A red tainted Silence (71 page)

418

Carolyn Gray

“OH, MY GOD!” I screamed, jumping up and throwing the bills in the air. I ran for the apartment, dodged a woman walking her dog, leaped over a bush, tore up the cement steps to our apartment two at a time, wincing at a sudden pain my stomach -- and realized the door was open.

“Nicholas?” I called out, panic replacing my excitement. I burst in to find him sitting at our table, wrapped in both robes, a cup of hot tea cradled in his hands. He wasn’t alone.

A man in dress pants and a shirt stood next to him, smiling. A briefcase sat on the floor next to him.

“Nick?” I said again, a wave of dizziness making me grab the back of the other chair.

“Brandon, you won’t believe,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper he was so hoarse.

“Stop talking, son. Rest your voice,” the stranger said, putting his hand on his shoulder.

I stared at the man, angry at his familiarity with Nicholas. “Who the fuck are you?” I demanded.

The man grinned and stuck his hand out. “You must be Brandon. I’m Steve Rasmussen.

Did you not get my letter? I’d like to help you and Nicholas. I was very impressed with your demo, and I think you guys have what it takes to be superstars.” Another wave of dizziness overcame me as I stared at Nicholas, at his shining eyes, his happy grin -- and for the second time in my life, I fainted.

A Red-Tainted Silence

419

“You’re kidding, Nicholas. He really fainted?” Lee said.

I nodded. “Yup, he sure did.” I leaned back in my chair, rubbing my side. Margaret walked into the living room, carrying plates with sandwiches on them.

“Thanks. What kind are they?” Lee said, peering at his sandwich.

“Chicken salad. And you’re welcome, sweetheart.”

“But, Mom,” I said, glaring at the sandwich. “I don’t like --”

“Hush. You’ll eat it, and that’s final.”

Lee laughed as he took a bite, nodding his pleasure. I glared at him and picked up half my sandwich and bit into it. I’d promised my doc I would eat a good bit of protein every day.

But chicken salad?

“Stop making faces, son. It has vegetables in it.” Lee nodded. “Celery. Mmm. Good. Eat.”

I chewed on it -- and yeah, it was pretty good.

“You boys need anything else?” Margaret said, placing her hands on my shoulders.

I swallowed and leaned against her. “Water?” I said as she brushed my hair from my face. I looked up at her and fluttered my eyelids. “Juice, maybe?” She laughed, then bent and kissed me on the nose. “No need to bat your eyelashes at me, Nicholas Kilmain. Lee? Water or apple juice?”

“I feel like a little kid. Apple juice, please.” 420

Carolyn Gray

She winked at him, then ruffled his hair and left us, returning moments later with mugs of ice and two bottled juices. Then she left, and we were alone again. Lee pointed with his sandwich at the screen. “Did he really think Steven didn’t know you guys were lovers?” I nodded and stared at the screen, my sandwich forgotten. “Yeah, I know. I couldn’t believe it when I read that. I thought it was kinda obvious -- small apartment, one big bed.

The way I looked at Brandon. Couldn’t stop looking at Brandon.”

“The condoms in the trashcan.”

“Weren’t using them by then.”

He arched one eyebrow. “The lube in the bathroom --”

“Bedside table, actually.”

“Gay porn magazines sitting around -- not that you looked at them.”

“Never!” I said in horror.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right, never. The smell of sex in the room --” I laughed. “The way I kissed Brandon right in front of Steven before Brandon actually woke up from fainting, and the things I said to him, the promises I made if he’d just be okay.

Yeah, Steven knew. He just never said anything. Except to say ‘keep them guessing.’” I shrugged. “We pretty much did. Most people never figured out about us. Not until later, anyway.”

Lee grinned. “Well, it was always obvious to me, but then, I’ve got a strong gaydar.”

“You had strong gaydar before gaydar was even a word. We really didn’t surprise you at all, did we?”

“Nope. But I knew it was hard on Brandon. That’s the only reason I put up with you flirting with me.”

I punched him on the shoulder. “You loved it and you know it.” He blew me a kiss, then made me giggle when he bent over and nuzzled my neck and growled at me. “Lee Nelson, cut it out!”

Margaret poked her head through the door. “Everything okay in here?” I pushed Lee away. The little monster pushed back and attacked me again.

“Where’s Jeff when I need him?”

Lee sat back in his chair, smiling innocently as Jeff appeared in the doorway, frowning, Katie watching from behind him.

“Want I should toss him in the snow, boss?”

I smirked at the bad gangster accent. “That would be fun to see.”

“Hey! Oh, no, you don’t,” Lee said, darting from his chair as Jeff took a step forward.

My bodyguard winked at me, then pointed a finger at Lee.

“Behave, or out you go to the doghouse.”

A Red-Tainted Silence

421

“Even the dog doesn’t sleep in the doghouse.”

Barkley woofed. We all looked at him -- he’d raised his head from his pillow and was looking at us.

“Don’t worry, baby, I wouldn’t dream of making you go out there,” I said to my precious pup.

“But you would me?” Lee said.

“Yup.” I picked up my sandwich and took another bite as Lee laughed. Margaret, Katie, and Jeff disappeared again. “But, yeah, he really didn’t think anyone knew,” I said, thinking of Brandon, now asleep at the hospital -- we would be heading that way later -- and his naiveté, his almost obsessive need to believe that no one knew he was gay.

I put my sandwich down.

“Nick, what is it?”

I blinked. “Lee, do you think he was ashamed of me?” Lee’s eyes widened. “Nick, no of course not! Brandon was incredibly proud of you.

Amazed by you. Why would you think that?”

I stared at my hands, my pale, almost ghostly-white hands. They looked older to me than they used to. Scarred. Lots of scars. My captor had liked his little knives. “It would’ve been so much easier if we’d just let it be known we were lovers, don’t you think?” He nodded. “I don’t think it would’ve hurt your success at all, Nick. It wouldn’t have bothered me or the guys, either. Besides, I think most people realized it, if they looked close enough, that you were -- are -- gay.”

I gave him a half smile. “Think?”

“Yup.”

“Good thing I really didn’t want to be an actor.” He laughed, rubbed my shoulder. “Oh, yes, you did. You still would if you could.”

“Only if I could be in --”

“-- in Star Wars. I know. Hey, shouldn’t we go on to the hospital?”

“No, Brandon’s dad said they gave Brandon something to make him sleep, and that he’d call me. He thought I’d be more comfortable waiting here.”

“He’s probably right.”

“It’s weird, Brandon’s dad being so nice to me now.” Lee looked at me and nodded. “It’s good, though. I’m glad.”

“Me, too.”

I looked out the window. The day was a dismal one, heavy clouds cloaking the little mountains off our property. And cold. The wind blew hard against the house. It was better here than the hospital. A fire roared in the fireplace; Barkley lay curled up on his cushion in 422

Carolyn Gray

front of it, basking in it; I was warm and comfortable in my Under Armour and jeans and fuzzy-lined house shoes.

Jeff and Amanda were in the kitchen. Jon and Sam, who had flown back into town the night before (think Katie was a bit of incentive there), were in the den along with Katie, watching TV. Tommy had even come downstairs. He was pretty sore now, and itchy --

everything was healing really well, but he said the healing was almost worse than the burns themselves.

I had no idea where Adam was. I couldn’t have cared less.

The people who mattered to me the most were here, under my roof where they belonged. Except for Brandon, of course.

Tomorrow he would come home. I could hardly wait, yet it terrified me, too. At least at the hospital help was right there. Just a few feet away. Here, we would have to wait for help to arrive if something else bad happened, and that made me very nervous.

The cold, whistling wind made me shiver; the heavy clouds made me cringe. The mountains had looked like this, that day I was brought by my captor to the place destined to be my hell. It was, I realized, pretty much the first time since Brandon and I bought our house that I wished I were in California again.

But that was no longer an option. I wouldn’t go back there for a long while. Hadn’t been there in so long ...

“Nick, you okay?”

I startled, smiled sheepishly at Lee. “Sorry.”

“Think I’m going to read some more. You in?”

I sighed. “I guess. I’m so tired, though.”

He nodded in sympathy. “You’re pretty pale. How about we go sit on the bed? Put on some music and --”

“- and pull the blankies up and cuddle while we read?” He laughed. “We could, yeah. If you want.”

“I want. You could read to me --”

He sobered at that, shook his head. “No, no not a good idea.” I paused from getting up. “What is it?”

“I’ve read a little ahead of you. Remember you told me to look for the strange, unusual?”

“Yes ...”

“And things left out?”

I stood, closed my laptop. Didn’t want to look at Lee. Heard the caution in his voice.

“Yes.”

“He jumps. From that moment when he fainted, he jumped around, a lot.” A Red-Tainted Silence

423

I looked at Lee. “What? What do you mean?’

He picked up my laptop, then took me by the arm. I was stunned how tired I was --

really shouldn’t have chased those dust bunnies. “The next chapter is like a tornado, whirling as fast as it can through the next months. As if he can’t stand to think of anything long enough to write about it. The good and the bad, and he mostly focuses on the bad.”

“The bad between us?”

Lee pressed his lips together. “No, mostly the bad he felt inside. You’ll have to see for yourself.”

“Oh.” I felt very small.

I don’t want to do this, Brandon. Why can’t you just be okay?

He carried my laptop to the bedroom, tugging me along with him. Barkley looked up as I limped past, and he followed after us. A few minutes later, we were sitting on my bed, blankets pulled up around us and my laptop on Lee’s lap. He opened it and scrolled to where I’d left off.

“Read.”

“How much farther ahead are you?”

“A chapter. Go ahead.”

I glanced at him. He raised his eyebrow and nodded to me. “Go on.”

“What are you going to do?”

He sat back and put his arm around me. I sighed, tucking my head against his shoulder, wishing desperately it was Brandon’s shoulder, and looked at the computer.

“I’ll be your mouse operator,” he said.

“I think I can handle that much. You’re quite the team player, aren’t you?”

“Always, Nick, always. I’ve got your back and you know it. Go ahead and read. I’ll be here if you need me.”

I started to read, grateful for Lee’s presence once I read the first few lines.

* * * * *

I hardly remember the next few months. Looking back, it was such craziness, a whirlwind of amazing things and activity as our dreams began to come true.

Our dreams. Nick’s dreams, really, not my own.

It seems odd now to acknowledge that. My dreams, I realized that first day -- yeah, that very first day, when Steven hustled Nicholas into decent clothes and took us out of that apartment -- had consisted mainly of what I already had.

424

Carolyn Gray

Nicholas.

I lost control the minute Steven took over our lives.

It was like a fairy tale, I guess. At least it was to Nicholas. I fainted -- I can’t believe I fainted -- and when I woke up, I was lying on the floor, my head in Nick’s lap. He’d been crying. His eyes were all red and puffy, and since he was sick already anyway, he looked awful, his hair dark and stringy in his face. He kept pushing it back behind his ear.

Steven was on the phone, telling someone to do something, I didn’t know what.

“Brandon, can you talk?”

I looked up at Nick and forced myself to smile. I touched my forehead. “Head hurts.”

“You hit it.”

“Again?”

He grinned. “Yeah, on the chair. I thought I’d be the one to faint at the news, but it was you.”

I closed my eyes, felt his hand on my face. I stiffened and looked up at him -- what if Steven saw? But Nicholas moved his hand. His eyes were sad; I remember that now. How sad his eyes looked because I’d wanted him to move his hand away.

I felt like shit. “What’s he doing?”

A smile broke over his face. “Getting us a hotel room.”

“Hotel room? But why --”

Steven walked up then. “How you feeling?”

“Awful. Sorry about that.”

“Well, got to admit that was a first when I’ve delivered such news.” He laughed and held his hand out. I grabbed it and let him pull me up. Nicholas helped me into a chair and then took his place. I wrapped my arm around my stomach. It hurt.

“I’ve made hotel reservations for you two. A driver will be here in an hour to take you there. Pack up what you want and leave the rest.”

“Why?” I asked.

Steven winked at Nicholas. “Guess he missed that part.” Nicholas smiled. “We’re leaving here. Never coming back, Brandon. He wants to sign us.”

“Are you sure?” I asked Steven.

“That’s why I’m here.” He picked up his briefcase. “I’ll come by tomorrow afternoon.

You boys enjoy yourselves. Order room service, take showers, and sleep late.” I stiffened as dollar signs floated across my mind. We couldn’t afford this! I barely had fifty dollars in the bank, Nicholas wouldn’t get paid for another week, and his check would be short at that. “Nick, we really can’t afford --” A Red-Tainted Silence

425

“Brandon,” he said gently, laying a hand on mine. “Don’t worry about it.”

“We only have fifty dollars --”