Authors: Rebecca Shaw
‘I can understand what you mean, but you couldn’t have a better person as your mother and she’s cared for you all these months I’ve been away and I know she feels hurt you weren’t able to tell her.’
Alex felt he needed to explain. ‘But we didn’t mean to
hurt
Mum, that was what we were trying to avoid, trying
not
to cause her pain, but perhaps now we’ve told you … we thought perhaps it might make her not love us any more and we couldn’t bear that, you see … You’ve taken responsibility, though none of it was because of you … But are we free? We can’t be, can we? Free for ever?’
Peter had to admit they couldn’t be free from the memories for ever, but that on the other hand they didn’t intend it, they had very good reasons for what happened and surely that made them innocent, didn’t it? ‘Your bravery isn’t in question, nor your integrity, and you’ve not to allow it to influence the rest of your lives. You, Beth, must promise me faithfully you’ll never carry a knife again. Please.’
She looked him straight in the eye and gave her solemn promise, then promptly asked, ‘Are you going to tell Mummy?’
‘I haven’t decided. If I do, I know she’ll feel, as I do, that you have nothing to fear, that it was done totally in self-defence. We’ll talk again whenever you need to, anytime you want to. Anytime, and I mean that.’
Before Beth got back into bed she put her arms around Peter and clung to him as though she would never let him go. ‘I just knew things would be better when we told you. I love you so much, Daddy. And Mummy, too. I wouldn’t change her for the world. Never, ever. Goodnight, Daddy. Thank you for listening to us. We’ve been waiting for you to get back. Waiting and waiting.’ She tightened her arms round his neck and kissed his cheek. ‘I love you. Now we’ve told you I feel so much better.’
Peter held her close to him, deeply, deeply grateful she was there with him, and he could shield her from at least some of life’s trials. ‘Goodnight, my darling, sleep tight.’
‘I shall, Daddy, now you’re home. No more screaming.’
Alex said, ‘Come and say goodnight to me, will you, Dad?’
‘I most certainly will.’
Peter looked round the attic bedroom and saw how Alex had made the room his own. ‘It is nice up here. You’re quite right, it is a very nice room.’
‘Dad, I’m so worried about Beth. I’ve never been so frightened in my life. Most of the time I tried to convince her I wasn’t frightened, but I was, all the time. It was terrible and I’m not going to go anywhere in the world where that might happen again. I can’t face it.’
‘Being strong when you’re feeling scared, that’s true bravery.’
‘I tried to think what you would do, and I did it as best I could, but Beth, poor Beth … she cried and shrieked that night after we’d buried him. I couldn’t stop her. We were awake all night. She was so frightened he wasn’t really dead and he’d come round and get out of the grave, because it wasn’t all that deep, and he’d come back in the night for her. We’ll have to be so careful for her, Dad, always. This Andy person has brought it all back.’
‘I know, Alex, I know. And we will be careful of her.’
‘Dad … I’m sorry I haven’t been very nice to you. I’m all right now. After what happened in Africa it almost seems a small thing that you did because, as it turned out, it gave Mum us, so good came from bad, didn’t it?’
Peter hesitated for a moment and then agreed with him. ‘Well, there you are, yes, it did. I’ll say goodnight or is it good morning? We’ll sleep in tomorrow, OK?’
‘Goodnight, Dad.’
‘Goodnight, Alex. You’re a brave chap.’
Peter leaned over his son’s bed and planted a kiss on his forehead, ‘Friends again, then?’
Alex nodded.
Caroline, half asleep and waiting for Peter to come back to bed, became conscious that he was kneeling at his side of their bed praying. She opened her eyes to look at him, and saw tears rolling down his face, flooding onto his hands, which were clasped beneath his chin, fingers tightly clenched. Oh, God, what had he learned to make him weep like this? She never interrupted him when she found him praying but tonight her rule had to be ignored. She shuffled across the bed to bring herself closer and gently laid a hand on his.
Softly she whispered, ‘My darling!’ But she got no reply. It was as if she didn’t exist. After a while the tears began to slow, but all he could say was, ‘
Mea culpa, mea culpa
.’ He took hold of her hand and kissed it and his tears fell upon her hand.
‘Hello, Jimbo? Anyone at home? It’s Peter from the Rectory.’ Peter closed the front door behind him and listened to the silence in the house, thinking how his life had changed since he’d last stood in this hall.
It was Grandmama who appeared first. ‘Peter, my dear boy!’ She reached up to hug him and then dared to kiss his cheek. ‘The others are all out, so come and talk to me for a while. If you’ve any messages for Jimbo or Harriet I’ll pass them on.’ She ushered him into the sitting room and gestured for him to sit in Jimbo’s big leather chair, which he fitted into beautifully.
‘Well, now, Peter, you don’t look your usual self, not got that peace which is normally very evident in your face. This Africa business … the children. Are they all right now you’re home?’
‘No, but I’m confident they will be. Eventually.’
‘They’ve been very disturbed, you know. But I expect you know that from Caroline. She’s been worried sick.’
‘I know. The children have finally told me all about what happened and they are beginning to feel better about it.’
‘So what did happen when they were missing?’
Peter shut down immediately and it passed through Grandmama’s mind that he’d aged quite dreadfully. ‘I have their confidence and I’m afraid I can’t tell anyone anything at all. I really came to see Jimbo and ask about the Store closing.’
‘Well, all I can say is he decided to do it and the first Harriet and I knew the notice was up. We were stunned, but there was no persuading him otherwise. He was adamant. His broken ankle was a big factor; he’s never had an injury nor a serious illness which affected him so badly. We all felt so sorry for him but, privately, Harriet and I felt he’d made a bad decision. Nothing would get him to change his mind, however. The damage to the Store was the last straw.’
‘But what about this chap who stalked Beth? Caroline said everyone thought he was to blame, besides apparently murdering his wife.’
‘Well, that was a big factor. It appears he started this feud against Jimbo because of something which happened when their paths crossed years ago at Cambridge. He wasn’t called Andy Moorhouse then, so at first Jimbo couldn’t understand what had caused the feud. Then he recalled his old name, but won’t tell neither Harriet nor me what it was, nor what the feud was about. What really hurt was him badmouthing Jimbo to all the village.’
‘I see. Nasty. Will Jimbo be back shortly, do you think?’
‘Oh, yes. Just gone into Culworth with Harriet for some shopping. You see, closing the Store has given him so much more time, which he was seriously in need of.’
Peter stood up, ‘You’re staying here permanently?’
‘No, no. I’m moving back to my dear little cottage when they get back. I only really came here when Jimbo broke his ankle because they needed help, but now they don’t and I thought Anna and I would spend the next week or so together in my dear little cottage. Heal the breach, don’t you know? I’m all packed now, and glad to be going home. We’re having a welcome home meal together tonight, thoughtfully cooked by Anna.’
‘So it didn’t work out, then? When I went back to Africa?’
Grandmama smiled. ‘A few days would have been all right, but a few months, certainly not.’ She ruefully shook her head. ‘You see, we’re both strong-minded, self-opinionated women and that never works, does it? She’s done extremely well with the parish and worked hard, but two strong-minded women in the same small kitchen …’
Peter had to smile.
He left, leaving behind a worried Grandmama Charter-Plackett. He’d aged. Gone was that wonderful appealing charisma she’d always loved about him. Poor chap.
An hour after he arrived home Jimbo was at the door. Peter noticed him heading his way and was already opening the door for him.
‘Jimbo!’
‘Peter! Mother said you’d called. I’ve got her cheerfully unpacking in her own cottage, so having settled her I’ve come to see you.’ The pair of them headed straight for Peter’s study. When Jimbo had made himself comfortable in the easy chair he said, ‘Well now, Peter. It looks as though you’ve lost a lot of weight.’
‘Not much food about, that was the trouble.’
‘I see. And the children, have you managed to sort out their problems? They’ve found life almost intolerable.’
Peter needed to tell someone but Jimbo wasn’t the one. ‘Yes, things will be getting better from now on. Thank you. But what about you? When I learned you’d closed the Store I found it unbelievable.’
‘Yes, well.’ Jimbo smoothed his hand over his bald head and grinned apologetically. ‘I had an accident and broke my ankle – I have never known such pain in all my life. It absolutely rocked me to my foundations. How women carry on having babies like they do, knowing what pain they will have to face, I do not know. I had to have it broken again because it wasn’t setting right and hell, did I get upset.’
‘And of course, your poison pen letters didn’t help.’
Jimbo looked slightly furtive and waited almost a minute before he answered. ‘I’ve dropped any charges with respect of the windows and the paint and the letters. Better that than it all come out in court.’
‘Should you perhaps need to talk about it?’
‘Knowing as I do how much you’ve had to face since you came back, maybe now isn’t the right time.’
‘Is there ever a right time? Does Harriet know the connection?’
Jimbo went on red alert and said firmly, ‘No, she does not, and I don’t want her to know. So if I decide to tell you—’
‘I shall not disclose anything to anyone, as you well know.’
‘Of course, I know that. Well, then, I’ll tell you but in strictest confidence. When I went up to Cambridge, Father always saw that I had money, on the principle that I would only be up at Cambridge once in my life and I might as well enjoy it. I had a secret hiding place for my ready cash so I wouldn’t have it on me and be seen flashing it around. Well, there was this chap, Victor Martin, a college servant who seemed to fill in wherever he was required. One minute he’d be serving in the dining room, another cleaning the rooms, or serving in the bar. Useful all-rounder, I suppose, in an emergency. Then one day he was on my landing and doing my room. He’d been doing the cleaning for, I suppose, three or four weeks when I went to my secret cache and found I had ninety pounds less than I thought. It worried me all day, trying to think where on earth I’d spent ninety pounds. I even got out a piece of paper and worked it all out. Yes, I definitely had lost ninety pounds. My first thought was that the slimy so-and-so Victor Martin had taken it. He did a great job of dusting and cleaning in absolutely every single possible corner – couldn’t fault him on the cleaning side at all – so it appeared very likely it was him.
‘Well, of course, I reported the incident. Got it in the neck for keeping such a large sum of money in my room, but the staff were all questioned about it. And, of course, especially Victor Martin. He flatly denied it, and as they couldn’t find any evidence, it would have been unfair to dismiss him. But mud sticks and he stayed under suspicion, but was taken off room cleaning.’
‘So what happened then?’
‘Well … sorry it’s taking a long time but … anyway, one evening, a girl I’d been attracted to came up to me in the bar. Charlotte, her name was. Full of life, lots of get up and go, and we hit it off immediately.
‘You see, so as far as women were concerned I thought I was a real catch and so it seemed. I had the pick of the girls. Oh, yes, very popular was Jimbo. However, I’d seen this Charlotte around here and there, and though she wasn’t doing my subject our paths seemed to cross frequently. I remember thinking she seemed up for it with anyone who took her eye. You know, free and easy morals. God, I sound like an old man. Maybe I am. But the upshot was I invited her to my room for coffee. Coffee! I ask you.’ Jimbo grinned apologetically.
‘She couldn’t get there fast enough. Things hotted up and we … you know … we had sex. Next news she was screaming, “Rape!” at the top of her voice. I was completely devastated. I put my hand over her mouth and tried to reason with her but she struggled free and headed for the door, still behaving hysterically, but the door burst open and there stood Victor Martin, master key in hand, witnessing her distress. She went straight to him and he tried soothing her down, but she’d have none of it and he said, “This will have to be reported, Mr Charter-Plackett. I’ve no alternative.”’
‘What was he doing with a master key?’
‘Exactly. He must have made a copy when he was cleaning. However, that didn’t occur to me. All I thought about was being sent down.’
‘But you weren’t.’
‘Well, no. Mother dragged my father up to college and in a trice he’d persuaded the girl to rescind her accusation by paying her a large sum. In retrospect I believe that dear old Victor had put her up to it and also got a big payout from her for his cooperation. He was dismissed shortly afterwards for insolence and various other minor matters which the college managed to make stick.’