A Talent for Surrender (20 page)

They enjoyed a relaxed meal at the kitchen table. Jo cleared away the plates from their first course while Dan prepared the steaks. He could feel her eyes on him as he cooked and he could feel the fine hairs on the back of his neck growing erect.

She was funny and sharp and disarmingly honest and Dan found himself stealing furtive glances at her like a fourteen-year-old with a crush on his teacher. He was fairly certain that she’d noticed, though she didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he thought he’d noticed a look in her eyes, and a slight difference to the way she carried herself; as if she was fully aware of his admiration and accepted it as her due right.

‘This crème brûlée is delicious. I love it but I always think it’s too fiddly to make yourself.’ Jo ate a mouthful of her dessert.

‘I can’t claim any credit, I’m afraid. Marks and Spencer’s.’ Dan noticed that she narrowed her eyes in pleasure when she ate.

‘Really? Well, you’d never be able to tell.’ She scooped up the last spoonful and ate it slowly. ‘I could easily eat another one.’

‘I only bought two. But you’re welcome to the rest of mine.’ Dan slid his half-eaten dessert across the table.

‘Why don’t we share it?’ She cracked the crisp sugar with her spoon and dipped it into the creamy custard beneath. She brought the loaded spoon to her lips and sucked it clean, never taking her eyes off Dan.

She filled the spoon again and held it out for him. He leaned forwards and wrapped his hand around hers and pulled it to his lips. He sucked the crème brûlée off the spoon.

After the meal, Dan carried their coffee through to the living room on a tray. Jo sat on the sofa with her legs crossed at the knee. Dan followed the curve of her calf with his eyes all the way down to her narrow ankle. Her stockings were black and sheer. They glistened softly in the light. Her instep was high and curved and he could just see a hint of the top of her toes.

He picked up his coffee and sat back. When he looked at Jo the expression in his eyes instantly told him that she knew he’d been admiring her legs. He shrugged and smiled.

‘I’ve been on tenterhooks all evening waiting to hear about your session with Sadie.’

‘Ah yes . . .’ Dan smiled. ‘It was extremely memorable.’

‘But in a good way, I hope?’

‘Yes, I think so.’ He put his cup down on the coffee table. ‘I don’t think I’d admit this to another living soul but I found it all incredibly intense and erotic even though – and this is the strange part – it was also totally humiliating. In some ways I felt utterly powerless and emasculated, yet at the same time it was totally liberating and exciting. Do you know what I mean?’ He was conscious of Jo’s eyes on his face.

She nodded slowly. ‘Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.’

‘I don’t understand it, really, but somehow the whole experience has made me feel sort of liberated and fearless. I didn’t have to worry about my performance, or her responses, I just surrendered. I felt as though there were no barriers between the two of us so there was no barrier to pleasure and no end to it.’

Jo nodded. ‘There’s a saying among kinky people. “When the ropes are on the outside the ropes on the inside dissolve.”’

‘Yes . . . yes, that’s how it was.’

‘Well, it sounds very exciting for you.’

‘It was. It was . . . incredible . . . I know I keep saying that, but it was. Though, seeing Jude Ryan and Michael together the other night has made me realise what was missing from the experience.’

‘That sounds intriguing. What was missing?’ Jo sipped her coffee.

‘Intimacy . . . commitment, connection, that indefinable something that makes it personal and real. For the first time I can see that kinky sex is not just consensual abuse but intimacy, trust . . . love even.’

Jo put down her cup on the coffee table. She turned to face him, tucking her legs beneath her on the sofa. ‘And does that mean you want to explore that for yourself?’ Jo’s voice sounded soft and casual but the expression in her eyes was deadly serious.

Dan could hear his own heart beating. He looked at Jo. Her eyes glistened. He allowed his gaze to slide down her creamy throat to the curve of her breasts. Finally he spoke. ‘I think there’s a part of me that longs to experience it even though I understand that, if it’s real, the fear and difficulty will be as intensified as the pleasure. But, yes, I think I would. With the right partner.’

He looked at her face again. She was smiling. For a moment, she met his gaze, her eyes shining and intense, then she looked down into her lap.

‘I hope you haven’t forgotten that I agreed to answer your questions. I’m ready for my interrogation. You can even shine a light in my eyes, if you like, to create the right atmosphere.’

Dan didn’t even have to think about his first question. ‘Are you kinky? And, if so, are you dom or sub?’

‘Do I have to be either? I hate labels. If I have sex with women does that make me bisexual? I don’t think so. If you put labels on your sexuality you have to try to fit yourself into someone else’s definition. I prefer to think of myself as open to any experience that’s pleasurable or interesting.’

‘Isn’t that avoiding my question? Even if you don’t label yourself, surely you must have preferences.’

‘I’m sorry. It’s not my intention to evade any of your questions. You’ve shared your soul with me, I’ll do the same.’ She reached down and removed her shoes. She dropped them onto the floor with a thud. Dan knew that she was deliberately teasing him by making him wait for her answer. She massaged her feet for several seconds before carrying on.

‘I’m mostly dominant, though it wasn’t always the case and, occasionally, I switch with one of my lovers. But not because I feel submissive . . . I just enjoy the pain and surrender. My first kinky experiences were submissive and I’m sure it was allowing myself to do it that put me in touch with my personal power and helped me, in a way, to find out who I really am.’

‘So what sort of thing do you do sexually?’ Dan noticed that her feet were unusually small for a woman of her height. He had to fight the urge to touch them.

‘Let me see. I’m pretty open, really. Whipping, fisting, cutting, toilet games. I like to strap on a cock and fuck a man because nothing brings home to a man quite how powerless he is more than that.’ She smiled as she spoke and Dan knew she was deliberately trying to shock and arouse him. And it was definitely working.

‘So, what’s the most extreme thing you’ve ever done, do you think?’

She shrugged. ‘I suppose it depends on what you mean by extreme and what your particular limits are.’

‘Well . . . have you drawn blood – like that scene in
Maîtresse
?’

She nodded slowly. ‘And I enjoyed it. Edge play produces extreme emotional and physical responses and can create and deepen an intimacy to a degree that most people can never even imagine.’

Dan’s cock was tingling. His breath caught in his throat. ‘Have you ever done anything really disgusting?’

‘Well . . . I once had a lover who wanted to lie under a glass table and have me shit on it. He went on about it so much that eventually I upped the ante, thinking it would put him off. I agreed to do it, but without the table.’

Dan’s cheeks blazed with heat and colour. ‘And what did he say?’

Jo laughed. ‘He leapt at the chance. It turned out that the table was his way of making it acceptable to me.’

‘And what was it like?

‘Messy, incredible, intense, filthy, but I don’t care if I never do it again.’ She stretched out her legs and crossed them at the ankle. She looked languid and sensual and utterly aware of the effect she was having on him. Dan reached out a finger and ran it along her shin. She shivered like a cat who’d been stroked. ‘What’s your most filthy experience?’

‘Let me think. Nothing that rivals yours I’m afraid, but I do have a strange one. When I was at university my roommate would come silently into the bathroom when I was in the bath and masturbate into the water. I would get an enormous erection and I found it unbelievably exciting but neither of us ever spoke about it.’

‘And did you ever consider reciprocating?’

‘I considered it many times but never acted on it. Does that make me bisexual?’

She shrugged. ‘Don’t ask me. You know how I feel about labels. How do you feel about sex with another man? Would you?’

‘Not even curious really. But I can see how it would work in a submissive context. More coffee?’

Jo nodded slowly. He topped up their cups from the cafetière. ‘Tell me, Jo. A woman like you . . . I bet you have lots of lovers.’ He looked down into his coffee.

‘A few. My assistant at work . . . Sam of course . . . and Adam – I see him once a week. And I’ve got a lover who lives in America now. We see each other a couple of times a year.’

‘Don’t you want someone more permanent? Someone to love?’

Jo picked up her cup and sipped it, deliberately avoiding his gaze. ‘Until quite recently I was happy with my lot but I’ve come to realise I want the intimacy of a committed relationship, it’s just a question of meeting someone.’ She looked directly at him. ‘I don’t suppose you happen to know anyone kinky and single, do you?’

Dan felt his heart quicken. ‘Single yes, kinky maybe, confused certainly.’

Jo laughed. ‘What’s your next question?’

‘I know . . . how did you lose your virginity?’

‘I’m not sure if it counts as losing my virginity but the first time I had an orgasm with another person was when I met an older man in the cinema. I was in the sixth form and I’d bunked off school to see an X film.’

‘You must have been an absolute hussy.’

‘I certainly did my best. I never did get to see the end of the film. He talked me into going for a drive and he took me to a local country park and licked me in the back of his car. I offered to reciprocate but all he’d wanted was to wank off in my face and I eagerly complied. I hung about in the cinema often after that, but never saw him again. How about you?’

‘I lost mine on a family holiday to Crete when I was 17. On the beach. It was quite romantic until I realised she’d given me the crabs. But I didn’t get my cock sucked until university. My first proper girlfriend loved it but she always insisted on spitting it into a handkerchief which made me feel ashamed and dirty and unreasonable. When I first met a girl who swallowed I thought I was in heaven.’

Jo drained her cup. She looked him straight in the eye. ‘Well, maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think you should put it in your mouth unless you’re prepared to swallow.’

At the end of the evening Dan offered to walk Jo home but she wouldn’t hear of it. He took her hand and led her into the hall.

‘Will you do something for me before you go?’ Jo’s voice was a tender caress.

‘Anything. I’ll do whatever you ask.’

‘Then I’d like you to get on your knees and kiss my feet.’ Her eyes were shining.

Dan slid silently to his knees. He cupped her foot in both hands and brought his mouth to the soft suede. His face rasped softly against the nylon of her stocking as he rubbed his lips against her shoe. His thickening cock was squashed and restricted inside his clothes.

‘Mmm . . . that feels good. I can feel your face through my stocking. You look beautiful on your knees.’ Her voice sounded dreamy and languid.

He lavished her shoe with kisses. He rubbed it with his lips. The suede felt soft and velvety against his face. His crotch throbbed with heat and pleasure.

‘Thank you, Dan. You can get up now.’ She withdrew her foot. Dan stood up. Without speaking, he grabbed her hand and put it on his crotch. He felt her fingers slowly exploring his erection. ‘I assume you’ll be playing with that after I’ve gone.’

Dan could hear the excitement in her voice. ‘What do you think?’

‘Well, when you do, I want you to think of me.’ She smiled softly.

‘That won’t be a problem, I assure you.’

‘And, when you’ve finished, I want you to eat it.’ Without waiting for an answer she opened the door and walked down the steps.

When Dan was climbing into bed his phone beeped as it received a text. He retrieved it from his trouser pocket and pressed the button to retrieve the message. ‘Remember that you promised to do WHATEVER I wanted so I hope you aren’t thinking of disobeying me. Talk soon, Jo.’

He laughed out loud.

Eleven

The next day Dan was getting out of the shower when the phone rang. He picked up a towel and ran, naked, into the bedroom.

‘Dan Elliot.’

‘Dan, it’s Jo. I’m not disturbing you, I hope. I know it’s early.’

He laughed. ‘As a matter of fact I’ve just got out of the shower. I’m standing here naked and wet.’

‘Really? That sounds like a line out of a porn movie. Do you want me to call you back?’ Her voice was soft and full of humour.

‘No, it’s fine. What can I do for you?’ He wrapped the towel around his waist and sat down on the bed.

‘Well . . . we pussyfooted around it last night but I think we’d both like to take things further.’

‘Yes. That’s what I want.’ He closed his eyes and tried to picture her.

‘And so do I. So I was thinking that it might be easier to explore things away from everyday life. Somewhere the normal rules don’t apply. The school’s empty for the summer holidays and it’s a wonderful place to play. If you come over on Friday night and leave on Monday morning that should give us plenty of time to explore. If we don’t like it, then we can pretend it was a dream, a holiday romance. What do you think?’

Dan imagined her sitting at her desk, leaning back in her chair and looking out of the window as she spoke. He pictured the sun making her golden hair gleam and her porcelain skin glowing. ‘I like the idea. It gives a certain element of safety to what would otherwise be terrifying and bottomless.’

‘And it ends on Monday, unless you want it to continue.’