A Tragic Heart (28 page)

It’s weird to turn on my TV and see Jackson and his band on my screen. I’m happy for Peyton, but I have to admit that it does get pretty lonely here without him. Peyton decided to skip college to focus on his dream, and I decided to stay here in Arizona for college and to focus on my writing. Peyton kept his promise about teaching me piano and guitar, and I’ve been writing music nonstop. I heard that Mason decided to stay in Arizona for college too. I just hope he’s finally happy.

I’m in the middle of writing my second novel when the house phone rings. I look at the time and know it is Peyton. He calls every night at eight sharp.

“Hey, future husband!” I answer the phone.

“Hmmm…I really like the sound of that,” he says in his sexy voice.

“You do, huh?” I ask, flirting back.

“Uh-huh. By the way, when do you want to make me your official husband?”

“Whenever your schedule clears up and you’re back in Arizona for a while.”

“Sorry, babe. I don’t know when that’s going be. But I hope it’s soon, because I can’t take knowing that you’re not my wife yet.”

“Yeah, I hate the thought of it too. So how’s New York treating you?”

“Baby, you ask me that every night. But tonight, for some reason, New York is a lot like Arizona,” he says.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Well, it’s hot and it just feels a lot like home. Oh yeah, and you’re here,” he says.

“I’m there?” I say, completely puzzled until I hear the front door open. I stand up and see Peyton walk through the door.

I jump into his arms, wrap my legs around him, and kiss him as if I haven’t seen him in years, when in reality it’s only been a month.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“Well, I don’t have long to be here, but I wouldn’t miss your eighteenth birthday for the world,” he says, kissing me on the lips gently.

I miss his soft lips and his gentle, rough hands.

“Well, since there isn’t much time, we should get busy,” I suggest.

“Busy doing what?” he asks, looking at me with his eyebrows raised.

“Oh, I think you know,” I say, kissing him again.

“I love you so much,” he tells me, his strong body still holding me up.

“I love you too. Now shut up and carry me to the bedroom,” I demand.

Peyton really knows how to make a girl smile. I can’t wait to officially make him my husband.

***

We’re lying in bed together. It seems like an eternity since we’ve last done this. I love how much Peyton shows me that he loves me. Sometimes I feel as if it’s too much and I can’t repay him. He tells me he’s just repaying me for staying by his side and loving him the way that I do. Whatever his reason, I love it.

“So how long are you here for?” I ask, not really wanting to know the answer to that question.

“Well, we only have a few days to be in Arizona and then we leave,” he says.

“We? The rest of your band is here also?”

“No. I was talking about you and me.”

“Me and you? Peyton where are
we
going?” I ask. What type of trick is Peyton pulling now?

“Well, remember when I told you that I was born in Australia, and my mom had a house there that’s now legally mine?” he asks.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Since I knew you loved Australia, I got us a trip to stay there for two weeks. I wanted to do something nice with you before you start school and my schedule gets really hectic.”

“Peyton, you always outdo yourself, and I don’t know how you do it,” I say, looking him in the eyes.

“Yeah, well, don’t try to figure it out. You may hurt yourself. Just leave it at I’m just that amazing,” he says, joking.

“If you say so…”

I let him have his moment and then kiss him passionately, once again. It’s impossible for me to get enough of him; I always want more. I want him to drench my soul with his love; and even though he constantly does just that, it still isn’t enough.

***

I wake up to Peyton walking into our room with a tray of food in his hands. He’s playing the role of the perfect boyfriend again and decided to make me breakfast in bed. I can only smile at him and think about how perfect he is.

“Happy birthday, old lady,” he says, setting the tray down in front of me and kissing me on the cheek.

“Thank you, young man,” I say, still smiling from the warm feeling that Peyton always elicits in me. “So what are we going to do today? Buy my first pack of cigarettes so I can finally smoke?” I joke, taking a bite out of the pancakes he made.

“No, you’re not allowed to smoke!” he scolds, as if I’m his daughter.

“You do…sometimes,” I say before taking a sip of the freshly squeezed orange juice Peyton put extra effort into making.

“If I jump off of a bridge, you’d do that too?” he shoots back sarcastically.

“Honestly…yes, I would. I’d want to do whatever you want to do,” I say, stuffing my mouth with food.

Peyton just laughs at my terrible eating habits and my ridiculous comment.

“You are so unladylike sometimes. But I think that’s why I love you,” he says, staring at me lovingly.

“You think?” I ask, mouth full of food.

“Okay. I know. Hold on—let me get that for you.” He picks up a napkin and wipes the side of my mouth with it.

“Thank you. And for the record, your breakfast skills are freaking awesome!” I say, still eating.

“Tell me about it. I guess my backup plan should be to go to culinary school,” he says, bragging about himself.

“Don’t flatter yourself too much. But yeah, I think you’d be an excellent chef—and a sexy one, at that. I’d totally do you in your kitchen!”

“Hmmm, if that’s the case, I think I may just open up my own restaurant.” He leans in for a kiss.

I willingly give him one, since he more than deserves it.

“So what are we doing today for my birthday?” I ask him.

“Well, I thought since you’re now officially an old lady, we should take it slow. Maybe stay here and watch old episodes of
The Twilight Zone
,” Peyton teases, being a complete jerk.

I just give him a dirty look and the infamous finger. I love how we’re able to joke with each other in the meanest ways, yet neither of us takes offense.

“Just kidding, babe. This birthday is going to be all fun.” He takes a piece of paper out of his back pocket and unfolds it. “First, we’re going to go bungee jumping, and then we can go laser tagging. After that, we’ll race go-karts, and last, we’ll go paintballing,” he says, reading from the list.

“Peyton, are those a few things from my bucket list?” I ask suspiciously.

“Sure are!” he says proudly.

“You went through my computer?” I ask him.

“Yeah, I’m guilty of that. But we’re knocking off four things from your list in one day. And I can’t believe you never raced go-karts or played laser tag!” he says in disbelief.

“I also never learned how to ride a bike. It’s not a big deal,” I respond.

“That’s really sad, Taylor. What did you do as a child?” he asks curiously.

“I learned the difference between great music and music for people who lack musical talent so they need an excuse to be in the industry. I wrote about my feelings—a lot—and I watched my parents ignore my presence. May sound tragic, but it wasn’t so bad,” I say, obviously trying to convince myself of my own statement.

“Well, get up and get dressed so I can take you back a few years and we can be kids again,” he says, getting up and taking my tray away from me.

Peyton shows me the kind of love that all of us pessimists think is a fantasy. He has a way of destroying my cynical mind and creating a new one for me. I can’t wait to marry this man.
I know for sure I got it right this time
.

With that thought, I remember that today would have been Mason and my one-year wedding anniversary. I can’t believe we thought we would last forever. We didn’t even get passed one measly year. I guess it’s true that a lot can change in a year.

I get up, go straight into the bathroom, and begin brushing my teeth. My mind wanders off to my imaginary perfect world, in which I have two parents who truly care for me and love me. It’s the place where Mason, Peyton, and I are all best friends and we don’t let anything get in between us. Jackson is always there for
me, but he’s still living his dream; and Kristen and I actually have some type of relationship. It’s a world that doesn’t exist and probably never will, but it’s nice to dream about it.

I step into the shower and continue dreaming about the world that doesn’t have any “wrong” in it; the world that will always remain far out of reach. I guess, in a way, we all want what we can’t reach. That thought makes me feel better because I’m not alone.

I cut my dreams short and get out of the shower to get dressed and walk back into reality. I have to remind myself that reality isn’t so bad. I have Peyton and that is more than I could ask for. God decided to be extra giving and kept Jackson in my life. I have people who care about me, but for some reason, I’m being selfish. I wish I had more. But if I didn’t want more, I wouldn’t be human; we always want more because we’re never satisfied. It has been imprinted on our brain that more is better, when in fact, less is probably more than we need.

It’s all becoming too confusing and I hate being confused, so I just stop thinking. I shut my mind off, blow-dry my hair, and get dressed. I don’t put on anything special since Peyton and I are planning to get messy.

Peyton is standing on the balcony, admiring the view. I walk up next to him and place my hand on his forearm. He turns to look at me but he doesn’t say anything.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask, knowing that something is on his mind.

“Nothing really…just about how much life has changed in the past year,” he answers, staring at the town spread out before us.

“Yeah, I was just having the same thoughts. I never thought we’d end up here; but I’m glad we did,” I say.

“Yeah, you’re right. I just feel horrible that I haven’t spoken to Mason in four months. We’ve never gone this long without speaking. I want to call him, but he’s changed his number. I don’t even know where he’s living now.”

“Maybe someday you two can work it out. I hope it’s soon,” I say.

“I hope so, too. But we shouldn’t be pondering on this right now—we should be on our way out the door, getting ready to
have fun. It’s your birthday. Let’s not spoil it with things we cannot change right now. Let’s bungee jump!” Peyton says excitedly, picking me up and carrying me from the balcony to the front door.

We laugh the entire way down to the car. Being with Peyton is more than just being with my boyfriend. It’s like being with my boyfriend, best friend, and the father I never had, all put together. I don’t think he even realizes that he can be all of these things to me at once, which is one of the many reasons why I’m in love with him.

We get into the car and close our doors simultaneously, which makes us look at each other and laugh. It’s little things like that, that cause us to fall in love with each other all over again. Doing things at the same time makes it feel as if we really are in sync; like we are more than just two human beings who have feelings for each other. It is as if our souls are intertwined and we share one heart.

“Are you scared?” I ask Peyton, staring at him with all the love I have in my heart.

“About what?” he asks, looking ahead.

“Bungee jumping. I mean, you haven’t done it before, right?” I ask, not sure if it’s one of few things Peyton has done in his life that I didn’t know about.

“No, I have never done it. But I’m not scared. We’ll both be doing it together, so I think it’ll be pretty fun,” he says, looking back and forth between me and the road.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. But what if one of the cables pops?” I ask, showing my nervousness.

“You’re nervous? It’s something
you
put on your bucket list, and now you’re the one rethinking it. You’re just going to have to relax because I’m making sure you go through with this. I’m making sure you do everything on your bucket list before you, well, kick the bucket,” Peyton says, now being my inspiration, another role he plays very well.

“Okay, Okay. I’m going to do it. No more second-guessing, or thinking, or whatever it is I’m doing. I’m just going to relax,” I say, trying to calm my nerves.

Peyton just look at me from the corner of his eye and laughs so hard that his gorgeous dimples show. They are just like Mason’s dimples.

“It’s not funny!” I playfully hit his arm.

“It kind of is,” he responds.

***

We arrive at our destination, and I get more nervous by the second. As soon as we step out of the car, I grab Peyton’s arm and cling to him like he’s my ultimate protector. Since he is much taller than I am, he just looks down at me and smiles. I know Peyton is teasing me in his head and thinks this scenario is hilarious. I give him a dirty look. He just kisses my forehead. Even when I try to be mean to him, he finds a way to be the sweetest person in the world. The truth is, the average person might be a little intimidated by Peyton. He’s six foot two, pretty muscular, and he hardly ever smiles around strangers. He’s always brooding and has the whole “I’m wild and a bad influence” look that any teenager’s parents would disapprove of. It makes him mysterious and it keeps everyone wondering. I feel lucky to be one of few people who actually get a chance to know Peyton. I’m proud to say that know him better than anyone else does—even Mason. In reality, Peyton isn’t intimidating at all. He’s very calm, generous, smart, and talented in so many different ways. He’s tough, but gentle with me. He’s everything I thought only existed in storybooks. I’m glad he’s here to prove me wrong.

I begin to tremble as the man begins strapping the cables onto my body and adjusting my protective gear. I can’t believe I’m really going to go through with this. Peyton is as calm as ever. He just waits for me to get myself together. I’m a nervous wreck and begin having second thoughts. Peyton notices and just gives me a “don’t back out on me now” look.

“You okay?” Peyton asks.

“Y-yeah, I’ll be fine…I hope,” I answer.

“You know you don’t really have to do this if you’re that nervous,” he says. “I can do this alone, if you want.”