A Rescued Heart (Rescued Heart Romance) (24 page)

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t have accused me of wanting to cheat.” Regret consumed her. This man before her was anything but a cheater. He walked in honesty, strong character, and never once wavered on his feelings for her, despite her best efforts to subconsciously change his mind.

“Maybe not, but I don’t have the past that you do. Sometimes I need to remember that before I speak or lose my temper. I claim my part of our argument. Sorry I was a jerk.” He brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

She gingerly smiled her forgiveness. “Speaking of my past, I had some time on my hands today to think, and I had a little revelation.” Ava had been waiting to get this off her chest. Whether tired or not, this needed to be said.

“Oh really? You’ve piqued my interest, please share.”

“You said you were tired of paying for another man’s mistakes and—”

He interrupted, “I’m sorry, that wasn’t right of me to say.”

Ava put her fingers on his lips to quiet him. “You were right, but I realized you were also paying for mine. Tim wasn’t the only one at fault. I chose to marry him even though on some level I knew something was wrong. He became distant and I did nothing about it. Honestly, I think I was more in love with the idea of being married than with whom I planned to spend the rest of my life with. As for the fear of being loved again, his rejection doesn’t make me worthless or undeserving. I need to find my identity in Christ, not in situations or people.”

Ava sat back down on the chair because she couldn’t focus while being that close to him. “I would have saved myself a lot of heartache had I trusted my instincts and God. In the end, it was my mistakes that have caused my insecurities now.”

“Hmmm, so what are your instincts and God telling you now?”

He was fishing for compliments and she would give them. “That you want me, and without a doubt our feelings are the same.”

“Ava, please listen to me. Whether you have another bad dream or see another girl talking with me, I’m in love with you. I’ve waited a very long time for you to come into my life. You’re it, I’m done.” He placed her hand on his chest. “This heart will never beat for anyone but you.”

His heartbeat pumped beneath her hand. She held no fear over his declaration, only excitement for the life she would someday share with him. Her heart had healed and that realization was liberating.

“And I love you, Matthew Everett.”

“Whoa, my middle name. You must mean it.”

“More than you know.”

Ava yawned, unable to hide her fatigue any longer. Their moment disappeared as Matt looked over at the clock. “No wonder you’re tired, it’s after midnight. Why don’t you go home and get some sleep.”

“I’m not going anywhere, you’re stuck with me.” Ava grabbed the extra blanket from the end of his bed and curled up in the chair. “I’ll just sleep here.”

Matt glared at her and she glared right back. She wasn’t stepping down.

He sighed. “I can see this is a battle I won’t win.” A victorious smile spread across Ava’s lips. “So if you’re going to be stubborn and stay, then stay with me.” He pulled the covers back and patted the bed.

“Do you realize how many rules we’d be breaking?” His invitation stunned her.

He put his hand up in the air, displaying the Boy Scout’s honor. “I promise to be a perfect gentleman. I just need to hold you in my arms … well, arm.”

Ava jumped to his side right away before he had the chance to change his mind. She laid her head on his good shoulder and curled up against his body. They laid there quietly, content, until she remembered her idea.

“So is Derek single yet?”

“Why? Are you interested?” Matt laughed alone at his joke. “You spend one day with him and now you’re knocking down his door?”

“Quit,” with a playful spirit she pretended to punch his chest.

“Hey, I’m a wounded man, remember?”

“I’m sorry,” she responded dryly. “I thought it was just a scratch.” They began laughing in pure exhaustion. Ava got up on her side, resting on her elbow. “I was asking because I wanted to set him up with Jules. I think they’d make a good couple.”

“As far as I know, he’s still seeing Chelsea, but I don’t think it will last much longer. He’s not truly happy. She’s a nice girl, but just not right for him. I like your thinking, but we need to hold off. It’s not the right timing.”

“Sounds good, I’ve got more than enough to handle right now.” She kissed him and lightly touched his bandaged shoulder. “Between starting school and nursing you back to health, I’ve got a full plate.”

“I could get used to having my own personal nurse.”

Ava laid her head back down on his chest and listened to him breathe. “Matthew?”

“Yes?” he sounded as tired as she felt.

“Can we start attending church together … and only because I love you?” Ava looked forward to this next step together. They were finally combining an important part of their lives.

“Absolutely,” he kissed the top of her head, “I thought you’d never ask.

One Month Later

Ava froze in the middle of the CVS aisle. She blinked feverishly as the ghost of
wedding past stood in front of her, distracted in choosing which item to purchase. She had wondered many times how she would react in a moment like this. Since the day Tim had shown up at her apartment to give his explanation for calling off their marriage, Ava had avoided any updates on his life. They hadn’t had many mutual friends, and the few they had drifted away after the disastrous wedding day. Ava didn’t blame them. It was uncomfortable for everyone.

Lucy had told her when news had filtered back that Tim and Cara had gotten married, but other than that, Ava knew nothing about them. God had taken away her feelings for Tim, yet it crossed her mind on occasion what it would feel like to run into the pair together. To stand before them alone while they held hands, or maybe even pushed a tiny stroller.

And now here he stood, right in front of her. Despite the shock, Ava was relieved to find she had no old hurt emotions. No little stabs of pain or reminders of the shame that had hovered for months after their breakup.

She was fine, but did she need to be a glutton for punishment. Did she have it in her to open this can of worms and force the past back into the present? The answer came immediately. She could do this. No longer vulnerable or a leper of rejection, she had no reason to turn tail and run, he could no longer hurt her. Debating about how to approach them and what to say, her purse clipped a bag of cough drops that landed to the floor with a thud. Her cover was blown as no preparation remained possible when Tim turned toward the noise, his eyes reaching hers. Shock twisted through his features as she approached with caution.

“Ava …” It had been two years since she had heard him speak her name. He looked like a deer caught in headlights as she drew closer.

“Hi Tim. It’s … um … good to see you.” As the words left her mouth, she couldn’t deny the truth in them. “It’s been awhile. You look different.” Tim did look older, something around his eyes maybe. He had grown out his sandy blond hair and his once smooth face was now covered by a shabby beard. His build was more filled out, his looks less boyish.

Tim rubbed his beard. “Oh yeah, just trying something new. You don’t. You look exactly the same as I remember you.” His response produced a small smile, replacing his initial look of shock. “Since I moved back, I wondered if we might eventually run into each other. And if we did, if you would turn and walk away or maybe pretend not to see me”

“Why would I do that?” she responded, but realized it would have been true if God hadn’t restored her or brought Matt into her life. “Tim, I’ve forgiven you and moved on. I don’t have bad feelings toward you, or Cara for that matter.”

A shadow flickered across Tim’s face. Like he couldn’t quite believe what she said was true. “I mean it, I really do,” she said looking him straight in the eyes. “How are you and Cara? I heard you got married and were living in Peoria. But now you’re back in Rockford?”

Tim lowered his head as if steadying himself before returning her gaze.
“
I’
m
back in Rockford. Cara still lives in Peoria.” The impact of his words hung like a heavy silence between them. As if the moment wasn’t already awkward enough.

“That’s why I thought you would walk away if we ever saw each other again. I figured you knew,” he said finally, his voice thick. “And you’d be disgusted with me. I threw away what we had to marry a woman I never should have been with. Six months ago she left me for an old boyfriend and a party life.”

There was no hiding the embarrassment Tim felt. She could physically see the guilt that weighed him down as his shoulders slumped forward. Ava began to tell him not to go on—that she didn’t need to know any of this, but it spilled out of him quicker than Ava could take in.

“Ava, when I came to your apartment that day, I made it sound like I had it all figured out. I put a lot of spiritual sounding reasons behind the choices I had made. I felt like I owed you answers, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you honestly that I was in a pretty dark place.”

Tim didn’t bother to stop for a response. He obviously intended to come clean, as if unloading a heavy bag he didn’t want to carry anymore.

“When we graduated and I couldn’t find a job around here and moved down to Peoria, things were a lot rougher for me than I let on. My walk with God wasn’t where it should have been. None of the friends I made were Christians and the more time I spent going out with them, the further I felt myself drift from the life I had before.”

Some of the puzzle pieces that had never quite fit suddenly began to make sense to Ava. The distance she had noticed in the months leading up to their wedding. Why Tim never introduced her to some of the teachers he had begun to spend time with. Why he had been so reluctant to find a church. His parting words that day in the apartment rang in her ears
—
You’re a better person than I’ll ever b
e
.

“It got worse and worse to visit you on the weekends—seeing you still doing devotions, serving at church, and growing closer to the Lord, while I knew in my own heart I wasn’t right with Him. But I was too proud to admit it to anyone! I just played the game while I was here, and then lived the way I wanted in Peoria. Going out to the bar in the evening with my co-teachers, pushing away the feelings of hatred for the person I had become,” Tim’s rapid-fire words didn’t hide the emotions.

“Ava, when I broke off our engagement, it was the right thing to do. I knew I was in no spiritual place to lead you as a husband. I was far off track and wasn’t sure I could get myself right again.”

Ava found herself interjecting. “We can never make ourselves right, Tim. That’s why we need Christ.”

Out of the pain that was evident in Tim, Ava heard the hope in his voice when he replied, “I’ve been learning that now. I got pretty low, but the Lord has lifted me out of it.”

Ava nodded. She never would have imagined all this. Though Tim had dealt her quite a blow, she wouldn’t have chosen this for him. She had once loved him with everything she had and despite how things ended she would always care for him. It might be wedged down, way back in the corner of her heart, but she did want the best for him.

“I want to tell you about Cara,” he continued. “It’s no excuse, but she pursued me pretty hard. I’m not sure why—maybe because she grew up in a Christian home and had fallen away too, and somehow it was like we deserved each other.” He paused to suck in a deep breath of air.

“But in the end, we kind of hated each other. I think she finally realized that she couldn’t measure up to you. When I look back, I see that I broke your heart and I used Cara’s. I’m grateful that you have forgiven me, Ava. I don’t know that Cara ever will.”

This was the Tim she had begun dating all those years ago in college. Honest and open. Yet as he talked, her thoughts went to Matt, waiting for her at his apartment. She knew Tim was sincere, and that somehow it helped him for her to know what had happened. But outside of feeling pity for the life he and Cara shared, it didn’t make a difference to Ava to know the truth. She had been over Tim for a long time. Her relationship with Christ, and Matt’s gentle, patient love had healed her wounds of rejection. Words that might have felt satisfying years ago were unnecessary now.

“She may forgive you one day,” she told Tim. “Pray for her. If there is anything I have learned over the last few years, it is prayer can heal any heart.”

Ava made motions to leave, wanting to get back to Matt. She was here to pick up a refill prescription for him while he went to therapy and didn’t want him to have to wait on her for lunch. Tim picked up on her signals.

“You probably need to go, huh?” he said. “I’m sorry I kept you so long. I’m sure anyone who needed
Bengay or heating pads decided to go to another store rather than try to bypass us.”

Ava laughed, as Tim looked down sheepishly, rubbing the toe of his shoe against the linoleum.

“Ava, could I call you sometime? Maybe we could talk more—I could hear what’s been going on in your life too.”

The laughter faded from Ava’s voice as she searched her brain for the right response. For an answer that would respect her relationship with Matt while she avoided hurting Tim’s feelings. She could stand here all day singing Matt’s praises, but she didn’t want to throw her happiness back into Tim’s face. It would have felt good two years ago, but today it seemed meaningless.

“I’m with someone now, Tim. I’m sorry, but I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Tim nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “It’s okay. I was hopeful, but guessed that might be the case. He’s got a good thing. Make sure he knows that.”

After Ava said good-bye to Tim and stood in the check-out line, she thought of Matt and his selflessness, patience, and gentleness towards her. It wasn’t
Matt who had the good thing, she was sure of that. But they certainly had a good thing together.