Abandon (19 page)

Snow had always been the most beautiful thing in the world.  It was the great white equalizer.  When Annalise was a child she had often hoped to wake up and see her neighborhood blanketed in a cover of snow.  Everything looked the same when it was covered in a foot of snow, all the differences in the neighborhood and between the people within disappeared.  This morning though, nothing looked the same in her world.  

Everyone had gathered outside in a clearing in the woods to bury Katy.  Cort, Jake and Kevin had taken turns all last night digging a hole approximately six feet deep in the clearing that was apparently Katy’s favorite place.  Annalise imagined it couldn’t have been an easy task given how frozen the ground was beneath her feet.  Jenna and Annalise had stayed in the house pretending to sleep.  At least, Annalise had been pretending to sleep... and a look at the dark circles under Jenna’s eye’s as she stood across from her, Annalise was sure she hadn’t fared much better.  

For Annalise, there had been something unsettling about sleeping in the house where Katy’s dead body was only a couple of rooms away.  Anytime she had felt herself drift off to sleep, the house had creaked or the wind had rustled and Annalise had imagined that Katy was awake - or worse, dead and haunting her.  The guilt that had settled in the pit of her stomach forming a hard knot that wouldn’t release her also deprived her of any actual rest.  In addition, any time she had heard the door open, she had prayed fervently to whatever God was listening that it was Cort and he was coming to see her.  Her door never opened and she found herself alone with her thoughts of guilt and betrayal all night.  Even now, Cort stood across from her, unable to meet her gaze.

“Someone should say something,” Jenna said breaking the silence.

At first, none of them moved forward to speak.  What could any of them say?  None of them had known Katy particularly well and in that moment Annalise realized how horrible Katy must have felt.  All the loneliness that Annalise had felt out here surrounded by Cort’s friends Katy must have felt too.  After all, Katy had been nothing more than Cort’s fuck buddy prior to this whole mess.  At least Annalise had previously known Kevin and Jenna, and had a sort of tepid friendship with Jake.  Suddenly, she felt her self loathing rise to a whole new level.  How could she have been so stupid?  Katy was probably the one in the whole damn group that actually knew exactly what she felt.  Katy had probably been just as lonely and isolated out here as she had been.  If she hadn’t been so selfish and wrapped up in her jealousy that Katy was the one with Cort, she might have been able to see that.

In the silence she let her thoughts wander.  Did Katy have a best friend like Meredith who had also escaped and was wondering where Katy was?  Did she have a family that was safe somewhere going to bed dreaming of the day that Katy walked through the door proclaiming to them, “I’m alright!”  Scanning the group she saw the looks on everyone’s faces.  It seemed they were all lost in their own thoughts, trying to find something to say about the girl they barely knew at all.  Shaking her head at her own mistake, she finally spoke.

“I didn’t know Katy very well,” she began, gathering courage.  “But I imagine that somewhere out there, someone is missing her.  Someone is wondering if she’s alive or dead, and someone is wishing they had her with them.  I am so sorry Katy, that we never got you back to that someone.  I’m sorry we failed you.”  

Annalise reached over the mound of dirt which was piled high and grabbed a handful.  Tossing it over Katy’s body in the hole, she whispered so no one else could hear, “I’m so sorry.”  Turning, she walked back to where she had started, and scanned the group to see who would be the next to speak.

Jake stepped forward and without saying a word, grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it on the body.  He hovered over the grave site for a second longer then turned and walked away from the group.  Jenna and Kevin followed suit shortly after, with Kevin putting his hand on Annalise’s shoulder and squeezing slightly before trekking back to the house.  Only Cort was left, still standing at the head of the grave, unmoving, unspeaking, and seemingly unfeeling.  Annalise wanted to say something to remove some of the pain off his beautiful face but she didn’t know what could make a dent in the stone wall he had put up around his heart.

“I keep going over it in my head,” Cort said finally.  “I keep going over everything from the minute I knew I was leaving to the minute we heard her fall through the ice.  I keep wondering, was her life better because I was in it?  Or did I drag her down?”

“I think her life was better,” Annalise responded automatically as the wind rustled gently through the trees.  “I think she was happy for the most part.”

Cort picked up some dirt from the pile and let it run through his fingers slowly, “She didn’t want to come with us.  The morning we left she told me I was crazy.  Then she went home, and her apartment complex was on fire.  She had nowhere to go.  I was supposed to be her savior, not her damnation.”

Annalise started moving around the grave to Cort and when she reached him, she put her hand lightly on his limp arm.  “So you did save her.  You saved her for another month Cort.”

He pulled away from her touch as though it was fire, burning him to the core.  Throwing the dirt that remained in his hand on the grave, he picked up the shovel and began tossing into the grave.  Annalise watched him work in silence, still unsure of any words that could ease his pain.  For the first time since Katy had slipped through the ice into the water, Annalise was unfocused on her own pain.  All she desperately wanted was a way to shoulder the pain that Cort felt.   She finally spoke, “This isn’t your fault Cort.”

Cort stopped mid-shovel and screamed out into the woods, throwing the shovel against the mound of frozen dirt and turned to face her.   His face was contorted in a look she had never seen before on any human, some rage, some sorrow and a whole lot of self blame.  “It is Annalise!  It is my fault!  It’s my fault she was here, it’s my fault she was out on the ice, and it’s my fault she’s dead.”

Annalise braced herself against his tirade and spoke in firm and unyielding terms.  “If it’s your fault, then it’s my fault too.  We can share the blame, and we can heal from this.”  They stood staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity.   She could see their breath crystallizing as it came out of their lips and mingled in front of them .  They could heal from this.  They had to.  

Somewhere close, a twig snapped.  In a split second, Cort grabbed her and pulled him against her as three men jumped out of from their hiding spot in the trees.  Annalise felt safe and protected in his arms and realized in that moment that his guilt over Katy hadn’t changed his feelings for her.  

“Hands up in the air!” one the men yelled.  “Don’t move!”

Annalise complied immediately, her body pressing tightly against Cort’s.  She looked up into his eyes to try and gauge his reaction to the situation.  Slowly, his hands went into the air.  “We’re not armed,” he shouted.

Behind Cort, she saw one of the armed men motion with his arms for the other men to lower their guns.  “They’re not infected, lower your weapons.”  

The man walked over to Annalise and began patting her down, checking for weapons she assumed.  He was dressed in white and grey camouflage, and appeared to have everything military personnel in the United States would have.  Annalise wasn’t sure how to feel as his hands felt over the curves of her body.  These  men were the first people she had seen in almost a month and here they were treating her like a criminal or something to be afraid of.

Next he moved to Cort, continuing the pat down.  Annalise looked at him, almost afraid to breathe.  Were there more of them?  Had the others who had left been detained too?  Could they be trusted?  Had they been watching the makeshift the funeral and were here to arrest them?  There were so many questions that she wanted to ask but she decided it was probably best to leave the talking to Cort once they got the chance.  

“Clear!” he said loudly, holding his hand out to Cort.  “2nd Lt. Greg Adams.”

Cort lowered his hands and shook the lieutenant's hand.  “Cort McCoy.  Did I hear you say infected?”

The lieutenant looked at him as if he was a relic of the past.  “Yeah boy.  Infected.  Haven’t you heard what’s going on out there?”

Cort shook his head slowly and put an arm casually around Annalise’s shoulder.  “No sir, we’ve been out here for a month without any word from anyone.”

“Well boy, you’re in for a shock.”

Chapter 27:  Cort

Deep Creek Lake, Western Maryland
December 26, 2012

The information provided by the military was almost too far fetched to believe.  The three of them had come from Pittsburgh, where the infection had reached shortly after the power went out across the Eastern Seaboard.  The best anyone could tell it seemed to be a chemical compound the government had released on the rioters in DC meant to calm them down that had bonded with something that already existed in the majority of protesters and created a virus that turned the living into the walking dead.  The virus then could possibly pass through bites and scratches but it was equally likely that someone infected would just die.   That was the part that made Cort the most uneasy, a virus that didn’t affect everyone.  Unlike the zombie tales of lore, there seemed to be a select amount of people who had an immunity to whatever the hell this was.  It would make picking out the survivors versus the infected that much more difficult.  The population was dwindling at a rapid pace and there seemed to be no relief from the government.  

 The soldiers had explained that the valley he had picked to stay in for protection had in essence created a natural wall surrounding them that the infected could not walk up.  It had provided them shelter from what was going on in the world.  It had ensured they would survive the initial infection period.  Well, most of them at least.  He wondered how many Katy’s there were in the world.  How many people survived the actual outbreak just to die at the hands of reckless actions by other survivors soon after.  On the walk to where the military had been camped out, they had barely questioned the grave Cort and Annalise had been discovered at, a small blessing of the fact that so many had died, Cort realized they would never have to explain what happened to her.  

They had reached the military camp site in about fifteen minutes, and Annalise was currently kneeling in front of some of the pictures they had brought from Pittsburgh.  She seemed to be in a sort of shock and awe over the devastation that had befallen the city.  “And you three were the only survivors?” she asked, looking up at Lt. Adams.

“Yes ma’am,” he replied.  “As I told you, as best we can figure out we are immune to the virus.”

She stood up slowly, looking at Cort.  “We don’t know if we are or we aren’t.  We haven’t come in contact with it yet.”

“As long as you’re human right now, you can come with us ma’am.”

Cort eyed their ammunition and stockpile of weapons.  Those weapons would come in useful if they needed to fight in the future and having people trained in the art of war would probably be beneficial to their little survival group.  “Where are you headed to?”

“The last radio contact we had was with Harrisonburg, Virginia.  The survivors there have fortified the city and put out a beacon on military channels for anyone who was alive and able to meet them there.”

Annalise looked at Cort with questioning eyes.  Harrisonburg was about six hours south east of where they currently were by car assuming no traffic or undead roadblocks.  It was probably safer for them to stay in the valley.  So far, the dead hadn’t figured out a way to get to them.  There had to be a pretty compelling reason to leave where they were.  “When was the last time you were in contact with Harrisonburg?”

One of the men who was standing towards the back observing them took a step forward.  “Last radio communication was two days ago.  The woman operating the radio is named Meredith.  She said the city is secure and still welcoming those who are uninfected.”

Annalise’s eyes lit up.   Cort could already tell what she was thinking.  Meredith would have been taking interstate 81 towards her parents.  She would have gone right through Harrisonburg.  “Does Meredith have a last name?” he heard Annalise ask.  He held his breath as he waited for the response.

The man shook his head.  “No ma’am, I am not aware of her last name.”

Another one of the guys from the back snorted.  “Apparently she makes great cupcakes though,” he chortled.  “Cupcakes.  We’re fighting for survival and she’s talking about goddamn cupcakes.”

Annalise whirled around to face Cort.  “We have to go,” she stated.  “I have to get to Meredith.”  

Cort didn’t even try to argue, Annalise had already given up so much to be out here with him he knew it would be a waste of breath to try to convince her to stay.  “We’ll go with you.  We have three more survivors back at the house we’ve been staying at and more supplies, including four cars.”