A Sip of You (The Epicurean Series) (10 page)

I couldn’t believe that after all this time, I’d never thought about that necklace, not once. I had no idea what had happened to it. Did he have it in Hawaii? Was he wearing it at that last party on the beach? Was he wearing it when that red pick-up truck had crashed into us just a few hours later? I didn’t know. How could I not know?

“He was so good,” Jeremy said almost wistfully, snapping me back to our conversation. His eyes were on the road, but I could see his thoughts were years in the past. Mine were too. “I knew he was good, but he amazed even me.”

Once Jace realized his parents weren’t going to support him unless he followed their dictates for his life, he just pushed harder for what he wanted. And part of what he’d wanted was me. We got married as soon as I graduated. I knew his parents weren’t going to like it, and truthfully, mine weren’t thrilled when they heard about it, either. But my mom and dad came to accept it and us. But not Jace’s mother. She had been a vocal opponent of our marriage, and she was pretty nasty about it. At one point she’d even accused me of getting pregnant to snare Jace. I didn’t know if Jeremy ever knew about that, and I wasn’t going to bring it up to him now. I’d never forget Mrs. Ryder suggesting there were other ways to deal with a pregnancy besides marriage. But I hadn’t been pregnant, just in love.

“Your parents were pretty cool about you guys getting married, right?” Jeremy asked, almost reading my thoughts.

I shrugged. Compared to the Ryders, my parents were saints. It was getting harder for me to talk about this, but I managed an answer. “They were concerned. They thought I was too young, too impulsive. But they came around.”

“You and Jace impulsive? I knew the first time I saw the two of you together he’d found The One. I was surprised you waited until after you graduated.”

“Jace wanted me to finish.” But I thought about what Jeremy said, and now that I was older, I realized my parents might have been more supportive if I’d let them in a little. They never really knew Jace or how I felt about him—how we felt about each other. Jace and I had our own private space. It was always just the two of us. Jace and Cat against the world. We had each other, and that was all we needed and all we wanted.

Of course, it hadn’t lasted.

We were almost in San Francisco when I realized we’d been quiet for quite a while. I was lost in my thoughts, trying to put the pain and grief that had bubbled to the surface back into their little compartments. I glanced at Jeremy, still struck by how much he resembled Jace, and how surreal this whole encounter had been. It was as though parts of Jace were right beside me, and it made me miss him so much more. I’d made my peace with that part of my life—well, with most of it anyway—but I wasn’t certain I could stare it in the face, remembering what I’d had and lost, for much longer.

The car slowed and stopped, and I blinked and stared at the airport terminal.

“Here you go,” Jeremy said. “Service from Napa to San Francisco.”

“Thanks, Jeremy. I really appreciate it.” I gathered my bags and reached for the door. I stepped out and turned to tell Jeremy goodbye, but he wasn’t in the driver’s seat. He’d gotten out and was right beside me.

“Cat.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me close so I could hear him over the noise of the busy airport. “We never talked about what happened between us.”

Oh no. This was I wanted to avoid. I tried to pull my hand back, but Jeremy didn’t let go.

“You just left, Cat.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But I had to.” Did we have to have this conversation now? I was still feeling raw from William’s rejection and all my memories of Jace. Why had I thought I could avoid this? Stupid, stupid, stupid. Jeremy and I had a history, separate but still entwined with my history with Jace, and it was a history I never wanted to revisit. I was so dumb to think he wouldn’t bring it up.

“No explanation. No goodbye. I didn’t have any idea where you’d gone. I had to call your mom to find out you moved to Chicago.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’d just…I needed some distance.”

“But you’re back now,” Jeremy said, squeezing my hand. “And I’d really like to see you again. I’d like to give us another chance.”

My throat felt as though a rock had caught in it. I couldn’t breathe or speak. There had never been an
us
, not really. But there had been something, and just remembering made me feel the shame and heartache all over again. I couldn’t do this. Not here, not now. Not ever.

“Jeremy—” I wanted to get away. I had the urge to tear my hand from his and run. Perhaps he sensed it because he moved closer, essentially boxing me in against the car.

“I know I’m getting married, but Amy…” He waved a hand, dismissing his fiancée. His eyes, so much like Jace’s, met mine. “Amy isn’t you, Cat. No one else is you.”

I shook my head. “I have a different life now, Jeremy. Everything is different. Everything.” I placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back. “I have to go, okay?”

“Cat!”

But I pushed past him and headed for the doors to the ticket counters. “I’ll call you,” I yelled over my shoulder. “I have to go.”

I strode into the terminal without looking back. I didn’t know if Jeremy was still standing beside his car or if he’d driven off. I didn’t care. I waited in line at the ticket counter, my cell in hand. I kept waiting for a text or a call from William, but there was nothing.

Finally, I reached the counter. Lucky me, I could hop on a flight to Chicago leaving in two hours. I was ready to pay the full fare and was handing over my credit card when the smiling blond who was manning the ticket counter was flagged over to take a phone call. I watched as she picked up the receiver of the wall phone mounted just a few feet from her computer terminal. She nodded, then looked at me, then nodded again. I was just standing there, waiting, but her conversation seemed to go on forever. More nodding, more looking over at me. Did I look like a terrorist or something? Maybe it was because I was traveling one-way and didn’t have any luggage to check. I waited and watched as her phone conversation continued. I didn’t understand why this was taking so long. Then I overheard her say, “Yes, sir. I understand, sir. No, I think she’s fine. Alright. Goodbye.”

I had no idea what that was all about or if it had anything to do with me and at this point, I really didn’t care. I just wanted to go home. Once she was back in front of me, I handed her my credit card and she processed my ticket. “Have a nice flight, Miss Kelly,” she said as she handed me my ticket. “You’re at Gate 32.”

“Thanks,” I said, grabbing my bags and purse and walking away. 

When I got past security, I checked my phone again. Nothing. No voicemail, email, or texts from William. It had been two days since I’d spoken with him. Two whole days with absolutely no communication. I couldn’t believe it. And then the whole thing with Jeremy. So typical. The man I wanted was MIA, and the man I hoped never to see again was begging me to be with him. I would go crazy if I thought about it anymore. I pulled my headphones from my bag and turned the music way up. I wanted to forget everything—Jeremy, William, Darius, California. I just wanted to get home.

Finally my flight boarded. I sat down and held my phone in my hand. I’d have to turn it off in a few moments. One more text to William? Something to explain where I was?

I had the feeling he already knew. William was a smart guy. He’d figure it out.

The flight was four-and-a-half hours and I wasn’t nearly as comfortable on a commercial plane as I had been on William’s private jet. I was exhausted and weepy, and when I went to the bathroom, I realized I’d gotten my period. The day didn’t seem like it could get any worse.

I was so confused. I wasn’t sure if I was happy to be heading home or sad to be leaving William. As pissed as I was at William, I knew I needed to cut him some slack because he had a lot going on right now. I was a complete mess, totally over emotional, and I kept needing to swipe tears away from my eyes. Fortunately, the passenger sitting beside me had his nose buried in the
Wall Street Journal
and didn’t even look at me.

The flight attendant came by and gave me a sympathetic look. “Can I get you a drink, honey?”

“Just water, please.”

She came back later to offer food, but I shook my head. I wasn’t hungry, even though I hadn’t eaten all day. I typically lost my appetite when I was upset. Regret filled me, leaving no room for anything else. I was so stupid to think I could spend any time with Jeremy without dealing with our past. It wasn’t sharing all of our memories about Jace that bothered me. It was remembering our history after Jace.

We shouldn’t have had a history after Jace. But I’d fucked up and made probably the biggest mistake of my life. I’d slept with Jeremy.
Slept
really wasn’t the right word. More like I started
sleeping with
Jeremy, because it went on for a while after Jace died. When William and I first met and I resisted him, I told him I didn’t do the fuck buddy thing. That was because I
had
done it—with Jeremy—and it had been a complete and total disaster.

I’d been so desperate to get out of Napa today I thought I could just pretend my and Jeremy’s little fling never happened. But Jeremy hadn’t forgotten, and now he was ready to pick up where we’d left off. Shame washed over me. Even though so much time had passed, I still felt that hot, dizzying emotion. Why didn’t Jeremy feel it too? Why couldn’t he see how much I loathed the person I’d been before I’d moved away?

I wasn’t Cat Ryder anymore. I wished I could get away from her and her stupid mistakes as easily as I could jump on a plane and get away from Jeremy. I just wanted to go back to Chicago, back to my life as Catherine Kelly.

I couldn’t help but wonder if that life would include William. I wasn’t going to put all the blame on him for the failures of the past few days. I’d messed things up too, because I’d had the wrong expectations from the outset. I could see that now. Why did I ever think this was going to be a romantic getaway? The trip to Napa wasn’t a vacation for William. He’d gone because he was being threatened. Again. He’d gone to protect his family and deal with whatever psycho was after his money now. It was never about me or us.

I should have known that. And I shouldn’t have come in the first place. But I had come, and then I’d had my naïve expectations smashed. That was part of why I was so upset. Not just because William left me to take care of business or because he didn’t stay in touch, but because my unrealistic hopes hadn’t come to fruition. I’d been so swept up in the romance of our night at The Peninsula, so excited about being back together with William and the
I love you
s I thought were sure to come, that I’d somehow turned this trip into what I’d wanted, rather than seeing what it was.

And what it was did not look pretty. Yes, we’d had amazing sex. Really amazing sex. I looked down at my wrists, which were still sore from pulling against the handcuffs, and I felt myself stirring. All I had to do was think about William and I started to heat up. I couldn’t help it. Sex was never going to be the problem between us.

Everything else on our little getaway had been the problem. I had turned jealous and whiny and wore my every insecurity on my sleeve, and I hated that I’d been like that. And William might have given good lip service to being more open with me, but his actions said otherwise. Why he thought it was perfectly acceptable to be secretive and controlling whenever he wanted and to disappear without explanation for days was beyond me. I needed to accept that this was the way he operated. I had seen it before. He wasn’t going to change.

All the talk about Jace on the ride from Napa had made me remember how great it had been between my late husband and me. Why couldn’t things be like that with William? The two of us against the world, fighting off the bad guys. Together. He’d asked me to trust him, but why wouldn’t he trust me back?

I was glad I hadn’t told William I loved him. Those words didn’t come easily to me. They were precious, and right now, I didn’t know if I still did love him. I didn’t know if I ever could. And that made my heart shatter.

***

It was after eleven o’clock by the time the plane landed. I was exhausted, and the weather in Chicago didn’t help matters. It was cold and damp and raw outside, and I shivered as I headed out to the cab line. I was wearing just the lightweight dress and sweater I’d thrown on this morning; my winter coat was left at Casa di Rosabela. Oh well, guess I’d be doing some shopping this weekend. Luckily for me, a taxi pulled up right away. 

The driver must have noticed my clothes, because as soon as I told him the address he said, “Where’d you fly in from?”

“California.”

“Warmer there, I guess. You hear about the snowstorm?”

“No.”

The driver was more than happy to rattle on about the coming Snowmageddon. One thing about Chicagoans: they loved to talk about predicted blizzards and past blizzards. By the time we arrived at my condo in Lincoln Park, I knew more than most weathermen about the coming storm. I paid the driver and headed upstairs. I’d seen my light on when we pulled up, so I knew Beckett was here. I was glad. I didn’t want to be alone.

I opened the door and called, “Hello?”

Laird was the first to greet me, running full tilt, tail wagging furiously. I dropped my bags and gave him a hug, getting doggie slobber all over my face in the process.

Beckett raced to the door from the direction of the kitchen. I could smell something delicious baking. “Cat? Oh my God. You really came home.”

“Sorry. I should have texted.” I’d been too busy checking for texts from William. Still nothing. Tears filled my eyes, and Beckett’s brows rose.

“I gather these tears aren’t because you didn’t text.”

I shook my head.

Beckett pulled me to my feet. “Come on. I have chocolate.”

He wasn’t kidding. He’d obviously been on a baking rampage. I couldn’t even see my counter for all the muffins, cupcakes, cookies, and tarts covering it. He heaped a plate with samples, poured me a glass of milk, and sat me down at the table. “Spill it.” He nodded at the desserts. “And take your medicine.”

I laughed, then I started crying again. It came in fits and starts, but I told Beckett most of what happened at Casa di Rosabela while he listened and compulsively checked on his creation currently in the oven.

“So how’d you get to the airport then, after you ditched the bald guy? Did you take a cab or rent a car? God, please tell me you didn’t hitchhike. That would give both me and William heart attacks.”

I took a deep breath. I knew I had to tell him. “I ran into Jeremy.”

“What?” Beckett asked. He spun around and stared at me, looking shocked and horrified at the same time. “You have to be shitting me. Jeremy as in
Jeremy Ryder
? Your weasely once brother-in-law?”

“Yep, the one and the same.”

Beckett took a seat at the breakfast bar. “No eff’ing way. I can’t believe it. The stars really aligned for you, didn’t they? I mean, what are the chances?” He was in shock and a part of me still couldn’t believe it either.

“I went in to this coffee shop and he walked in a few minutes later. He’s a lawyer now.”

“Working for his asshole father?” Beckett interrupted.

“Exactly,” I continued. “He said he was up there seeing a client. We sat and talked for little while. My security thug was never going to let me out of his sight and William was gone wherever, and I just wanted to come home. Jeremy was leaving to go back to the city, so I asked him for a ride and he said yes.”

“Fucking Jeremy Ryder,” Beckett said when I’d finished. “What’s that line about gin joints?” He gave me his best Humphrey Bogart look. “Of all the coffee houses in all the world, he has to walk into yours.”

“Beckett, stick to cooking. Your impressions suck.”

“Now that’s the Cat I know,” he laughed. “Any other great revelations or was that it?”

“Pretty much. It was weird, but okay I guess.” I’d tell Beckett about what Jeremy said at the airport tomorrow. I was too tired to talk anymore but I added, “It made me miss Jace.”

Beckett got up, walked around the breakfast bar, and pulled me into a big bear hug. He kissed the top of my head as he held me. “I know how much you miss him, Cat, and it must have been hell to see Jeremy.”

“Yeah, it was,” I whispered as Beckett kept hugging me.

“It’s really snowing out there now. Mind if I stay over again?”

“No, but I don’t know where the sheets are for the guest bed.”

He raised his brows seductively. “Honey, I haven’t been sleeping in the guest bed and I’m not starting tonight. That room’s a mess, by the way. Guess that means we’ll have to share
your
bed. William had better watch out.”

I laughed and left Beckett to clean up mixing bowls, muffin pans, and cookie sheets while I took a shower and threw on my warmest flannel pajamas. I checked my phone one last time; still nothing. I turned it off.

I felt a lot better when I climbed into bed with Beckett and Laird. The shower and comfortable clothes helped, but Beckett was also a salve. He always made me laugh, and he was the most loyal friend I had. I could trust him implicitly.

Beckett watched one of the late night shows while I stroked Laird’s back. Pretty soon my eyes were closing, and Beckett turned off the TV, and we both dozed off. I loved my best friend, but I really missed William.

***

I woke up to a winter wonderland. Beckett was never an early riser, so I quietly got out of bed, fed Laird, and then stared out my front window at the snow covering everything. I’d seen snow before, but this was my first big snowstorm in Chicago. I couldn’t believe how the white extended as far as I could see. The snow sparkled in the early morning light, as yet untouched and pure, and I found myself completely enchanted.

Thank God I’d left when I did or I would have been stuck in California. I was glad to be home even if I felt a hollowness where William should have been.

William. I found my phone, pulled it out, and turned it on. Five texts and three voicemails from William. I read and listened, glad Beckett was still asleep so he couldn’t see me crying again.

Catherine, where are you? I need you.

That was the text that broke my heart. His voicemails were brief. “Catherine, I’m worried about you. Are you okay? Darius said you left with an unidentified man. Are you okay? Just call me. Please.”

Catherine, I can’t believe you left without any word. Are you okay???

We needed to talk. That much was obvious, but I didn’t want to talk right now. I wanted to think a bit more about my next move. Plus, it was really early in California. Still, I knew what it was like to worry, so I texted back,
I’m home. I’m fine, and I’ll call you later.”

I’d barely hit send when my phone buzzed. It was William. I wanted to roll my eyes. So now he couldn’t wait to talk to me. I thought about not answering, but I was never the sort to play games. “Good morning, William.”

“Catherine.” I could hear concern and frustration in his voice. “You’re okay?”

“I’m fine. And I’m home.”

“I’m relieved to hear that.” There was a long pause and I could hear him breathing into the phone. “You scared me.”

“I understand. Really, I do. And I’m sorry, but you scared me too.”

“Catherine—”

“No, listen. Two days, William. Two days without hearing from you—not a text, an email, a message in a bottle. Nothing. How was I supposed to tell you I was leaving? You just disappeared.”

“I didn’t disappear. And you were at my home, and you were safe.”

“Safe from what?” I interrupted him.

He ignored me. “I knew where you were and that you were being looked after. That’s what I wanted. That’s what I needed.”

“I was being looked after? Like some sort of dog?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

I stood and began to pace. “I don’t need to be looked after. I need to be treated like someone you value. You completely shut me out and cut me off. I thought we talked about this. You said you’d change.”

“How was I supposed to know I’d be called away from Napa? I had to go.”

“Why?”

Silence.

“See, you’re still doing it.”

“Catherine.” He sounded incredibly frustrated. I could imagine his fists clenched and his eyes icy blue. “I did what I thought was best. I didn’t leave you alone. You were safe. You only needed to wait a little longer.”

“No, William. No, I didn’t need to wait. And you don’t get it. It wasn’t okay to leave me like that. It isn’t okay to just drop off the face of the earth with no explanation. That’s not what boyfriends do. Correction: that’s not what
my
boyfriend does.”

“What are you saying?” His voice was dark.

“I think…” My throat was suddenly dry. We’d just gotten back together, and all I wanted was to be with him. But I knew what I had to say. “We need some time apart.”

“No.”

“I’m not saying we break up. We just slow things down.”

“No.”

I ignored him. “This isn’t easy for me to say. We just got back together, and I…I really want to be with you. But I think a break will do us good. We can both get our heads on straight.”

“No. Absolutely not. I have no interest in taking a break—or whatever the hell you want to call it.”

“I don’t think you get to choose.”

“The hell I don’t. I’m on my way home and I want to see you ASAP.”

“There’s a blizzard, William. Even
you
can’t fly in a blizzard.”