A Promise of Forever (19 page)

Disappointment flashed across her face, then was immediately replaced with a smile that lacked the usual brilliance. “Yeah,” she agreed without either of them putting into words exactly what they were agreeing to. “It was just a thought.”

The silence this time wasn’t so comfortable. By the time their food came, he was eager for the distraction. She made approving sounds over her broiled oysters and traded him for bites of his scallops and shrimp. The onion rings and coleslaw made her happy again, and by the time they left, it was as if the conversation about her leaving had never taken place.

In the parking lot, she handed him the keys. “You sure you don’t want to drive?” he asked, though he was no fool. He wasn’t going to turn down the chance to drive the car.

“I just want to kick back and enjoy the ride.”

Maybe the ride could last forever.

But Ben knew better.

A
s things stood right now, this was probably the last weekend Ben would ever spend with Avi.

The thought sobered him as he arrived in Tallgrass after work on Friday. He’d rescheduled his last couple of appointments for today, so it was barely four o’clock when he turned onto Comanche Street. In the last three months, he’d made this trip so often that it was beginning to feel like his second home. He knew Tallgrass as well as he did Tulsa—where to eat, where to shop, which places would be busiest at which times. He liked the town. If he ever left Tulsa, this was the only place he would go. Close enough to his sisters, close enough to his real home.

He parked out front, like he always did, and singled out the house key on his key ring. Patricia had offered him the key the first time he’d come, but he hadn’t felt comfortable taking it. He’d found being in the house so soon after George’s death, filled with all the trappings of their life together, difficult. All he’d wanted was
out
.

Patricia had accepted his refusal with grace and left the key on the dresser in the guest room that had become his regular room.
In case you change your mind.
After maybe a month, he’d begun letting himself in—her front door was always unlocked when she was expecting him—then after another month, without making a big deal of it, he’d taken the key.

Home.

When he let himself in, he called her name, and she stepped into the doorway at the end of the long hall, an apron around her waist along with a smile that instantly took him back twenty years or more. She’d been a devoted mother: running him and the girls everywhere they needed to go, volunteering at school, chaperoning field trips, cooking for bake sales and class parties. She’d sewn Halloween costumes and wardrobes for school plays, and added patches to Girl Scout and baseball and karate uniforms. Every single day when they’d come home from school, she was waiting for them, overseeing their homework, letting them help cook dinner or work in the garden or paint on some new house project. Her summers had been particularly busy between the organized activities, their dad’s camping trips, and days watching the kids at one of the city’s swimming pools, and she’d never complained. It had never occurred to Ben that she might even have reason to complain.

She’d been a good wife, a great mom, but somewhere along the way, that was
all
they’d let her be. She’d had little time for herself, for interests of her own, or for adult companionship that didn’t involve the family.

He felt disloyal to his father for even thinking it, but no wonder she’d been infatuated with George from the start. He’d treated her like an adult, an interesting, intelligent, attractive woman. How novel that must have been to her.

“Sit down and I’ll get you something to eat,” she said, shooing him toward the stools at the island. “How about iced tea and an apple turnover?”

It hadn’t been long since lunch, but who was he to turn down any of Patricia’s desserts? “Sounds good. But I’ll get it.”

Three months ago she would have jumped before letting him fix something for himself. She’d felt as awkward as he had. Now she waved a hand toward a tray on the counter, then returned to the cookies she was putting on baking sheets.

“What’s the plan for tonight?” he asked.

“I didn’t know if you and Avi would want to do something special since she’s leaving next week, but her parents and I are going tailgating before Joe’s game. Lucy will be there, too, and Ilena and little John. Ilena says she’s going to coach his pee-wee football team when he’s older so she needs all the experience she can get.”

They laughed at the idea of Ilena, whose biggest, meanest voice more than faintly resembled a mouse’s squeak, coaching a rowdy football team.

“Anyway, you and Avi are welcome to join us just for dinner or to stay for the game if you want. If you don’t, you can have the house all to yourself for a couple of hours, but”—she pointed the cookie scoop his way—“I don’t want to know what you do.”

“I’ll see what she says. And if you don’t know what we’d do in a house all to ourselves, you’re not giving it any thought.” He put a turnover, still warm, on a saucer, then carried it and his tea to the island. The first bite was amazing—flaky pastry, tender apples, and caramel—and earned her a thumbs-up while he swallowed. “She loves the car,” he remarked before inhaling another bite.

“Good. George said that car helped him pick up a ton of girls, including the prettiest of all. Like I gave a darn about the car.” A faint blush colored her cheeks. “Not that Avi will use it to pick up guys. Not that she needs to pick up guys. I mean—”

“It’s okay. I get what you mean.” Then… “She talks about him a lot.”

“And you don’t mind listening?”

It was hard to keep holding a grudge when someone unrelated to the divorce had nothing but good to say. “She loved him a lot.”

Patricia set down the scoop and clasped her hands together. The action didn’t hide their trembling. “So did I. And he loved her, too. And so do you.”

He didn’t say anything. She hadn’t asked for confirmation. No doubt, she’d realized it before he had, and she knew the obstacles as well as he did, too. What was there for him to say?

“Oh, Ben…” Her voice was soft, the comforting, commiserating voice he’d heard in his dreams for years after she’d left. “Falling in love should be cause for celebration, not despair.”

“I’m not despairing.”

“Yet. I see the dread in your eyes. You know, anything can be overcome if you try. Look at me—a little ole Oklahoma girl who’d never been anywhere, and the first time I got on a plane, I flew all the way to Germany. I cried all the way because leaving you guys had ripped my heart out, but still…I went, and except for you kids and your father, I never had a single regret.”

His gut clenched into knots, he pushed away the plate with the last bit of the turnover. “I can’t go to Georgia.” The words sounded flat, but that didn’t stop them from hurting. It didn’t ease the tightness in his chest.

“Your sisters would survive.”

“My practice—”

“Your patients would find a new doctor.”

“Sara’s kids—”

“Would be Skyping with you before you got the first box unpacked.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Being here with your sisters and your practice and my grandbabies isn’t going to be the same, either, not with Avi gone.”

He knew that. Was afraid of it.

She locked gazes with him. “Ben, trust me. I know it’s scary. It’s a huge thing, leaving every place you know and everyone you love behind, but the payoff can be huge, too.”

Too edgy to sit still, he slid to the floor and paced the length of the room. Outside the sun shone on manicured grass that stretched from Patricia’s patio all the way across to Lucy’s, and the flowers in the bed bloomed profusely, as if it weren’t the end of summer. After looking at them for a moment, he turned back to face his mother. “I’m like Dad in that regard. I never wanted to see anyplace else. I certainly never wanted to live anyplace else. The traveling I do for work, the conferences I go to, the seminars I teach, that’s more than enough of elsewhere for me. I want to be in Tulsa.” With the people he loved and needed.

All
of them.

“More than you want to be with Avi?”

It was such a wrong answer that he didn’t want to give it. Loving someone should mean more, should mean making sacrifices and compromises, but he wasn’t willing to do either. God help him, it would be so much easier if he was.

“Yes,” he said quietly.

Patricia studied him a long time, then turned to put the tray of cookies in the oven. “Then you’ll get what you want,” she said, trying to sound casual, but he still heard the faint censure in her voice. “Avi will leave next week, and you’ll still be in Tulsa. Alone, but in Tulsa. Eventually, you’ll forget her and you’ll meet someone new—at least, I hope you do. I hope you’re not choosing a place over her just to end up spending the rest of your life there alone.”

Swallowing hard over the lump in his throat, so did he.

“Tailgating? Oh, too cool! Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve done that?” Avi had known her parents were going to the football game and picnicking on the asphalt—it had been their practice since she was in her teens, for her high school games, OSU’s, sometimes the University of Tulsa’s, and now Tallgrass’s—but she hadn’t expected Ben to have any interest in sharing his meal with Joe Cadore, especially on a night that would belong to Joe.

“You didn’t have tailgate parties in Iraq or Afghanistan?”

“Sadly, no. About the only games we played were soccer—you know how I feel about that—and run-for-your-life, neither conducive to sitting on a lawn chair and chowing down. You should see all the stuff Mom and Dad have been getting ready. A folding table, chairs, a canopy in case it rains, a small gas grill, extra propane tanks, and so on. They even have a set of tailgate dishes and utensils, all bearing OSU’s logo. I swear, I think that’s why Dad bought the pickup, because there’s no way it would all fit in the car.”

Abruptly she laughed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to babble.”

“You can babble all you want, gorgeous.” Then he asked, “What about the game? Do you want to stay for that or do something else?”

She hadn’t been to a football game since the last time she’d gone tailgating. Though she remembered it fondly—gorgeous fall weather, excited kids everywhere, marching bands, and just plain old fun—football was everywhere. Time alone with Ben in Tallgrass was a commodity. “Let’s share the food and leave the cheering to them.”

“Okay. Your parents are coming by to pick up Patricia. When do you want to pick me up?”

“You don’t want to drive?”

“You don’t want to show off the car a little more?”

She laughed. “You know me well. I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.” After his okay, she hung up and pocketed her phone. She wandered into the kitchen as her mom finished packing the cooler. “We’re going to join you for dinner, but we don’t plan to stay for the game.”

“Aw, it should be a good one.” Beth glanced around, checking for Neil, Avi assumed, then softly said, “Just between you and me, I’d be just as happy staying home and watching
Hawaii Five-0
.
That Scott Caan is awfully cute, and that voice of his…” She shivered. “He could book me any time.”

“I heard that.” Neil came into the kitchen from the garage an instant after he called out. “Is that why you wanted to go to Hawaii instead of on a cruise?”

“They could have been filming while we were there.” Beth bumped hips with Avi. “You’re lucky. You didn’t have to go halfway around the world to find your Mr. Right.”

Just halfway across the country, Avi thought. And what did it matter how far she went to find him if she couldn’t keep him? “Neither did you, Mom. You guys need my help loading anything?”

“No, kiddo,” Neil replied. “Go on. We’ll see you there.”

He didn’t have to tell her twice. She grabbed her purse, hugged them both, and headed out to the car. A few minutes later, she pulled into Patricia’s driveway, but before she could shut off the engine, Ben came out, taking the steps two at a time.

The first thing he did upon getting in the Mustang was kiss her. The first thing she did was a full-body shiver. After the past few years, there was something incredibly lovely about getting all quivery from nothing more than a kiss. It made her feel young and happy and girly and even a little bit innocent. She would be forever grateful to Ben for that.

Tallgrass High School was located on the southwest side of town, a grand old sandstone structure built in WPA times. The stone was cut into large rectangular blocks, the doorways all double-wide, the windowsills at least a foot deep, with concrete arches and quoins. It reminded Avi of the old Central High School in downtown Tulsa, solid and substantial and her favorite building there.

The Tallgrass drum corps was gathered near the stadium, beating out a rhythm that she couldn’t help but respond to. Tapping her fingers on the steering wheel, she was wondering where to park when a pair of voices called her name. It was Lucy and Ilena, standing beside their own cars on the last row in the lot. She pulled in next to them, accepted compliments, and answered questions about the car, then bent to look at the baby in Ilena’s arms.

“He’s so pretty,” she cooed, thinking that any child of Ben’s would probably bear a surface resemblance: all dark hair and skin and beautiful cocoa-brown eyes.

“You want to hold John?” Ilena offered.

“Can I?” Eagerly she took the infant from his mother, cradling him in her arms. He eyed her for a moment, so solemn, before smiling and pressing his hand against her mouth.

Who knew making a baby smile could feel so good and, at the same time, hurt her heart?

John moved as if he wanted to sit up, so she shifted him until his padded bottom was resting on her forearm. Immediately he leaned forward, mouth open, and gummed her shoulder for a minute before sitting upright and babbling at her.

She walked back and forth with him, talking softly, smiling at his own chatter. She was starting to feel the strain of his weight in her shoulders when a man popped out from behind her and swept the baby from her arms.

Joe lifted him into the air and nuzzled his belly, making smoochy sounds. John’s giggles sounded so delighted that it brought everyone else’s attention to them. “In another sixteen years, this guy’s gonna be my starting quarterback,” Joe boasted as he flew John like an airplane back into Avi’s arms. “Then we’re gonna get him a scholarship to OSU, then maybe play a little pro ball for a while.”

“I like a man who plans ahead,” Avi said, smiling at Joe while watching Ben from the corner of her eye. While a little show of jealousy might have been flattering, it was even nicer that he was confident enough to not mind.

“Remember, Coach, he’s going to play baseball, too, and maybe soccer,” Ilena said.

“No basketball?” Ben asked.

Ilena’s grin spread wide. “Don’t be silly. As short as I am, how could I ever coach basketball?”