A Very Crimson Christmas (Crimson, Colorado 4) (11 page)

“I’m staying,” he answered. “Here, I mean. At the farmhouse for a few days. Until Christmas probably.” He pulled his shirt over his head, not exactly surprised that she was standing in front of him when he finished.

“You absolutely aren’t staying here.” She pointed one finger at him, waving it back and forth.

“In the old office above the barn, actually,” he clarified. “I had a bed moved in tonight along with my things.”

“What about your house in town?”

“Tanner will stay at the rental.”

“Why would you want to give up that place and come here?”

He wiggled his eyebrows at her, patting the couch as he did. “I can think of at least one benefit.”

Without hesitation, she kicked him in the shin. Hard.

“Oww. What the hell, Natalie?” He jumped up from the couch and hobbled to the end of the room as he sucked in deep breaths. She’d put back on her work clogs, so that kick meant business.

“What the hell, Liam?” she mimicked. “You could have mentioned that tidbit of information before. I’m not your friend with benefits, you know.”

“I know.” He held out his hands, palms up. “I was joking.”

“Not funny. You can’t stay here.”

“I can and I’m going to.” He lifted his leg, rubbing his shin with his palm. “This isn’t about you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and grunted.

He had it bad when she made a grunt sound sexy.

“It’s not entirely about you. I need to figure out what happened to Ruth’s money.”

“So you’re here to watch me?” She threw her hands into the air. “I can’t believe I just got naked with you.”

“No way.” He dropped his leg and stalked toward her. “Don’t bring that into this. I’m not here to watch you.” He paused then added, “Exactly.”

He was pretty sure her head was about to start spinning. “Exactly?”

“I’m here to watch Ruth. To watch out for her. You knew that from the start.”

“I told you I didn’t steal the money.”

“I believe you.”

“If you only...” She stopped, tilted her head. “Did you say you believe me?”

“I’m not the enemy, Natalie.” He was close enough now to reach out and trace his finger along the beard burn on the side of her neck. He’d put that there, marked her. It gave him a burst of primal satisfaction. “If you tell me what’s going on—”

“You said you believed—”

“I also think there’s more to the story than you’re sharing.”

She glanced at the doorway leading to the hall as if she might make a run for it. “I need to work on the jewelry or I’ll never get to sleep tonight.”

He waited for her to say more, but she grabbed her coat off a chair and turned.

“I’ll walk you over there.” He shoved his feet into a pair of gym shoes and followed her.

“No need.” She threw the words over her shoulder, not slowing her pace.

“I’m heading to the barn anyway.” He took his jacket from the row of hooks near the front door and followed her out into the night. The air was so crisp and cold it almost took his breath away. A thousand stars twinkled in the clear sky above them, the only sound the crunch of snow under their feet. He didn’t want this rigid distance between them. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until she was pliant again.

“How’s the search for a new headquarters?” she asked suddenly, glancing at him from beneath her lashes.

“Fine...good,” he stammered.

“Are you bringing the company to Crimson?” She took a set of keys out of her pocket as they got nearer to the barn.

The question stunned him, especially after the comment he’d made to Tanner about Vermont. “I’m meeting with some people from town council and the county tomorrow,” he offered, hedging on a direct answer.

“I’m not the only one holding back.” The smile she gave him was sad.

It amazed him that she could read his intentions so easily. He wouldn’t have gotten nearly as far in business if everyone was as perceptive as Natalie.

She turned the key in the lock, opened the side door of the barn and flipped on a switch to bathe the mudroom in fluorescent light. He squinted against the abrupt change. “Is this how it’s always going to be for us?” he asked quietly. “Neither of us willing to budge once we draw a line in the sand?”

“I don’t know, Liam. I want...”

He held his breath, wondering if this was the moment that would change what was between them.

She shook her head, as if whatever she had to tell him was too raw. “Everything I want now is for Austin. He’s my priority.”

“He’s lucky to have you.” He gestured to the workshop behind her. “Do you want some company while you work?”

She rose up on tiptoes and kissed the edge of his mouth, drawing away before the kiss could take off into something more for either of them. “Thank you, but I get pretty involved in the jewelry when I’m making it. Go to bed, Liam. I’m sorry I reacted the way I did about you staying here. You have every right to be near Ruth. Having you around has made her so happy.”

“She deserves as much happiness as I can provide. Good night, Nat.” He walked up the steps to his makeshift bedroom, but it was hours before he finally fell asleep.

Chapter Twelve

R
unning in five different directions while juggling a half dozen balls in the air seemed to be the story of Natalie’s life. She’d taken off early from her shift at the senior center the next day to drive to Aspen to pick up a skateboard she’d specially ordered for Austin for Christmas. A wreck on the two-lane highway that ran between the two towns delayed her return. She’d been about to call one of her friends when her cell rang. It had been Liam, who had immediately sensed something was wrong and offered to pick up Austin from school.

It was difficult enough for Natalie to rely on her friends so she’d said no. He’d insisted. Now, an hour after Austin’s school let out, she found a parking spot on Crimson’s crowded main street and dashed toward the Life is Sweet bakery, where Liam had texted her from a few minutes ago.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her son’s dark head at a table near the window. Her feet stopped moving for a moment as she watched Liam and Austin together. Austin’s wide smile was contagious, and Liam laughed at something he said then ruffled his hair, the same way she’d done so many times. Shoppers and tourists jostled her as they walked past. The middle of the sidewalk was no place to stand still the week before Christmas.

Stepping into the bakery, some of the tension in her back and shoulders eased. The deliciously sweet scents and warmth of Katie’s shop were hard to resist.

“Hey, guys.” She bent to kiss Austin’s cheek, then smiled as Liam tilted his face toward her like a dare. Instead, she awkwardly patted his arm. “Sorry I’m late today, buddy.” Her gaze met Liam’s. “Thanks for getting him.”

“My pleasure.” He glanced behind her. “You should know—”

“Grandma’s here, too,” Austin announced, spooning up a bit of pecan pie. “Mom, you’ve got to try this.”

He held it up for her, but Natalie’s mouth had gone dry. “You eat it, hon,” she managed.

“Sorry,” Liam whispered, cringing a little. Trudy had that effect on people. “She saw us in the window.”

“And what a cozy scene it was.” Natalie turned as her mother sauntered up to the table, her penciled-in eyebrows almost hitting her hairline as she gave Natalie one of her patented death stares. “I haven’t been in here since Katie’s grandma owned the place. Prices have gone up. Two bucks for a cup of coffee? What a rip-off. But the food looks good.”

“It’s the best,” Austin confirmed as Natalie worked to swallow the bile that rose in her throat. “I can’t believe you haven’t been here, Grandma. You work right around the corner. Mom and I come in for a snack every chance we get.”

“Is that so?” Trudy pushed in next to Natalie, crowding her, making her head spin with the smell of old perfume and cigarettes. “Next time have her bring you by to visit me.”

“I take him to the bar enough, Mom,” Natalie said through clenched teeth. “If you want to see him more, we can make other plans.”

“Plans that involve his father, I hope,” Trudy muttered. “Not some virtual stranger.” She threw a pointed look at Liam, who helped himself to a bite of Austin’s pie.

“These might beat out Katie’s brownies as your favorite, huh?” he asked, clearly implying knowledge of Austin’s preferences in front of Trudy.

Natalie bit back a strangled laugh. Too bad the bakery didn’t serve liquor. She could use some liquid fortification right about now.

“Liam’s not a stranger, Grandma.” Austin picked up a corner of crust as he spoke. “He and Mom are old friends. He invited me to the island where he has a house. It would be cool to go to the beach this summer. He even has a plane that would pick me up.”

Natalie heard her mother’s gasp. “Do you know how many private jets crash each year, Austin? And what happens when they go down?”

Austin shook his head, the chunk of crust suspended in the air.

“People die.”

For a moment Natalie was as riveted as her son, compelled by the fervency of her mother’s tone. She’d listened to Trudy’s rants for as long as she could remember. She thought she’d outgrown her mother’s ardent fears, but she felt her stomach churning at the thought of taking Austin on a trip anywhere. Which was how she’d ended up tied to Crimson her whole life.

“Fiery, painful deaths. You can hear their screams as the skin melts—”

“Mom!” Natalie grabbed Trudy’s arm, yanking her hard. “That’s enough.”

“You can’t let him go.” Trudy grabbed her right back, her fingers twisting Natalie’s arm under the fabric of her parka and thick sweater.

“We haven’t made any plans.” Natalie flinched against her mother’s viselike hold.

“Mrs. Holt, this is my fault.” Liam shifted in his chair as both Natalie and her mother turned to face him. “I talked to Austin about the beach. It seemed like a good way to forget about the cold temperatures as we walked downtown. But I would never put him in any danger. Austin or Natalie. I promise you.”

Her heart gave an uneven beat as she watched the sincerity in his gaze. It took a special man to face her mother’s brand of crazy and take responsibility for it. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to once again ground herself in his rationality.

Her mother leaned forward instead. “I know your type, Liam Donovan. You think you’re so important. You come in here and make promises you won’t keep, make my daughter believe she’s better than she is. I know different, and so does my Natalie. I want no part of what you’re selling.”

Liam lifted his hands. “I’m not—”

“Austin, your father wants to see you for Christmas. He misses you very much and has lots of plans for the two of you. He’s going to see your mother, too. They might—”

“Mom, stop!”

Trudy blinked several times, as if coming back to herself. It was like her mother had gone to her own personal revival and been filled with a spirit, a mean and bitter spirit intent on battering down the foundation of Natalie’s life. “I’ve got to get to work,” her mother said. Without another word to any of them, she turned and walked away, the bells from above the door chiming merrily as she left.

Natalie wanted to run, too, but she sank down into the chair between Liam and Austin, her knees like jelly in the wake of her mother’s outburst.

“Is Dad really coming to Crimson for Christmas?” Austin asked, his eyes wide. She couldn’t tell if it was anticipation or apprehension in his eyes.

“I don’t know, buddy,” she answered honestly. “He hasn’t contacted me, and I don’t have any plans to see him. If he’s talked to Grandma—”

“You need a piece of cake. Right this very minute.” Natalie felt a hand envelope her shoulders. Katie stood next to her, sliding a small plate in front of her. “You okay?” her friend asked.

Glancing at Austin, Natalie forced herself to nod. “Thank you.”

“I wish I could stay with you.” Katie glanced over her shoulder. “But one of the girls called in sick and we’ve been busy all day. I can barely keep up.” She turned to Austin. “How are you at boxing up cookies?”

He straightened. “I’ve never tried, but I bet I could be good.”

“I bet you could, too,” Katie agreed. “Can I borrow your son for about twenty minutes, Nat? I’ve got a couple of last-minute orders going out tonight.”

“Sure.” Natalie picked up a fork. “I’ll be here with my cake.”

Austin stood to go with Katie and placed his backpack on the empty seat. Natalie couldn’t help but reach out and give him a quick hug as he left.

“It’s okay, Mom. Grandma just gets excited sometimes.”

His show of understanding made her insides ache. “You’re the best, bud,” she managed and watched him follow Katie into the back of the shop.

She let her chin fall to her chest, closed her eyes and concentrated on regulating her breathing. It was the same way she’d recentered herself from the time she was little and her mom would scream and yell about the horrors of the world outside Crimson. It had been a long time since she’d been on the receiving end of that toxic energy and it drained her.

At some point, she felt Liam take her hand in his. The pad of his thumb circled the sensitive skin on the inside of her palm. She almost pulled away, used to being alone in the aftermath of one of her mother’s rants.

“So that just happened,” she said quietly.

“I didn’t realize it was so bad with her,” he answered.

She glanced up, wiping away the tears she could feel clinging to her lashes with the sleeve of her coat. She would not cry, especially in front of him. “She’s actually better than she used to be.” She drew her hand away from his, not sure if she’d be able to get through this conversation while he was touching her. “She’s had anxiety since I can remember, but it hit a high point in high school. She had about six months of full-blown agoraphobia when she wasn’t able to leave the condo, even to get the mail or go to the grocery. I tried to convince her to see a therapist, but she didn’t want anyone to know. Lou Bristol, who owns The Tavern, was nice enough to hold her job for her and eventually—when the money ran out—she got okay enough to go back to work.”

“And you were taking care of her?”

“It was no accident I never invited friends over to my house,” she said, trying to make a joke.

Liam didn’t smile. “She fed you that garbage about the dangers of the big, bad world the whole time you were growing up?”

“I’m just glad the internet wasn’t popular back then. Her ability to find photos of horrific plane crashes and images from natural disasters is kind of freaky.”

“I’m not judging you for her behavior, but it had to be a burden.”

“Most people don’t know. She hides it behind her crusty attitude toward outsiders. I hide it with...everything I am.” She clapped a hand over her mouth, aware of the vulnerability that statement revealed.

Liam only nodded. “I get that, too. Most people think my parents sent me to boarding school because that’s where the offspring of families with wealth and privilege went. No one understands it was because my mother and father couldn’t stand to have me around.”

“That couldn’t be the—”

“It’s the truth,” he interrupted. “Only Ruth knows, and now you.”

His gaze locked on hers, wary and waiting. All she said was, “You didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s part of why I never came to see Ruth after college. I felt like such a sellout, going to work for my dad after the way he’d treated me. I was embarrassed that I still wanted his approval and couldn’t stand the thought that Ruth might call me out on my cowardice.”

“She loves you, Liam. All she ever wanted was your happiness.”

His chin hitched, acknowledging the words but putting an effective end to his sharing. She understood the need to reveal himself in bite-size pieces. It made the hurt more palatable. “What about your mom and Austin?” he asked.

“He’s never alone with her.” Natalie took a bite of cake, lifted it halfway to her mouth then set down the fork again. “She actually manages quite well these days. She has a route she takes between the condo, the grocery and the bar. It’s like Crimson is her own mental biosphere. She feels safe as long as she sticks to the routine.” She sighed. “Entering the bakery probably threw her off, then when Austin mentioned traveling...well, she’s never had a meltdown like that in front of him.”

“Are you making excuses for her?” Liam’s voice was disbelieving. “She’s got real problems, Nat.”

“She’s my mother, Liam. You think I don’t know her issues?”

“Which explains a lot about your issues.”

She bristled, hating to be called out on something she couldn’t seem to change. “So I stay in one place. Are roots that are too deep better than no roots at all? We may have different ways of insulating ourselves from pain, Liam, but the result is the same.” She sucked in a breath, forced herself to look him in the eye. “We remain alone.”

He gave a hard shake of his head. “I don’t want that anymore. I want to let people in. I want to let you in, Natalie.”

“I’m not sure I can do that,” she whispered. “I don’t think I know how.”

“One step,” he told her, taking her hand again and brushing his mouth across her knuckles. “One step at a time. At least tell me you’ll try while I’m here.”

Could she do it? Could she make herself vulnerable to this man again? Risk being hurt? She knew it would take total honesty, revealing everything to him. They couldn’t move forward without that. But right now she just wanted to enjoy the moment, the bright warmth of possibility rising up inside her. “Maybe it’s time for a Christmas miracle.”

She cupped his face in her hands and leaned forward, pressing her lips to his and refusing to care who might see her.

“That’s a hell of a start,” he said when she sat back.

She winked at him, feeling flirty and light for the first time in years. “We’ve got to start someplace.”

* * *

“This was a mistake,” Liam mumbled as he parked in front of the main house at Crimson Ranch.

Austin jumped out of the backseat, slammed the door behind him and ran up the steps to the big ranch house.

“What’s wrong?” Natalie asked, placing her hand over his on the console. “Logan invited you himself.”

“Dealing with one brother, even the biggest one, is different than having to face them all at the same time. Hey, guys,” he said in a singsong voice, “sorry about your sister dying in my arms.”

“Liam,” she whispered, shifting to take his face between her hands. “Beth’s death was an accident. Not your fault. No one’s fault.”

“I held that girl as she died, Nat.”

“I can’t imagine how awful that was. None of us can. I also can’t imagine how Josh, Jake and Logan dealt with losing their sister.” Her cool fingers felt like heaven on his overheated skin. “But they did. One day at a time. With baby steps.”

He drew in a breath, letting the scent of her in the closed space of the truck’s cab wash over him, cleanse the dark places inside him. “This feels like a long jump versus a baby step.”

“I’ll be with you the whole way.” She leaned in even more and kissed him.

Too soon she drew back and opened her car door. “You ready?”

Ready to wrap his arms around her? Hell, yes. But he nodded and climbed out of the SUV.

The house was alight, warm and cheery with boughs of holly and ropes of pine garland strung throughout.
This is Christmas
, he thought, as Natalie led him to where voices could be heard in the back half of the house. They walked into an open family room and kitchen, a huge tree situated in front of the picture window. Stockings were hung off the mantel by the fireplace and the words from the popular holiday song popped into his head. There was no doubt those stockings had been hung with care. The big ranch house was literally bursting with love and cheer, so much so it made his teeth hurt.