Well? What about them?”

He said (with great pleasure), “While the lord was askin for my soul, they was askin for my pole! Scuse me ma’m, but you asked!”

I said, “You didn’t turn nobody down.”

He said, “I like to see folks happy! Some folks.”

I went on, feelin foolish myself, “But you didn’t want them to be too happy so you didn’t marry them, huh?”

He looked at me. “Lord knows, I don’t know nobody happy that’s been married—ceptin your husband (he remembered) and I don’t want none of that kinda life for myself.”

I couldn’t shut up. “I don’t know nobody happy who is single.”

He told me, “People don’t love people … they use people! I ain’t gonna be used! I was smart enough to get what I got and I’m gonna be smart enough to keep it!”

I said, “It’s more to life than money!”

He said, “What?”

I said, “Love, being together, helpin each other.”

He said, “Yea that’s what everybody want … help!” He stood up to go. I said, “You too smart for that, huh?”

He said, “Yea, like they say in the city … I am hep!” He laughed one of them cackling laughs that old men make when they think they said something smart. I knew then what his trouble was. I knew Rayetta and nobody else would have been happy
WITH
him. He gave no more than he
received and sometimes not as much. Yes, I knew the answer. He was “hep” as they say in the city.

He went on down the stairs, all alone, smiling and talkin. I don’t know what he said cause I was lookin at him and thinkin bout him. He got into his raggity car, all alone, and when it didn’t start he got out, smiling, and lifted the hood and did something that started the car, all alone. Lookin up at me and waving good-by, all alone, and drove slowly down to the corner, all alone, and pulled into
HIS
driveway, all alone, and stepped out of the car, walked slowly up the path to
HIS
door, all alone, and went in, all alone. All alone in his dirty, junky house filled with second hand stuff that he don’t want to share with nobody.

NOW! Let’s you and me butter up some of these nice hot rolls and get a piece of that crispy hot chicken and some of that gravy! There’s some ice-cold lemonade in the ice box … and let’s eat!

Later on, maybe … I’ll fix up a few rolls for Mr. Lester cause I feel sorry for him and he can take them home and eat em, all alone. I don’t let him sit here with me anymore; let him be alone, alone. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t … cause you know what I think? Lester’s happiness depends a lot on what other people do for him … more than he knows. He is hep … 
TOO HEP TO BE HAPPY!