Above the Harvest Moon (25 page)
‘I’m glad you did, it’s better out than in.’ His voice was calm and matter-of-fact and it helped ease the embarrassment that was now uppermost. ‘But I’ll say one thing before we put this behind us. Adam might be family but he’s not worth a single tear, lass.’
She looked at him. These days she found she didn’t have to try to focus on just the normal part of his face, she could take in the whole without worrying he was thinking she was staring at the terrible scars. ‘I - I can’t see that right now,’ she said honestly.
‘You will.’
Would she? She hoped so, she did so hope so because she didn’t want to feel like she was feeling now for months or years. Taking a deep breath, she said, ‘It’s got dark while we’ve been standing here, Seamus will wonder where on earth we’ve got to if he comes down.’ She smiled at him, squaring her slim shoulders beneath the cornflower blue of the dress. ‘And I’m freezing.’
‘Here.’ He took off his jacket and put it round her shoulders. ‘Let’s go and have another cup of tea.’
And it was like that, with the smell and warmth of him all around her, that they retraced their steps to the farmhouse.
Chapter 14
Joe arrived back at the farm the next day. He was white-faced and stiff-lipped as a result of the row which had blazed between him and his father and brother when he’d announced his intention to work for Jake. He didn’t go into detail as to what had been said and Jake did not ask. When Jake delivered the logs for the family later in the week, both Wilbur and Adam were present but they said not a word, not about Joe, nor about Adam’s fall from grace. The pair of them left the house shortly after Jake arrived and did not return before he left.
Three weeks later, on the same day that Adam married Lily Hopkins in a hasty ceremony presided over by a grim-faced Father Gilbert and which only the two sets of parents attended, the six-month coal dispute finally ended, although in Durham most of the miners stayed out for another month. It was generally acknowledged the miners had been starved into submission. To add insult to injury they were forced to concede the principle that agreements on wages and conditions should be negotiated locally and not nationally. When they returned to the collieries, lists of names were posted on the noticeboards at the pit gates. If a man’s name was there, he worked. If it wasn’t, he didn’t. Adam’s name was on the gate. His father’s was not. Those men who were allowed back swallowed their pride and went for the sake of their families. On the evening Lily took up residence with Adam in the room Joe had recently vacated, she announced she was feeling too exhausted to continue working at the northern laundry. This did not improve relations between Lily and her mother-in-law.
As Christmas approached, Hannah deliberated over whether to go with Jake and Joe when they visited the house in Wayman Street. Jake had told her it would be for an hour or so on Christmas Day afternoon. Although she was aching to see Rose again - and Naomi too, who had been unable to come to the farm since she’d been ill - the thought of facing Adam and his new wife was daunting. The wound was still raw and she was worried she would make a fool of herself. Eventually, though, the decision was taken out of her hands. Seamus suffered a mild heart attack just before Christmas and the doctor confined him to bed, insisting he had to remain there for at least a week. As neither Jake nor Hannah trusted the irascible old man to do what he was told if he was left in the house alone, it was agreed Hannah would stay behind and keep an eye on him.
She waved Jake and Joe off after Christmas lunch with a determined smile, watching the horse and trap until it was out of sight. Willing herself not to cry, she returned to the kitchen and cleared away the remains of the meal. She filled the cats’ bowls with chopped-up turkey and watched them eat the treat as she tried to sort out her feelings. She was relieved she hadn’t gone but at the same time achingly disappointed.
Telling herself not to be so silly, she put the kettle on the hob to make a cup of tea. It was a bitterly cold day but bright, the driving snow and wind of the last weeks having subsided. Everything was frozen outside but she didn’t mind that. It was infinitely preferable to the acres of mud of the autumn when her legs had been constantly whipped by the wet hem of her coat and her face blotched and numb with cold.
She stood for a moment at the kitchen window. Plumes of smoke rose from the chimneys of the labourers’ cottages but no one was about. The animals still had to be fed and cared for even on Christmas Day and she knew everyone had been up at the crack of dawn as usual, but for now Seamus’s men were enjoying the luxury of a Christmas afternoon doze in front of the fire after their turkey lunch. Come evening they would turn out again.
After mashing the tea she took Seamus a cup, leaving it on the little table at the side of the bed when she saw he was asleep. She stood for a moment looking down at him before she left the room. She had been shocked when Jake had told her of Seamus’s heart condition, she had thought the farmer fit and well on the whole, in spite of Jake mentioning the doctor had told him to slow down months before. But all old folk slowed down. She hadn’t realised there was anything more sinister to it than that.
She would look after him now she knew. She nodded mentally to the thought. He had been so kind to her, as had Jake, and she would make sure he didn’t do too much once he was on his feet again, even though he’d probably get irritable and fractious with her because of it. Smiling ruefully, she left the room and returned to the kitchen. She had actually sat down with a cup of tea in her hand when a voice from the direction of the scullery said, ‘Hello, Hannah,’ causing her to jump out of her skin and send the tea splashing onto the table.
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. I came in the kitchen and then I heard footsteps so I thought I’d better make myself scarce in case it was the farmer.’ Adam came fully into the kitchen, his eyes never leaving her shocked face.
‘What - what are you doing here?’ She’d risen to her feet, her hand at her throat, shocked he’d entered the house without being invited.
He returned her stare for some seconds before he said, ‘Isn’t it obvious?’
‘Jake and Joe aren’t here, they’ve gone to—’
‘I know where they’ve gone, I watched them leave. Mam said last night they were coming over this afternoon. That’s why I’m here now.’
His manner wasn’t what she would have expected. She had always imagined, in the moments she let herself think of him, that if they met he would be shamefaced, sheepish, even remorseful. His cool effrontery worked like a shot of adrenaline and now her voice was stronger when she said, ‘I don’t understand why you have come, Adam, but I think you ought to leave.’
‘Just like that? The snow’s feet deep in places and I’ve walked over three miles to come and see you.’
‘Well, you shouldn’t have. You have a wife, a bairn on the way—’
‘You don’t need to tell me that.’ The look on his handsome face was aggressive. She had never imagined in her wildest dreams she would be frightened of Adam but she had prickles of fear running up and down her spine. ‘If anyone knows that, I do. And all this is your fault, you know that, don’t you? You’ve brought it on yourself, on both of us. I didn’t want it this way, you know I didn’t. But would you be kind to me? No.You drove me to the likes of Lily, damn you. I saw her so we could be all right when we were together, that’s all. Nothing would have come of it, I’d have waited for you, but she had to go and fall. I think she did it on purpose. In fact I’m sure she did.’
‘I don’t want to know.’
‘I don’t want her, Hannah. I never have.’
She could hardly believe he was here saying these things, that he was blaming
her
for his unfaithfulness. ‘She’s expecting your bairn so how can you say you never wanted her?’
her
for his unfaithfulness. ‘She’s expecting your bairn so how can you say you never wanted her?’
‘Oh that, that’s nowt. Any lass would have done for that, it was just that she pestered me day and night. But it’s you I love, you know that. And you love me, you know you do. All this about Daniel Osborne don’t hold no water. Our Joe can’t lie to save his life. I know you still love me.’
‘I want you to go, Adam. Right now. Just go.’
‘Listen to me, hear what I’ve got to say.’ His voice low now, he said, ‘I’m sorry, Hannah. I didn’t mean for things to turn out the way they have. If she hadn’t tricked me, you’d be none the wiser. I’d do anything to alter things but I can’t.’
So it was Lily’s fault now. First hers, now Lily’s. Anyone’s but Adam’s. For the first time since Joe had told her about the other girl, she found she could think about her without her stomach clenching with jealousy and hate.
Whether Adam mistook her silence for encouragement she didn’t know, but the next moment he took a step or two towards her, his voice holding the beguiling note he did so well as he said softly, ‘We could still meet sometimes, Hannah, just the two of us. No one need know. I wouldn’t expect anything, not a thing, but we could talk and that. I love you and you love me, we can’t let anything stand in the way of that. And who knows what the future might bring? Only last week a young lass up the street died having a bairn, it happens.’
Appalled into speech, she said, ‘Stop it, stop that talk right now. You’re a married man and there is nothing between us now, nothing, nor will there be even if you became free tomorrow.’
‘You don’t mean that.You’re just saying it to punish me and I can understand that, it’s natural. But the odd hour sometimes wouldn’t hurt anyone. Come on, lass, say you will. You know you want to. It can’t end like this. You don’t want that any more than I do.’
His absolute confidence in his power over her robbed her of speech for a moment. He stood scrutinising her through lowered lids and she noticed he had dressed up. He must have got his suit out of pawn, probably for Christmas Eve Mass. Such was her complete disillusionment she didn’t fool herself it was specially to see her.
‘I don’t want you any more, Adam.’ It came out more baldly than she’d intended and she saw he was taken aback.‘Whatever was between us, it’s gone. Dead. I don’t know what it was, to be truthful, not in view of what’s happened. All I want is for you to go back to her, to your wife.’
‘I know you don’t mean that.’
But he was uncertain, she could read it in his eyes. He’d begun to realise he couldn’t sweet-talk her.
‘I do mean it,’ she said flatly, praying her voice wouldn’t tremble. ‘I wouldn’t want you to touch me now. I’d feel mucky, dirty.’
‘Because I’m married?’
‘Not just because of that.’
He stared back at her.‘Is it because of him, that Daniel Osborne? The first time I saw him I knew he wanted you. Have you been carrying on behind my back?’
His audacity was amazing.‘There is nothing between Daniel and me, if you want to know. Is that the only reason you can come up with for me not wanting you, that I’m seeing someone else? Well, I’m not. This has nothing to do with anyone except me and you. I really don’t want you any more, it’s as simple as that. You’re a liar and a cheat.You must have been carrying on with Lily Hopkins for weeks and weeks, likely others as well. You disgust me, Adam Wood. All right?’
He swore, the profanity harsh. ‘I’ve risked plenty to come here today like this.’
‘No one asked you to.’
‘And that’s your answer?’
‘Aye, it is.’
‘You smug little piece. There’s a side to you you’ve kept hidden.You’ve a hard streak running through you, I see it now. It makes me wonder what really happened that night with your uncle. Did you lead him on, was that it?’
She gulped, not because she didn’t know what to say but because his words had hurt her so much. She felt the colour sweeping over her face and she had the urge to walk across the kitchen and smack his face, but somehow she knew that was what he was expecting. He’d turn it to his advantage somehow. It would show weakness and she mustn’t do that. ‘Get out.’ She raised her chin in a gesture that was characteristic of her. ‘And don’t come back.’
‘And if I don’t want to?’
She didn’t really think he would go so far as to try to attack her. Nevertheless she said,‘I was taking Farmer Shawe a cup of tea when you hid in the scullery.’ His face reddened. ‘He’s in the sitting room and these days there’s always a shotgun to hand since we’ve been having trouble with poachers.’ This last had the advantage of being true. ‘I would suggest you leave now and quietly. He wouldn’t take kindly to someone breaking into his house. I only have to call and he’ll be down.’
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