A red tainted Silence (49 page)

those stairs seemed awfully tall, I swear taller than they’d been earlier -- until finally we were in our room at last.

“Hold on. Let me fix the bed.” I watched the two Nicholases -- man, I really was drunk -- as they fixed the bed. Then one (thank God just one) walked over to me, a gentle smile on his face, and took me by the hand. “Let’s lie down, okay?” I nodded. “Okey dokey.”

He laughed at that. “You’re a silly drunk.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said softly, then pushed me gently onto the bed.

“Nicholas! The bed’s whirling!” I cried out, flinging my hands to the sides and opening my eyes as wide as I could.

“It’s all right, Brandon. Here.” He pushed my feet up onto the bed. I tried to help him, I really did, but my body felt loose, like one big vat of jelly, rolling and undulating over the whirling bed. After a few minutes, during which the ceiling finally stopped its mad rotations, Nicholas touched me on the cheek and said, “Are you going to be sick?”

“No, no, I’m okay,” I said, realizing it was true. All I felt now was an incredible need to succumb to sleep. I tried to push my boxers off, but they wouldn’t cooperate. They were sticky, puzzling me; then I remembered why and sighed happily. “Help me?” I turned my face to Nicholas and grinned up at him.

“What? Oh, right, you sleep in the nude. And these are a mess, aren’t they now?” He took a deep breath, then let out a shuddering, “Wonderful.” I wondered what he’d meant by that, but couldn’t summon any energy to ask. I gave up my fight with my boxers, allowing Nicholas to pull them down and off. He bent down and kissed me on the nose. I made a half-hearted attempt to grab for him, but my jelly-arm wouldn’t cooperate, and he pulled away and off the bed.

“Had too many,” I mumbled.

“Yes, you did.”

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Carolyn Gray

He turned off the light. I heard his jeans fall to the floor and felt him slide in next to me. I turned onto my side, and he curled against my back -- just like we’d been when my dad found us, a few short days ago. “Bed still whirling?” I patted the hand that he’d brought up to my chest. “No, not anymore, my little anchor boy. It’s stopped.” I scooted down so I felt his dick against the cleft of my backside and closed my eyes, content. My own body still thrummed from Nick’s attentions, and my butt still stung, but I was happy. I was in Nick’s arms.

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Chapter Nineteen
Colorado -- Present Day

“I am so not going to miss the smell of hospitals,” Nicholas said.

I looked up from my computer. “What’s that?”

He smiled at me from his wheelchair, where he sat by the window, hugging a pillow to his stomach. He had on the baby-blues sweats Jonathan and I had teased him about, but he looked fresh, excited, his eyes dancing with anticipation.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “I said, I’m not going to miss the smell of this place.”

“There’s a lot I’m not going to miss about this place,” I said. I glanced at the clock on the wall and grinned at him. “We’ve got less than an hour left. But we could stay another day or two ...”

“No!” Nicholas said, tossing the pillow at me. I grabbed it, laughing. “You can stay if you want, but I’m not.” He laid his head back and closed his eyes. “All I can think about is a real bath in a real tub in a real house, then a real fuck in a real bed --”

“Nicholas!” I admonished, laughing as, naturally, Jenn walked in at that moment.

But she hadn’t heard. Or, wisely, chose to pretend she hadn’t. I’m thinking the latter.

“Hey, the reporter from Rolling S one

t

just showed up.” She walked over to Nicholas

and kissed him on the forehead. He grinned and grabbed for her and made her kiss him again, this time on the lips. I shook my head as she broke away from him and patted him on the head.

“Behave yourself, Mr. Kilmain. They’ll have the camera rolling the whole time, you know.”

He grinned at her. “I know. That’s what I’m counting on.” 288

Carolyn Gray

“Clown,” I said beneath my breath and turned back to my computer.

“I heard that, brat.”

“Diva.”

“Hot stuff.”

“Babycakes.”

“Horny boy.”

“Yup.”

“Oh, Brandon, really?”

I nodded. “Always. For you.”

With a squeal, he rose surprisingly quickly out of his chair and kissed me, biting my lip in promise. “I love you. I want you. I need you.”

“Likewise,” I said, then kissed him again. “Now sit down. You promised Nurse Goodall you’d behave.”

He sat gingerly, grabbing the pillow up and holding it to his stomach again, but his blue eyes danced with mischief. “I did, I did, but only until we’re out of here. Once we’re through those doors, anything goes.”

“You guys are too much,” Jenn said, then headed for the door. “Anyway, I just checked on Tommy. He’s feeling better.” She looked pointedly at me. “He asked about you, Brandon.

I told him I was sure you’d drop by before you go.”

“I -- I will.”

She opened the door. “The caravan leaves in thirty. You guys be ready, okay? Kemma’s downstairs already, with Jeff and Katie. I warn you -- there’s a huge crowd of fans out there waiting.”

Nicholas beamed at that. “That’s terrific! Thanks, Jenn. Tell Kemma we’ll be down shortly.”

“Okay. See you guys in a bit.”

She left us alone. I closed my laptop and put it in my case, keenly aware of Nick’s gaze boring into me, watching me closely.

Finally he pushed his wheelchair over to me and touched my hand. “Go see him. He doesn’t blame you for this. For any of it.”

“He should,” I said, rubbing my hands over my face.

“Why? You weren’t the one who planted that bomb. You’re no more to blame for that than what happened to me.”

I stared at Nicholas, disbelief coursing through me. I could barely breathe. I shook my head at him, unable to fathom how he still didn’t see it. “But I am to blame. All this is my fault. I’m the one who --”

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Nicholas slapped the arm of my chair. “Brandon! Cut it out!” Anger pinkened his face and I swallowed.

“Don’t get upset, Nick.”

“I’ll get upset if I want to. Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you, all of this was out of your hands?”

“I should’ve been able to stop this. If I’d just --”

“There was plenty I could’ve done, too, but didn’t. Who’s to say if I’d insisted you talk to me, instead of just ... just giving in and letting you have your way ...” His eyes teared, and guilt had its usual way with me.

“Nicholas --” I reached for his hand, but he jerked it back.

“No. Let me finish. It’s over, Brandon; the past is over and done with. Please, I want to go forward now. Please?”

This time when I reached for his hand, he let me take it. The cuts and scrapes were all but faded away now, his hand soft and Nicholas-pale, not deathly-pale, as it had been for so long. I couldn’t bear the thought of it looking that way again. I nodded, vowing to myself right then that I would never bring it up again, would never insist again that everything that had happened was all my fault. Even though, of course, it was.

“Okay. Forward only.”

“Promise me you’ll stop blaming yourself for all this. What’s done is done; water under the bridge; the past can’t be remade; all that rot.” I smiled. “I promise, Nick.”

He nodded once, tersely. “Now, go talk to Tommy,” he insisted.

“All right. I’ll go talk to him. Then let’s get out of here, okay?” He gave me a wavering smile, then leaned over, and I met him halfway. The kiss he gave me was sweet and gentle -- and I could tell he wasn’t fooled by my charade.

* * * * *

Tommy was asleep when I got to his room. He’d been moved out of ICU at last and into a private suite. He lay on his stomach so as not to put pressure on his burns. Pillows bolstered him into place. His leg was in a cast up to his hip. I felt sick -- I could smell him, smell the burned flesh. Maybe it was my imagination, but I smelled it. Felt it. How must it have felt to have the skin of his back peeled off? The agony ... I couldn’t comprehend it.

As our rooms had been, his was now full of flowers, cards, gifts. Tommy Hubbard had plenty of fans himself, and I was glad of that. Sylvie was nowhere in sight; it was just him and me. Sam had flown back home that morning to tend to some business matters. He would be back in a day or two. I was glad he was gone. I didn’t think I could stand the censure I was sure I’d see in his eyes.

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Carolyn Gray

I leaned against the doorjamb, balanced on my crutches -- I’d been given, finally, a walking boot that morning, but I was still too sore to put much weight on my foot, not ready to give up both crutches just yet. Mutt stood outside the doorway, talking quietly to Andy, the guard assigned to Tommy. I was about to turn and tell Mutt “let’s leave,” when Tommy cleared his throat.

“Hey, Brandon, come in here where I can see you.” I hesitated. “I don’t want to bother you --”

He laughed softly. “I’m not exactly doing anything. Come on in, dude.” I hobbled over to him and pulled up a chair. He moved in the bed, his face paling with pain as he looked at me. He smiled. How he could smile, I just couldn’t comprehend.

“Jenn tells me you’re trying to claim responsibility for this.” Dammit, Jenn. “If you hadn’t gone down there --”

“Someone else would’ve, and they could’ve been dead. Sam. You know he’s not as fast as me. Or Sylvie. What if it’d been Sylvie?” He closed his eyes. “I’ll be okay. It hurts like shit, but in a few days I’ll be out of here.” He smiled, eyes still closed. “I’m tougher than I look.” He opened his eyes then. “So are you.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I did what I usually do in such situations -- I stared at my hands. When he reached out to grab one of them, I jumped. He chuckled, held on to my hand, and sighed when I clasped him tight. “That’s nice. I can see why Nicholas likes you so much.”

“I’m really sorry about it all, Tommy.”

“I know, man. I know.” He squeezed my hand and let it go. “I still can’t believe you guys. I about killed Amanda. I mean, my own sister never told me you and Nicholas were fucking each other.” My face heated and he laughed. “Hell, doesn’t bother me. Not anymore.

Just promise me something, okay?”

“Sure. Whatever you want, Tommy.”

His expression sobered. “Don’t hurt him again, Brandon. I may not look able to right now, but I promise you I’ll kick your ass if you hurt him like that again.”

“You and Jonathan both,” I said wryly.

“Smart man, Jonathan. I want that promise. Now.” Touched and amused -- I had been Tommy’s boss for several years, after all -- I nodded.

The loyalty everyone, including Tommy, showed Nicholas didn’t surprise me. But at least I no longer felt like the enemy. Okay, maybe around Marisa, but hopefully that would get better. And now I had Katie. “I promise.”

“Good. Go back to your boyfriend, and get out of this place, and let me sleep.” I stood, relieved. “Thanks, Tommy. I --”

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“If you say you’re sorry again, I really will get up and kick you in the ass.” He smiled.

“Remember, when I get out of here, I want a room with a view. You hear?”

“I hear you.”

“Now get. Your boyfriend is waiting; your fans are waiting. I swear I can hear them screaming from here. Go on so they’ll shut up.”

He closed his eyes. I watched him for a moment, realizing he’d fallen asleep. Then I left.

* * * * *

“It’s a freaking madhouse! I love it!”

I laughed, feeling immensely better after my visit with Tommy. We sat in our wheelchairs -- hospital policy wouldn’t let me walk out on my own, though I’d wanted to --

right inside the back door. Nurse Goodall had come to see us off, though it wasn’t her regular shift. She gave me a hug.

“Remember what we talked about, son.”

Guilt made me look away. “I know. Thanks for everything, Nurse Goodall.” She chuckled. “If I see you in the grocery store, are you going to call me that?” I grinned sheepishly. “Probably.”

“Good. I’m going to miss it.”

She turned to Nicholas and hugged him, then said something to him. I watched, a little mystified at the sudden darkening of his expression. He nodded, his eyes downcast. Then he looked at me, saw me watching, and smiled brightly. Nurse Goodall took her leave of us, giving me a last, piercing look. I turned away.

Katie stood beside me, holding a briefcase and a representative bundle of flowers and Nick’s koala bear, and Mutt and Jeff stood behind us. Jenn and her husband were going to meet us at the house later, and Kemma and her cameraman were busy filming away as finally the doors were thrown open. Sucked out on a blast of cold, crisp air, we left the hospital without a backward glance.

The fans went nuts.

If I’d worried about negative feedback over our announcement that we were lovers, I shouldn’t have. As we rolled out, the fans screamed and waved, took pictures, called out encouragement as a smiling Nicholas was helped out of his wheelchair and into the black Lexus I’d had Jeff buy for us.

I heard a few of the kids call Katie’s name. She blushed as she glanced at me. “Friends of mine. I don’t think they believed until now that I’m really your assistant.”

“Assist me then, assistant, so there’ll be no doubt.” 292

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I took the flowers and bear from her and handed them in to Nicholas. He’d rolled down the window, of course, and was calling out to some of the fans, waving to the other TV

cameras -- we’d be on the news again -- and in general was being his usual charming self.

And damn that was good to see. How could I have taken that for granted for so long?

Letting Katie help me out of my wheelchair, I waved to the crowd as I eased into the car. When she would’ve walked away, I grabbed her hand.

“Nope, come with us.”

Her eyes widened, but she got in. To my amusement, when she closed the door she looked out the window at her dumbfounded friends and waved. For good measure, I put my arm around her and hugged her. Their faces were priceless. She grinned and kissed me on the cheek.