A Song in the Night (37 page)

Gracious in defeat, Rosie shook her head with a laugh.
You’ve managed to melt me yet again, Gavin. How many more times am I going to let you do that?

And later that evening on the phone to Ciaran, it seemed Gavin had managed to melt him too. “He’s a good bloke, Ros.” Ciaran’s tone was one of approval. “I reckon you’ve done well for yourself there.”

Before she went to bed that night, Rosie checked her e-mails. There was a reply from Jonathon.

Hi Rosie –

I feel for you right now. I know what it’s like being left on your own. When my folks moved, it took a bit of getting used to. Guess it was easier for me tho’. Ridderch Standen’s a pretty small place – everyone knows everyone. I suppose London’s a different ball game. Still, if I can be of any help – an electronic shoulder to cry on and all that – you know I’m here. And besides, now you really will have to pay us a visit. I’ll tell Cassie to start getting your room ready.

Luv Jonathon

Rosie smiled to herself as she got ready for bed. All in all, today had turned out to be a much better day. Her confidence in Gavin had been renewed – yet again. She had seen another, rather surprising side to him. Ciaran had been positive about him too. That had to be good. But if all else should fail, there had also been two very important offers. One – the invitation to visit Ridderch Standen again. And two – Jonathon’s promise of help if she should need it. She hoped she would not. But it was nice to know the option was there.

____________

During the next few days, Beth’s condition improved considerably. Michael Romily was pleased. “I think we’ve pretty much knocked the chest infection on the head, Ciaran. It’s obvious that a more positive mental attitude goes a long way towards combating this kind of thing.”

“How soon can we think about going up to Yorkshire?”

Michael considered the matter for a moment. “You start things moving from your end – employment, house, packing – whatever else needs to be done. And I’ll start contacting the appropriate bodies concerning her health care. If she stays stable, it shouldn’t be too long.”

Gavin had been the perfect gentleman since his visit to the hospital. He had been in touch with Rosie every day, if not in person, then by phone. On the Thursday, Rosie decided to call and see Beth on her way home from the nursery.

Beth was beaming as Rosie entered the room. “What d’you think of my flowers then?” She gestured towards a huge bouquet on her bedside cabinet.

Rosie grinned. “Has that brother o’ mine come into some money?”

Beth shook her head mischievously. “They’re not from your brother. They’re from your boyfriend …!”

“Gavin?”
Rosie was incredulous.

“Yep! He had them delivered. How sweet is that?
And
they’re silk – he must have known we’re not allowed real ones on this section.”

Rosie shook her head in amazement. “Didn’t realise he was so clued up.”

Beth seemed to find the whole thing rather entertaining. “Shame I’ll not be around to see you two get wed.”

Rosie tried to ignore the remark. She wasn’t sure if it was Beth’s allusion to her own forthcoming demise or the thought of being married to Gavin that niggled her. Perhaps it was a combination of the two. “Well,” she quipped dismissively, “at least Gavin can rest assured that the small fortune he shelled out managed to put a smile on that sweet little face of yours.”

“She liked them then?” Gavin asked later that evening as they sat in De Souza’s.

“She loved them.”

“I’m glad.” Gavin gave a smile of relief. “I wasn’t sure if she’d think they were a bit over the top.”

“No. They made her day.”

Gavin looked at her gently. “I’m still trying to work out how to make
your
day, Rosie.”

Rosie hadn’t been expecting the comment. She laughed disarmingly. “Am I that hard to please?”

Gavin didn’t take his eyes off her. “I’m serious, Rosie. I’m still trying to work out what makes you tick. But don’t worry, I don’t give up easily.”

Who said I was worrying?
Rosie’s smile was fixed.
What’s he trying to make out – that I’m some kind of weirdo or something?
“Hey, it’s not rocket science. A couple o’ verses of
‘Wheels on the Bus’
and a McDonald’s Happy Meal – I’m happy as a sandboy.”

Gavin was still looking at her intently. She felt suddenly self-conscious. “Guess you’re gonna tell me it’s time I had a career change, eh?”

Gavin reached over and took her hand. He pressed her fingers to his mouth and kissed them softly. “Rosie Maconochie … what am I going to do with you?”

She was sure this wasn’t the first time he’d asked her the question. But sitting here this evening, basking in the soft, amber light, jazz music playing unobtrusively somewhere in the background, Rosie read an affection in Gavin’s eyes that warmed her. He’d seemed a different man over the last week, and something in her badly wanted to trust him. This suddenly felt like the bit in films where the guy takes the girl in his arms and tells her for the first time that he loves her. Rosie wasn’t quite ready for anything like that, but neither did she want the whole thing to slip back into the casual, unpredictable pattern of the last few months. She looked into Gavin’s eyes, willing herself to hold his gaze. She knew this was no longer the time for flippancy or slick comebacks, yet somehow all other words failed her. She would just have to speak with her eyes and hope he understood.
Understood what?
She wasn’t even sure she understood herself.

____________

Zillebeke January 22nd 1917

Well, Em, I’ve arrived back here and feel like I’ve never been away. The lads were very happy to see me, and I have to say my heart was warmed to see them. One of the Twinnies and a couple of other lads from our platoon are currently out of action – in hospital, being treated for the same thing as me, would you believe? It’s been a bit of an outbreak by the sounds of things.

At the moment, it’s colder here than I can describe. Everything seems to be freezing around us – kit, clothes, everything turning stiff with ice. Even our drinking water is solid in no time. Unpleasant as the temperatures may be, this weather does have its advantages. The ground has actually frozen too, which brings a welcome relief from our having to stand for hours in waterlogged trenches or wade through miles of sinking mud when we’re lugging around supplies. I’d forgotten how tiring life out here could be.

Since I got back, I’ve noticed Jimmy seems to have a different look about him. He still has that thin hollowness about his face, but then he’s a slim lad to start with and we’re all half-starved anyway. No – it’s the scared, haunted look that’s gone. He seems calm somehow, very much changed from the timid lad that joined our platoon only a few months ago. I reckon it’s something to do with Boxer’s influence. Boxer’s as calm a man as you’re likely to come across; never seems to get anxious, no matter how close the shells are landing. I’ve rather missed him these last few weeks. In fact, I have to admit, Em, I’ve even missed his ‘sermons’. I keep thinking about what Nurse Parker said at the hospital. She told me God had been smiling down on me. I reckon she and Boxer would have made a good pair.

____________

It was almost midnight as Rosie tapped in the last few words. She filed the instalment and quickly e-mailed Jonathon.

Hi Jonathon –

Another episode for you. Your Uncle Boxer seems to come out positively glowing in this one.

I think you can expect to see Beth and my brother in the very near future. Beth should be released from hospital soon and then, as far as I can see, it’ll be all systems go.

It looks like I may be coming up to Ridderch Standen soon after all. Beth has asked me to visit whenever I can, so if it’s okay with her parents, I’ll no doubt be taking her up on the offer.

I may not get chance to e-mail much in the next few days. I’ll be spending as much time as possible over at my brother’s. So if you don’t hear from me, don’t think I’m ignoring you

See you soon

Rosie.

Sleep seemed to evade her as she lay in bed. She was glad there was only one more day at work before the weekend. Her brain felt in need of some serious sorting out. Part of her wanted, more than anything, to follow Beth and Ciaran up to Oak Lodge. Yet after this evening, another part of her wanted to stay around Gavin to see if he really
had
metamorphosed into the nice guy she’d always suspected was lurking in there somewhere.

But then there was another part. A part of her that was suddenly scared. What if he genuinely
had
changed? What if he wanted to get serious now? Surely that presented as many problems as it solved. Quite objectively, Gavin was gorgeous. Deep down, Rosie knew he’d be able to get pretty much any girl he wanted. She’d hardly dared ask herself the question before, but now as she tossed and turned in the darkness, she realised it was troubling her.
Why
was he sticking around? After the fiasco at Christmas, why had he not given up and gone elsewhere? What made him keep coming back to her, even when she herself had given up on the whole thing more than once? She’d seen the hunger in his eyes many times – and felt the heat in his touch. So far, she knew she’d disappointed him. Now she had to face the issue. Someone like Gavin wasn’t going to stay around forever without something more. She put her face into her pillow. Was she really ready for anything like that?

As soon as the question began to wrap itself around her head, Rosie knew she’d made a mistake. This was not the time of day to start playing with thoughts like these. But it was too late. Her brain had flipped into automatic search, and now a disjointed succession of images began to throw itself up on the screen of her mind. Panicking, she sat bolt upright, trying frantically to blot out the intrusion. But somehow she couldn’t find the off-switch. With every passing second, the bombardment became more brazen and more rapid. Suddenly, somewhere deep inside herself, she could hear the sound of movement outside her room, the slow creak of the door, the lumbering pad of approaching feet, the rasp of hot, beery breath …

“No!”
she tried to scream into the darkness. But the word came out as an inaudible whimper, just as it always had. Trying desperately to choke in the tears, she sank back against the bed and buried her face in the pillow once more. In no time at all, she was sobbing as though her heart would break.

Please, Ciaran. Please don’t leave me on my own again.

____________

On the following Tuesday evening, Rosie called round to see Beth at home. Beth had left hospital earlier that morning and was now trying to get some of her stuff ready for the big move. Cassie was helping her sort things out, but the whole operation seemed to be taking forever.

“I can’t bear to leave anything,” Beth muttered, a look of faint exasperation on her face. “Knowing that I won’t be coming back, I mean.”

Rosie was silent as she stood watching her. She couldn’t imagine being Beth; going through a lifetime of possessions and trying to decide which ones to keep for the end.

Cassie spoke softly. “If it makes you happier, love, just take everything up with you. We’ll find room in the car, and then at least you won’t be getting upset about anything you’ve left behind.”

“Will that mean there’ll only be room for Ciaran to take a pair of boxers and his toothbrush?” Beth was trying to smile, but Rosie was sad to see how painfully thin she looked, and how sunken her cheeks were. Somehow it had been less obvious in the hospital. You expected to see sick people there. But here in her own home, Beth’s emaciated appearance seemed so at odds with that of the bubbly, energetic girl who’d lived here until so recently, it was hard to believe they were one and the same person.

Beth lay back in her chair and sighed, as though the effort of trying to pack was all too much. “I’ve told Rosie she must visit us, Mum. That’s okay with you, isn’t it?”

Cassie smiled and put an arm around Rosie’s shoulder. “I’ve told you before, Rosie – you’re welcome to come and stay any time you want.”

Though Cassie’s offer of hospitality found an instant resting place in her heart, Rosie felt herself stiffening. Yet again, the older woman’s affectionate manner had managed to inflict upon her a strange sense of awkwardness. “Thanks,” she mumbled tentatively. “I’d like that.” Trying hard to make herself relax, she forced as much of a smile as she could manage.
I’d like that more than you could possibly, possibly know.

“Y’know what, Ros?” Beth broke in. Her voice was quiet and wistful. “I’m really gonna miss you.”

Rosie tried to think of something to reply, but her mind only reeled with thoughts she would never have dared speak out.
How do you think we feel, Beth? Long after you’ve ceased to miss any of us, we’ll still be missing you. For years. For some of us, perhaps a lifetime.

____________

During the next few days, Beth and Ciaran were inundated with visitors from the orchestra. Ciaran had been in touch with Emmett Mallory to explain the situation, and suddenly it seemed that everyone wanted to pay their last regards before Beth moved out of the area. Emmett had been the first to call. It had clearly been a difficult and emotional experience for him.

“I’m so sorry to see you go,” he’d said awkwardly, as though Beth had simply decided to change allegiance and join some other, more lucrative outfit. “I had my eye on you from the very start. A violinist like you, Beth, only comes along once in a blue moon. And you know I’ve always had a soft spot for you.” His eyes had begun to mist then, and Beth had found herself trying to comfort him. She had enormous affection for this middle-aged, tousle-haired man who had worked so tirelessly to win public support for the Avanti Sinfonia.

Nika had visited too. She’d been uncharacteristically subdued. Death, it seemed, was not a subject that lent itself easily to vibrant conversation. There had been several others – John and Cheryl, Phil ‘Fishface’ Rowan, Matt and Sissy, Clem, Tom and Aled, and a host of others. Beth was beginning to be exhausted by the constant round of callers, and Ciaran was worried that she might not be fit to travel when the big day came.