A Soldier’s Family (9 page)

Joel flicked the defrost button. “What if God changes her mind?”

Manny cut him a caution look. “If that happens, we can have this conversation again. Until then, I’m satisfied with befriending her and Javier and helping them while I’m in Refuge.”

Joel ought to know God would never entrust Manny with a family again. It had been eating at Manny something fierce lately though. Especially since he’d met Javier and Celia. Then he’d gone and ruined it by acting like a dope at the wedding. Good thing alcohol consumption was a thing of the past for him. Weird. He didn’t miss it.

Other things, such as female companionship, had proved to be more of a struggle though. His days of futile relationships and senseless flings were also history. If he was going to have anything with a woman, he’d determined it would be meaningful and of the forever sort. The kind of relationship that honored God if He ever saw to it to send Manny that. He doubted it.

Still…

“Joel, you think God gives second chances when we mess up? I mean,
royally
mess up?”

“If you’re asking do I think God wants you free from guilt, yes. I’m living proof He gives second chances, and thirds and fourths to infinity. I don’t think God holds those deaths against you as much as you hold them against yourself, Péna.”

“But, how? How do you know for sure?”

Joel eyed the Bible on his dash. “By sticking my nose in that and not coming out until I understand His nature. Ask Him sincerely to show you how He feels about it. Don’t wane on your expectation for Him to speak. See what happens.”

“What if I don’t hear?” Manny accompanied Joel inside.

“He promises you will. Trust His ability to speak to you more than your inability to hear. I’ll wait here while you shower.”

“I’ll be quick.” Manny stopped at the bathroom door. “Hey, Joel, man, I hope you know how much I appreciate everything you do for the team.”

Joel nodded and flashed his hallmark grin. “Thanks. Now, go get cleaned up and that’s an order.”

Manny threw his head back and laughed. “Now, that’s Christian love for you.”

After showering and dressing, Manny sat on his bed.

This is hard for me to bring up because I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around You not being upset with me over my son’s death. I don’t feel worthy of another family. I’d like to know Your thoughts on the matter, even if it’s gonna be hard to hear.

Manny rose and met Joel in the family room.

Once back at Celia’s, Manny tried not to gawk at her. She’d changed for dinner into a reddish purple dress and dangly earrings that matched her shoes.

And, oh, what shoes.

They were those high-heeled kind that he liked. They complimented her calves, which he should
not
be noticing. Conviction kissed his conscience.

Two hours later Manny ripped his gaze away for the hundredth time, treating his tendency to let his eyes linger like a lethal enemy soldier who required a merciless watch and constant guard.

He definitely needed sharing time with Joel. He’d cut himself off cold-turkey from every activity God could possibly want him to. That included women and booze and sensual movies and a hundred things in between. He knew from Joel that Christianity wasn’t about rules. He had a thankful heart dedicated to Jesus for dying on the cross, and Manny wanted to live his life to honor God from now on. Part of that meant keeping his mind out of the gutter.

That clingy dress and those shoes were creating a challenge. Maybe he should call it a night. He’d overdone the weights today anyway, and his leg was screaming at him. Not to mention, he had physical therapy early in the morning.

A mixture of visual temptation, fatigue, stiffness in his hip and pain in his caboose drew him from his chair. “Guys, it’s been fun, but I think I’m going to hit the road.”

Celia looked up from where she cut the cake. “You’re not leaving before dessert, are you?”

“I may take a piece to go. I need to hit the sack.”

Acute disappointment flashed in her eyes, nearly making him change his mind. Then the earrings dangled against her neck, the teardrop-shaped beads brushing her creamy skin, causing his fingers to draw up in envy. His gaze and mind vied to cross forbidden places.

Freckle.
He focused on it and nowhere else. “On second thought, I’ll skip dessert tonight. I’m badly in need of sleep.”
Obviously.
His self-control had taken a barrage of hits this entire evening.
I don’t want to fail You, God.

Javier played video games in the living room with Bradley, so Manny doubted he’d care if he cut out early. “Tell Javier I’ll catch him later.”

Joel stood. “I’ll give you a ride back.”

Manny shook his head. “Nah. The walk will do me good. I need to work some of this stiffness out of my joints.” Plus he had some heavy thinking and praying to do. “I’d like to get together with you later about some stuff, though.”

Joel nodded, holding Manny’s gaze and giving him a look as though he understood Manny needed to get something off his chest. Manny needed to confess his growing attraction to Celia. Maybe Joel had some ideas how to make his eyes obey and keep his thoughts in order. Or maybe he should avoid Celia for a while because he didn’t seem to struggle where other women were concerned.

He reached for his crutches. “Thanks for a wonderful dinner, Celia. The enchilada pie was great.”

She made it to the door before he did, giving him one more chance to eye her curves in that outfit. She looked really, really good. Manny forced himself to stare at that one freckle on her nose.

“Thank you for keeping my son and me company today. It made the day much easier to get through.”

Her soft voice dropped his eyes to her mouth, which looked so soft and supple. Then to her shoulders, which had felt so right cradled in his hug. How badly he wanted to hug her now.

Manny refocused on the freckle as she leaned over to open the door for him. “Good night, Manny.”

He detected something sad in her tone. As if she hated to see him go.

He didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay right here. Wait until Joel and Amber left and Javier and Bradley, who was staying the night, went to bed. Then he wanted to hug the hurt from her. Then he’d end up kissing her and as vulnerable as she looked today, she might just let him. No telling where that would lead. Then she’d hate him. And he’d hate himself.

Manny needed to be brutal with his yearning until it waned.

“No problem. Tell Javier I won’t be able to work out here this week. I’ll call him.” Manny stepped onto the landing, wishing he could sprint home and away from her perfume, which teased his senses. In fact, it followed him off the porch.

Near the bottom, he turned to find her coming down, too.

Great. All he wanted right now was to get away from her and the way she made him feel.

“Manny, have I said something to upset you?” Concern pinched her eyebrows together and her arms folded across her chest. The way she held her arms pushed everything up.

That’s it.

Manny spun away and headed down the walk. “Nope, just tired.” Tired of fighting this.

The
click-clack
of those heels followed. He turned, trying not to sound as frustrated as he felt. His hands came up, palms facing her before he could even think. “Look, I’m fine. When I’m tired, I like to be alone.”

She stopped, staring at his hands a moment before searching his eyes. “Okay, yeah. Sure.”

Manny watched to make sure she made it safely up the steps. The dress shimmered in the moonlight, casting its romantic spell over her yard. And his mind.

God, help me.

Manny headed home, fending off images of red wine and silk and the sound of it sliding against her flesh haunting him.

Let me not fail due to this temptation.

She probably had no idea the effect she had on him. Otherwise, she’d probably wear a trench coat around him at all times. Celia was just conscientious like that.

He turned around to make sure she made it in the house okay—just in time to see those shapely legs disappear behind a closed door. He clenched his eyes and mind shut against the image of those spiky-heeled shoes.

And deliver me from the power of the stiletto.

C
elia decided to battle breakfast dishes after dropping Bradley off. She tousled his hair and adjusted his lopsided glasses. “We should get going, short stuff. Amber wants you home by noon and I’ve got papers to grade.”

Javier grabbed their coats. “It’s boring here. Can I go hang with Bradley and Manny?”

Celia knew it disturbed Javier that Manny had dropped out of exercising with him this week. She wondered what the deal was. Didn’t Manny know how much it hurt Javier’s feelings?

“I’m not sure, son. Call and ask him first. He may be tired after PT this morning.”

Not to mention how strange he’d acted on his sudden departure last night. She’d overcooked her brain to figure out if she’d said or done something to offend him. Likely she had.

Joel said Manny got like that when something weighed on him, that she shouldn’t take it personally. What had made Manny have a complete about-face from laughing and seemingly enjoying himself, to launching from the chair like a rocket then burning up the rubber on his crutches to get home?

She shouldn’t concern herself with thoughts of Manny. Lately though, she couldn’t seem to help it. Only because he’d had a profound effect on her son. That’s all, she tried to tell herself. Then hoped like crazy that was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Otherwise, so help her God, she was falling into a big, bubbling vat of trouble where her heart was concerned.

“Guys, let’s go.” Celia tripped over the cat and herded the boys to the car. Javier climbed into the back with Bradley. It was odd and heartwarming to see them interact. Javier didn’t seem like a high-school kid when with the years-younger Bradley. Celia wished she could still time.

Whispered conversation and subdued hand signals accompanied her to the Montgomery house. What were those two boys up to? Her mommy radar needled up on high. She turned down the radio, but not so much the conspirators would suspect her eavesdropping.

“It’ll cheer him up if you tell him,” Bradley said.

Celia peered at him through the rearview mirror before realizing he’d directed the statement to Javier.

Javier scowled at Bradley and shushed him, while casting hooded glances her way. A sinking feeling hit that her son was once again hiding something major from her.

Bradley couldn’t bluff his way out of a cardboard box. His hand clamped over his mouth and his eyes widened through his glasses. The audible “oops” didn’t help, either.

“What?” Celia eyed Bradley, then Javier.

“Nothing.” Javier’s eyes shot Bradley with warning flares.

“Don’t be his accomplice, Bradley. If something’s going on that I need to know about, you’re not helping Javier by hiding secrets.”

Bradley shook his head. “He’ll hafta tell ya, Ms. Munez. Or else Manny will.”

If Celia didn’t have to get Bradley home pronto, she’d pull over. “Excuse me?”

Bradley lowered his eyes. “Manny said if Javier didn’t tell ya, he would. Said he wanted to give Javier a chance to tell you first, and that’s my final answer.” Bradley eyed Javier with trepidation before fidgeting his seat belt to death.

Celia gripped the wheel. “Javier Joseph Cordova Munez?”

He stared out the window.

“Bradley Tight-lip Montgomery?”

“Nuh-uh. That’s aa-aall I’m sayin’.” He clamped his mouth shut. Pudgy fingers made buttoning motions to his lips. Then stranglehold sound effects accompanied knife-finger slices across his neck while he bug-eyed Javier. “If ya wanna know, ask Manny.”

Manny knew a secret about her son and kept it from her?

Hot anger flared from her stomach to her cheeks. Determination took root. She would get to the bottom of her son’s big secret if she had to ground him his entire school year. Judging by the vicious scowl and the way he sulked in the seat, it was something Javier really didn’t want her knowing about. Javier ought to know better than to tell a secret to a ten-year-old anyway.

But Manny also knew. That irked her. Why would her son talk to a stranger and not his own mother? Granted, Manny wasn’t exactly a stranger anymore. He’d been coming around more and more. And she was getting used to him being around. Which was only due to them having mutual friends.

She’d do well to remember that.

One night at dinner, he’d said Refuge calmed him. She wondered if he’d considered moving here permanently. The team had begun hanging out at the Refuge Drop Zone because Joel was purchasing the facility. He’d mentioned something about their commanding officer, Aaron Petrowski, moving their team base here since Joel’s home was here, and Refuge had an unmapped U.S. Air Force base minutes outside of town they could operate from.

Celia didn’t know how she felt about the possibility of Manny living here permanently. He made her feel things she didn’t want to. On the other hand, he was a positive influence in her son’s life.

Or so she’d thought.

If she couldn’t squeeze the truth out of Javier, she didn’t want to strain his friendship with Bradley by putting him in a position to tell her. The only option left was to humble herself to Manny and maybe he’d leak what he knew. If not, she’d shake it out of him. Yeah, right. The guy was the size of a tank and probably stronger. He’d flick one pinky and she’d fly a mile.

If Manny didn’t tell her Javier’s secret, she didn’t know what she’d do. She didn’t have time to sneak around and follow her son everywhere.

Having arrived at the Montgomery home, Celia noted the drapes drawn. “I need a word alone with Manny.” Celia handed Javier her cell phone. “Call to make sure he’s here.”

“Chicken.” Javier took the phone and gave her a smirk in return.

Celia huffed out a long breath.

Please help me steer my son right. If something needs brought to light, bring it. I place Javier in Your hands and confess I have no idea how to raise a teenager by myself.

If Manny didn’t share what he knew, Celia didn’t know if she could trust him with her son.

Manny looked Celia straight in the eye ten minutes later and didn’t hesitate. “He’s BASE jumping.”

Celia’s stiffened her back. “What’s that mean?”

“That means jumping off buildings and bridges with a parachute illegally.” Manny sat on the padded soda-bar stool. It made a shushing sound with his weight.

“A parachute? Did you teach him to do this?” She whirled, purse clunking against the wrought iron legs of the stool.

“I most certainly did not. But I did offer to take him tandem diving if he promised never to BASE jump again.”

“You’ll do no such thing! How could you even think of doing something like that without my permission? It’s obvious you don’t respect me, but endangering my son’s life?”

“Celia, I got the feeling he’d skydive no matter what. My rationale is if he’s going to do it, he may as well jump under safe circumstances and learn to dive right. I would never take him without your permission.”

“If you didn’t teach him, then who? What kind of idiot would take my inexperienced son to do something so dangerous?”

“No idea. He’s not giving up names.”

“Why on earth would he do such a thing?” Mad tears burned Celia’s eyes. Frustration ate at her insides. Didn’t Javier know how devastated she would be to lose him? “I should have known.”

“What?” Manny toyed with a chain puzzle on the countertop.

“If I let him hang with you, something like this would happen.”

Manny tilted his head. “What is
that
supposed to mean?”

How to say this without offending him. “I know you’re a good influence on him, Manny, but you’re also working against things I’ve toiled over the past five years. You represent everything I’ve steered him clear of. I don’t want him to want to do a dangerous job. Maybe it’s best you two don’t hang out.”

“I hate to tell you this, Celia, but he jumped before he met me. He didn’t know it was illegal. He did it once and became addicted to the adrenaline rush.”

“And that feeling’s worth getting put in jail or killed?”

“To some people, yes. He said it wasn’t that he wanted to break the law or see what he could get away with. He loves the thrill of freefalling. He’s in an invincible phase. He has a driving need to define himself right now. To live past the edge.”

Javier was
her
son. Why didn’t
she
know any of this? Furthermore…“Why’s he telling you all of this?” She cast a glance down the hall to the game room where Javier and Bradley waited. Sounds of pool balls being clunked by a cue stick originated from the room.

“So he thinks it’s less bad to deceive me than defy me?”

Less bad? There goes her grammar.

“He feels if he tells you, you’ll make him stop.”

“He’s right,” Celia snapped, then immediately sat when the impact of her own words hit her, as well as the implications.

No wonder her own son didn’t feel like he could talk to her. She’d been trying to turn him into something he wasn’t. Something safe. Only this was the child who played Superman over the top of his crib at eleven months of age. Time and time again. Who’d won motocross and midget races at age seven and who’d thought snowboarding down a mountain was boring at age ten. Black Diamond was more Javier’s style, even as a preteen. Celia sighed and put her face to her knees.

“He knows you love him, but he feels stifled by your fear.”

She lifted her face from her lap. “I know I’m too overprotective. I’m just so scared something bad is going to happen to him.”

“Celia, I know. I know what it’s like to lose someone I love more than anything.” Manny swallowed. “Twice.”

True. He did. Manny’s words sobered and softened her.

His expression turned as tender as she’d ever seen it. “I’m going to ask you to do something really hard.”

“What?” What was really hard was subduing the sudden urge to reach out for Manny and hug that regret from his face.

“Trust me.”

She drew in a soft breath. “In what way?”

“Do you believe I have your son’s best interest at heart?”

She searched Manny’s face. Sincerity covered it. “Yes,” she whispered. She’d seen him interact with Javier enough to be convinced of it.

He stretched his fingertips across the counter until they rested against her hand. “Then let me teach him the proper way to skydive.”

She shook her head and her mind screamed an emphatic no. “I don’t know if I can. What if it makes him want to—?” Tears and a trembling lip clipped her words off. She jerked her hand back from his fingers.

Manny straightened. “Be a PJ? Or enter some other dangerous career track?”

“I’m a horrible mother for smothering him.”

“You smother him with love. Nothing wrong with that. He doesn’t tell you things because he wants to protect you from worrying. He has a better head on his shoulders than you realize. Do you understand that in two short years he could be on his own, legally?”

Her head snapped up. How could she not have thought of that? Two years? It seemed like yesterday she was trying to figure out when to wean him off sippy cups and Pull-Ups. Now he was trying to figure out how to be a man, where he fit in the world as far as career and his identity. How did time pass so quickly?

“What did you say when he told you about the base-whatever?” Her hands flapped in the air in front of her, then came to rest on the counter.

“BASE jumping. I told him I didn’t approve. I told him it’s dangerous and illegal.”

“Can you tell me his reaction?” She didn’t want to compromise the confidentiality between her son and Manny. At least Javier was talking to someone sensible. Someone who actually cared about what happened to him.

“He grew contrite. He confessed bragging about it to me initially because he wanted to impress me. Said he looks up to me, for whatever reason.”

Manny did seem baffled. As though the weight of responsibility of someone idolizing him was almost too much to bear. For once, she saw Manny in a new light. A humble bear of a guy who had a heart for troubled youth.

Where was someone like that when she’d needed them as a teen?

“I told him it would impress me if he would obey and respect his mother and her home. I told him it would impress me if he came back to his roots as a Christian and understand what a blessing it is to be raised in that kind of home. I told him it would impress me if he went against the flow of peer pressure and became a leader instead of a follower. If he steered clear of drinking, sex, drugs and truancy.”

“Sex and truancy? Never mind. I don’t want to know.” Celia wished she could express to Manny how thankful she was that he influenced Javier to do good. She knew precisely why Javier didn’t come to her with his secrets. Still…

Disturbing images of Javier in a pine box draped in a parachute like a flag with dirt being shoveled over it shattered her peace.

“No. I forbid him to skydive. Period.” She dared Manny with her eyes to protest or to cross her by ignoring her wishes. Her folded arms and tightly clenched teeth must not have fazed him.

In fact, his face held no detectable emotion other than a flicker of something intense in his eyes, and one eyebrow lifted. “If this is his destiny, you’re getting in God’s way. Besides that, you’re being stubborn.”

“I don’t know any other way to be in order to protect him.”

He reached out and took her hand, unfolding her arms, but otherwise kept a safe distance between them, dispelling her fear of him having anything but pure and noble motives. “He has it in his makeup, Celia, to live on the wild side of life. To push the envelope past danger. Now, would you rather him do that in a safe and controlled environment with licensed people you trust and who know what they’re doing? Or people on the underground circuit who may only be slightly more experienced than Javier with his seventeen jumps?”

“Seventee—eek!” Her tongue lodged in her throat. “Seventeen times?” She stood. “Off where?” She sat. “Never mind.” She stood and pulled a half turn. “I don’t want to know.” She spun back around. “Do I?” Celia didn’t know what to do with herself.

“Probably not.”