A Sinful Calling (5 page)

W
hen Dillon heard a knock at his door, he knew it was Alicia. “Come in.”

“Hey,” she said, walking into his office. Hers was only a few doors down, and Dillon had called her ten minutes ago, asking if they could have a quick chat.

“Have a seat,” he said.

Alicia sat down in the supple wood-framed leather chair in front of his desk.

“So what's going on?”

“Well, first of all, I wanted to update you on our elder board meeting this morning. I brought up a new idea in terms of how we should market, and I really think it could work.”

“That's good to hear.”

“Yeah, well, I thought it was good, too, but I'm not so sure all the elders agree. Especially Elder Freeman.”

“Why do you say that?”

“What I want is for us to promote the idea of our twelve elders as being similar to Jesus's disciples. But of course, Elder Freeman took it the wrong way. He suggested I was comparing
myself
to Jesus.”

Alicia laughed a little. “You don't think he really thought that, do you?”

“Yeah, I'm sad to say he did.”

“Did you explain what you meant?”

“I tried to, but you know how Elder Freeman is. Once he gets something in his head, that's the end of it.”

“Well, I think promoting all twelve of our primary ministries is a good thing, and it wouldn't hurt to promote our women's ministry as well. There are a lot of women in our community who are hurting in many ways, and we could really help them a great deal.”

“I agree, and I'll talk to Raven about that tonight.”

“Yeah, better you than me,” Alicia said.

Whether Alicia realized it or not, Dillon had always known that there wasn't a love fest going on between her and Raven, but he'd never said anything to her. As a matter of fact, until yesterday, Raven had never gone as far as saying anything to him about Alicia.

“Why do you say that?” he asked.

“Well, for one thing, I don't think she was too happy about the way I reacted to her news on Sunday.”

“What? About her becoming co-pastor?”

“That would be it.”

“She's been talking privately about it for a while, but now she's at a point where she wants to move forward with it.”

“And you agree with her?”

The old Dillon hadn't shown much loyalty to anyone, but for some reason, he'd always felt that he owed a certain level of devotion to his wife. He wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but he did love Raven and he tried to respect her the way a husband should—that is, with the exception of the affair he was having with Porsha.

Still, he felt compelled to be honest with Alicia. “To tell you the truth, I don't.”

Alicia didn't seem shocked. “Did you tell her that?”

“I did, and she wasn't happy. We had a big argument about it.”

“I just don't think it's a good idea. Maybe somewhere down the road the church will be ready for a female pastor, but not now. Not when we're trying to grow the membership.”

“You're right, but I don't see Raven backing down from this. She wants to be co-pastor, and she doesn't see a reason why she can't.”

“Look, I don't want to speak against Raven, because she's your wife, but if you allow her to become co-pastor, you're headed for a lot of heartache. Both with your home life and the way you run the church. Raven is strong, smart, and independent, which is all great, but it also means she's going to want a certain amount of control. Something I don't see you being okay with.”

Dillon sighed. He knew Alicia was right, but he also didn't like what all this would mean for his marriage. He and Raven loved each other and had gotten along fine. Until now.

“I'll just have to deal with this the best way I can,” he said. “Try to get her to see that becoming co-pastor isn't a good idea.”

“I'm sorry I don't feel differently about this, but I have to say, I don't see any of the elders voting yes to it, either. Not even Levi.”

“I just wish heading up the women's ministry was enough for her. She does an amazing job, and there's so much more to be done with the ladies who attend New Faith.”

Alicia crossed her legs. “I don't understand why it's not. Our stepmom has done great things with their women's ministry for years, and I don't think I've ever heard her as much as mention anything about being co-pastor.”

Charlotte wasn't Dillon's favorite person, but Alicia was right about her. She wanted to run things and certainly enjoyed having a noticeable amount of power—churchwise and statuswise—but she didn't want to stand side by side with their dad.

“Maybe you could ask her to talk to Raven,” Dillon said, laughing.

“Well, it's actually not a bad idea. Maybe Charlotte could talk some sense into her—that is, if Raven hadn't betrayed our dad.”

Dillon shook his head. “After all this time, I still can't believe how close you are with her.”

“When she and Daddy first got married I could take her or leave her, but as I got older, she and I got to know each other a whole lot better. Then when Matthew and I became close, Charlotte treated me more and more like a daughter than a stepdaughter. Plus, she's only eleven years older than me, and I think that's how we became good friends.”

“I guess, Sis, but to me she's treacherous. That's why I nicknamed her Charlotte the Harlot as soon as I met her.”

Alicia shook her head, laughing. “You just need to give her a chance.”

“I doubt it, because it's not like she can stand me, either. And then after I did what I did to Dad and Matthew before I left Mitchell…”

“I know, but anything is possible. Look at you and me. Who would have guessed that we could connect and have the relationship we have now?”

“That's very true, but I don't think Charlotte, Matthew, or even Dad for that matter, will ever fully forgive me.”

“Well, not being around them is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Charlotte and I still talk pretty regularly, because she gave Levi and me her blessing a long time ago. But Daddy and Matthew just won't do it. With Daddy, I'm not as shocked because he loved Phillip like a son, but Matthew was my heart. He always loved me and saw me as the big sister he looked up to for everything. And I miss that. I miss him. I miss everything.”

Dillon heard all that his sister was saying and he understood how she felt, but what she didn't know was that he wanted the same things. He was very good at pretending that he didn't care whether he saw his dad or not, but he did care. And he thought about his brother, Matthew, a lot, too. Curtina was the baby of the family, and while he'd never seen her as anything more than a spoiled brat, he sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a baby sister to love and dote on.

He still couldn't admit his feelings to Alicia even now, though. “I hate that you're not as close to all of them as you used to be, but who knows. Maybe they'll eventually come around. Especially once they continue to see how honest and genuine Levi is. They may not know it or want to believe it, but Levi really does love God. You can tell that just from being around him.”

“He's a great guy, and I couldn't love a man more.”

Dillon looked at her, and he could tell she knew something was wrong.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Well, I hope you don't get upset, but Levi confided something to me.”

Alicia scrunched her forehead. “When?”

“Right after our meeting.”

Alicia stared at him emotionless, but Dillon could tell that she wasn't all that happy about what he'd just told her.

“What did he say?”

“He's worried about you and your marriage.”

“Wow, and he decided to bring our problems to you? Although, I don't see what problems we have in the first place.”

“I don't think he saw it like that. He loves you, and he knows I would never repeat your business to anyone.”

“He still shouldn't have bothered you with this. Especially since we're fine.”

“I know, Sis, but Levi doesn't think so. He says the whole Phillip issue is really bothering you.”

“He's exaggerating. I do feel bad about what happened, and it's only common sense that I blame myself for it, but I'm good.”

“Maybe you should talk to a professional or join a support group.”

“Look, Brother,” Alicia said, standing up and trying to appear normal, happy, and confident. “I know you mean well, and I appreciate that, but I really am okay. There's nothing for you to worry about. I promise.”

“All I want is the best for you. I know when we first met, we didn't hit it off very well, but now that we have I can't help but worry. You're the only family I have a relationship with, and as your big brother it's my job to look out for you.”

Alicia laughed. “You're only two years older than me, remember?”

“I know you think this is funny, but I'm serious. If you need help, I'm here for you.”

“For the last time, I'm good. Really. Now, I'll see you later, okay?”

Dillon nodded but then sighed when she left his office. She didn't seem like herself, and while she'd tried to cover it up, she'd seemed almost depressed. But at least he'd tried to talk to her the way he'd told Levi he would, and he'd let her know he was in her corner. Dillon and Alicia were siblings for life, and he would do anything he could for her. He could only do that, though, if she let him.

A
licia paced back and forth, wringing her hands, while her heart raced faster and faster. How dare Levi go to Dillon behind her back. She couldn't wait to confront him, something she'd desperately been wanting to do ever since learning from her brother that Levi had told their business. She'd left Dillon's office hours ago, yet she hadn't pondered about much else, and she wouldn't be content until she told Levi what she thought of him.

At first she'd had a mind to question him right there at the church, but it wouldn't have been fair to the other staff members. So instead, she'd held her tongue and feigned a smile for the rest of the day. Now, though, she waited for Levi in fury.

She paced for another twenty minutes, and finally Levi walked in. Alicia rushed into the kitchen toward him. He seemed startled, but lay his black briefcase on the granite island in silence.

“Why, Levi?” she asked.

“Why what?”

“Oh, so now you're going to play dumb, I see. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Why'd you tell our business to Dillon?”

“Look, baby, I apologize, but I didn't know what else to do. I tried talking to you, but you don't think anything is wrong.”

“Because there isn't.”

Levi sat down in one of the counter-height brown chairs.

Alicia walked closer to him. “What you and I discuss is between us and no one else. So I hope this makes your first and last time doing something like this.”

“I understand why you're upset, but I'm not going to just accept what's going on. You have some real issues, and it's affecting our marriage.”

“Maybe
you
have issues, but I'm fine.”

“Isn't that the same kind of thing your friend Melanie used to say when you accused her of being anorexic? She didn't even know she had a problem until she got sick enough and almost died.”

Alicia's heart pounded harder. “Excuse me? I just know you're not comparing my situation with Melanie's.”

“I am, because you're in denial.”

“Why are you talking to me this way?” she asked. “And why are you betraying me like this?”

“Baby, how in the world am I betraying you? Because I went to your brother, who loves you? Because I'm trying to get you to see that when you tried to tell your best friend she had a problem, she wouldn't hear it?”

“That's exactly what I mean. All this time, you've been a loving, loyal husband, and now, out of nowhere, you've turned into a traitor?”

Levi looked at her like she was crazy, but what he didn't know was that she was just getting started.

“I gave up everything for you! You hear me? Everything! My parents, my brother, my baby sister, my entire reputation. When Phillip died and word got out that he and I had tussled over a gun because of you, even some of my readers sent me nasty email messages. Then others were posting so many awful comments on my social media pages, I had to suspend every one of them.”

“I'm really sorry you feel that way, but this is part of the reason I think you need to see someone.”

“Like who?”

“A psychologist. Someone who specializes in what you're dealing with and can help you.”

“Well, isn't that a coincidence. Dillon suggested the same thing this afternoon, and now I know why. You told him to. You filled his head with so many lies that now he thinks I'm unstable. Maybe even insane.”

“That's just not true, baby. I never told him anything like that.”

“You're such a liar.”

“Honey, what's wrong with you? Why are you so angry and being so mean?”

“Because you betrayed me. You went behind my back like it was nothing. For the whole year we've been married, you've professed your undying love for me, but now the real Levi is coming out, I guess.”

Levi stood up and walked over to her. But when he tried to hold her she snatched away from him.

“Don't touch me.”

Then the voice in her head told her much more.
If you trust this fool, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Can't you see what he's up to? All he's doing is trying to turn Dillon against you. The only family you have left.

“Baby, why are you so worked up?” he asked. “And all because I told your brother I was worried about you?”

Alicia tried to ignore the voice in her head, but it spoke again.
You know he's lying, right? He's not worried about you. He's just trying to destroy you. Cause problems between you and your brother, because he's jealous of the close relationship you and Dillon now have. No matter what he says, he can't be trusted. He also doesn't love you. He doesn't care a thing about you.

Alicia pressed the sides of her head, trying to gain clarity. Then she looked at Levi. “You never should have done that. Whatever problems you have with
me
are between you and
me
. Period.”

“Okay, look. I'm really sorry, and I'll never discuss you or us with anyone again.”

“Good.”

He's still lying. He's going to tell even more people about you than just Dillon. He's just waiting for the right opportunity, and then you won't have any family members who care about you.

Alicia shook her head and closed her eyes. She fought against the voice, pushing it far out of her mind because no matter how angry she was with Levi, she knew he loved her and that he would never try to harm her. He also loved Dillon.

She sat down across from where Levi had been sitting, and he walked around and hugged her again. She laid her head against his chest and burst into tears.

“Baby, you know I'm here for you, and the only reason I think you should see someone is so you can feel better. You're dealing with the loss of your former husband and the loss of your family, and that's a lot for anyone. And then to hear you talk about what happened on social media with some of your readers…Is that why you stopped writing? Is that why it's taking you so long to send your publisher the synopsis for your next book?”

“Partly,” she said, sniffling. “I'm busy running the ministry, but after I lost so many readers I just didn't feel motivated anymore. It didn't seem like it was worth it.”

“Gosh, baby, I'm so, so sorry, and we have to find a way to get you back on track. You loved writing too much to just give it up like that.”

“If your readers don't support you, writing books is pointless. The greatest joy of being an author is talking to your readers in person at events and communicating with them online. I mean, don't get me wrong, the majority of my readers were very kind and supportive when Phillip died, but it was the few who basically said they hated me that caused me so much pain.”

“I know you don't think you need to see anyone, but baby, won't you at least try? For you and for us. I'll even go with you.”

Alicia heard that awful voice chiming in again, but she tried to ignore it. Until she couldn't.

Don't be a fool. Levi isn't the man you think he is. He never was, but you just weren't able to see it until now. He's been tricking you and pretending all along, and he's never really loved you. He only acted as though he did because he wanted to take you from Phillip. He also wanted Phillip to die, and that's why he gave you that ultimatum. Remember when he told you it was either Phillip or him? And guess what else? He also doesn't love God the way he keeps claiming to everyone. He's only putting up a front to get what he wants, and if you stay with him he'll destroy you. Get real, Alicia. Because how can a criminal stop being a criminal and all of a sudden find Jesus?

“No,” Alicia screamed, pushing Levi away from her as hard as she could.

He stumbled and frowned at her. “What in the world is wrong with you?”

She got up from the chair. “You just leave me alone. You hear me?”

“Baby, why are you acting like this?”

Alicia squinted her eyes at him. “You think you're slick, but I know what you're up to. You say you love me, but now you're sneaking around behind my back.”

“But I told you why I went to Dillon. I didn't know what else to do, and I'm worried about you.”

“Well, don't, because it's like I keep telling you…I'm fine. And I've always been able to take care of myself.”

Levi seemed stunned and like he didn't know what else to say, and Alicia was glad because she didn't want to hear any more of his lies. She'd been fooled by his deception for far too long.

Alicia stared at him, rolled her eyes in disgust, and left the room.

But as she backed away, the voice in her head got louder.

Good for you. You did the right thing by walking away from him. Levi is a snake that can't be trusted, and if you're not careful, he's going to betray you again…and again…and again. Just you wait and see, and the next time it'll be much worse than just his going to your brother behind your back.

Alicia pressed either side of her head again and went upstairs to their bedroom. All she wanted was for the voice to stop. She wanted it to stop torturing her. And, thankfully, it did. It was gone, and Alicia prayed it would never return.