A Promised Fate (23 page)

“No…”

“I told you, you really are awful at lying.”

“Cut me some slack, Julie. I'm just trying to spare
your feelings.”

“I love it when you call me that.”

“Mmm. I like it too. “Julie” reminds me of when we
were younger.”

“My Daddy always called me Julie.”

“I know.”

She spun her bracelet around and around, the diamonds
glinted against the water glass and the crystal candle sticks.

“What did you do to yourself?” My chin prodded the
air in the direction of her Band-Aide covered wrist.

“This...” She smoothed the peeling corner down,
pressing the worn-out adhesive into her skin only for the corner to
roll back up as soon as she removed the pressure from her
fingertip. “This is a part of the things we aren’t talking about
tonight.”

“That little Band-Aide is off limits?”

“Yep. And your argument with Ava is off limits?”

“Yep.”

“So … we cannot talk about the things going on in my
life, and we can’t talk about your life. What do we talk
about?”

“I have no clue.”

“Gosh, who knew dinner alone would be so hard? We
used to talk for hours.”

“Mmm… what happened to us?”

“Ava happened.” She rolled her eyes.

“Don’t,” I warned her anger and she paled.

“Oh, God. I didn’t mean that, Ari. At least, I didn’t
mean it like
that
. I’m sorry. I just … I meant that it all
happened so fast -- you had this new girlfriend for a couple
months, she went away and then all the sudden she popped back up
and
boom
-- she was your wife and then like two minutes
later you had a
kid!
And twenty seconds after that she’s
pregnant! All I am saying is that you’ve been busy. You found your
girl and you’ve had a lot going on. You’ve had a lot on your mind
these last couple years. You and I just lost touch a little bit.
It’s cool. I love Ava. You know I love Ava right?”

I nodded. “You’re fine … and you’re right, I have
been busy. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be. You don’t owe me anything. You’re
allowed to grow up.”

“It did happen pretty fast.”

“Uh, yeah, it did!”

The waitress returned with Julia’s appetizer.

“Thank you.” She offered me a small smile from the
corner of her mouth.

“For?”

“For the shrimp,” she said as she dipped one hapless
little sea creature into the cocktail sauce. “But mostly for
thinking of me first. I like that you came to me. I always turn to
you for just about every problem in my life. It’s nice to be needed
by you once in a while.”

“I need you,” I admitted and she gave a rare but
pretty blush. I regretted my words but I didn’t want to take them
back for fear of hurting her feelings. It was the truth. There was
something about Julia that I needed, that I would always need.
“You’re a good friend to me.”

“I would do anything for you, Ari.”

“I know you would. Can I ask you one off-limit
question?”

She dipped another shrimp. “Only one.”

What is going on with you? Why were you with my
father the other night? What is under that God forsaken, dirty
Band-Aide? Why are you always crying
?

“I know Rory proposed to you. Why did you say
no?”

She blinked, surprised by my question. “How do you
know about that?”

“I heard you two last weekend at my parent’s house.
Why did you tell him no, Jules?”

“For a lot of reasons.”

“Give me one.”

Her finger circled the edge of her water glass and
she cleared away dribbles of icy condensation as she talked. “He
asked me to marry him on the Fourth of July, during the fireworks.
It was really beautiful and very unexpected.” She smoothed away
more cool droplets from the glass one finger stroke at a time. “He
scored a perfect proposal; everything was just exactly how I
dreamed it would be ever since I was a little girl. Rory said all
the right things. And he had the ring.” Julia looked down at her
bare finger.

“Our Grandmother’s ring?”

“Yes.” She nodded shyly.

Very few possessions had been salvaged when my
grandparents died and what remained had been divided among our
family members. We were each lucky to get one small, tarnished
keepsake. My mother, a broken pearl necklace. Lauren, a broach worn
on my grandmother’s church coat every Sunday for twenty or more
years. Nick, the wallet, worn and tattered, that Cal had forever
carried in his back pocket. Rory was honored with the coveted ring
that he one day would give to his fiancé. I had wanted the ring for
my own girl but wasn’t willing to make the trade. I simply could
not part with my grandfather.

“The ring is so pretty,” Julia said and I looked up,
noticing immediately that she had started to cry. “It’s too pretty
for someone like me. I can’t wear that ring, I don’t deserve it. I
would bring too much shame to Elodie. Elodie and Cal would never
have approved of me.”

“Julia! Elodie loved you. Why do you think such awful
things about yourself? Elodie would be so proud of the fact that
Rory chose you. You are a part of this family, Julia. Your father
was a part of this family. You wouldn’t bring shame to her. Why do
say that?”

“They lived and died for what they believed in. I
don’t have Elodie’s respect anymore. I mean, if she were living,
she wouldn’t like the person I have become.”

“What have you become?”

“That’s the part I can’t answer. I have lots of
reasons not to marry Rory. I love him, Ari. I need to keep him
safe.”

****

Julia dropped me off on our road a block away from
the house. I cut through a neighbor’s yard and slipped onto the
beach to walk the rest of the way home. Max’s black kitty ran
behind me in the sand, struggling to catch up ... with hopes of
digging more claws into my skin I was sure. I lost him when I cut
up the path to our tall and narrow deck steps.

Burnt grilled cheeses sat untouched on a cold pan on
the stove. They were charred and completely inedible. Her music was
on,
Radiohead
, a dead giveaway that she was upset. Thom
Yorke warbled from the in-house speaker system. The sound quality
was abnormally bad with bits of static cutting through every few
measures. I found her in the living room on the sofa and Max on the
floor with a book.

“I’m sorry.” I started.

Her eyes were red and swollen.

“I’m sorry, Baby. I am so sorry. I hate myself for
acting like that. Please…”

“You just
left
us.”

“I needed some air.”

“Air? Am I that suffocating?”

“God, no! I can’t breathe without you. I don’t know
what I was thinking … I wasn’t thinking.” I sat sit beside her and
to my surprise, she didn’t shove me away. Trying my luck, I put my
hand on her knee. She allowed it so I trailed my fingers up her leg
and palmed her belly.

Ava climbed on to my lap, straddling my hips. She
placed her hands over mine and guided my palms to each side of her
belly right where the baby was kicking. She moved her hands away
and smooshed my cheeks between her palms. Keeping my face in place,
keeping my eyes on her eyes.

“I love you,” she said and then whispered to prevent
Max from hearing her words. “But you need to listen to what I am
saying. I am not keeping anything from you. Nothing. I promise you
that I am not keeping secrets. If I knew that someone wanted to
harm the loves of my life, I would kill them. I will kill
them.”

She meant it.

“Do you understand?”

I nodded a yes as best as I could between her pushed
palms.

“Hello?” I whispered from the doorway of our darkened
home with a small hope that Ava was possibly still awake. It was
Friday, near the end of Fashion Week. Rehearsals had kept me away
from home much later than I intended.

“Meow.”

“God dang it!” I jumped.

“Mew.”

The stray cat sat just on the other side of the glass
door on the open sun porch and begged for food.

“Shoo! Go away.” I whispered at the stupid, black,
fluffy thing.

“Meow, meow, meow.”

“Arg! Ava, why did you feed the damn thing?” I cursed
under my breath and stared back at the tiny kitty that looked up to
me through the glass with wild, hungry eyes.

“Mew.”

“If I give you this will you go away?” Deli meat
danced between my pinched fingers.

“Mew. Mew.”

Blocking the bottom of the doorway with my foot, I
kept the cat from sliding into the house and tossed out a few
slivers of fresh turkey. The kitty pounced on it with delight and
finally shut up its incessant mews.

And that is when I first heard desperate breathing.
My legs locked frozen in place at the sound of loud, breathy gasps
that echoed throughout our dark home.

“Ava?” Chills crept up my back, tingling along my
spine and then prickled my scalp. Hairs lifted on my arms and stood
on end in high alert.

The scared, panting breaths were followed by a
tortured, pain-filled scream for help.

“
Oh, my God. Ava!”
Running through the house,
I followed the source of the screams to a beam of light that came
shining down the stairs from the upstairs hall.

“Ava!” I yelled in a panic. “Ava!” I screamed for
her.

The cries for help, for someone, anyone to make the
pain stop grew louder and turned into grunting, animalistic howls
of agony.

Flying up the steps so fast that my feet barely
touched the floor, I threw open the bedroom door with a crash and
skidded to a confused halt in my effort to find her. Ava’s palms
were pressed against her cheeks, her mouth hung open wide and she
sat in silence on the bed alone. She stared ahead at the TV with a
look of horror marring her otherwise beautiful face.

“What the hell!” I shouted.

“Shh.” She didn’t take her eyes off the screen and I
moved forward to look at what she was viewing. With one glance at
the TV, I immediately whipped my head back around, blocking the
ghastly image from my sight.

“Good God! What on Earth are you watching?”

“Birthing videos. Remember?”

My palm smacked my forehead. “You had a doctor’s
appointment today.”

“Uh huh.”

“They gave you the videos to watch.”

“Uh huh.”

“Oh, Ava, I’m sorry, Baby.” A shaky, relieved laugh
chocked out from the depths of my lungs. “Jesus…” my heart pounded
so fiercely it felt as if it might explode in my chest.

“Shh!”

We had planned to watch the videos Ava’s doctor sent
home together. We had made a date. A weird date, but a date
nonetheless and I had stood her up. My job had been to bring home
some dinner. My idea had been to bring home takeout from our
favorite Italian place, but from the looks of the screen, Italian
would have been a piss-poor choice and I was lucky to have
forgotten.

Ava’s jaw dropped in absolute terror at the pictures
before her. Her hands pressed to her smooshed cheeks and her eyes
bugged out of their sockets. The woman in the video screamed again
and Ava cringed. As much as I really didn’t want to watch a woman
who wasn’t my own girl give birth to a child that definitely wasn’t
mine, I sat next to Ava on the bed and forced my eyes open wide. I
wrapped my arm around her and she eased her body toward me.

Fifteen agonizing minutes of screaming horror passed
and I don’t think either Ava or I had the benefit of a single full
breath.

The baby was finally delivered and Ava cried.

“That was… sure… something.” I shoved my knuckles
into my eye sockets and rubbed hard in an attempt to erase the
images that were burned into my brain.

Ava let out a half giggle, half cry. “What have you
done to me?” She wiped the moisture from her eyes and moved her
hands away from her face and onto her swollen belly.

“I would tell you I am sorry for knocking you up, but
I’m not. I am so happy you are having my baby.”

“I’m scared.” Admitting to fear was a big confession
for Ava.

“You? You are the bravest person I know. What could
you possibly be afraid of?”

“That.” She nodded towards our paused, flat screen,
HD TV, probably regretting her choice of the huge screen for
watching a birth. The visual of a stranger giving birth had no need
of being blown up and offered in high definition. I would have
suggested watching the birth of a child on a laptop or an iPad --
something
much
smaller.

“Is it going to hurt?”

I coughed back a laugh. “Um, yeah. Like, a lot. Did
you not just hear that woman screaming like a wild animal? Christ,
Ava I thought someone was killing you when I got home!”

“Ugh, Ari!” She prodded me with her elbow.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to lie to me.” She looked up at me from
under her lashes. Her green eyes were wet with fresh tears. My
breath hitched in my throat at her words. I do not lie but I would
do absolutely anything for her.

“Lie?”

“You know -
everything will be fine, it won’t hurt
a bit
- lie to me.”

“OK.” My stomach soured. “Here it goes…” I sucked in
a breath and looked anywhere but into her eyes. Even for love, I
couldn’t look into those melting eyes and lie to her beautiful
face. “You won’t feel a thing. We will fall asleep together in each
other’s arms and dream about our little brown-haired baby with pink
lips and rosy cheeks and a tiny kitten-like cry, ten fingers, ten
toes, a little nose and two bitty ears. And when we wake up, the
stork will have come and left our baby resting happily in your
loving arms.” I lied and my stomached churned with the unease.

“Do you swear?” she whispered.

“Of course I swear. I promise,” I lied again.

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” I moved her chin up to look her
in the eyes. “Ava, I would do anything for you.”