A Widow's Hope (19 page)

She wasn’t laughing at his joke.

“So you and your
bruder
just sat down after dinner and decided what was best for
my
sheep?” She crossed her arms, hugged herself tightly, and appeared to be clenching down on her back teeth.

“Are you getting cold, Hannah?” He reached behind the seat for the lap robe and spread it across both their knees. “No, I came up with this solution. I thought I could take your sheep temporarily until Simon’s pasture comes in. You could teach me the business at my farm before I buy my own flock of sheep. I would have to quarantine any new animals I bought today away from yours, and I didn’t like that idea.”

Hannah pulled the lap robe up to her chin. For a moment, Seth thought she would pull it over her head. She sat like that for a full
minute before she replied, “If Simon wants to move my flock temporarily until his grass comes in, then I have no choice but to go along with his decision.”

Her voice sounded as though it hurt to talk, like the time he had his tonsils out.

“But in the future, Seth Miller, I’d oblige you to speak to me first before coming up with any more
perfect
solutions.”

Her words hung in the air like mist on a cloudy day.

No more was spoken on that particular subject. In fact, no more was said on any topic at all during the rest of the long ride home. And Seth began to feel a little guilty about the kiss and wanting to move on with his life. His thoughts of courting again seemed premature.

The tree frogs were beginning their nightly chorus when Julia heard the buggy rumble up the driveway. She could tell something was wrong the moment Hannah jumped down from the carriage and stomped across the yard. She was carrying several bags that Seth didn’t help her with. Nor did he walk her to the door, which wasn’t like Seth at all. Something went wrong during their outing. They must have had a spat.

Julia put the teakettle on the stove and added kindling to the smoldering embers. When Hannah entered the kitchen and removed her heavy black bonnet, her expression confirmed Julia’s suspicions. Hannah pulled on her white
kapp
and slumped into a chair.

“What’s wrong, Hannah? What went on in Kidron?” For a fleeting moment, Julia feared Hannah had done something to draw attention from the district elders and was scolded in front of Seth. But she quickly dismissed the notion—the ministerial brethren would never embarrass someone in public.

“Oh, sister,” Hannah moaned. “I thought Seth Miller was different from the other men I’ve met since Adam’s passing.” She kept her voice low and her head down.

Julia slipped into the opposite chair. “What happened? Do you want to tell me?”

Hannah released such a weary sigh one would have thought the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. “On the way to Kidron, we got along so well. We talked; he asked my opinion on matters; and he actually
listened
to my answers.”

Julia suppressed her impulse to smile at this.

“We got along so well,” continued Hannah, “I thought…I was starting to think we might make a life together…that I might find the contentment I’d known with Adam. He even kissed me on the cheek right before we arrived in town.” Her fingers reached up to touch the spot where he’d kissed her. “We spent a wonderful day— eating greasy sausage sandwiches with grilled onions and chocolate chunk ice cream and looking at the livestock for sale and all the fancy stuff in the giant hardware store.”

Julia shuddered at the bizarre combination of food choices but remained silent.

Hannah’s face glowed with the reminiscence as though she plucked it from the past, rather than from a few hours ago. “He said he wanted to talk to me on the way back.” The corners of her mouth turned down.

Julia clenched her back teeth with anxiety.
Did Hannah take an auction number and start bidding herself on livestock?
Plain women didn’t venture into traditional male roles in their conservative community, not without stirring up a cloud of gossip.
Did Seth take offense at her sitting in the auction?
Julia struggled to her feet and took the kettle off the burner before the whistle woke every one up.

“What did Seth say? What did he want to talk about?” she asked, unable to contain her curiosity.

“He said he had a perfect solution to my problem—a problem I didn’t know I had! He would take my sheep away from me because the grazing here is thin and move them to his place. That way Simon’s
pasture would have a chance to grow, and my flock wouldn’t trample any more crops or bust down the fences again.”

A single tear slipped from Hannah’s eye. She wiped it away quickly.

Inwardly Julia breathed a sigh of relief. Hannah hadn’t drawn undue attention to herself after all. “I thought Seth went to Kidron to buy his own sheep,” Julia said. Relief was soon replaced by growing irritation with her brother-in-law.

“That’s what I thought. But why spend good money when he can just take over my flock?” Hannah’s lower lip trembled as she met Julia’s gaze.

Julia wanted to wrap her arms around her sister and comfort her, but she first had to get to the bottom of this. “Surely Seth would never just take your sheep. He would at least offer to buy them.”

“They’re not for sale!” Hannah sobbed. “I love them.” Tears started to stream down her face.

Julia went to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. An unsettling notion crept into her head. “Did Seth say Simon had suggested this?”

Hannah pulled the hanky she kept tucked in her sleeve and blew her nose as she shook her head. “He said it was his idea, but it’s for everyone’s good. Everyone but me.”

Julia released the breath she’d been holding.

The rest of Hannah’s story gushed forth. “I didn’t talk to him all the way home from Mount Eaton. I know I should have discussed this like an adult, but all my emotions rushed to the surface. I was afraid if I said anything at all, it would be mean and spiteful.” Hannah buried her face in her hands. “I pouted instead of expressing myself calmly.”

“This is a simple misunderstanding,” Julia soothed. “Everything will look differently in the morning, and you and Seth will put this behind you.”

Hannah looked up, her reddened eyes brightening slightly. “Do you really think so?”

“I do. You must be exhausted. Go get some rest.” “
Danki,
Julia. Good night.”

Julia had voiced the words, but in her heart she wasn’t so sure. She and Hannah were sisters—Julia had been on the receiving end of Hannah’s silent treatments after an argument.

At the time, she would have greatly preferred an unladylike hair-pulling instead.

Julia released a sigh as Hannah climbed the stairs to her room. How she wished Hannah and Seth would stop putting up barriers and just get to know one another. She wanted Hannah married again and settled, not attending auctions as an independent woman. Until then people would watch her every move. And Julia hoped she married soon before the ministerial brethren observed something they didn’t like.

The trouble she had in Pennsylvania could start all over again.

J
ulia had been right about one thing—the world did look better in the morning. Hannah rose earlier than usual to arrive first in the kitchen. She started a pot of coffee, mixed up pancake batter, and lined up sausage links in the frying pan before heading to her chores. Emma or Julia would have an easy time of breakfast now.

Outdoors, May had exploded into flowers everywhere. Dogwood, redbud, azalea, rhododendron, and apple, pear, cherry, and crabapple trees competed for the showiest display with their fragrant blossoms. Hannah loved spring with its longer, sunnier days. Soon the pasture grass would grow thick and lush, providing plenty of food.

In the meantime, she corralled her nephews to help move the grain troughs and water stanchions to higher ground, away from the gate. She would gladly walk farther and work harder to keep her sheep where they were. The decision about their move, however, rested with Simon. If he wanted them moved, Hannah must go along. This was his household, and she had no say in the matter.

But neither did Seth.

She tried to muster the anger she’d felt yesterday toward him, but all she felt was profound sadness. How gentle his touch had been. How tender his lips had felt on her cheek. And how she had wanted him to end her loneliness. He’d given her hope—hope that
she would once again know love, hope to have a home again, and hope she might one day have a child. But thanks to her quick temper and sullenness, that hope was lost. No man wanted a woman who pouts. Her
mamm
’s warning had come back to haunt her: She was
eegesinnisch
—willful, but she didn’t know how else to be. Her sheep were all she had left from her old life.

“Be still and know that I am God!” How much easier said than done.

At least her frisky lambs gave her reason to smile. They frolicked and played like human children on the warm spring day. Her stomach growled to remind her she’d eaten nothing since Kidron, so she headed inside to wash up.

“There you are,” Julia said as Hannah entered the kitchen. “
Danki
for starting breakfast.”

“You’re welcome.” The smell of fried sausages and maple syrup whetted Hannah’s appetite as she poured coffee. Hannah noticed that the plates on the table were dirty other than two. “Am I late?” she asked. “Has everyone else already eaten?”

“
Jah,
Simon was going to Winesburg and wanted an early start. I hurried the children along because I wanted Matthew to take a note to Seth on his way to school.” Julia was rubbing the backs of her fingers and wrist.

Hannah tamped down her anxiety at the mention of the sheep-napper’s name, handsome and tenderhearted though he was. “I’m sure the
kinner
are glad school is almost out for the year.” Hannah bowed her head for prayer and then loaded her plate with food.

Julia took a more modest portion on her plate. “I’ve asked Seth to come this afternoon to help Simon move the furniture in the living room. I want to wash the floors and walls to get ready for the preaching service at our house. Simon’s back is still acting up, although he won’t admit it. Besides, I bought a turkey breast on sale at the store that I want to use up while it’s fresh.” As Julia reached for the cream, Hannah noticed her fingers were bent over, clawlike.

Hannah grabbed the pitcher first and poured cream into Julia’s cup while she took several deep breaths. “I could’ve helped move furniture just as well,” she said, not ready to face Seth Miller yet. More water needed to run under that particular bridge!

“Can I ask you to fix dinner tonight, Hannah? Our neighbor came down with the flu, so Emma is going to her house after school. My fingers are awfully bad today, and I’d like to look in on Mrs. Lehman myself. I’ve got a great recipe for turkey casserole you can make that I’m sure everyone will enjoy. Phoebe especially loves noodle casserole with peas and mushrooms.”

Hannah set down the pitcher before it slipped from her fingers. “Of course. I’d be happy to help,” she replied quickly.
But I don’t know if anybody else will be too happy once they taste it,
she thought. Then an idea occurred as she recalled how shrewd her sister could be. “Is there another reason you asked me to cook? One that might involve the fact you invited Seth to dinner?” Hannah perched her hands on her hips.

Julia feigned a look of innocence that fooled no one. “Me? Trying to mend something that ought not to have been broken in the first place?” Julia leaned over to whisper even though the women were alone in the room. “Time is a’wastin’, sister. Many women in the district have their eyes on Seth, but he is fond of you. I’m sure of it. But if you wait too long to patch this little misunderstanding, he might think you’re…ah…” Julia’s cheeks flushed a bright pink when the right word didn’t come to mind.

Hannah laughed at Julia’s stymie. “Let’s see…disagreeable? Stubborn? Pushy? I
am
all those things, and Seth’s bound to find out sometime. I am doomed.” Hannah helped herself to another pancake. After all, she was about to spend her remaining life unwed, so she might as well get as fat as Henry’s prize sow.