A Proper Family Holiday (36 page)

‘Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,’ Bill began, ‘I’ve got an announcement to make.’

Gloria beamed up at him. Her friend Lesley, who was sitting at the other end of the table, looked at her hands. Bill directed his gaze at his son.

‘You know, David, how much I loved your dear departed mother.’

Dave nodded slowly.

‘Yes, Dad, I do.’

Chelsea looked at her mother and sister. They were already both beginning to look seriously worried.

‘There’s no woman in the world could ever replace my dear Jennifer, not here where it counts, in my heart.’ Bill patted the right side of his chest.

‘That’s your pacemaker,’ said Mark.

Ronnie glared at her partner. This was not a moment for levity. Something serious was going on.

‘Jenny was an excellent woman. She was
nonpareil
. She made it her life’s work to make the people around her happy. She never had a bad word for anyone, right up until the end.’

Jacqui took hold of Dave’s hand and squeezed it. Dave’s eyes were glistening at this emotional talk of his sweet dead mother and it was very moving. This was the longest sensible speech that Bill had made in years.

‘Even on her deathbed, my Jenny was looking to the future for all of us. She said to me, “Bill, you mustn’t be sad without me. You and little David have got to keep on living. You’ve got to keep on loving, too.”’

‘Oh God.’ Ronnie put her fingers to her temples as the penny dropped.

‘I ignored that advice for many years. When I got to sixty, I thought my romantic life was over.’

‘Shit,’ said Sophie. ‘He’s not—?’

‘Sophie, ssssh,’ said Gloria.

‘What’s she shushing me for?’ Sophie complained to her mum.

‘Anyway, what I’m trying to say is’ – Bill cleared his throat – ‘I’ve fallen in love again at last and I’m going to make Gloria my wife.’

Gloria got to her feet and flung her arms round Bill’s neck.

‘Oh, Bill!’ she cried.

‘Oh, Dad!’ Dave exclaimed.

‘Oh God, no!’ said Ronnie.

Chelsea just gawped.

‘What’s happening?’ asked Jack.

‘Great-Granddad Bill’s getting married,’ said Sophie. ‘That is
so
gross. People his age shouldn’t be allowed to get married. I want to be sick.’

Gloria unwound herself from Bill’s neck.

‘Well, thank you very much,’ she spat at her prospective step-great-granddaughter. ‘That’s charming, that is. Your great-grandfather has just announced he’s getting married and all you can say is that you want to be sick. Well, you make me sick too,’ said Gloria, ‘every one of you. Look at the way you’re all looking at me like I’m something you just picked up on the sole of your shoe. Can’t you see that I make him happy?’

‘Well, yes,’ said Jacqui, ‘and that’s lovely, but—’

‘In any case, if you’re thinking about sticking your oar in and trying to stop us, you’re too late. We’ve got the date set. We’re getting married here next Wednesday. We’ve already been to the mayor’s office and done the paperwork.’

‘Bloody hell, Dad!’ said Dave. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘He didn’t tell you because I told him you’d react like this, and I told him why you’d react like this an’ all. I said to him you won’t care whether he’s happy or not. You’ll only be bothered about how it affects you. I’ve seen you all this week, leaving him stuck in front of Sky Sports while you enjoy yourselves out in the sun.’

‘He likes Sky Sports,’ said Dave.

‘It’s a good job, isn’t it? Distracts him from you lot spending his money while he’s not looking. And now he’s fallen in love with me, all you’re really worried about is that there will be less to spend.’

‘What is she on about?’ asked Ronnie.

Chelsea shrugged.

‘I haven’t been spending Great-Granddad’s money,’ Jack piped up. ‘I’ve been spending my own pocket money. I saved it up ’specially.’

‘I don’t think she means you,’ said Jacqui, giving Jack’s hand a squeeze. ‘Look, Gloria, I don’t know why you’re so angry. Surely you must see that we care about Bill very much and we want him to be happy, but … This is all very sudden. You’ve got to see why that makes us a little bit nervous.’

‘He’s your meal ticket and you’re not going to share him, that’s what it is.’

‘He’s nobody’s meal ticket. He’s part of our family.’

‘And he’s brought you on this fancy holiday.’

‘Er,
we
brought
him
on this fancy holiday,’ Jacqui corrected her.

‘Trying to make him believe you love him for who he is, I’ll bet. A small gesture ahead of your grand inheritance.’

Jacqui and Dave looked at each other and snorted.

‘What inheritance?’ said Dave. ‘You’re having a laugh.’

‘Oh yeah, you had it all worked out. You didn’t bargain on him falling in love again so you’d have to share the cash.’

‘If there were any cash to share,’ said Jacqui.

‘You wanted it for yourselves. You’ve probably already spent it in your heads. What are you having, Ronnie, liposuction?’

‘I’ll bloody—’ Ronnie got out of her chair and pulled back her arm as though to take a swing.

‘Ronnie, sit,’ Jacqui barked. ‘Gloria, we really don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘But …’ Gloria paused. ‘But … the lottery.’

The entire Benson family stifled a guffaw as they realised poor Gloria’s mistake.

‘What’s so funny?’ asked Gloria.

‘The lottery? Dad,’ said Dave, ‘when did you win the lottery?’

‘I won the lottery the day I was born, son, because I’ve been blessed with this fabulous life: my wonderful family, my children, my grandchildren, my great-grandchildren—’

‘And?’ Having heard enough about the blessings of family, Gloria prompted him to tell her when the money had arrived. ‘The real lottery? You said—’

‘I won ten pounds a couple of weeks ago,’ said Mark.

‘I’ve never won anything,’ said Jacqui, ‘and I’ve done it every week since it started.’

‘And I’ve never done it at all,’ Bill announced then. ‘Waste of bloody time. It’s a tax on poor people, that’s what the lottery is.’

Gloria’s face grew pale. She sat down heavily. Even under her spray tan, she started to look quite ill. Lesley had her hand over her mouth, but she was suppressing a laugh rather than horror.

‘You told me you’d won the lottery,’ said Gloria weakly.

‘I did. I won the lottery of life, and I win it again every time I look into your eyes.’ Bill pulled Gloria close and puckered up his lips for a kiss.

‘Oh! Ugh! Get off me, you disgusting old man.’

Gloria wriggled out of his embrace and stood up and away from him. The colour had returned to her face and now it was bright red with fury.

‘You’ve all made a fool out of me,’ she said. ‘You let me think he was a millionaire when all he is, is a senile old idiot.’

‘Hang on,’ said Jacqui, standing up so that she and Gloria were nose to nose. ‘That’s my father-in-law you’re talking about.’

‘You’ve all had a right laugh, haven’t you? Letting me entertain him while you got on with your holidays.’

‘Nobody held a gun to your head,’ said Ronnie. ‘Who were we to tell you not to hang around him? We thought you must find him amusing.’

‘Amusing? That old fart? You’ve made a fool of me,’ Gloria reiterated.

‘We didn’t make a fool of you, you silly cow,’ said Jacqui. ‘You did that all by yourself. If you’d asked us, we would have told you what he’s like.’

‘They’re right, Gloria,’ said Lesley.

‘Don’t you start! You knew about this, didn’t you? You knew he wasn’t a millionaire.’

‘I did think it was unlikely,’ Lesley admitted. ‘I mean …’

Ronnie and Jacqui both shot Lesley a look that warned her not to elaborate on their family patriarch’s shortcomings.

‘You let me kiss him!’

‘Just one kiss,’ Bill started singing. He reached out to grab her again.

‘Go away. Go away.’ Gloria swatted at Bill with her napkin. ‘Don’t you dare bloody touch me.’

‘I take it the wedding’s off, then?’ said Mark.

‘Oh!’ Gloria spun on her wedge heels and disappeared into the hotel. Lesley followed right behind her, muttering an apology over her shoulder as she went. Mark and Dave could hardly breathe, they were laughing so hard. Sophie was mortified. Jack was bewildered. Ronnie, Chelsea and Jacqui instinctively gathered around Bill. Sure, the idea that any sensible woman would have wanted to take Bill off the Benson family’s hands was perfectly laughable, but all the same, the women were aware there was probably some level on which Bill had been flattered by Gloria’s attentions and would be hurt to discover they were not based on any genuine affection. Jacqui gave her father-in-law a squeeze.

‘What a silly cow,’ she said.

‘You’re better off without her,’ said Ronnie.

‘Are you OK, Granddad?’ Chelsea asked him.

‘Plenty more fish in the sea,’ said Bill. ‘Besides, I got a quick feel of her derriere before she popped the question, and when you get to my age, that’s the equivalent of winning—’

‘The lottery,’ the rest of the family chimed.

Chapter Fifty-Six

Jack

Once Jack was back in his costume, he was back in character, and he was not about to come out of character on the way down to the Kidz Klub. The adults and older children around the pool gamely cowered as he waved his sabre over them. He perfected his scowl and a deep throaty growl of a voice. Well, as deep and throaty a growl as such a little pipsqueak could manage.

‘OK, Jack,’ said Chelsea, as they paused outside the picket fence. ‘We’re going in, and I think we’ve got a good chance of coming out with the prize, but what I want you to remember is that whether we win this fancy-dress competition or not, you will always be a winner to me.’

‘That doesn’t count, Auntie Chelsea,’ Jack sighed.

‘Fine. Just so long as you remember I said it. It may comfort you when you’re old like I am.’

Chelsea followed her sabre-toting caliph into the Kidz Klub enclosure.

‘Don’t forget your lamp.’

A number of children were already gathering on the stage in preparation for their costumes to be judged. Chelsea said nothing about her thoughts on the rest of the competition to Jack, but as soon as he climbed onto the stage, she was pretty sure he had won hands down. The other kids’ costumes resembled Chelsea’s earlier efforts, before she attacked the Mebus dress with the scissors. They had basically rolled up their trackie bottoms and borrowed their mothers’ sarongs to make hopeless turbans. And, as predicted, there was one errant knight.

Jack’s costume was in a different league. Chelsea hoped that wouldn’t count against him in any way. It was funny to think she had been so concerned that her sewing skills weren’t up to much. Now she worried just a little that the costume she had stitched together from that crazily expensive dress looked altogether too professional.

The fancy-dress competition was to be judged by the hotel manager. That too might count against Jack, Chelsea feared. After all the fuss about Sophie, Jack and Chelsea were well known to the hotel boss. Would he discount Jack as a possible winner for fear that people would think he was awarding him the prize to deflect criticism of the hotel’s initial handling of Sophie’s disappearance?

Jack was so obviously the rightful winner. He wasn’t just wearing his costume; he was actually inhabiting it, like an actor on a world-class stage. The other children stood stiff as the mimes on the Playa Brava seafront, but as the hotel manager walked by, Jack animated the tableau with another hearty growl. The hotel manager sportingly stepped back as though in fear.

Chelsea crossed her fingers behind her back. Surely the trophy was in the bag?

‘Hold on! Hold on!’

Adam and Lily came racing through the Kidz Klub enclosure gate. ‘We want to enter too.’ Adam panted.

The Kidz Klub coordinators conferred. The competition had been advertised as starting at three o’clock sharp and it was now almost a quarter past. The coordinators were keen on disqualification, but the hotel manager reminded the Kidz Klub team they were all about making sure the hotel guests had a wonderful holiday. Kidz Klub rules were made to be bent.

Lily was admitted to the stage, and much as Chelsea wanted to be magnanimous, her proud auntie heart sank.

‘You didn’t say you were a seamstress in another life,’ Chelsea said to Adam.

‘I’ve learnt to be pretty much everything since Lily and I have been on our own.’

Lily was dressed as a temple dancer. Sure, like most of the other children, she was sporting tracksuit bottoms instead of harem pants, but the rest of her costume was a marvel. Adam had taken the fairy dress that Lily wore on that fateful plane journey when Mebus silk met blackcurrant and transformed it into a cropped top and a diaphanous veil. The glittering belt that had circled Lily’s waist now graced her forehead. Lily couldn’t resist giving Jack a knowing look.

Jack growled. Lily responded with a very professional belly-dancer’s shimmy. There were two horses in the race now.

Having walked the row of contestants several times, the hotel manager and the Kidz Klub team retired to the coordinators’ desk to discuss the final decision. They seemed to be taking for ever. The tension was almost unbearable. Chelsea and Adam stood side by side, looking at their respective charges. From time to time, the two adults stole a glance at each other and smiled. As did Jack and Lily. Their night together under Jacqui’s supervision had gone a long way to healing the rift that had begun on the slide all those days ago. All the same, Chelsea didn’t like to think of the possible outcome of the hotel manager’s deliberations. There was no way he could choose any child other than Jack or Lily. Their costumes were streets ahead of the rest. But whom would he choose out of those two? Maybe the best possible outcome would be a joint first place. There would be no need for anyone to be disappointed. Deep inside, though, Chelsea wanted Jack to be the outright winner. He needed it. He needed that shot of confidence more than Lily ever had.

The hotel manager got up from his seat at the coordinators’ desk and walked back towards the waiting contestants. He looked solemn and serious. Anyone who didn’t know what was going on might have thought he had been judging the Olympic gymnastics rather than a kids’ competition.