Abroad (33 page)

I picked up a cushion and began to knead it with my fingers.

“Right. There has to be four of you. Two is too—”

“Few. Exactly. And three is bad luck—gets everything off-kilter.”

“Yeah, that’s what you all said at the beginning.”

Outside, the rumbling was louder. Two men began shouting, then as suddenly as it came, the noise died.

“But there was this awful incident, and Eleanor overdosed. I’m telling you, never take zano again. It’s poison, if you don’t know the source.”

“And Anna, today?”

“It was the very best stuff I sent out with Luka. The very best. The Eleanor thing was when we started. The quality control was … well. I warned them not to. Idiotic. And Anna and Luka were there in her room. And what did they do? Ran out. Ran out on a fucking dying friend because they were afraid of getting caught. Even I wouldn’t do that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” Jenny said, moving on to another painting. “I would have thought of something. Same way I did today.”

“I just think you could have talked to Anna.”

“Oh, we all talked to Anna. She was all about making it right for Eleanor
now
. Confess, make it right with the family, blah blah. God. You think that would have helped her family? The girl’s
dead
. She and Luka would have gone to trial, my shop would have dried up, and I’d be either broke or in prison. You see that it was madnesss, right?”

“Jenny, there’s no way around it.” I threw the pillow away from me. “What you did is unpardonable.”

“Was it?” Jenny sat down next to me. “Where is Anna now? Cozy on a train. Where are we? Here, in a nice flat, drinking wine. No one else died—not that that was my fault in the first place. No one is sick. And haven’t you had a good time with us?”

I didn’t have to answer that.

“Do you want Anna and Luka to go to prison?”

“Of course not.”

“You’ve got to manage people like Anna, Taz. I love her. I love all of you. That’s why I did it.”

“You love us.” The words were just wrong.

“It’s what I said. Trust me. I’ll always take care of you. I’m in front of it, love.”

I think Jenny actually believed it. That she was helping us all; that she was actually taking care of things.

“So. The stuff that was at Anna’s. You have it, yes?”

“No.”

“No? We assumed that the professor would have tossed it to you. And that you’d have the sense to bring it over. Damn. Where is it, then?”

“I put it away,” I said.

“Where?”

“I can’t tell you where. Frankly, it didn’t occur to me you’d want it again.”

Jenny burst out laughing and put her hand on my arm.

“What?” I demanded.

“Taz, don’t be an idiot. There’s twenty thousand pounds worth of narcotics in that satchel. Of
course
we want it again. And so do the people who sold it to us. Not to mention the people like that little Belgian girl who have already paid for their wares. Junkies can get very nasty, you know.”

“You got money in advance?”

“Anna’s idea. She was quite shrewd in the beginning.”

“And … do
I
get money if I bring it?”

“You’ve been
getting
money, sweetie,” Jenny said. “Dresses, dinners, spending money, drinks? You already owe us thousands. Want me to tally it up for you?”

“But you wouldn’t let me—”

“Pay? Of course not. It’s against our code to have anyone but Luka pay. She holds all the cash. Except right now, you see, we haven’t got any. We’ve had to lie low because of this whole Anna thing. Haven’t done a sale for two bloody weeks, and we’ve completely gone through our reserves.”

“I’m back,” Luka called, her arms full of bottles of red wine. She shoved some garbage off the counter to make room. “Did I miss Armageddon?”

I pressed on, determined. “But it seems like … there
should
be quite a lot of money. With all of this business you’re doing.”

“This is how it’s done, sweetie. There is enough money, when things are going well. But it’s not a huge enterprise.”

“And we’re really bad savers,” Luka said.

“It’s true. Anyway, now the Anna thing is resolved.”

“Right. Thanks to you, she’s on a train to the loony bin.”

Luka’s shoulders slumped. She shook her head and opened one of the bottles.

“Drinking the guilt away, Luka?”

“Don’t be mean, Taz,” Jenny said. “It doesn’t suit you.”

“Rehab is practically a spa treatment these days,” Luka said. “I went to one last year. Talky groups. Cake. It was nice. She’ll like it. ’Specially because it’s all a joke.”

“And,” Jenny said cheerfully, “she’ll have her old life again. What mother wouldn’t bring her daughter into the fold after drying out? Those places are all about apologies and making amends and rebuilding bridges, blah, blah, blah. Anna’s mother is a public figure, sort of, and it would get around if she didn’t accept Anna back. It would be downright cruel, really. No, this is everyone’s big chance to make up for that horrible stepfather thing. Really this is all very cozy and clever.”

I wanted so much to believe her. She really was that sort of person. She could have been an orator, or a magician. Prime minister. Maybe she will be.

“But what are we going to do?” Luka asked. “I’m so broke I can barely buy a chocolate.”

“Oh, go back to the lake, obviously,” Jenny said. “Now that Anna’s gone home, we’re not risking anything anymore. And Tazzie, we’ll need to keep them in your room, same as Anna did.”

Was I scared of them? Or curious? Or just tired of thinking at all?

“Can you do that?” she asked.

Both of the girls stared at me expectantly. I looked out at the balcony again. The pigeons had gone.

“I suppose I can. For a while.”

“Good. Perfect. Come over tonight. You need to be here by seven, otherwise we’ll be in a very bad way. Do you understand?”

“Seven,” I said.

“It’s important. I already have a lot of payments in, and people get quite huffy when their presents aren’t delivered. So you
cannot
be late.”

“Yes,” I said. “Or no. I won’t.”

“She means it,” Luka said. “These people get royally pissy.”

“There should be some green boxes in the bag,” Jenny said. “Everything is color coded, so it’s very easy. Three green boxes. That’s all I need. Leave the rest.”

I was hungry, and tired, and nothing was making sense. I picked up my coat off the chair. The room had somehow gotten smaller and shabbier just during the time I was there.

“We know it’s a lot,” Luka said. “At least at first. But you’ll be all right.”

“Wait,” I said, pausing at the door.

“Yes?”

“Won’t we need a fourth? I mean, it’s all uneven now. It’s bad luck, isn’t it?”

Luka and Jenny looked at each other. In that moment of charged silence, I shook with disbelief. Anna couldn’t be so replaceable. She just couldn’t.

“We were talking about that before you came over,” Luka said.

“And?”

Jenny smiled. “Well. We thought that if you could forgive that Claire, perhaps your American flatmate isn’t such a bad case after all.”

*   *   *

I left the Club and walked slowly toward home, eyes trained to the ground. It was almost six. The last thing I could handle was a run-in with Claire, so I stood across the street to case out our house. I could see someone moving inside; probably Claire, waiting for me. I knew she’d have to leave soon, though, to make her shift at the bar.

As I stood there, shaking and hiding among the cars, my deviant mind raced on, far beyond the limits of decency. At last, Jenny was letting me in. But
really
in. All I’d have to do was hand her some boxes, and then we’d be back in the game. Parties, travel, maybe meet a wealthy, jet-setting boyfriend.
This is how it’s done
, Jenny had said.

I left our corner and, for want of a better option, found myself walking to the leafy bar behind the
enoteca
. I desperately needed a drink. It was mostly empty at that hour, though it was pleasant, the wind blocked by the garden walls, the heat lamps already on. I ordered a small carafe of red wine and sat down in the corner. I’d made my way through about half of it when Colin came in, spotted me, and walked over.

“Oh,” I said.

“Hello.” To my surprise, he appeared nervous. He did look silly, towering over me there.

“Hello.”

“May I sit?” he asked, after a moment.

I shrugged. He pulled out a chair and called for a drink. It took a moment for him to speak. He methodically folded a napkin, then took off his glasses to polish them.

“So,” he said, finally.

“Yes. So.”

“How are you?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s been a strange couple of days.”

“Claire is very upset. She thinks she’s hurt you in some way.”

“Oh, not really.”

“She says you didn’t remember what happened.”

“Okay. You’re right. I didn’t remember, and it’s all turned around now. I suppose I am hurt. I thought we were on an outing, the four of us. Nice and proper. A date. And then Marcello feeds us drugs and you sit there while your girlfriend shags my—ah, what the hell.”

“So you are upset.”

“Sure. I’m a human. A girl, even.”

“Was it the drugs?”

“Part of it. Bad trick.”

“Of course, you’re the one involved in a drug ring.”

I slumped back in my chair. “No, I’m not,” I said. “Not really. Not on purpose.”

“But you’re not
not
doing it on purpose either, are you?”

I didn’t answer, thinking of the task I had ahead of rescuing Jenny’s package from the cave.

“Tabitha, what
are
you doing on purpose?”

“I’m just here. What do you want? Jesus.”

“Do you know who took you home that night?” Colin said, leaning his elbows on the table.

“Sure. Marcello did.”

“No. It was me.”

“Shut it.”

“No really. I was sober as a stone. I didn’t take anything. Not even wine. They did their thing and I took you home and got you safely to bed. Took off your cute little shoes and jacket, pulled up the covers under your cute chin.”

My face was hot all over.

“Stop it.”

“I waited a bit, to make certain you were all right. Then I went back home. Marcello was gone by then, and Claire was passed out.”

“Very polite of you.”

“But she knew. And she said it wasn’t a big deal, fucking Marcello. I certainly didn’t think so. But then she ran into you and now she’s all done in. Loves you more than me, you see. Oh, she loves you the world over.”

“Why did you pick her?” I said, suddenly. The girls at the table next to us glanced over and smirked. “I knew you
first
.”

Colin paused, playing with his glass. “Because she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

The mist was turning into drops of rain. The customers huddled under the umbrellas.

“She’s also smart, you know,” I said. “And a damned good person.”

“Sure.”

“I hate you.”

“I’m sorry. I know we had a flirtation.”

“I need to go.”

“Do you really like him all that much?” Colin asked. “Marcello, I mean?”

“I don’t know. I suppose.”

“Because I think you don’t. I think you’re just humiliated.”

I put my hands over my eyes. He was still leaning forward, talking to me steadily.

“You know, from the beginning I knew we were the same in some way. I think we think about the same things. That we watch from the sides. That we’re curious. That we know this place—Grifonia—is more than just a bunch of bars and parties and tourists. That this place is extraordinary. That there are layers here, thousands of years of life and death and secrets and untold history.”

“You’re laying it on thick.”

“Tabitha,” he said, grabbing my hand.

“Don’t. I just told you—I hate you.”

“No you don’t. You know you don’t.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because you came after me. Before Claire. You just said it.”

Everything was changing too fast for me.
I’m just a girl from Lucan
, I thought frantically.
I like tea with milk. Cake. Silly shows on the telly
.

“There’s one way to make this all even.”

“You’re insane.”

“You’ll like it. You won’t be mad at Claire, you’ll piss off Marcello. You’ll feel better. Trust me.”

“And what about Claire? She’s my friend. She didn’t mean to shag my boyfriend. She was out of her head.”

Colin cocked his head. “So she
never
showed interest in Marcello before?”

You can have him if you want him.

“God, I really liked you,” I said. “But you’re not a nice person at all.”

“Why don’t you come over, Tabitha? Just for a bit.” He leaned in closer. “Come on. Come even things out.”

“I … well.” I struggled for some way to get out of the hole I was falling into. “The thing is, I’m supposed to meet Jenny. I need to get her something.”

“So be late,” Colin said.

I looked at his shirt, so clean, so free of wrinkles. His soft dark hair, his expensive belt, the tiny lines around his eyes. But all of that was nothing, compared to the way he was staring at me.

It’s a dangerous thing, to be wanted.

“All right, then,” I said. “Let’s go.”

*   *   *

I wish it weren’t true. I wish I could tell you I was a perfect person. That we were all perfect people. Especially since Claire and I have both been so flattened by time—one into a martyr, one into alternating versions of wronged prisoner and bloodthirsty monster. But, you see, Claire and I—as well as Jenny, Luka, and Anna—we were real live women with brains and souls and beating hearts. It meant even though we loved one another, we often fouled things up.

I betrayed Claire. I knew she was in love with Colin—really, out of her head in
love
. Our being together would break her. And I knew that she had only had sex with Marcello to please Colin. But I was finally wanted. And that trumped everything.

And, worse, I betrayed my mother, by playing out yet another unworthy love scene. How would I ever spin this? He was supposed to be the one, the final one. But how could it be so? The sheets, already soiled from the lovemaking of my friend. The empty bottles on the counter from previous nights, Claire’s cigarette butts, the odd knife display on the wall.