A red tainted Silence (33 page)

Maybe a little overdramatic, but I guess I was in that kind of mood anyway.

As I stepped out on the front porch again, I paused and breathed in the night air, glad no one else was outside. I left the porch and went down the steps. A single cold plop of water hit me in the face, then another, and another. It’d finally started to rain. I lifted my face up, welcoming the drops on my already moist face. I shoved my hands in my pockets and then started to head for the car before it could really start to pour. I’d wait for Nicholas out there.

It would be a long wait, I figured.

I heard light footsteps coming after me, then felt a hand on my arm, stopping me. “Hey, Brandon, wait. Nicholas asked that I keep an eye on you, and here I go nearly letting you slip away. You okay?”

190

Carolyn Gray

I turned and looked down at Karen and away again, hoping she didn’t realize the wet on my face was more than rain. “No, not really.” She squeezed my arm, then linked hers through mine and dragged me back toward the porch. “Come on back inside before you get soaked.”

“I really don’t want to.”

“Hey, come on. You don’t want him to go looking for you and find you gone, do you?

It’d break his heart if you left.”

I grimaced. “That’s not playing fair, Karen. He left me.”

“I know he did, and of course it isn’t playing fair. But it’s true. It would break his heart, Nicholas being Nicholas. Sometimes he just doesn’t realize things. It’s not out of meanness.”

“Just Nicholas being Nicholas, huh.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I guess in a way it does explain it.”

She tugged on my arm. “There you go. Would you like something to drink?” She smiled at me. “It’d probably help.”

I paused. “I don’t really --”

“Corona?”

I blinked, shaking my head. “You’re not going to let me go, are you?”

“Nope. I promised Nicholas, remember? Why were you leaving? Really, I mean.” I gestured helplessly to the house. “I don’t do so well in crowds sometimes. I just wanted some air.”

“It looked like you were heading for your car.”

I hesitated. “I was just going to wait for Nicholas out there.” She shook her head. “He’s probably looking for you right now. Come on, it’s really okay. You’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” I muttered beneath my breath, but she pulled me back inside anyway.

“Go on in the living room. I’ll find you.”

I hesitated, but then nodded and pushed my way through several people holding drinks and talking. I felt their gazes on me. My face heated and I dipped my head so they couldn’t see, hurrying to the far side of the room. The room was a big one, with lots of chairs and couches sitting about and tall, feathery plants in huge vases big enough to fit inside. I imagined crawling into one, hiding. Very tempting -- and very childish.

I spied a chair in the corner and headed for it, nodding to a couple of girls who looked at me with more than passing interest. One winked. Great. Guess the word hadn’t gotten out to everybody yet that I was taken.

I stood next to the chair and watched the crowd, praying those girls wouldn’t come over to try to talk to me, my gaze occasionally flickering over the strangers in a futile search A Red-Tainted Silence

191

for a certain familiar face. I glanced at my watch -- it’d been twenty-five minutes since our arrival.

I hadn’t seen him in twenty. I was about ready to forget it and just leave, when he finally appeared, talking to a girl I thought I’d seen at the bookstore. Two others trailed behind him. His expression was anxious. He was shaking his head, scanning the crowd. I didn’t move, didn’t try to attract his attention -- wondered if he was even looking for me.

His gaze swiveled to me at last, and our eyes met. I didn’t want him to see the hurt. I turned away, though I knew he’d seen it, was coming straight for me. I felt his touch on my arm. I looked down at him; concern darkened his eyes.

“Where were you? I was looking everywhere.” He ran his hand over my shirt, frowning at the darkened splotches.

“I went outside for a minute.”

“Where’s Karen? I asked her to look out for you.” I forced a smile on my face. “She is,” I said, spying her. She caught my eye and gave me a sympathetic shrug, hurrying over to us. “She’s getting me a drink. There she is.”

“Why’d you go out in the rain?” he said as Karen joined us, Corona in hand. She handed me my drink.

“Here you go, Brandon. Shoot, Nicholas, you did abandon the guy. What else was he supposed to do?”

“I didn’t think he’d go stand in the rain.” Nicholas smiled sheepishly.

“Well, that’s where I found him, and he wasn’t too happy, either. Gotta run, guys --

gotta go play hostess.” She pointed a finger at Nicholas. “Apologize.” Once we were alone, Nicholas slipped his hands around my waist. “I’m sorry, Brandon.

I really didn’t mean to abandon you. I just got kinda overwhelmed. Haven’t seen a lot of my friends in a while.”

“I know you didn’t mean to,” I said quietly. “It’s okay.”

“Was I really gone that long?”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Really.”

“I won’t leave you again. I promise. Everyone wants to meet you. Please?” I shrugged again. “I guess.” I took a long swallow of the Corona, draining it (ignoring Nick’s frown of disapproval), my head spinning a little from the quick buzz. I then let Nicholas drag me after him, although the hurt still burned pitifully in my stomach. He glanced worriedly at me, and I just kept my poker face going. Couldn’t help myself. I wanted him to know he’d really hurt my feelings. A little petty, but there you go. Sometimes I’m like that.

I think he understood. This time, he didn’t let go as he rejoined his friends.

192

Carolyn Gray

“Hey, everybody, this is my Brandon,” he said, looking proudly at me and pulling me close.

My Brandon. I blushed at that. From then on, he didn’t leave my side, keeping his arm tight around my waist or his hand in mine as he introduced me to his friends. I did my best to relax, quickly draining another Corona or two along the way and enjoying the resulting buzz.

It really wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. Occasionally someone would mention they’d been there at the bookstore and were happy to see us together. The curious stares didn’t end, but by the time Nicholas led me to one of the empty couches and pulled me down next to him, it no longer felt so strange. Could’ve been the Coronas, but whatever, it felt good. As if Nick’s actions were some sort of signal, a group of his friends began to drift toward us, settling in the empty spaces to continue their conversations.

Nicholas grinned at me, then startled me by jumping up, pushing one of my legs over, and settling himself between them. He grabbed my arm and lifted it so he could settle against my chest. I shifted on the couch into the corner to make it more comfortable for us both.

Our actions didn’t raise an eyebrow, even when he tilted his head up and kissed me under my chin.

“Now what do we do?” I asked, feeling my breath quicken in embarrassment as he arched his back against me and all but purred. He grinned at me, those amazing eyes of his flashing with wickedness. I groaned to myself -- he was up to something.

“We talk,” he said, all innocent.

“About what?”

“About anything and everything.”

As if on signal, two more of his friends joined us, one sitting on the floor at our feet.

Neither batted an eyelash at the position in which Nicholas and I sat. I fought to calm myself, even my breathing. I didn’t want them to know how Nick’s sheer presence affected me.

The girl on the floor said, “Hey, Nicholas, did you catch Felsman’s lecture on Wednesday?”

Nicholas nodded. “Yes, it was fantastic ...”

They talked. I listened. More or less. More joined us, some joining the girl on the floor at our feet. I set my empty Corona down, only to find Karen handing me another. She ruffled my hair and kissed me on the top of my head. I smiled gratefully up at her as Nicholas went on with one of the others about imagery and pacing and things I didn’t know much about but wished I did.

A lyricist, that’s what I was holding in my arms, I reminded myself. This was his language. I closed my eyes, laying my head back against the couch and listening to his voice drone excitedly on. I guess it was the beer buzzing in my brain, but I began to relax to the A Red-Tainted Silence

193

vibration of Nick’s voice as he lay against me, stopped fighting my body’s response. I was beginning to enjoy myself, I realized. How could I not? Everyone here obviously wanted Nicholas in some form or fashion -- but I was the one who held him. He was mine.

The conversation ebbed and flowed over the next hour. Some got up and left, to be replaced by others, nodding at me and my silent, buzzing self. Richie, the butt-slapper, plunked down next to us, asking Nicholas what had happened to him Friday. So comfortable Nicholas was as he held court, as if he always did so while nestled in his lover’s arms. I smiled goofily at that and drew him closer to me, splaying my hand possessively across his stomach. He covered my hand with his own and tilted his head up at me, smiling and brushing his lips across my neck.

“Nicholas, not now. Later,” I growled, shifting on the couch. I rubbed my hand up his chest and hugged him to take the sting out of my words.

Richie laughed. “You’re going to make your boyfriend horny if you’re not careful, Nicholas.”

“Make him? He’s already horny,” Nicholas said in all seriousness.

I responded by nipping Nick’s ear, making him squeal. “Behave,” I said.

He half-turned in my arms, draping his leg over mine, and reached up, drawing my head down. “Never,” he whispered huskily to me.

That was the only way I can explain what I did next. It had to be the three (or four?) Corona’s in quick succession. And perhaps simply the intoxication of Nick’s voice, his lips against my neck. And the very real need to connect with him in the most basic of fashions.

I wanted him so bad right then and didn’t care who knew it.

So I kissed him, right there in front of Richie and Karen and everybody else who happened to be around. All those strangers saw me. When he deepened the kiss, drawing my tongue into his mouth like I’d discovered he enjoyed, I let him, lost, hopelessly lost in his power. I’m not sure how long it went on, but my body heated, then broke into flames. He squirmed against me, against my undeniable hard-on. My hand dropped on his stomach. It was all I could do not to reach for and undo his waistband, sink my hand inside the warm depths.

I moaned into his mouth; my hand sank lower. Yup, I was losing it. Losing all control. I knew he was hard -- he had to be -- and the desire to hold him in my hand rolled over me like a hurricane. I slipped my thumb inside his waistband, finding at least the tip of what I sought.

He arched his hips into my hand. He was like granite.

“Nicholas? Brandon? Um, hey, guys, there’s plenty of rooms upstairs if you need one,” Karen said, her amused voice breaking through the whirling winds of desire in my mind.

I pulled back with a gasp, and Nicholas chuckled. His eyes danced merrily as he blew in my face. “Breathe, Brandon,” he teased.

194

Carolyn Gray

I buried my face in his shoulder, taking deep breaths to try to calm myself. “Sorry,” I murmured, stunned as always by his amazing self-control and lack of embarrassment, and his effect on me. “I guess I’ve had too much to drink.” I realized then that I had, in fact, had too much and needed to go visit the boy’s room.

“Hey, I didn’t mind. You okay?”

I shook my head and whispered in his ear, “I need to go find the bathroom.” He frowned at me. “You’re not going to --”

“No!” I glanced at his friends, but Richie and the others had either decided to ignore us, or were pretending to. “No. I’ve just had too many beers, is all.” He grinned. “Okay, but you have to promise to come back. This is fun.” He stood, letting me out.

“I’ll be right back,” I said, stepping over one of the girls.

She laughed. “You guys coming back anytime soon?” Nicholas plopped back down, grabbing a pillow and holding it on his lap. “I’m not going anywhere. Brandon will be right back.”

I made my escape quickly, figuring everyone who saw us kiss on the couch damn well knew exactly what state I was in and it was no use hiding it. I found a bathroom and gratefully closed the door, for the second time in one week realizing how difficult it is to pee while hard. This time, though, I thought it was kinda funny.

Too many beers, for sure.

Finally, after finding success on that front and washing my hands, I emerged from the bathroom. Time for a soda, I decided, and headed for the kitchen. I’d seen someone else drinking one and hoped there were more. If I had another Corona, I was afraid of what trouble I’d get in. I might jump Nicholas right there in front of everyone and give them a real show.

The kitchen was empty when I walked in. I looked in the refrigerator, and sure enough, there were several bottles of Dr Pepper. I popped the top to one and closed the fridge, then leaned against the counter, glad my dick had, uh, relaxed. A couple guys I’d seen earlier walked in. They looked at each other, their expressions surprised at seeing me.

One of them smirked at me. “Hey, you’re Brandon Ashwood, aren’t you?” He was a tall guy, built, brown hair that spiked up. Tight shirt and tight jeans. The other was short and slim, baggy-clothed. They could’ve been brothers except for the difference in their size and dress. “You’re Nick’s new boyfriend, right?

I blushed. “Yeah, that’s right.”

The two guys eyed each other again and grinned like they knew some joke that I didn’t. “You’re the guy from the bookstore,” Spike-hair said, gesturing with his beer. “We were there the other night.”

A Red-Tainted Silence

195

His friend winked. “That was quite a show. Could tell you had the hots for Nicholas.

Where’d you go afterwards? Nicholas thought you’d bugged out.” I shrugged. “Just to the bathroom. I caught up with him later.” Spike said, “So where’d you meet? School?”

I hesitated, wanting to make my escape, but not wanting to be rude if these were friends of Nick’s. “No, I don’t go to university.”