Abide With Me (16 page)

“Which is…?”

“He thinks he’s irresistible. I’m going to prove otherwise. After one date with me, he’ll be very happy to leave me alone.”

Which was precisely what Andrea wanted.

Wasn’t it?

M
adge banished both Sarah and Russell to the first floor and spent most of Friday morning on her hands and knees cleaning the stains from the carpet runner on the stairs and in the upstairs hallway. She had only just started when Jenny arrived unexpectedly, and she had sent her sister off without too much trouble.

Thinking about the story she had invented about she and Russell being ill, she scrubbed at a difficult stain with a vengeance. “All I had to do was lie to my sister. I hate lies. I hate the fact he’s forcing me to lie,” she spit, grumbling her words to match the rhythm of her arms as she worked the last stain from the carpet. Her arms ached and her back ached, but her heart ached more.

She leaned back on her haunches and wiped the perspiration from her brow with the back of her hand. She could
hear Sarah and Russell’s laughter as they played with Baby in the kitchen below. “How fair is that?” she asked herself. “Russell gets to play while I have to clean up the mess he made.”

She stared down the length of the carpet runner and clenched the scrub brush so hard her knuckles ached. Her life was a far bigger mess than this carpet had been, and she would have to work even harder to clear the stain of the scandal that would ruin her reputation and Russell’s. She did not have much time before the scandal broke. She could not hide Sarah forever. Sooner or later, someone would realize that Russell had brought home more than samples for a new line of pet food.

But Madge needed time. Time to let her seething anger cool, to decide what she really wanted to do, to make some sort of peace with herself before either she or Russell could contemplate the next chapter of their lives. Unfortunately, Welleswood was just too small a community to hide much of anything, let alone a three-year-old child. Madge did not have the time she needed. Not here.

The day after tomorrow was Sunday. The moment services ended, everyone would wonder why she was not there. As soon as Andrea and Jenny repeated Madge’s lie about illness, Madge and Russell would be inundated with calls, and casseroles would appear at their doorstep. “Lies always come home to roost,” she whispered, unwilling to let one snowball into another and smash into her life when she could prevent it.

When she dropped the scrub brush into the bucket, droplets of water splashed her arms and face and the solution to her immediate problem hit her. The beach house!
If she and Russell could slip out of town with Sarah, unnoticed, Madge could get a reprieve and have a few weeks, at the very least, to work through this mess.

At this time of year, most of the folks in most of the resort towns were either retirees who wanted to take advantage of off-season rates or full-time residents who were too busy to pay much attention to the fact that Madge and Russell had decided to spend a few weeks in their new beach house. The fact that the house just happened to be located at the tip of the town near the inlet, about as remote as one could get in a resort town, was an added bonus.

Madge wiped her hands, stood up and carried the bucket of cleaning solution to the bathroom and dumped it into the sink. She could not go downstairs for several hours until the carpet was dry. By then, she could have their suitcases packed and ready to go. She could put fresh linens on the beds and close up the upstairs, and while Sarah napped this afternoon, Madge would sit Russell down and explain her plan.

Or as much of the plan as she could.

She knew where they would spend the next few weeks, assuming Russell had arranged for some time off from work. If he hadn’t, then he would have to do it now.

They both needed time to be together to take a good, hard look at their relationship to understand how and why they had ended up mired in this difficult situation and explore the possibility of professional counseling.

She knew she needed time alone, time to pray and search the depths of her spirit, time to find the strength to begin a new phase of her life. Without bitterness. Without resentment. Without anger.

She also knew Russell needed time to fully realize what he had done, time to seek forgiveness from God, as well as Madge, and time to prepare for the months and years ahead. Living at the beach house would give both of them the time they needed before they returned to Welleswood and faced the gossip and the condemnation the world would slap at them all, even Sarah.

Madge set the bucket and scrub brush on the floor to dry and walked straight to the master bedroom. She put her hand on the doorknob, took a deep breath and went inside where memories lay in wait, like thieves in the night, ready to steal her resolve to put the past behind her and focus only on the present.

Using her fingertips, Andrea fluffed her hair into place. The conditioner Madge had gotten from Judy had worked wonders! Andrea’s hair might be short, but it was silky again and every unruly wisdom hair had been tamed to lie flat.

She smiled and stepped back from the mirror. True, the beige Capri set she had bought at Jolene’s was stylish and flattered her slim figure, but it was the joy of finding the outfit on the seventy-five-percent-off rack that made her the happiest. No sense wasting money on the one and only date she would have with Bill Sanderson.

She grabbed her zip-up, hooded sweatshirt off a hanger in her closet and her sports bag, which she had already packed with a bottle of diet peach tea, and waited by the front door. The “girls” were perched along the back of her couch looking out the picture window. “He’s got a dark blue pickup truck,” she told them, although she knew the cats
were really preoccupied by the activity at the bird feeders she had filled that morning. Half-a-dozen sparrows competed tenaciously at one feeder while several goldfinch fed at another. A pair of mourning doves pecked at the seed that had fallen to the ground.

Andrea checked her watch. She was fifteen minutes early.

When she heard a vehicle approach and pull into her driveway, she frowned. He was early, too. She gave each of the girls a quick peck, opened the front door and stepped outside. The minute she spied his truck in the driveway, she took a step back.

He was not driving a dark blue pickup truck.

He was driving a Jeep. An all-terrain Jeep with no roof and no sides, just two front seats and a windshield.

So much for slipping out of town unnoticed.

She pasted a smile on her face and hopped into the passenger seat before he could undo his seat belt to help her. “New car?” she asked.

“I borrowed it from a friend. It’s turned as warm as a summer day, so I thought we might have more fun in the Jeep. Phil’s a lifeguard in Sea Gate. Well, he’s actually a lieutenant or something.” Bill tapped a decal on the windshield. “We can even drive on the beach.”

He took her sweatshirt and put it in one of the two trunks on either side of a cooler, which filled the space where a rear seat would have been. “I had a feeling you’d be ready early.”

“The sooner we start, the sooner we can—”

“I have a few stops to make on the way. Buckle up,” he said, and threw the Jeep into reverse. When he got to the stop sign at the avenue, he put on his left blinker.

The instant she realized he intended to turn left and drive straight down the avenue through the center of town, she gulped down her horror. “If you turn right, you can get to the freeway faster.”

He turned left. “Once I make a few stops, that’s exactly where we’re headed. I promised you a picnic, remember?”

She shut her eyes and counted to three before she opened them again. “You said you were going to pack a picnic.”

“I am. I’m going to pack up the Caesar salads from The Diner, the rotisserie chicken and shrimp from the deli, and a tortilla sampler from La Casita as soon as I pick up the orders.” He nodded toward the rear of the jeep. “I only had time to get the muffins from the bakery and fill the cooler with drinks.”

Flabbergasted, she did not worry about being rude. She just stared at him, unable to say a word. How had he managed to find out every one of her favorites, especially the muffins that only her sisters knew were her favorites? If Andrea or Jenny had told him about the muffins, she would make them regret it!

He cocked a brow. “Aren’t you going to ask me about the drinks? No? Well, I’ll tell you anyway. Most of them are iced tea. That’s all I knew for sure about what you liked, so I got some of everything. Regular and diet, flavored and unflavored. I like them all, so I’ll just drink what you don’t want. Fair enough?” he asked as he pulled into an open parking spot right in front of Ellie’s Deli. “Sorry. If I’d been able to get this spot on my way to your house, I could have had everything packed up and still been on time.”

There were never any open parking places on the avenue, especially not on a Friday night. Why tonight? Why
now? “I don’t suppose you’d care to tell me how you just happened to order some of my favorite foods, would you?”

He shrugged. “That was easy. I asked.”

“You asked?”

“Sure. There aren’t that many restaurants in town. I just called them up and asked them.”

Her heart did a somersault. Twice. “You called and asked them? You told them my name and—”

“And I said I was taking you on a picnic and what would they recommend for a guy who wanted to make a really good impression on his first date with you.”

“With me.” She groaned. He might as well simply have placed an announcement in the Sunday bulletin at church. At least that would have kept the congregation from gossiping during the pastor’s sermon. She also had a meeting Saturday afternoon for the Shawl Ministry, and she knew Miss Huxbaugh would have more than one comment to make about Andrea’s date.

“I won’t be long. I think I can pretty much hit all the stores and be back in ten or fifteen minutes.”

“I’ll be counting every second,” she assured him. For two cents, she would have waited until he got into the deli, gotten out of the Jeep and marched herself home, but she was too much of a woman of her word to do that. She had agreed to one date, and she would make it through this date, by any and all means necessary.

She even tried imagining the leash that held her back from doing most everything she wanted, but by the time he got back, she was seething with embarrassment, to the point that the imaginary red roses and white lilacs had long since burned to a crisp. She had stopped counting the
number of people she knew who had either passed by and waved from their cars or strolled by and stopped to say hello to her.

Seeing the flash of disbelief in their eyes that she would be on a date with a younger man did not bother her as much as she had thought it would. Seeing the flash of disbelief in their eyes that she was on a date, period? That hurt a little. So how long had it been since she had dated anyone? Who cared? Whose business was it anyway?

By the time they were headed south on the freeway, Andrea’s stubborn streak had stiffened her backbone, and she held her head just a tad higher than usual. She was going to show them all! She was entitled to date, just like every other single woman in Welleswood, many of whom would give half of Sunday’s collection to have a date with Bill Sanderson.

But he had asked her, hadn’t he?

She was so busy defending herself and so determined to prove to herself that she was interesting enough to be asked for a date, she completely forgot that she had only agreed to this date to prove otherwise.

For the first time in her life, Madge prayed for clouds, thick, heavy clouds, to block out the moon and the stars overhead.

By eight o’clock Friday night, she gave up and told Russell to pack the suitcases into his car while she pulled her car into the garage. While Russell carried a sleeping Sarah from her bed, buckled her into her car seat and got Baby situated, Madge made two more calls. This time her prayers were answered, and she didn’t have to speak directly with
Andrea or Jenny. She left messages, telling them she and Russell were feeling well enough to drive to the beach house where they would be staying for a few weeks.

Russell had the motor running when Madge got to the front porch. She caught her breath and prayed no one would see them leave. They were several blocks away before her pulse slowed to normal again.

“Thank you,” Russell murmured. “You’ve been kinder to me than I deserved. I know we…you have some difficult decisions to make about…about us…. I promise to try not to make them any more difficult than they already are.”

Tears welled in her eyes. Emotion choked her throat.

“I love you, Madge. I’ve always loved you,” he whispered. “I don’t know if you can ever love me again, not after what I’ve done. You probably hate me right now, but I’m praying that you’ll be able to forgive me someday.”

Someday soon? She doubted it. Someday, as in some day, some moment in the future when her anger had cooled, her heart had healed, and her prayers for strength and courage had been answered?

She hoped so, or life would be miserable for them all. She had no hope at all, however, if the faith she had treasured for all of her life was not stronger and deeper than the gaping wounds in her heart.

“Someday,” she whispered, and wondered if it might possibly be someday soon…or ever.

F
or Madge, nothing quite captured the awesome dignity and overwhelming presence of God like a night sky, especially at the beach.

Late Friday night, she stood alone on the patio facing the ocean with her face to the heavens while she waited for Russell to join her. Without the glare of streetlights or any of the other luminary trappings of modern civilization interfering, the night sky had a majesty and an intensity that took her breath away.

Thousands of stars nestled deep in the folds of the universe reflected the power of their Creator. Some were specks of light, as small as the grains of sand on the beach beyond the patio. Other stars, larger and more brilliant, created a jeweled mosaic so constant since the beginning of time, they had guided the earliest seafarers safely from shore to
shore. The moon spread a stairway of light from the sea to the heavens, providing a visual link between the Creator and his creation, for those who needed to know they were never alone.

For the first time since Russell arrived home with Sarah, she felt a little less angry and a little more capable of making a decision about her marriage and her feelings for Russell. She just needed a little help from above to understand the course she believed He had set for her.

“Madge?”

Before she turned around and faced her husband, she wrapped her soul with God’s love. “Sarah’s all settled in?”

“I put the kitten with her, too.”

She nodded.

“I have some things I need to say to you,” he murmured.

She took a seat on a chaise lounge, but he remained standing. Even in the dim light, she could see a difference in him. He stood more erect. His shoulders were straight. Even his voice had lost the desperate quality that had testified to his state of mind.

He put his arms behind his back, as if ready for military inspection. “I want you to know that I’m willing to accept whatever terms you want. I won’t fight you. Not on alimony or the house. Whatever you want, whatever you think is fair, then that’s what you’ll get.”

“In a divorce?” she whispered.

He nodded stiffly. “I know you’ll want to consult an attorney. There are a lot of things to consider and financial arrangements that have to be made.”

She swallowed hard. “You know I don’t have a clue about
our finances,” she admitted, although she expected to change that very soon.

“I know. That’s why you need to consult with an attorney before you make any definite plans for…for later. I have a pension plan, 401K, stocks and a company savings plan. All of this should be divided. You’re entitled to half of everything.”

“At least.”

He cleared his throat. “You should also arrange for a financial advisor, someone who can help you sort through all of this, even after—”

“After a divorce?”

“Yes, after a divorce.” He turned and looked at the beach house for a moment. “I’m sorry. I know you haven’t even had this house for a month, but we’ll have to sell it. I’ll absorb the loss. If I repay the home-equity loan on the house in Welleswood, it’ll be free and clear. If you can continue to live there without having to worry about a mortgage payment, you probably wouldn’t have to work. Between the alimony and the other income generated from the settlement, you should be fine.”

“I should be fine,” she repeated. “After a divorce, I’ll just have to learn how to cope with being alone, I suppose. What about you? What will you do?”

He shrugged. “I haven’t got that figured out yet. I cleared a few weeks off to decide…you know…under the circumstances…”

“No, I don’t know. Why don’t you explain it to me?”

He sat down across from her. “You’re not making this easy.”

“Did you?”

He shook his head. “I need to decide whether I should find a place for Sarah and me in Welleswood or not. It might be better to take her back to Collsworth and get a condo there or just pick a new town and make a clean start for both of us.”

“Would it be better or would it be easier?” she asked.

“Nothing about getting a divorce and moving away would be easy,” he countered, “but staying in Welleswood would be harder.”

“What about Drew and Brett? Are you going to divorce them, too?”

“Of course not. Once we’ve decided what we’re each going to do, we’ll tell them, or I’ll tell them. Whatever you think is best.”

She pressed him harder. “What will you tell them, Russell? That their father was a bigamist? That their father had another child with a woman who was not their mother and because of his mistakes, he’s going to abandon everything, forsake every vow and promise he made before God and witnesses, and start a new life without them? Will you tell them or should I?”

A long silence stretched between them. When Russell finally spoke, his voice was just above a whisper. “I can’t tell them what I did. They’ll never understand, because I still don’t know how it happened. They’ll hate me for what I did, and I wouldn’t have a single argument to use to defend myself.”

“But you could tell me?”

“I had to tell you. I had nowhere else to turn. I prayed. I begged for a way to spare you from learning about what I’d done, but—”

“But instead, you came home to me,” Madge finished for him.

“It’s not fair to you, I know, but I knew if I ever hoped to redeem this sorry soul of mine, I finally had to be honest with you.” He shook his head. “I—I need time before I can face the boys.”

The lump in her throat was almost impossible to swallow. “And what about Sarah?”

“Sarah.” His voice broke and he looked up at the sky. “She’s the only light shining through this entire nightmare. I look into her eyes, and I can believe in a God who is generous as well as forgiving. I’ll spend the rest of my days regretting what I did to you and the boys and praying all of you can forgive me someday, but I intend to spend the rest of my life raising Sarah to become the kind of person I did not turn out to be. A person like her mother. A person like…you.” He paused. “I wish I could say Sarah had never been born, but I can’t.”

“You’ll raise her alone?”

“I have no other choice.”

“We always have choices,” she murmured. “Some are just harder than others.” No one knew that better than she did. Her own choice about her future was hard to make and even harder to accept, but in faith, she now knew she had no choice but one. “You could make different choices about the future you apparently have planned for yourself and Sarah. You don’t have to move away,” she offered.

“What? Stay in Welleswood?” He snorted. “Even if I deserve to be mocked and ridiculed, I won’t have Sarah destroyed by the scandal that’s going to brand her as a love child! As much as you must detest the very sight of her, you wouldn’t want that for her. I know you wouldn’t.”

“She’s an innocent child.”

“She’s also living, breathing proof that I betrayed you.”

“She’s God’s child. He created her in His image, and He created her for His purpose, not yours or mine,” she whispered, surprised by her own words. Or were they His? She paused and prayed for guidance so she would know the right words to say. “Other men have affairs. It’s sinful and it’s wrong, but sin happens. You say you had realized your mistake and you were going to end the affair. Other men do that, too, because faith and goodness can ultimately be stronger than the temptation of sin. For some men, like you, the choice to end the affair comes too late.”

She leaned forward and turned toward him. “You were the man God chose to be Sarah’s father. You were the man He trusted to raise her in faith and in love because He knew her mother would be called Home before Sarah had grown up.”

Russell leaned toward her. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying we both have to remember our marriage vows. We made those vows to one another for a lifetime. ‘For better or for worse’ aren’t empty words. They mean that we promised to stay together through good times and bad times, whether we liked it or not. We pledged that we would never break those vows.”

“Oh, I see. You want to rub my nose in my mistake. You want me to remember it’s my fault our marriage ended. You want me to—”

“I want you to stop and listen. Really listen to me. I’m not sure I can say this exactly right, and I’m certain I won’t be able to say it again. Not tonight. I’m still struggling to get this clear in my own mind, which isn’t easy because my
heart hurts so bad I think I might not be able to breathe for the pain every time I think about what’s happened and because I’m still very angry with you. Not with Sarah. With you.”

He nodded. “I know you are. I’m sorry. Yes. I’ll listen. I owe you that much.”

“You owe me more,” she argued. “You owe yourself more. You owe Sarah more, but you owe God the most. And so do I. That’s what I’m finally realizing tonight. We’ve been married for twenty-six years, and God has blessed us with a wonderful life together. You make a living well beyond most other men. We have not one home, but two. We have two handsome, intelligent, loving sons who have grown up to be men of faith and good character. We have shared our love for one another and our means with others less fortunate. Given all that’s happened, I know I have a difficult choice to make. I can stand by my vows and open my heart to this little one and learn how to forgive you someday, or I can do what you did—break my vows and prepare to move on, alone. There isn’t a soul in Welleswood who would blame me, either.”

She bowed her head and blinked back tears before she continued, but her heart was filled with the peace of knowing she had been led to make the right choice. “Stay in Welleswood, Russell. Stay and make a home for Sarah with me. Stay because you really do love me and you can promise never to break the vows we made to one another ever again. Stay because even though you’ve made a terrible mistake, you are still a man of faith and a man of character. And stay because you can trust God to show us both the way.”

She caught her breath and held it until, slowly, he turned his face to her and nodded.

For now, it was enough.

Although she had already begun to make a mental list of things she expected to change in their lives, she set it aside.

For now, she was content. She had done what she knew He wanted her to do.

Tomorrow, she prayed, He would help them both to understand how to do it.