A Scanner Darkly (19 page)

“Okay,” he said, charmed.

“I’m taking us to my place,” Donna said as she shot along through the night in her little car, “and you do have the money and you will give it to me, and then we’ll drop a few of the tabs and kick back and get really mellow, and maybe you’d like to buy us a fifth of Southern Comfort and we can get bombed as well.”

“Oh wow,” he said, with sincerity.

“What I really genuinely want to do tonight,” Donna said as she shifted down and swiveled the car onto her own street and into her driveway, “is go to a drive-in movie. I bought a paper and read what’s on, but I couldn’t find anything good except at the Torrance Drive-in, but it’s already started. It started at five-thirty. Bummer.”

He examined his watch. “Then we’ve missed—”

“No, we could still see most of it.” She shot him a warm smile as she stopped the car and shut off the engine. “It’s all the
Planet of the Apes
pictures, all eleven of them; they run from 7:30
P.M.
all the way through to 8
A.M.
tomorrow morning. I’ll go to work directly from the drive-in, so I’ll have to change now. We’ll sit there at the movie loaded and drinking Southern Comfort all night. Wow, can you dig it?” She peered at him hopefully.

“All right,” he echoed.

“Yeah yeah yeah.” Donna hopped out and came around to help him open his little door. “When did you last see all the
Planet of the Apes
pictures? I saw most of them earlier this year, but then I got sick toward the last ones and had to split. It was a ham sandwich they vended me there at the drive-in. That really made me mad; I missed the last picture, where they reveal that all the famous people in history like Lincoln and Nero were secretly apes and running all human history from the start. That’s why I want to go back now so bad.” She lowered her voice as they walked toward her front door. “They burned me by vending that ham sandwich, so what I did—don’t rat on me—the next time we went to the drive-in, the one in La Habra, I stuck a bent coin in the slot and a couple more in other vending machines for good measure. Me and Larry Tailing—you remember Larry, I was going with him?—bent a whole bunch of quarters and fifty-cent pieces using his vise and a big wrench. I made sure all the vending machines were owned by the same firm, of course, and then we fucked up a bunch of them, practically all of them, if the truth were known.” She unlocked her front door with her key, slowly and gravely, in the dim light.

“It is not good policy to burn you, Donna,” he said as they entered her small neat place.

“Don’t step on the shag carpet,” Donna said.

“Where’ll I step, then?”

“Stand still, or on the newspapers.”

“Donna—”

“Now don’t give me a lot of heavy shit about having to walk on the newspapers. Do you know how much it cost me to get my carpet shampooed?” She stood unbuttoning her jacket.

“Thrift,” he said, taking off his own coat. “French peasant thrift. Do you ever throw anything away? Do you keep pieces of string too short for any—”

“Someday,” Donna said, shaking her long black hair back as she slid out of her leather jacket, “I’m going to get married and I’ll need all that, that I’ve put away. When you get married you need everything there is. Like, we saw this big mirror in the yard next door; it took three of us over an hour to get it over the fence. Someday—”

“How much of what you’ve got put away did you buy,” he asked, “and how much did you steal?”

“Buy?”
She studied his face uncertainly. “What do you mean by
buy?”

“Like when you buy dope,” he said. “A dope deal. Like now.” He got out his wallet. “I give you money, right?”

Donna nodded, watching him obediently (actually, more out of politeness) but with dignity. With a certain reserve.

“And then you hand me a bunch of dope for it,” he said, holding out the bills. “What I mean by
buy
is an extension into the greater world of human business transactions of what we have present now, with us, as dope deals.”

“I think I see,” she said, her large dark eyes placid but alert. She was willing to learn.

“How many—like when you ripped off that Coca-Cola truck you were tailgating that day—how many bottles of Coke did you rip off? How many crates?”

“A month’s worth,” Donna said. “For me and my friends.”

He glared at her reprovingly.

“It’s a form of barter,” she said.

‘“What do—” He started to laugh. “What do you give back?”

“I give of myself.”

Now he laughed out loud. “To who? To the driver of the truck, who probably had to make good—”

“The Coca-Cola Company is a capitalist monopoly. No one else can make Coke but them, like the phone company does when you want to phone someone. They’re all capitalist monopolies. Do you know”—her dark eyes flashed—”that the formula for Coca-Cola is a carefully guarded secret handed down through the ages, known only to a few persons all in the same family, and when the last of them dies that’s memorized the formula, there will be no more Coke? So there’s a backup written formula in a safe somewhere,” she added meditatively. “I wonder where,” she ruminated to herself, her eyes flickering.

“You and your rip-off friends will never find the Coca-Cola formula, not in a million years.”

“WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO MANUFACTURE COKE ANYHOW WHEN YOU CAN RIP IT OFF THEIR TRUCKS?
They’ve got a lot of trucks. You see them driving constantly, real slow. I tailgate them every chance I get; it makes them mad.” She smiled a secret, cunning, lovely little impish smile at him, as if trying to beguile him into her strange reality, where she tailgated and tailgated a slow truck and got madder and madder and more impatient and then, when it pulled off, instead of shooting on by like other drivers would, she pulled off too, and stole everything the truck had on it. Not so much because she was a thief or even for revenge but because by the time it finally pulled off she had looked at the crates of Coke so long that she had figured out what she could do with all of them.
Her impatience had returned to ingenuity.
She had loaded her car—not the MG but the larger Camaro she had been driving then, before she had totaled it—with crates and crates of Coke, and then for a month she and all her jerk
friends had drunk all the free Coke they wanted to, and then after that—

She had turned the empties back in at different stores for the deposits.

“What’d you do with the bottle caps?” he once asked her. “Wrap them in muslin and store them away in your cedar chest?”

“I threw them away,” Donna said glumly. “There’s nothing you can do with Coke bottle caps. There’s no contests or anything any more.” Now she disappeared into the other room, returned presently with several polyethylene bags. “You wanta count these?” she inquired. “There’s a thousand
for sure,
I weighed them on my gram scale before I paid for them.”

“It’s okay,” he said. He accepted the bags and she accepted the money and he thought, Donna, once more I could send you up, but I probably never will no matter what you do even if you do it to me, because there is something wonderful and full of life about you and sweet and I would never destroy it. I don’t understand it, but there it is.

“Could I have ten?” she asked.

“Ten? Ten tabs back? Sure.” He opened one of the bags—it was hard to untie, but he had the skill—and counted her out precisely ten. And then ten for himself. And retied the bag. And then carried all the bags to his coat in the closet.

“You know what they do in cassette-tape stores now?” Donna said energetically when he returned. The ten tabs were nowhere in sight; she had already stashed them. “Regarding tapes?”

“They arrest you,” he said, “if you steal them.”

“They always did that. Now what they do—you know when you carry an LP or a tape to the counter and the clerk removes the little price tag that’s gummed on? Well, guess what. Guess what I found out almost the hard way.” She threw herself down in a chair, grinning in anticipation, and
brought forth a foil-wrapped tiny cube, which he identified as a fragment of hash even before she unwrapped it. “That isn’t only a gummed-on price sticker. There’s also a tiny fragment of some kind of alloy in it, and if that sticker isn’t removed by the clerk at the counter, and you try to get out through the door with it, then an alarm goes off.”

“How did you find out almost the hard way?”

“Some teenybopper tried to walk out with one under her coat ahead of me and the alarm went off and they grabbed her and the pigs came.”

“How many did
you
have under your coat?”

“Three.”

“Did you also have dope in your car?” he said. “Because once they got you for the tape rip-off, they’d impound your car, because you’d be downtown looking out, and the car would be routinely towed away and then they’d find the dope and send you up for that, too. I’ll bet that wasn’t locally, either; I’ll bet you did that where—” He had started to say, Where you don’t know anybody in law enforcement who would intervene. But he could not say that, because he meant himself; were Donna ever busted, at least where he had any pull, he would work his ass off to help her. But he could do nothing, say, up in L.A. County. And if it ever happened, which eventually it would, there it would happen: too far off for him to hear or help. He had a scenario start rolling in his head then, a horror fantasy: Donna, much like Luckman, dying with no one hearing or caring or doing anything; they might hear, but they, like Barris, would remain impassive and inert until for her it was all over. She would not literally die, as Luckman had—had? He meant
might
But she, being an addict to Substance D, would not only be in jail but she would have to withdraw, cold turkey. And since she was dealing, not just using—and there was a rap for theft as well—she would be in for a while, and a lot of other things, dreadful things, would happen to her. So when she came back out she would be a different Donna. The soft, careful
expression that he dug so much, the warmth—that would be altered into God knew what, anyhow something empty and too much used. Donna translated into a thing; and so it went, for all of them someday, but for Donna, he hoped, far and away beyond his own lifetime. And not where he couldn’t help.

“Spunky,” he said to her now, unhappily, “without Spooky.”

“What’s that?” After a moment she understood. “Oh, that TA therapy. But when I do hash …” She had gotten out her very own little round ceramic hash pipe, like a sand dollar, which she had made herself, and was lighting it. “Then I’m Sleepy.” Gazing up at him, bright-eyed and happy, she laughed and extended to him the precious hash pipe. “I’ll supercharge you,” she declared. “Sit down.”

As he seated himself, she rose to her feet, stood puffing the hash pipe into lively activity, then waddled at him, bent, and as he opened his mouth—like a baby bird, he thought, as he always thought when she did this—she exhaled great gray forceful jets of hash smoke into him, filling him with her own hot and bold and incorrigible energy, which was at the same time a pacifying agent that relaxed and mellowed them both out together: she who supercharged and Bob Arc-tor who received.

“I love you, Donna,” he said. This supercharging, this was the substitute for sexual relations with her that he got, and maybe it was better; it was worth so much; it was so intimate, and very strange viewed that way, because first she could put something inside him, and then, if she wanted, he put something into her. An even exchange, back and forth, until the hash ran out.

“Yeah, I can dig it, your being in love with me,” she said, chuckled, sat down beside him, grinning, to take a hit from the hash pipe now, for herself.

“Hey, Donna, man,” he said. “Do you like cats?”

She blinked, red-eyed. “Dripping little things. Moving along about a foot above the ground.”

“Above, no,
on
the ground.”

“Drippy. Behind furniture.”

“Little spring flowers, then,” he said.

“Yes,” she said. “I can dig it—little spring flowers, with yellow in them. That first come up.”

“Before,” he said. “Before anyone.”

“Yes.” She nodded, eyes shut, off in her trip. “Before anyone stomps them, and they’re—gone.”

“You know me,” he said. “You can read me.”

She lay back, setting down the hash pipe. It had gone out. “No more,” she said, and her smile slowly dwindled away.

“What’s wrong?” he said.

“Nothing.” She shook her head and that was all.

“Can I put my arms around you?” he said. “I want to hold you. Okay? Hug you, like. Okay?”

Her dark, enlarged, unfocused weary eyes opened. “No,” she said. “No, you’re too ugly.”

“What?” he said.

“No!” she said, sharply now. “I snort a lot of coke; I have to be super careful because I snort a lot of coke.”

“Ugly!”
he echoed, furious at her. “Fuck you, Donna.”

“Just leave my body alone,” she said, staring at him.

“Sure,” he said. “Sure.” He got to his feet and backed away. “You better believe it.” He felt like going out to his car, getting his pistol from the glove compartment, and shooting her face off, bursting her skull and eyes to bits. And then that passed, that hash hate and fury. “Fuck it,” he said dismally.

“I don’t like people to grope my body,” Donna said. “I have to watch out for that because I do so much coke. Someday I have it planned I’m going over the Canadian border with four pounds of coke in it, in my snatch. I’ll say I’m a Catholic and a virgin. Where are you going?” Alarm had her now; she half rose.

“I’m taking off,” he said.

“Your car is at your place. I drove you.” The girl struggled up, tousled and confused and half asleep, wandered toward the closet to get her leather jacket. “I’ll drive you back. But you can see why I have to protect my snatch. Four pounds of coke is worth—”

“No fucking way,” he said. “You’re too stoned to drive ten feet, and you never fucking let anybody else drive that little roller skate of yours.”

Facing him, she yelled wildly, “That’s because nobody else can fucking drive my car! Nobody else ever gets it right, no man especially! Driving or anything else! You had your hands down into my—”