A Promise to Remember (40 page)

Melanie sat staring at the same headstone she'd looked at so
many times before, but this time it felt different. "Well, Jeff,
you're never going to believe all that's happened."

She looked toward the sky. The dark blue of the day was
laced with thin trails of white. Did Jeff see her from somewhere
beyond those clouds? She no longer doubted that he could.
"I think you would be proud of the legacy you've left behind.
I'm looking forward to the day I see you again, in heaven, and
we can talk about it." She nodded her head. "That's right, you
heard me. In heaven."

She looked back toward the tombstone, and this time the
lump in her throat made it difficult to continue to speak. "But
I guess you see our problem. I understand now that you really
don't need me coming down here as often as I do. I know you're
in a better place, not just lying here waiting for the next visit
from your mom."

The scene before her blurred. "So I'm thinking I'll be just
coming every now and then." She looked to the sky. "I hope
that's okay with you."

She wiped her eyes. "I know it is. But why is it so hard for
me to let go?"

She stood, walked to the headstone, and kissed the granite.
The stone felt cold against her lips. "Good-bye, Jeff. I'll always
love you." She ran down the hill to her car.

When she drove away, a sudden sense of peace replaced the
guilt. It was almost as if she could feel Jeff smiling at her.

"Three months. It's been three months."Andie squeezed Blair's
arm. "You're doing great."

They both knew this was not completely true. Even though
he'd been sober for three months, even though the Vitasoft
buyout had come through and saved Blair's company, they still
had lost a child, still slogged through each day hoping the next
might be a little easier. Many days weren't. In fact, they fought
more than ever-though Christi tried to assure her that was
a good thing because Andie never stood up for herself before.
Today, though, was a very good day.

They sat in the sand at East Beach, enjoying a few moments
after breakfast at a little cafe. In front of them at the beach
courts, a summer volleyball clinic carried on in full swing. Scores
of kids clustered around the nets, listening to the advice of
their high-school and college-age coaches. Squeals of excitement, laughter, and constant chatter blew around the beach
like the wind. Sounds Andie only recently could bear without
disappearing into grief.

Andie looked at Blair. "Don't you need to get back to work?"

He shrugged. "I told Neil I'd be in after lunch. There's nothing that won't wait a little while."

"Great," she said and stared at her husband. He had changed.
She did not know if he could change everything, and he was
not perfect, but she saw him trying. He was working to save
their marriage. And so today was better and maybe tomorrow
would be, too.

She smiled to herself and turned her attention to a group
of smaller kids, just trying to get the gist of keeping the ball in
the air.

Their coach, a beautiful blonde about Chad's age, demonstrated
the proper technique for passing and setting to the tykes. She
looked up, saw Andie and Blair, and stopped moving. She stared
for a few seconds, then turned to her little group. "Okay, everyone
practice with a partner. I'll be right back." She walked over and
dropped into the sand in front of Andie. "You're Mr. and Mrs.
Phelps, huh?"

Andie looked at the girl, trying to place her. Chad's classmate?
No. Youth group? Maybe-that group was large enough and fluid
enough she had never been able to keep up with all of them.

"Yes, we're the Phelps." Thankfully Blair had the presence
of mind to answer.

The girl nodded. "I'm Sarah Johnston." She paused, looked at
the sand, let the words soak in. She finally looked up at them.
"How are you?"

Andie fought for an answer. It lodged in her throat, but she
forced it out. "I'm ... we're ... hanging in there."

Sarah nodded, stared out toward the ocean. "Good." She ran
her fingers through the sand. "Us, too."

Andie finally found some semblance of her mind. "How is
... your mother?"

"It's hard. I mean, I don't have to tell you that. You know
how it is." She took a deep breath. "But she's making it." Sarah
once again looked at Andie. "She really likes that painting-she
hung it in Jeff's room. She told me that you went to the store
manager at Alfords and asked to have her transferred back to
Santa Barbara. She appreciated that."

Andie's face burned with what felt like shame. "I wish I had
stopped my friends from the boycott. I should have." Facing this sixteen-year-old who had paid the price for her cowardice
hurt.

Sarah shrugged. "She's made a terrific friend in Thousand
Oaks. It's been good for her."

Andie nodded but could not speak for the life of her.

Sarah drew her knees up to her chin. "Alfords is planning
a new store on the north end of Goleta next year. Mom's first
in line to transfer back. So she won't have to worry about the
commute for too much longer."

"I'm glad." Andie shifted, searching for something to talk
about. Then it hit her. "Aren't you about to go on a mission
trip':"

Sarah's eyes lit with surprise. "Yes. We go to Mexico next week.
Mom's even coming as a chaperone." She buried her hand in
the sand. "She was never a Christian. Before ... all this. Jeff
was always so worried about her."

Blair cleared his throat, reached out, and touched Sarah's
free hand. "He would have been happy to see this, then." His
voice sounded thick.

Sarah Johnston looked at Blair, then Andie, her eyes misty.
"He would have died for it."

She blinked fast, pushed herself up, and jogged back to her
students. "Who wants to learn how to serve?"

There are so many people to thank, I hardly know where to
start. But I'll give it a go....

First and foremost, thank you, God, for blessing me with the
dream of my heart.

Lee-for the support, the love, and the laughs. You really are
the man of my dreams!

Melanie-for putting up with such a nerd of a mother.

Caroline-for all the hugs and smooches and general joy of
life.

Dad-I know I still m-ve you several million sheets of printer paper
and several gallons of ink. I'll put them in the mail ... soon.

Carl, Alisa, Katy, Lisa, and Leah-your enthusiasm inspires
me.

Gary and Katie Horwald-for being willing pre-readers, and
terrific neighbors, too!

Lori Baur-you've lent me laptops, encouraged the dream,
and pounded the pavement on my behalf. "Thanks" is not a
strong enough word.

James Scott Bell-for the teaching, coaching, and cheering.
I want to he like you when I grow up.

Michael Berrier and Shawn Grady-you always encourage
me to dig deeper.

Everyone who helped critique-Kathleen Rouser, Susan
Falck, Kris Jensen, Bonnie Engstrom. Lois Carlson, Tom Macy,
Diana Campbell-for encouraging the dream (and keeping it
secret) for so long. Also, to Scott Campbell-for answering tons
of legal questions with patience and grace.

Terry Foil, Christine Charlton, and Joy Van Wickle-for the
prayers and the support. Special thanks to RickVan Wickle-for
answering my questions about the inner runnings of a grocery
store.

Austin Boyd-for your enthusiasm and encouragement.

Les Stobbe-for guiding me through the process.

Extra special thanks to my extra cool editor, Dave Longthanks for believing in this story.

Dave and the BHP editorial team-for making it so much
better.

Steve and the entire marketing team at BHP-your enthusiasm overwhelms me. Special thanks to Brett, Debra, and Tim,
who made me feel so welcome.

All the folks at Bethany House-I still can't believe I get the
privilege to work with you.

1. Which mother did you have the most empathy for at the beginning of the book? Did it change by the end and why?

2. Have you ever found yourself protecting your own interests
rather than doing what you knew was right? Why is it so hard
to do the right thing? What were the repercussions?

3. How did you feel about Christi Baur's "help" in sticking up for
Andic? Was she being a good friend or an interfering one?

4. Grief can often devastate a marriage. Do you think Andie and
Blair are on the right path? What do you think is most important
for a marriage to survive a tragedy?

5. What do you think would have been the outcome if Melanie's
case had gone to court? Should parents be held responsible for
their child's negligence? Do you think that lawsuits do more
good or harm in our country today?

6. What role does class play in our culture today? Have you ever
seen an individual or family treated preferentially because of their
status or encountered prejudice against a poorer individual?

7. What kind of comfort can you offer a person facing deep grief?
Is it possible to offer the hope of eternal life, especially to a
person who isn't sure what she believes?

8. What role did Andie's painting play in her recovery? What is
your "outlet" in times of distress?

9. Ultimately, what would you have done had you been the mother
of Jeff? How about Chad?