Abducted: Alien Mate Index Book 1: (Alien Warrior BBW Science Fiction Paranormal Romance) (The Alien Mate Index) (49 page)

I bet you could if it meant you got to stay with Sarden the rest of your life,
whispered a little voice in my head, but I shushed it. I still wasn’t sure what was going on between us, though even now, sitting across from him without being able to touch him, felt like torture.

If what we had formed between us really was a chemical bond, then what I was feeling was most likely a form of withdrawal from an addiction. I needed to be strong, I told myself. I couldn’t let my emotions and cravings rule me.

At least I wasn’t getting blasts of Sarden’s emotions anymore. When he had first walked into the bathroom that morning, the blasts of possessiveness and concern he’d been feeling for me were nearly deafening. But putting a little distance between us seemed to have dampened our new abilities to feel each other’s emotions and catch each other’s thoughts. Or maybe it wasn’t the distance—maybe it was just the fact that we were making a concerted effort
not
to hear each other. I thought it was probably the latter.

On one hand, this was good—it proved that we could control a potentially embarrassing aspect of the new bond we shared. I mean, who wants to know exactly what their lover is thinking or feeling all the damn time? Mental eavesdropping is no way to form a stable relationship—right?

On the other hand, I was already missing feeling Sarden’s emotions in my head. I had
liked
the feeling of possessiveness I got from him. It made me feel wanted…loved.

But that was the thing—we had both talked about belonging to each other but neither one had actually come out and said the “L” word, which is a big step in any relationship, I’m sure you’ll agree. Without that one little word, I felt lost…completely adrift and uncertain of what was really going on between the big alien and myself.

Messed up and insecure much? Who, me?

Unfortunately, yes.

“…is today,” Tellum said, dragging me out of my worried thoughts and making me realize I had missed something. “With our hyper-drives working on overload, we should be able to make the last part of it.”

“I’ll have Al synthesize Sellah some clothing fit for Eloim royalty,” Sarden said. “She needs to look regal and completely legitimate.”

“Make clothing for all of you,” Tellum advised. “It won’t do for any of her retinue to appear anything less than noble.”

“I’ll get him to work on it right away,” Sarden promised. “Right now, in fact.”

He got up and stalked out of the food prep area. Grav and Tellum started to talk about something else but Sellah hopped off her stool and took me by the hand.

“Come on—let’s go to your room and talk…
sister,”
she murmured in my ear.

“What? Why did you call me that?” I demanded as we made our way back to my room.

“Because, it’s true—isn’t it?” She settled cross-legged on my hoverbed and grinned, looking much more like a naughty schoolgirl than a deposed queen. “I can tell by the way you’re glowing—you bonded with Sarden didn’t you?”

“As a matter of fact, we did,” I said, frowning. “Even though you
told
me it was impossible.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “You’re a Pure One and a
La-ti-zal.
Who knows what is and isn’t possible for you?”

“Well apparently it
is
possible because now Sarden and I are
addicted
to each other and I don’t know what to do about it,” I said, beginning to pace.

“What do you mean, you don’t know what to do?” She opened her golden eyes wide. “You have a Ceremony of Commitment, of course and join your lives into one. Then I guess the two of you can travel the galaxy having adventures.” She looked at me enviously. “Although I hope you’ll hang around Eloim at least for a
little
while. If I get the throne back, I mean.”

“You’ll get it back,” I said. “If this Hurxx is half as skeevy as he sounds, the people of your planet won’t be able to
wait
to get you back. But just because Sarden and I are bonded doesn’t mean he wants me to settle down with him and have his babies.”

Which was another thing to consider. Since we were bonded, I assumed it meant we were compatible enough to have kids—but what would they look like? Would they have horns? I knew I would love any child I had without reservations—that wasn’t a problem. What I was wondering was, when
exactly
did the horns grow in? Would the kid have them while he was in the womb—specifically in
my
womb? And would he poke me with them? And what about the actually delivery—that was
bound
to hurt.

“Of
course
it means he wants you to settle down and bear his children,” Sellah said impatiently, breaking my train of thought. “Hasn’t he said as much?”

“No, actually,” I admitted. “Mostly he just talked about feeling possessive of me and wanting me to be his.”

“That’s the Vorn side of him,” she said. “Eloim males are much more circumspect about such things.” She sighed. “
Too
circumspect, I think. I wish I could find a male who would want to claim me as his own as Sarden claimed you.”

“Well claiming’s all well and good,” I pointed out. “But he still hasn’t actually said that he
loves
me. He just said we’re chemically bonded. Apparently it’s like some kind of addiction.” I sighed. Even now I could feel a craving for him—I had a strong urge to find him and sink into his arms and never leave. Only my pride and the uncertainty I felt held me back.

“Oh yes—it
is
like an addiction.” Sellah nodded. “Especially when you’re newly bonded. I’ve heard that the craving for your beloved gets easier to bear after a few cycles but it’s very strong and urgent at first.”

“Yeah, well…” I sighed and crossed my arms, fighting the urge to go to the big alien with all my might. I needed to figure this out before I went rushing into anything else. “Maybe I don’t
want
to be addicted. Maybe…maybe I want to go home.”

“You can visit your home planet, I’m certain,” Sellah said. “Sarden’s not a tyrant—he wouldn’t refuse to take you.”

“Visiting once in a while isn’t the same as living there,” I said. “I have friends there and a life. Not a very exciting life but still… It’s a hard choice to make. Especially since I’m not sure what he wants.”

“Well,
ask
him.” Sellah sounded exasperated. “Tell him you love him.”

“Uh-uh.” I shook my head firmly. “Look, I’ve been in relationships before where I said the L word first—it was a complete disaster. You can’t do that—the girl can’t I mean. I’m a feminist but also a realist—and the reality is, the guy wants to be the one to say it first. If the girl says it first…” I shook my head. “I just don’t want him to feel like I’m pressuring him into anything.”

“I don’t think he would feel pressured,” Sellah said quietly. “And I don’t think he’d be upset if you told him—out loud—how you really feel. You don’t give my brother enough credit—I’m certain he’s wished for years that he could find a female he was able to bond with.”

“No offense to your brother,” I said carefully. “But I’m not going to assume he’s dying to jump into a life-long commitment unless he says so.”

“But you’re already
in
a life-long commitment,” she pointed out. “Your bond—”

“Is it completely unbreakable?” I interrupted. “I mean, not that I want to break it because, well, I
don’t
.” I shrugged uncomfortably. “But what if Sarden wants to? What then?”

Sellah shook her head. “What strange customs you must have on your planet. Among the Twelve Peoples that grew from the seeds planted by the Ancient Ones, it’s known that a bond between a male and a female is inviolable. It might fade in time, if you were determined to live apart, but part of you will always be bonded to part of Sarden, no matter what.”

“Wow,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Who knew that unprotected sex could have such long-reaching consequences?”

“It’s not just physical intimacy that forms the bond—although that
is
what seals it,” Sellah lectured. “It’s the fact that you
couldn’t
bond with one who was wrong for you. The biological reaction simply wouldn’t happen with an incompatible male, no matter how many times you, uh, made love with them.”

She blushed as she spoke and I realized something about her.

“Oh my God, you’re a virgin, aren’t you?”

Still blushing, she nodded. “And I’ll have to remain one my entire life. The Ria of Eloim is not allowed to be bonded to any male but the Rea. But if the Rea is her blood relative rather than her mate, she must remain celibate throughout her reign.”

“Wow—that’s tough,” I said sympathetically. “No
wonder
you don’t want to rule.”

“It’s not just that.” She sighed. “Although, I have to be honest that’s a big part of it. I wish I could find a male who would care for me the way my brother cares for you—but I never will. It is forbidden.”

She looked so sad that I put an arm around her shoulders and gave her an impulsive hug. After a moment, Sellah hugged me back and sighed again.

“Well, it doesn’t matter what I want. I have to try and take the throne back for the good of Eloim. Even before he had me snatched away, Hurxx was already implementing some policies that favored the rich over the poor and were designed to line his pockets and the pockets of his advisors. The Goddess of Mercy alone knows what he’s gotten up to since he got me out of the way.”

“You’ll fix it,” I said. “As soon as you kick him out.”

She shook her head. “It might not be that easy. The Council of the People is going to be very reluctant to de-throne a sitting Rae, especially one wearing the Star of Wisdom. In fact, as long as he has the Star on, he’s legally the ruler of Eloim and no one can say otherwise.”

“And you can’t take it off him?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I could
try,
I suppose, though traditionally only the Rae himself is supposed to remove it. But if the Star truly believes he is worthy to rule, it will refuse to be removed.”

“You have to try, though,” I said. “It sounds like the only way to prove what a fake he is.”

She gave a short, unhappy laugh. “I doubt he’ll give me a chance. He has a personal guard around him at all times—no one gets within ten feet of him.”

“Well…maybe it will be enough just to accuse him publicly and tell everyone what he did,” I said lamely.

“Maybe.” Sellah shrugged. “All I can do is try.” Reaching for my hand, she squeezed it and smiled gratefully. “I’m just glad you and my brother will be there for me when I do it.”

“We wouldn’t miss it,” I promised, squeezing back.

But inside I wondered how in the world we were going to manage this. How could we put Sellah back on the throne if we couldn’t prove that Hurxx was unfit to rule in the first place?

I had no idea, but as Sellah said, all we could do was try. And as for my bond with Sarden, well, I would worry about it later, when all this was taken care of.

Zoe

“This is it. Are you ready? You certainly
look
ready. You look
gorgeous.
”

I looked Sellah up and down, completely in awe of how royal she looked. Al had really outdone himself with the clothing synthesizer this time. Sellah looked like the queen she was in the long red gown and white fur cape he had made for her. The red of her dress brought out the creamy tones of her brown skin, making her look absolutely regal and beautiful. Her dark hair was loose and flowed over her shoulders in glossy profusion that made me jealous—why couldn’t
my
hair behave like that?

For me, Al had made a similar gown but in blue instead of red. The cape I was wearing was black and not as long. In fact, it was more like a half-cape and I thought it looked kind of weird but Al assured me that it was the latest in Eloim fashion. At least the dress was pretty—the deep blue material was cut low in the front and dipped in to hug my curves and show off my hourglass shape. The shoes that went with it were sort of like a cross between clogs and flip-flops with tall wooden heels and a jeweled thong that went between my toes. They were surprisingly comfortable.

“I think we both look ready. That color of blue really brings out your eyes.” Sellah smiled at me. “Blue is such an
exotic
color for eyes.”

I laughed. “Says the girl with gorgeous golden peepers.”

She made a face. “
Everyone
on Eloim has golden eyes and dark hair. Believe me, Zoe, they’re going to take one look at your beautiful red hair and blue eyes and fall madly in love with you. Especially when they hear you’re a
La-ti-zal.”

“Well, they’re not going to be focusing on me—it’s you we want to highlight,” I pointed out.

“I know.” She shrugged her slim shoulders. “I’m just saying that having you as a bonded mate may go a long way towards making Sarden more…respectable. It’s a known fact that not just any male can secure a
La-ti-zal
as a mate. Having you at his side will make him appear more legitimate in the eyes of the people.”

“Well, if you say so.” I shrugged. “I mean, I’m happy to help but he and I still haven’t really figured out—”

“Figured out what?” Sarden suddenly appeared in my doorway with Grav right behind him. Both of them were dressed in black, straight-legged trousers with short, tight, long-sleeved jackets to match. Sarden’s jacket was pure white and Grav’s was crimson. The Eloim male equivalent of fancy dress clothes reminded me a little of a matador’s outfit, although their trouser legs were tucked into tall, shiny black boots instead of ending at the knee.

“Haven’t quite figured out how to wear my hair yet,” I said quickly, when Sellah looked like she might say something. “What do you think—up or down?” I gathered my red curls in a chignon at the nape of my neck to demonstrate.

“Down,” he said at once. “Your hair is too beautiful to hide.”

“Thank you.” I could feel myself blushing and also, now that he was in close proximity, I could feel the need to be close to him. To be
touching
him.

Whoa, girl—rein it in,
I told myself sternly.
It’s a chemical reaction and until you figure out exactly what’s going on, you need to keep a lid on it.