About the Boy (17 page)

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, Lucas, but I’m not sorry this happened,” she said, blinking back the hot flash of tears that burned her eyes. “And I’m sorry that you are.”

“Katie, look—” he broke off when he looked at her, saw her stricken face, and cursed himself six ways to Sunday. He’d hurt her, damn it, hurt her and he’d never intended to. He’d been trying to protect her, to protect her and Rusty by keeping his emotional distance, but something had happened with her, something that had never happened with another woman. His emotions overruled and overpowered his common sense. And because of it, he’d ended up doing the one thing he never wanted to do—hurt Katie.

“Listen.” He dragged his hands through his hair and took a deep breath, not certain what to say or how to say it. But he was dangerously close to losing what little shred of control he had, and he couldn’t risk it, couldn’t tell her what was in his heart. It was too painful, for him, for her. It was better this way, better to keep his distance, to forget her, forget this ever happened.

But it had happened, giving him a glimpse of what life could be like if he ever allowed himself to feel again.

No!
His mind snapped, and his heart began to ache, fresh and raw, in a way it hadn’t ached since those first early days when he’d been so lost, so shattered. How could he have put himself in this position again? To care about someone, knowing it would only make him vulnerable, knowing he’d barely survived the last time, knew he wouldn’t be able to do it a second time.

“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you, that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do, but the truth of the matter is, Katie, this shouldn’t have happened, can’t ever happen again.” He paused, took a deep breath and tried to gather his scrambled thoughts. “I don’t have anything to offer you.” He spread his hands out helplessly. “Absolutely nothing. Not you, not Rusty—”

“Don’t bring my son into this,” she snapped, furious and hurt. “This is between you and me and has nothing to do with him. And if I recall, you’re the one who made the distinction that our professional lives never interfere or overlap into our personal ones. And you can’t get much more personal than this. But this is between you and me, Lucas, and has nothing to do with my son or your relationship with him.” Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and tried to gather her composure. But his words had struck like a blow straight to her heart.

She loved him, and yes, now she could honestly admit it, at least to herself. She had love in her heart, and all he had was fear she wanted something from him.

“Katie, listen to me,” he all but demanded, raising his voice for the first time in memory. “I don’t have anything to offer you. Absolutely nothing. And I’m sorry for it but this doesn’t change anything,” he said, feeling like a heel and wishing he could take back everything he’d said. But he knew he couldn’t. This was best, for both of them. He couldn’t afford the feelings growing for her and Rusty. He simply couldn’t. They terrified him on a level he couldn’t even put a voice to.

“Lucas, just so we’re clear here, I don’t recall asking for or voicing any expectations to you.” She wished her voice was stronger, less strained and teary, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Maybe not yet,” he said, realizing he was just digging himself in deeper. “Just because we’ve made love, it doesn’t mean anything,” he stammered, cursing himself even as he said it. “It doesn’t change anything.”

Temper erupted, smothering over the hurt. “Doesn’t mean anything?” she repeated, her face and voice stricken. “I can’t believe you just said that.” How could he dismiss something that was so beautiful, so perfect? She had no idea.

She wanted to laugh it off, to show that she was a sophisticated, modern woman who could simply make love with a man and then pretend it didn’t matter, didn’t touch her heart and her soul, but she couldn’t simply because she wasn’t that kind of woman. She would never have made love with him if she hadn’t loved him. And to simply pretend otherwise would be a lie, something she wasn’t keen on doing, not now, not about this, and especially not with him.

She could never deny the importance of what had just happened between them, not even to ease his own conscience.

“I’m very sorry that this meant nothing to you, Lucas. I’m sorry that somehow I’ve frightened you into thinking that I wanted or expected something more than the beautiful evening we shared together tonight.” Sniffling, she wrapped the afghan tighter around her and stood up with the dignity of a queen. “I can assure you I want or expect nothing from you. Not now, not ever.” She was glad the afghan covered her legs so he wouldn’t see her knees were knocking—they wouldn’t have carried her now except for sheer pride and will. “What we shared tonight was beautiful and special, nothing more, nothing less, and if you regret it I’m sorry for you.”

“Katie, wait.” He reached for her, knowing he’d blown it, knowing he’d hurt her and not knowing how to fix it and yet still protect himself emotionally.

“Please.” She had to swallow the lump in her throat, and the pebble of pain in her heart seemed to have grown to a boulder. “Don’t touch me. Not right now,” she added more gently, shoving her hair back. “It’s late, Lucas. We’re both tired. Maybe it would be best if you just…left.”

“You want me to leave?” He wanted to beg for her forgiveness, to throw himself at her mercy, to let her know this had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with him. He couldn’t afford to feel anything for her, couldn’t allow himself to be vulnerable, not ever again. But he knew she’d never understand, not unless he told her the whole truth, and he simply couldn’t and he knew it.

“Yes, please,” she managed quietly. He nodded.

“I’ll just…. uh…get my stuff together.”

“Do that,” she said, wrapping the afghan tighter around her. She clung to her dignity, even as he gathered his things and made his way toward the house to the front door.

“Look, Katie,” he said when he reached the door. “I really am sorry.”

She managed a weak smile. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Lucas. Truly.” The pain was back in his eyes, making her want to gather him in her arms and hold him until the pain went away. But she couldn’t and wouldn’t, knowing that he didn’t even trust her enough to know that after tonight she wouldn’t be wanting or expecting anything from him, except the one thing he couldn’t and wouldn’t ever offer her: his love.

Before she could protest, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Good night, Katie,” he said, before opening the door and stepping out.

“Good night, Lucas.” She waited, watching until he was down the stairs before slowing closing the door behind him. The sob she’d been holding back caught her off guard, and Katie leaned against the door as sobs shook her entire body. Unable to stop the tears or the cold that seemed to be seeping deeply into her right to the bones, she sank to the floor, wrapped the afghan tighter around her and let the sobs free.

Chapter Ten

K
atie nursed her broken heart and threw herself into her work, but she didn’t hear from Lucas. He still saw Rusty almost every day, but he made sure he was gone by the time she got home. He was deliberately avoiding her and there was nothing she could do about it.

Not wanting her relationship, or lack of it, to interfere with her son’s relationship with Lucas, Katie tried to put on a brave face, but it was hard, especially when Rusty questioned her about Lucas not hanging around when she was around.

“Did you guys, like, have a fight or something?” Rusty asked on Monday evening, when Lucas hightailed it out of there a scant few minutes before Katie got home.

“A fight?” Katie repeated, carrying a bag of groceries into the kitchen and pretending to be intensely interested in unpacking it. “No, honey, we didn’t have a fight.” She shrugged, trying to hide the pain she’d been trying to conceal since Lucas left on Saturday. “But remember, Lucas is
your
buddy, it’s you he’s here to see, not me, remember?” She had to keep reminding herself of that.

“But…are you…like, mad at him or something?” Rusty asked worriedly.

“Honey.” Katie set down a can of coffee and turned to her son. “I know you’re worried and upset, but please don’t be. Lucas and I are still friends, it’s just we’re both very busy people.”

“You’re mad,” he confirmed with a scowl, making Katie lift his chin.

“Listen, sport, I’m simply busy,” she lied. She didn’t like lying to him, and in fact, never had, but this was personal, too personal, and she wasn’t ready to burden her son with her own stupidity. Besides, as long as Lucas didn’t let what happened between them affect his relationship with her son, she wanted to protect Rusty from the truth—if she could. “You know I have a lot of responsibility at the paper, and I really don’t have that much time to socialize. Besides,” she added, forcing a smile, “this has nothing to do with your relationship with Lucas. That’s still fine, isn’t it?”

“I guess so,” he mumbled, looking totally dejected.

“Good. Then stop worrying and go get washed up for dinner.” As soon as Rusty left, she all but collapsed against the counter, blinking back tears. The strain of pretending everything was all right when her heart was breaking was simply getting to be too much for her.

But she had no choice, she wasn’t going to worry her son, not about this, ever. It was her own fault for allowing her feelings for Lucas to get out of control.

It had been her decision, now she had to face and accept the consequences. But it would help if she understood this, understood what had happened. Lucas was not a cold man, not at all, but something had happened after they’d made love that had made him seem cold and curt—what, she didn’t know. He was frightened, she’d realized belatedly, and she couldn’t seem to understand why.

It plagued her all night, making it difficult to concentrate on her work. When Rusty went to bed, she finally realized that she had no way of knowing what had happened since she really had no idea what had happened in Lucas’s past. And she had a feeling that was the key to what had frightened him—his past.

She’d promised him she wouldn’t pry or dig into his past, at least not in her capacity as the editor of the newspaper or in her role as a reporter. And Lucas was the one who asked her to make certain she kept the two distinctly separate.

And she had.

But this was different, this was
personal.
Very personal. It had nothing to do with her job at the paper and everything to do with her heart. She was in love with the man and she had a right to know what had happened in his past to make him so frightened of her and what they shared together.

She went to her computer, saved the file she’d been working on, closed it and then took a deep breath. She stared at the blank screen for a moment before taking the plunge. She opened another file and typed in Lucas’s full name, and then she nervously waited, curious now to find out exactly what Lucas had been hiding from her all along.

By Thursday, Katie had learned that Lucas had been married, but was now widowed. Apparently a lot of his files and records, at least the official ones from his years on the Chicago police force—something else she hadn’t even known before—had been sealed at Lucas’s request. A judge had granted a court order to seal all Lucas’s personnel and personal records from the department, only leading Katie to wonder why. The more she found out, the more questions she had.

She didn’t have much time to work on this, but tried to do a little each night, and now had her notebook filled with information and some additional questions she was trying to find answers for.

By Thursday, she still hadn’t seen or heard from Lucas, but Rusty called her at the office to ask if he could go to Lucas’s lake cabin for the weekend.

“Yeah, Ma,” Rusty said excitedly. “Lucas says it’s gonna be an all-guy weekend. He invited Sean and his dad to go, and some other guys too. So can I go, huh, can I? We’re gonna fish and watch football and really pig out. You know, just do guy stuff.”

Not even the joyful exuberance in her son’s voice eased her aching heart. Lucas had chosen this weekend deliberately since he knew there was no way she’d be able to go, not when she had such a pressing deadline facing her.

Lucas was sending her a message, loud and clear, that he’d continue to see Rusty, but he didn’t want to see her. It hurt, more than she believed possible, but she’d known better than to allow herself to let her feelings for Lucas get out of hand. And she let it happen anyway and had no one to blame but herself.

“Of course you can go, sweetheart,” she said to Rusty, closing her eyes against the pain and trying to make her voice cheerful.

“Uh…Ma?” He hesitated. “Will you…uh…be okay by yourself? I mean, I’ve never gone away before, and well…left you all alone before…” Rusty’s voice trailed.

“I’ll be fine, sweetheart,” she assured him, blinking back tears. Having Rusty worry about her was a switch, and he’d been doing it all week in spite of her assurances that nothing was wrong. “I’ve got tons of work to finish and this will give me a chance to dig into it uninterrupted. When you get back, the Halloween issue will be done and we can just enjoy Halloween and the carnival. I want you to go and have a wonderful time.”

“And…uh…you’re sure you’ll…like, be okay?” he asked again, and she smiled.

“I’ll be fine, honey. I don’t want you worrying about me. Why don’t you start getting the stuff together you want to take. Make sure you pack warm clothes, it’s going to be cold up at the lake this time of year.”

“Yo, Katie, we got a problem,” Lindsey yelled from her desk. Katie turned and held up her finger through her office window to let Lindsey know she was on the phone.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. I’ll be home at the normal time. And just ask Grandma to help you with your stuff if you’re not sure what to take, okay?”

“Okay, see you when you get home, Ma. Bye.”

Katie hung up the phone and walked into the outer office. “Lindsey, what’s wrong now?” she asked, trying to keep the exasperation out of her voice. She was exhausted from being unable to sleep all week, and just plain worn-out from all the work she’d been doing. She could do with a little less drama and a little bit more calm in her life.

“Mayor just called, seems he’s called an emergency meeting.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake, now what?” Katie demanded, dragging a hand through her hair. “I really don’t have time for this.”

“Katie.” Lindsey looked at her long and hard over her spectacles. “Are you feeling poorly or something? You’ve been just a might touchy all week.”

Katie managed a smile, and felt a rush of guilt. “Sorry, Lindsey, with the Halloween issue dogging my heels and the carnival next weekend, I guess I’m just a bit tired and overwhelmed.”

Lindsey nodded, not convinced. “Well, once we get this issue to bed, maybe you need to take a few days off.”

The thought made Katie laugh. “I don’t think so, Lindsey, not with the election issue, and then the Christmas carnival following on the heels of the Halloween issue. We’re going to be swamped from now until the end of the year.”

“It’s that way every year, Katie. Gotta pace yourself,” Lindsey advised, still staring at Katie over her glasses. “From late September until New Year’s it’s havoc around here, but come January, it’ll be so slow we’ll be going door to door trying to find some news to print.”

Katie laughed, realizing Lindsey was right. Normally she loved this time of year, the hustle and bustle, the preparing for the holidays. This was her first year handling the paper during the holiday season, and broken heart or not, she was not going to let anyone take away her pleasure from finally managing the newspaper.

“Don’t know what’s up, but the mayor’s all in a dither.” Lindsey glanced at her watch. “You’ve got five minutes to get to the chief’s office.”

“The chief’s office?” Panic set in, knowing she’d have to face Lucas in front of the entire town council and not certain she could keep her emotions in check. “Why is the mayor having a meeting at the police chief’s office?”

“Why’s the sky blue?” Lindsey shrugged. “Who knows what’s on the man’s mind? Not me, not old enough yet,” she said with a confirming nod. “But I imagine you’ll find out soon enough.”

“Terrific,” Katie muttered, grabbing her purse and her notepad from her desk. She walked up to Lindsey and laid a hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “If I’ve forgotten to say it this week, Lindsey, thank you for everything. For handling the office, for juggling sixty things at once, and for keeping me on track and never losing your cool even when I lose mine.” Katie smiled. “I couldn’t run this place without you,” she added softly.

“Know that,” Lindsey said with a nod. “That’s why I stay. That, and of course the big bucks you pay me,” she added with a smile. “Now get to your meeting so I can close this dang office up for the day. And don’t forget since you’re going to be working at home tomorrow, I’m not coming in, either. Everyone knows we close on the Friday before the Halloween carnival, but I posted a notice on the front door just in case.”

“You enjoy your day off, Lindsey, and have a good weekend,” Katie said as she headed out the door.

“Oh, I intend to.” Lindsey grinned. “Intend to, indeed.”

Lucas’s office door was shut, which was odd, Katie thought nervously, as his assistant simply waved her through. Katie took a deep breath, knocked on the door then let herself in.

Lucas, the mayor, and Lucas’s two full-time deputies were seated around the round conference table in the corner.

“Katherine,” the mayor said, getting up to greet her. “I’m sorry about the late notice, but we’ve got ourselves a problem here.”

“What’s wrong?” she asked immediately, taking the empty chair next to the mayor and sinking into it. She laid her notepad on the table and glanced at the assembled group. When she looked at Lucas, her heart tumbled over and began to ache, but if he was unnerved by her presence, he didn’t show it. He looked absolutely normal to her, not bothering to give her more than a professional cursory nod and a glance.

“Katie,” the mayor began. “We asked you here because we need to know how to handle this situation as far as the newspaper goes. We…uh…don’t want to alarm people, but we do want them to be extra careful.”

“Mayor, what on earth is going on?” Her glance went from the mayor to Lucas, then back again.

“Katie,” Lucas began. “We’ve had what appears to be two home invasions in town the past week,” Lucas stated simply.

“What!” Shock had her voice rising. “Home invasions?” She shook her head. Crime was virtually nonexistent in this town. “I don’t understand. In Cooper’s Cove?” She glanced at the mayor and he nodded.

“Afraid so, Katie,” the mayor said with a sigh and a sad shake of his head. “First one was on Tuesday, and the second one was just yesterday.” He sighed. “Thought the first was maybe a mistake, or an isolated incident, but I’m afraid it looks to be more now with this second one.”

“Nothing’s been taken or vandalized,” Lucas informed the group. “And yet whoever is doing this is being deliberate, making certain they rearrange a few things so that the owners know that someone’s been in their house.”

“But why?” Katie asked, confused. “Why on earth would someone break into a house, rearrange things, but not take anything?” She shook her head. “This doesn’t make sense.”

“I know.” Lucas shuffled through the police reports on his desk. “Funny thing is, every home that’s been entered hasn’t been locked. So technically they’re not breaking in, but merely walking in.”

“That’s not unusual, Lucas,” Katie said, forcing herself to look at him and hold onto her professional stance. Hadn’t he been the one to tell her that they had to keep their personal relationship from their professional one? Or rather that whatever happened privately could never affect them in their professional capacity. She wasn’t here as Rusty’s mom, or Lucas’s lover, but as the editor of the newspaper, and as such, she intended to be totally calm and professional—even if it killed her. “No one locks their doors in Cooper’s Cove, I certainly never have.”

“Well, maybe you’d better,” Lucas said more sternly then he intended, looking directly at her. He didn’t mean to sound so gruff, but the idea of Katie and Rusty being alone, and with their doors not even locked, worried him deeply.

The mayor cleared his throat, sensing the tension between Katie and Lucas. “Now, with the Halloween carnival next weekend, I don’t want to panic people, but, Katie, we were thinking that until we get to the bottom of this, maybe you could run something in the paper. We want to keep the actual incidents to just the people in this room, but we’d like to put out some kind of a message from the chief, here, telling people—”

“Reminding people,” Lucas corrected. “To lock their doors at all times, especially when they go out. I’d couch it as just a friendly reminder from the new chief that during this busy holiday season people should take extra precautions and make certain their doors and windows are locked at all times, especially when they leave the house.” Lucas frowned in thought. “I’d also add that garage doors leading into houses should be locked and checked as well.”