A Safe Place for Joey (2 page)

I stalled, trying to choose my words, sure she would think me presumptuous. But instead she said, “If you’re serious, there’s office space opening up here in our building. It’s only one room, but there’s off-street parking. Dentists and eye doctors downstairs. Psychologists and psychiatrists upstairs. You’d be on the second floor with us. We all have patients
like Fred, who have learning problems as well as emotional ones.”

I was at the address Dr. Oldenburg had given me before nine o’clock the next morning. Any office building with Rea Oldenburg in it would have been attractive to me – but to have it on a quiet, tree-lined street in what was or had been a residential neighborhood seemed too good to be true. The building itself was wood shingled
with a stone front and blue-shuttered windows. The dozen nameplates beside the wide front door announced its metamorphosis from home to business.

“It’s small,” Dr. Oldenburg’s secretary repeated, opening a door to a room, off a small waiting room on the front side of the building. “And there’s no bath – but Dr. Oldenburg would probably let you use ours.”

“It’s perfect,” I said.

I scrounged up the security deposit and first month’s rent. I furnished the office with a windfall of slightly inappropriate office furniture from a friend who was closing his BMW dealership. Not the small, welcoming round table and chairs and white wicker I’d visualized – instead a six-foot-long, black-walnut-topped desk with black swivel chairs behind and green leather chairs in front. I
bought a secondhand file cabinet and had a phone installed, and I had a place of my own.

The children loved my office almost as much as I did – especially Michael. Eight years old, not yet reading, painfully shy – until he reached the desk. Once there he leaned back in the huge swivel chair, propped his feet on the desk, lit an imaginary cigarette, blew smoke rings, and proclaimed himself
ready to begin. I sat beside him in a smaller chair – and Michael was right. He was ready and he began to learn to read. Michael was the first of a number of children referred to me by the psychologists and psychiatrists on the second floor. Maggie, Bobby, Fred, and two or three others whom I had been seeing at the church moved with me to my new office. Gradually, my practice grew.

I had
been seeing twenty-year-old Tony at the church, and he too preferred my new office space and furniture. His father had bought Tony’s way through private high school by paying tutors to write Tony’s reports and by making donations to the school building fund in amounts large enough to bring him passing grades. Tony had been referred to me by a psychiatrist with the comment, “He wants to learn to read;
he will also benefit from healthy mother figures in his life.” Tony himself told me he was coming to me because he wanted to be able to read the “f ——— menus” when he went out on dates.

Then there was eight-year-old Adam – sandy-haired, freckle-faced, with the nicest parents in the world. “He’s just like I was,” his father said. “I had a terrible time learning to read. I still can’t spell.
Just help him as much as you can, make it as easy as possible for him. I know he’s going to be all right. It just takes a while.”

Next came Robin, six years old, referred to me by Dr. Oldenburg. “I don’t think there’s that much wrong,” Rea said, “but she got a poor report at school – doesn’t follow directions, reverses her letters. A lot of it is developmental, but she’s an only child of
older, well-to-do parents and she’s under a lot of pressure. Be a buffer for her between school and parents. Give her some academic help. I think it will pay off.” Robin looked just like my old Shirley Temple doll – the same blond curly hair, round brown eyes, and rosy cheeks. It was hard to believe I should be paid to work with Robin. But Dr. Oldenburg was right, and within six months she was in
the middle reading group and blooming like an amaryllis.

I was beginning. Sometimes I feel as though I still am. I grew under the tutelage of Rea Oldenburg and the other professionals on the second floor, but it is really the children who have taught me. Sometimes with joy, sometimes with sorrow, I learn a little more about how to help children from each child who enters my life.

There are many ways to write about children with learning disabilities. I have chosen to tell the stories of five children because this is the truest way I know to show what these children are really like. They are not all cut from one bolt of cloth – they have different disabilities and different degrees of disabilities. It is an injustice to lump them all under one broad term and assume they are
all alike. Instead, it is necessary to know each child in detail, adding one tiny specific after another. Nothing ignored – everything important – until all of a sudden the child becomes clear to me and I can see what needs to be done. The label is the least important part, and I have finally stopped fussing over which term is best. It is the child who matters.

We all have our own protective
devices, but these children have more than most. Because they are convinced that they are stupid and therefore unlovable, they cover themselves as much as they can. Of course, if they weren’t intelligent, they wouldn’t worry about it because they wouldn’t be so painfully aware. But as it is they play the fool, act the clown, disrupt the class, figuring it’s better to get in trouble than to look
dumb. They slop their handwriting across the page – sometimes they can’t help it, but often they do it so no one can prove they can’t spell. They say they hate stupid games like Trivia because they can’t remember non-meaningful facts. They have temper tantrums to show that they don’t deserve to be loved. But all the time there is a silent cry for help from these children who, given the opportunity,
will startle you with their insights, sensitivity, intelligence, humor, and ingenuity.

Out of the hundreds of children I have known, the five I write about here are the ones who cried out the loudest – demanding to be heard, to have their stories told. They are unique, as every child is, but they are also universal in that I see dozens of Joeys, Bens, Alices, and Charlies every week of my
life – and, every so often, another Eric. Their hair may be a different colour, and they may be taller or shorter, thinner or fatter, younger or older, from varying economic backgrounds and with different degrees of impairment – but I recognize them immediately and am continuously excited and challenged by how much they can learn.

Children with learning disabilities are just as bright as
other children, but they will probably have to work harder than most to be successful in school. They need support and encouragement. I have seen that with love, remedial help, and a safe place somewhere in their lives, they will learn and grow.

“Zap! Wham! Zappo!” A water pistol pointed at me through the branches of a rhododendron bush. “That did it. I gotcha now.” A thatch of red hair and a small freckled face emerged momentarily between the leaves.

“Joey,” a voice called. “Stop that! Come out. Come say hello to Mrs. MacCracken.”

A dark-haired, pink-cheeked woman emerged from the bushes. “You are Mrs. MacCracken,
aren’t you?”

I nodded.

“I’m Mrs. Stone, and I’m sorry,” she said, shaking my hand and then pointing toward the rhododendron bush. “He’s not always this bad. I just can’t get him out of those bushes.”

I smiled. “I know what you mean. New experiences can be very exciting.”

“Thank you for understanding and for seeing Joey,” Mrs. Stone said. “We’re at our wits’ end. It’s like
somebody wound him up too tight before he was born. I’ve been waiting seven years for him to run down but …”

Mrs. Stone screamed as Joey sped down the driveway toward the street. “Stop! You know you’re not allowed!”

The small boy paused in the breakneck run, swerved gracefully toward the azaleas, performed a perfect pratfall on the lawn, picked himself up, and dashed down the driveway
again.

“I’ll get him,” I said. Words obviously meant little to Joey.

A delivery truck lumbered down the street, and Joey braked at the end of the driveway to watch it pass. I took advantage of this brief pause in activity and crouched beside him, capturing his small dirty hand in mine. “Hi, Joey,” I said. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Startled, he turned to face me, his blue eyes wide,
head tipped to one side, sunlight ricocheting off his bright red hair, highlighting the freckles on the bridge of his nose and cheeks.

“Here we go,” I announced, still holding his hand. I ran toward the azaleas, swerved back onto the driveway, up onto the low stone wall that ran beside it, lifting Joey with me. He laughed out loud as we made one fast turn through the parking lot, down the
slate path along the other side of the building, running at top speed, Joey right beside me, back to the front door of the office building. Joey was smiling but was breathing hard, and I waved to Mrs. Stone with my free hand. “See you in about an hour,” I called. Not stopping, I propelled Joey through the door and up the stairs to my office, hoping I’d used up some of his excess energy.

We watched from the window as his mother backed the station wagon out the driveway and onto the street.

“She’ll be back,” I promised. “Come see the rest.”

Joey was immediately involved. He no longer raced madly, purposelessly; now he explored the shelves of books, the children’s drawings that covered the walls. The same electricity that drove him to random motor movements could be used
to divert him. Joey wandered from the bookshelves to the table of games. “Can we play one of these?”

It was the first time that I had heard him speak a full sentence, and I was pleased that his speech was clear and well-articulated. “Sure. But first come over here and let me show you the stopwatch.”

I settled Joey behind the big desk, handed him the stopwatch, and sat down beside him
to show him how it worked.

He was obviously surprised and pleased to be holding the heavy silver watch by himself. “Is it s’pensive?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “See, you push this to make it start, this to make it stop, this to take it back to the beginning. Let it run for one minute, and then open this drawer and put it in the box. I need to ask you some questions.”

Joey sat
perfectly still for a minute, immersed in the stopwatch. Then he carefully put it in the box, but he couldn’t resist picking up a Magic Marker from the drawer. “Later,” I said, putting the marker back and closing the drawer, and making a mental note that Joey had continually used his left hand so far. “Now,” I said, “see if you can tell me your name, address, and telephone number.”

Joey
was getting happier all the time, and so was I. What did the school find so terrible about this little boy? There was energy and a contagious exuberance about him. He could speak; he could follow directions.

Joey had been referred to me by Dr. Grayson, his pediatrician, who disagreed with the Child Study Team at Joey’s school, which felt he belonged in a special class. Dr. Grayson recommended
that Joey be seen by a pediatric neurologist, who reported “a mild ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) not severe enough to require medication at this time.” Dr. Grayson then recommended that the Stones contact me for a diagnostic educational evaluation. I had been somewhat reluctant, feeling that Joey had already been tested by qualified people. But Dr. Grayson was eager for a second opinion,
and because he was an old, respected friend, I agreed to see Joey at least once. Now I forgot my earlier reluctance to evaluate Joey – I wanted to know everything I could.

I spent the next hour concentrating hard on Joey, noting all the things that were right with him. First of all, he was an appealing boy – his thick shock of red hair plus freckles and a wide mouth and slightly asymmetrical
face made him look like the kid on the cornflakes box. His movements were quick and graceful, and I liked the way he got interested and involved when I showed him how things worked. I liked his laugh. I liked the information he had stored up. He knew that his dad worked in a bank and that his dad’s name was Al. His mother’s name was Gail, and she ran computers. He knew his two older brothers’
names and ages and that the reason he didn’t have any pets was because his mother said he was “lergic.”

I liked the way he understood about the chips, which I used as a reward system, immediately comprehending which colour was worth how much. I liked the independence with which he took over. “No. Don’t tell me which colours I earned,” Joey said halfway through our first session. “Just how
much. I can figure it out.”

Joey pulled the old cigar box that held the chips close to him and studied the list on the back cover of the box. “Oranges are five, blues ten,” he said out loud, “reds are twenty, greens are twenty-five, yellows are fifty, and these silver ones are worth a hundred each, right?”

“Right.”

“Are the silvers real?”

“Yes, they’re fifty-cent pieces.
My dad collected them. I put them in with the other chips to make it more interesting. All this testing can get to be pretty dull stuff, so at the end of our time you count up the chips I’ve paid you and then decide if you want to spend for something little or save for something bigger. You buy stuff from the basket – stickers, balls, pens – things like that. I’ll show you when we’re through.”

I didn’t say it out loud, but chips can also help keep a child from getting too discouraged. Most tests have “ceilings,” and when a child misses three or four questions in a row, the test ends. So in the course of an hour’s evaluation, a child may “fail” a dozen times or more – and most of the children I see are smart enough to know when they’re wrong. Shoulders slump. Heads droop. But if
I pay at the end of each test, counting up the answers by fives or tens, adding a fifty or so, and say something like “Pay yourself one hundred eighty-five,” shoulders straighten and heads perk up like flowers after a summer rain. As the child’s pile of chips grows, his confidence grows along with it. I may be skewing a few statistics, but I’m seeing the child at his optimum, and that’s what’s important
to me.

Every once in a while I’d ask Joey a bonus question like “Why do you think you’re here, Joey? I ask all the kids that.”

“’Cause I’ve got a lot of problems.” Joey’s voice was barely audible.

“What kind of problems?”

Joey shrugged. “I don’t know. I think maybe there’s something wrong with my head.”

And Joey was right, in a way. There was something wrong with
his head. The federal government has defined “learning disabilities” in Public Law 94–142 (the Education of All Handicapped Act) as follows:

Specific learning disability means a disorder in one or more of the basic psychological processes involved in understanding or in using language, spoken or written, which may manifest itself in an imperfect ability to listen, think, speak, read, write,
spell, or to do mathematical calculations. The term includes such conditions as perceptual handicaps, brain injury, minimal brain dysfunction, dyslexia, and developmental aphasia. The term does not include children who have learning problems which are primarily the result of visual, hearing or motor handicaps, of mental retardation, of emotional disturbance or of environmental, cultural, or economic
disadvantage.

The Association for Children and Adults with Learning Disabilities states, “Each child with a learning disability is unique; each shows a different combination and severity of problems – each has one or more significant deficits in the essential learning processes and is considered to have near average or above average intelligence.”

Most of the children I work with have
a learning disability that is known as a specific language disability – dyslexia. The Orton Dyslexia Society, which promotes the understanding, treatment, and prevention of the problems of dyslexia, suggests that while some people have a natural talent for learning their native language and learn to read and write and express their thoughts clearly in the early years of school or even before,
most of us must work much harder and need more teaching.

Some (the Orton Society says as many as 10 percent of us) find this learning exceptionally difficult – so difficult that it can get in the way of progress in personal growth.

The dyslexic child can’t learn and remember whole words, so he doesn’t learn to read when he is taught by a whole-word or “see and say” approach. He often
cannot even remember letters themselves and twists
b
and
d
around. He has difficulty retrieving the words he needs in order to say what he wants to say: “Can I borrow the … you know, the thing you cut with?” Or words come out wrong sometimes: “bermembered” for “remembered” or “basgetti” for “spaghetti.” He may read “united” as “untied” and “nuclear” as “unclear.”

Math difficulties, the Orton
Society says, are now included as another part of dyslexia; math is another language that needs remembering and managing. A child with dyslexia has difficulty with overall organization – he loses his sneakers, his homework, and his sense of direction. Other members of the dyslexic’s family through the generations probably had similar difficulties.

Dyslexia is not a disease but a kind of
mind, often a very gifted mind. There have been many famous dyslexics – Thomas Edison, Woodrow Wilson, Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Nelson Rockefeller, Cher, and Bruce Jenner among them. A child, or even an adult, with a dyslexic mind can learn. He or she (though four times more often he) just needs more help and must be taught in a systematic, sequential way, using strengths, minimizing weaknesses,
and helping him or her achieve success. Experts agree this child can learn to read, to write legibly, to spell passably well, and to put his or her thoughts into clear, understandable spoken or written words.

Children with learning disabilities, or dyslexia, or learning differences, as some of my colleagues put it, have very real and important problems that deserve study, effort, and understanding.
The labels don’t really matter; the children do. We can help them – and we know how. These are children who can succeed if they are given the chance.

By the time I had finished my four diagnostic sessions I had found a lot more things to like about Joey. He had even more going for him than I had suspected. He was far, far brighter than the average seven-year-old. Mrs. Stone had given me
a copy of the Child Study Team report, and there the school psychologist had written that Joey’s “Full-Scale Intelligence Quotient on the Wechsler was in the average range.” This was true; the full-scale score was average, but it didn’t begin to tell the whole story. There were enormous differences in Joey’s subtest scores, ranging from a high 98th percentile in Vocabulary to a low 2nd percentile
in Block Design. When there are tremendous peaks and valleys of this kind, the child is almost always much brighter than his full-scale score shows. To average out subtest scores is like averaging the temperatures at Death Valley to seventy degrees when in actuality it’s sometimes one hundred forty degrees during the day and zero degrees at night.

Unlike many learning disabled children,
Joey’s receptive and expressive word knowledge was large and rich. When asked what a nail was, he replied, “It’s a construction material – you hammer it in like this.” On another test Joey described elbows and knees as “joints,” whereas most children his age answer, “Things that bend.”

In contrast to his good vocabulary, verbal abilities, reasoning, practical judgment, and common sense,
his abilities to understand spatial relationships, to put things in proper sequence, and to repeat from memory a series of digits or words were very poor.

In the Block Design subtest of the Wechsler Intelligence Test, he pushed the blocks across the desk in frustration and banged his head with his hand, shouting, “Stupid kid!”

When he couldn’t remember more than two numbers and none
at all backward on the Digit Span subtest, he began bouncing up and down and finally out of his chair.

During the third testing session, Joey told me that he thought maybe he “saw things funny.” He was right, or at least when he tried to reproduce what he saw with paper and pencil they came out “funny” and bore little resemblance to the original. Joey continued to use his left hand consistently,
and some designs were drawn sideways, some upside down; angles looked like double dog ears.

Joey had other troubles. He read 41 as 14; the letters he meant to be
d
’s turned out as
b
’s. He had memorized twenty sight words, but when he came to a word he wasn’t sure of, somehow the letters twisted around and he read “cliff” as “calf” and “felt” as “fleet.” When he read out loud he skipped lines
and made up words, but if I read to him, he could answer every comprehension question in detail.

Joey was not only smart, he was aware and sensitive. As we started a spelling test he said, “Okay. I’ll do it, but could you please not put that big circle on the front that tells how many I got wrong, like they do in school.” Joey demonstrated: