A Song in the Night (55 page)

After Literacy came Science. Helen invited Rosie to walk about the classroom and look at the models the children had been making. It was on her way round that Rosie spotted a small, pale-faced girl who seemed very much cut off from the children around her. Rosie stopped at her table and smiled. “Is this your model? It’s very good.”

The child stared up at her, and Rosie couldn’t help noticing a dark emptiness in her eyes. The chair next to the little girl was vacant so she sat down at her side. Suddenly there was no doubt in her mind that this was the pupil causing much concern in Helen’s class right now. But she could see that helping her wasn’t going to be an easy task; in the half-hour that followed, not a single word passed the child’s lips. The other children on the table came to Rosie’s rescue, chattering enthusiastically and showing off their models with pride. By breaktime, Rosie felt as though she’d been accepted. But she was also beginning to recognise the challenge ahead of her. This little girl was going to be a hard nut to crack.

When the bell went, the children filed out of the classroom and disappeared into the playground. All except for one. Helen came over to Rosie. “Well sussed,” she said in a low voice. “Thanks for watching her.” Then in a louder tone she added, “Miss Maconochie – this is Molly.”

Rosie put a hand gently on Molly’s shoulder. “Hello, Molly. We’ve been getting to know each other already, haven’t we?”

The little girl flinched slightly. Helen shot Rosie a sympathetic glance. It was then that Bev Carradine appeared in the doorway. “Coming to the staffroom for a drink, Rosie?”

Helen nodded encouragingly. “You go. I’ll stay here and keep an eye on her. One of the staff will bring me a drink in a bit.”

As they walked along the corridor, Bev enquired as to how the morning had gone. Rosie said it had gone well, but she could understand the problems they were having with Molly.

“So …” Bev asked as they entered the staffroom, “d’you think you can help us out?”

Rosie felt confident that she could.

“Well, there’s one thing, Rosie –” Bev’s voice was cheerful as she flicked on the kettle and pulled two mugs from a rack. “We break up tomorrow for Easter. That would give you two weeks’ grace before we throw you in.”

Rosie grinned. “Sounds good to me.”

The staffroom was already half full and buzzing with conversation. There were various nods and smiles in Rosie’s direction. It felt like a friendly place. At that moment, the door swung open again and laughing voices made Rosie spin round.

“Oh dear,” Bev groaned in mock despair. “Our fragile peace is shattered.”

But Rosie was completely shocked. “Jonathon …!”

The grin on Jonathon’s face turned to a look of astonishment. “
Rosie?
What on earth are you doing here?”

“So … you two know each other then?” Bev didn’t try to hide her surprise as she looked from one to the other. Rosie was too taken aback to reply. She felt her face colouring up and wanted to kick herself. Her cheeks burned hot as though in silent admission of some secret guilt. Why did he have this ridiculous effect on her?

Thankfully, Jonathon came to the rescue. “We met just before Christmas. But I’ve had connections with Rosie’s family for years – through church.” He smiled at Rosie, his blue eyes filled with an expression she couldn’t quite fathom. She rolled his words around in her mind.
Rosie’s family …
it sounded strange to her ears. Perhaps this was the first time she’d heard the two words together in the same sentence. She shot him a grateful smile and lowered her head, willing her face to cool down.

“Rosie’s come to see if she can help us out in Helen’s class.” Bev spoke matter-of-factly as she turned back to the task of making coffee.

“Excellent!” Jonathon sounded genuinely pleased at the disclosure. “She’d be ideal for it.”

But Rosie suddenly had doubts. Hadn’t Jonathon blanked her last two e-mails? Short of some technological explanation, his behaviour didn’t make sense. And now here she was, about to take up a job in the same school as him. Uncomfortable seemed an understatement.

At that moment the door opened again and one of the receptionists came over with a message for Bev. Bev turned to Rosie apologetically. “Sorry, Rosie. I’m wanted on the phone by someone from the LEA. Will you be alright for a few minutes?”

Before Rosie had time to respond, Jonathon interjected. “I’ll look after her. We’ve some catching up to do anyway.”

Bev threw Rosie a wry smile as she turned to the door. “I can always rely on Mr Kirkbride. One of my most dedicated teachers.”

They moved to a corner of the staffroom and sat down. Jonathon leaned forward and spoke in a low voice. “I need to say sorry, Rosie – for not getting back to you.”

Rosie shrugged. “No worries.” Despite her best efforts to appear cool about it, she felt a sudden awkwardness. “I don’t have to take the job. Nothing’s been decided yet.”

Jonathon frowned. “Why, don’t you want it? It’s a good school, Rosie. You’d be happy here, I’m sure.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that –” She broke off, her face beginning to redden again. “I had no idea you worked here. I’d have probably thought twice about coming today if I’d known.”

Jonathon frowned again, a half-smile playing around his mouth. “Am I that bad?”

Inwardly Rosie groaned. This was all coming out wrong. “No … that’s not what I meant.” Swallowing her pride, she went straight to the point. “I was beginning to think you weren’t talking to me. I wondered if I’d managed to upset you or something.” She gave a slight laugh to hide her embarrassment.

Jonathon nodded slowly. “I really am sorry, Rosie. Believe it or not, I was actually going to get in touch with you this evening.”

If it had been anyone else, Rosie knew she wouldn’t have believed it. But somehow, she found it hard to imagine that Jonathon would lie to her.

“I’ve had an awful lot on … and I don’t just mean school work.” He grinned and rolled his eyes theatrically.

Rosie understood that she was meant to read between the lines. “Not woman trouble, I hope?”

He smiled evasively. “You could say that.”

“All sorted now?” She tried to sound bright, but it was strangely difficult.

“Getting there. Lauren’s staying up in Durham till Thursday, so I’m going to see her this weekend.”

Rosie did her best to ignore the disconcerting feelings of disappointment that were pricking her mind. “Taking her Easter egg, eh?”

Jonathon smiled but said nothing. It was an awkward moment and Rosie was horrified to feel her cheeks beginning to tingle with heat again. Before she could think of anything to change the subject, the door opened and Bev walked back in. She quickly bent her face towards Jonathon. “So you’ve no objections if I take the job then?”

“Rosie, I’ll object very strongly if you don’t.”

She smiled gratefully and stood to her feet. “I’ll see you later.”

The rest of the morning passed uneventfully and by the time Bev invited Rosie into her office at lunchtime, both sides knew that she was right for the position.

“Are you okay for this afternoon?” Rosie was ready to offer her services.

Bev nodded. “We’ve a parent volunteer covering for this afternoon and all of tomorrow, Rosie. But we’ll start you straight after the holidays. We should have got your CRB clearance through by then.”

Back at Oak Lodge, Cassie was delighted with the news. “That’ll put you on nicely for now, love. You never know – if they like you, you might find yourself with something permanent.”

And later that night, there was a message from Jonathon.

Hi Rosie –

Welcome to the team! I talked briefly with Bev this afternoon and she was pretty chuffed with you. Needless to say, I dropped in a few good words on your behalf …! You’ll enjoy your time at Paddock Hill – we’re like a big family. The kids are great and we have some really decent staff. I’m sure you’re gonna fit in well. Bev says you’re starting after Easter. You can travel in with me if you’d like to – and home again of course.

Good on you for coming up here, Rosie. It was a brave move, but you’ve done the right thing (even if it means you get to be pestered by me every day).

Probably won’t see you till I get back from Durham, but feel free to e-mail. I promise I’ll get back to you.

Luv Jonathon.

Rosie shook her head and smiled sadly to herself.
A brave move? Yeah, right.
She scanned through the e-mail again. There was nothing she particularly needed to reply to, and somehow the word ‘Durham’ seemed to dry up any inspiration she might otherwise have felt. She shut the laptop down and got ready for bed. Two weeks until she was due to start work. What on earth would she do with herself until then?

The next few days passed slowly. Over the course of the weekend, both of Beth’s brothers called at Oak Lodge with their families. Everyone seemed genuinely happy at Rosie’s decision to move north. Meg and Tammy made no secret of their approval.

“Does that mean you’ll stay here forever, Rosie?” Tammy’s eyes were wide with expectancy.

“Course she will, silly,” Meg jumped in. “Grandma’s adopted her now – haven’t you, Grandma?”

Feeling slightly embarrassed, Rosie shot Cassie a glance.

Cassie smiled reassuringly. “Rosie knows she can stay here as long as she wants to, sweetheart. She and Uncle Ciaran are part of the family – this is their home. And we’re all glad they’re here, aren’t we?”

The children nodded enthusiastically in reply, and Rosie felt an enormous sense of relief.
Rosie’s family.
Jonathon’s words came back to her.
Rosie’s family … .
What a warmth there was in those few, small syllables.

Later on, she thought about her brother shut away in his room, locked in his own devastating grief. Did he realise he’d been ‘adopted’? Did he know how much Beth’s family cared for him, for both of them? She doubted it. Yet suddenly, she very much wanted him to know. Making her way down the landing to his room, she was surprised to hear the sound of a violin playing. Knocking softly at his door, she half wondered if he would answer and was pleased when he opened it. He motioned her to enter, then closed the door after her. She noticed he had put his violin and bow on the bed.

“Heard you playing, Kitch.”

Collapsing into a chair, Ciaran threw back his head and stared at the ceiling. “
Playing?
” He spat the word with frustration. “That wasn’t playing. I can hardly get a decent note out of it. Everything’s discordant –” His voice tailed off, full of quiet despair.

Rosie eyed him with concern. There was something wild about his appearance these days. His dark, curly hair fell almost to his shoulders now, and there was a haunted agony in his handsome features that worried her. She went over to the bed and picked up the instrument. “Course you can, Kitch. Come on. Play something – anything.”

But Ciaran shook his head. “No. It’s over, Rosie.” He clenched his fists as he spoke. “When she went, the music went with her. I don’t care if I never play again.”

Rosie swallowed hard. She’d never seen him like this. He looked like a soul in torment. “I know you can’t see it right now, Kitch,” she said at length, “but one day, you
will
start to get over this. It won’t always be as dark as it seems now. Perhaps your music will help in some way.”

Ciaran shook his head again, his eyes uncomprehending, almost angry. “How can anything help, Ros? She was everything to me. Everything. Nothing makes any sense without Beth. I might as well have died with her.”

Rosie’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t mean that, surely? But seeing the expression of desolation on his face, she knew that he was serious – at least for the moment.

“Don’t say that. Beth wouldn’t want you talking that way. She loved you too, y’know. She’d never have wanted you to give up on everything – your music of all things …”

Her mind went back to the day Beth had told her about the tune she’d been working on as a gift for Ciaran.
‘Chant du Rossignol’ – something for him to remember me by,
she’d said. Rosie wondered how far she’d managed to get with it in the end. Her death had come so suddenly, so unexpectedly early, she doubted that Ciaran knew the piece existed. She certainly wasn’t going to ask him.

“No,” she said softly to herself, “Beth would never have wanted you to give up on your music.” She hadn’t realised she was thinking aloud until Ciaran rounded on her.

“And what would
you
know about it, Rosie?” His dark eyes flashed hot as he glared at her. “You’ve never been in this position! You’ve never loved anyone like I loved Beth! Never! So what makes you think you can stand there dishing out your advice like you know what you’re talking about?”

Rosie was stunned. In all their lives he had never addressed her with such aggression. She opened her mouth, but found no words came. Ciaran’s eyes were fixed on her, still blazing with emotion but now starting to fill with tears. After a few moments he cursed under his breath, then looked away.

Rosie took a step backwards, her own eyes beginning to sting. “I cared for Beth too, y’know.” Her voice bore none of the burning passion of Ciaran’s. Instead, it sounded thin and small; a strangled tone that she hardly recognised. “Okay, so I might not have felt the same way about her that you did. But she was the nearest thing to family I ever had, other than you. She was like my sister. She said so herself. And I miss her too, Kitch. Just because I keep it inside doesn’t mean I don’t.” She turned from him and headed towards the door. Closing it behind her, she heard the sound of muffled sobbing. But she knew she couldn’t go back to offer any comfort. She just wanted to get to her room before she fell apart.

____________

She saw nothing of Ciaran for the next couple of days. He didn’t appear for meals and she didn’t notice him leaving the house for his usual walks. Afraid of another angry scene, she was wary about visiting his room again. But it didn’t stop the dark unease that she felt about him. On Wednesday, just after noon, Cassie stopped her in the kitchen. “Would you take this tray up to your brother, Rosie love?”