A Wartime Christmas (27 page)

‘Talking won’t bring him back, Babs.’

‘No, but it helps to share.’

Kay sipped the weak tea. ‘I don’t know what to do, Babs. Each day I go out looking. Wondering if Dolly might be in one of the houses I pass and Sean could be only a few yards
away.’ Tears filled Kay’s eyes. ‘I’ve got no rights at all where Sean is concerned. Everyone has made that clear from the start. From Jean Pearson to the police; even Mr
Barnet and Vi told me not to get attached. But I can’t stop caring about what happens to him.’ Suddenly the floodgates opened. All the tears she’d kept at bay now slipped through
her lashes.

‘Oh, Kay, I know what you’re going through. Love can be such a heartbreaker.’

Kay peered at her friend through her tears. ‘This shouldn’t happen to such a nice kid. Oh, if only Alan was here, he’d have put Dolly in her place straight away.’

Babs had a strange look on her face. ‘You trust Alan, don’t you?’

‘Course.’ Kay was shocked at her friend’s question. ‘Just like you trust Eddie.’

‘I did once.’ Babs looked down at her lap. ‘But I don’t think we ever truly know a person. Not really.’

‘Babs, what do you mean?’ Kay’s tears dried quickly as she heard the doubt in Babs’s voice.

Raising her eyes slowly, Babs said softly, ‘Eddie had an affair after Gill was born.’

Kay gasped. ‘Babs, why ain’t you ever said?’

‘We all have our secrets, Kay.’

‘Who was it?’

‘I was really low after Gill’s birth. Dunno why. The doctor said I should buck up as the baby needed a healthy mother. I tried to, but I just got more and more depressed. Eddie
didn’t understand – though he did his best. When he touched me I just seemed to freeze. It was awful for him. And I couldn’t explain what was making me like it as I didn’t
know meself.’ Babs pushed back her fair hair and looked into Kay’s gaze. ‘He found someone else. A woman who worked in the dock office.’

‘Babs, that’s awful.’

‘I didn’t blame him – couldn’t, could I?’

‘How did you find out?’

‘Madge Sutton, God rest her soul, saw Eddie and this girl one night. They was arm-in-arm walking along the Commercial Road. Eddie had told me he was working late to bring in the overtime.
He worked late a lot at the time although we never seemed to have much extra money. I realized why when Madge spilled the beans. When I confronted him about what Madge said, he admitted it straight
off.’

‘What did you do?’ asked Kay, her tears forgotten.

‘What could I do? I felt it was my fault that he’d strayed. I begged him not to leave me and Gill. That I’d change and we’d be just like we once were.’

‘And he agreed?’

‘Yes, but it wasn’t easy for him or me. Eddie had fallen for this girl in a big way. It wasn’t just a fling. I could see in his eyes I’d almost lost him. But we tried
because of Gill and eventually things sorted themselves. We was lucky, there wasn’t no gossip. Madge kept what she knew to herself like the good pal she was. And then I fell with Tim. But . .
.’ Babs hesitated, a frown clouding her pretty face. ‘Our marriage wasn’t the same again.’

‘You never said or even hinted, Babs.’

‘It was before you came to the island. Madge was the only one who knew. And when she and her family died in the bomb blast, I missed her. We’d known each other a long
time.’

‘Babs, do you think that’s why you fell for Paul?’

Babs gave a humourless smile. ‘What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, you mean?’

‘Well, it would have been understandable.’

Babs leaned her elbows on the table and turned the mug between her fingers. ‘I don’t really know why me and Paul hit it off. Why it even got started. There was just something between
us, we were on the same wavelength. But we should have been older and wiser and not got involved. Now, it’s almost as if neither of us care. We know it will end – has to. Like I said,
Kay, love is a heartbreaker.’

‘What are you going to do?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Babs, sighing. ‘I really don’t know.’

It was with a deep affection for her friend that Kay reached out to slip her fingers over Babs’s, tightening them until she could feel Babs’s wedding ring digging into her own skin.
A ring that was a symbol of the vows Babs had made with Eddie when they had once been young with the world at their feet.

It was 2 March and nearly four weeks since Sean had disappeared. Occasionally, Kay considered the possibility that she may have been wrong about Dolly. What if Sean really had,
for some reason, run away from school? Had he been unhappy? Had he wandered outside of the school gate? But Kay knew he wouldn’t have done that, especially not when she reminded herself of
Ellen Kirby’s sighting.

‘Come on, flower,’ Vi said one morning when Kay returned from school, ‘we’ll go to market and cheer ourselves up.’

‘Are you feeling up to it?’

‘Course. I’m on the mend now.’ Vi frowned at her thoughtfully. ‘I don’t need fussing over no more. Has Babs heard of a cleaning job going? I know she was looking
out for you.’

‘Not yet. But I’m sure something will come up.’ Kay didn’t like to admit that all of Alan’s money was gone, but she knew that Vi was smart enough to guess, and she
didn’t want Vi to feel a burden. However, the time had arrived when there was only Alan’s pay coming in addition to Vi’s few pennies. Pennies that were growing shorter by the day.
‘Best we make a plan though,’ Kay added.

‘You know I’ll mind Alfie for you.’

‘I’ll ask Mr Barnet about a place for him in school in September. I don’t want no extra work for you.’

‘I told you he’s no trouble, love.’

In the middle of their conversation, the letter box rattled. Kay hurried to look on the mat. Each day she hoped it would be a letter from Alan. But as usual, a forces envelope was not in
evidence. This morning a grubby white envelope lay there.

Kay picked it up to frown at the large, untidy writing on the front. Like a child’s, almost. She took it into the kitchen and opened it. After a few seconds, she gasped aloud.

‘Vi, this is from Dolly.’

‘Never! What does she say?’

‘You’d better read it.’

The shopping forgotten, Vi squinted at the haphazard, badly spelled words. ‘Your Alan that’s also my Alan,’ she read out, ‘turned a blind eye to what I did, because he
liked the money. He even married me, the bastard, to get hold of it. I told you, I was a good-looker once and successfully worked the West End. The rich punters had no complaints and paid well. It
was easy enough to put a bit by. Or so I thought. Alan was a greedy sod and stole my Post Office book, one hundred pounds to the penny. Bring the book with you on Wednesday, or else you won’t
see Sean again. The Salmon and Ball pub, Bethnal Green, half seven Wednesday night.’ Vi read the words again silently. Looking up at Kay, she blurted, ‘The cow is blackmailing
you.’

‘This money is what Dolly’s been after all this time,’ Kay said quietly.

‘Her ill-gotten gains,’ Vi agreed, nodding slowly. ‘Can’t say as I’m surprised she was on the game. Probably still is. Are you going to show this to Jean
Pearson?’

Kay shook her head. ‘I’m going to sort it out myself.’

Vi was silent for a moment then frowned. ‘The Salmon and Ball pub. That’s near Victoria Park, ain’t it?’

‘Yes. I’ll get the bus. There’s one to Green Road.’

‘You’re really determined to go, then?’ asked Vi in surprise.

‘It’s my only chance to find Sean.’

‘She might have that big bruiser with her.’

Kay lifted her shoulders. ‘I’ll have to risk it.’

‘I hope you realize she planned it all, the crafty bitch,’ Vi argued. ‘She took Sean to bargain with and made you sweat it out.’

‘I still have to go.’

‘She should be made to see her rotten threats don’t work.’

‘What would you do in my place?’ Kay questioned. ‘What if it was Pete Junior and you had a chance to get him back?’

Vi searched Kay’s face. ‘Point taken, ducks, even though Pete was me son and I have to point out that Sean ain’t yours. But you love that little boy, don’t
you?’

‘His mother don’t seem to. And yes, I am very fond of him, Vi. I can’t help myself.’

‘In that case, you’ll have to follow your heart.’

Kay sighed. ‘I only wish I had the hundred pounds Dolly thinks I have. I’d give it over like a shot if it would bring Sean home.’

Vi didn’t respond. Instead, she sat back and stiffened her spine against the back of the chair. Deep in thought, she sat in silence, then, placing her hands flat on the table, she expelled
a long sigh. ‘If you’ve made up your mind to meet Dolly then I think I’d better give you something.’ Vi got up wearily from the chair saying she had to go upstairs.

‘My darling Kay and Alfie,’ Kay read aloud from one of the two letters Vi had given her. ‘After all that has happened, I can’t expect you to understand
or forgive. But you must trust that our marriage is real and perfect. I could not have wished for a better second chance. It was you and Alfie that gave me an honest life. Before that, there was
nothing. Nothing that ever needed to be told. But I suspect, if you are reading this, some of it already has. There may be many things said against me, but please trust me, although it might appear
I have lived two lives, the day I met you was the day I felt reborn. Our life together is the one and only true record of the man who will love you for all eternity. So chin up, lovely, and God
bless you both.’

‘Ducks, are you all right?’ Vi asked as she studied Kay’s face.

‘No, I don’t think I am.’

‘I don’t know if I’ve done right,’ Vi fretted, ‘but Alan gave me the two letters and the Post Office book before he went away. Said I was to keep ’em safe. If
he didn’t come back then I should give them to you.’

‘Did you know what was in the book?’

Vi nodded. ‘Alan showed me. Said it was to set you and the boy up for the future.’

‘Even so, didn’t you think it was a lot of money?’

‘Yes, but that was Alan’s business.’

Kay felt her legs had been swept from under her. ‘Why does he write, “there may be things said against me. I have lived two lives . . .”?’ Kay shook her head in
bewilderment. ‘He can’t mean Dolly!’

‘Course not, love.’

‘Then what does he mean?’

‘Dunno. But it’s the book that’s important.’

‘A hundred pounds,’ Kay repeated as they studied the Post Office book again. ‘But how did Alan get all this money? It’s exactly the amount Dolly said was
stolen.’

‘The account is in your name, Kay. Not hers.’

‘The date says the first deposit was in October 1941,’ Kay said. ‘Not 1936 when Dolly said she knew Alan.’

‘There, you see, it’s just a coincidence.’

‘But where did Alan get a hundred pounds?’ she asked again. ‘He surprised me when he gave me twenty. But a
hundred?’

Vi pointed to the other letter. ‘Are you going to read that?’

‘It’s addressed to Len and Doris.’

‘Might explain something.’

Kay opened the envelope to discover that, unlike the first letter, it was typical Alan. He was swallowing his pride to ensure his family’s safety, a motive that Kay could understand under
such circumstances. ‘He asks Len to look out for me and Alfie if he don’t come back from war. But there’s no mention of the money.’

‘Might not have wanted Len to know.’ Vi raised her eyes. ‘Look, whatever your worries about it, Alan loves you and you alone.’

‘I want to believe he does.’

‘Would it matter to you if Alan was married before?’

‘It would if he was still married to her.’

‘I can’t believe it’s in Alan’s nature to do a thing like that.’

Kay put her head in her hands. What was Alan thinking of? Why was he writing in riddles? She wasn’t sure now of what was real and what wasn’t. Had she been wrong not to question
Alan’s past? But she had been so deeply in love with him, she hadn’t cared. He had never insisted on knowing about her and Norman. Not that there was much to know. He’d just
accepted what she’d told him. She had thought this was a fair compromise. They’d agreed to let go of the past and make a future for themselves. But the past that Alan had kept to
himself was now, it appeared, coming back to haunt them. By his own written admission in the letter, Alan sounded as if he was not the man she thought he was.

On Wednesday evening, Kay caught the bus from Poplar to Green Road. It was raining and she’d forgotten the umbrella. She found herself sitting in a damp coat and wet
shoes thinking about what she would say to Dolly. Kay had the Post Office book in her handbag. She would promise Dolly that she would withdraw the money and hand it over and hope that Dolly would
be satisfied. It was the closest Dolly would ever come to what she claimed was rightfully hers. Kay dearly hoped that Sean would be with her, though it was hard to believe that a mother would
really agree to exchange her son for money.

It was still raining when Kay got off the bus and made her way to the Salmon and Ball pub. She knew the area well. As a child, Lil had brought her here to the Roman Road markets. Then it had
been exciting, especially on summer days, when the heat and the smell of the horse-drawn brewery carts and bagel stalls filled the air. But tonight Bethnal Green was gloomy and depressing. The
streets were crowded with people hurrying home from work. The heavy skies above added a threat to the blacked-out streets of London. Kay had heard a woman on the bus say that the warning alarm had
been going off all day. Each time the siren wailed, everyone ran for shelter; Kay hoped and prayed the peace would not be disturbed this evening.

By the time Kay arrived at the pub her coat was wet through, her hair lank and dripping inside the collar making her shiver. The pub was crowded, the air full of smoke and chatter. There were
mostly men drinking and a few women sitting at the tables. But there was no Dolly. Kay sat down just inside the door. She told herself that Dolly would soon arrive. Each time someone walked in, her
heart raced. But it wasn’t Dolly.

The minutes ticked slowly by. The clock on the wall said almost eight. What if Dolly didn’t turn up?