Absolution (7 page)

“I’m so glad we get a second chance at this,”
he murmured into her ear, squeezing her tight.

“A second chance,” she echoed. She trembled
from the force of emotions fighting inside her—disbelief, pleasure,
shock, panic. All of them fought over her, trying to get the upper
hand. Why did it seem to hurt more now, hearing he might be
innocent, than when she thought he’d betrayed her? She felt…guilty.
As if she’d wronged him. She preferred being the one hurt, it
seemed. Guilt didn’t suit her any more than yellow. Both washed her
out. Rolling into a sitting position, she rested her forehead on
her knees, trying to hide her expression from him. He always could
tell how she felt by looking at her eyes. Damn inconvenient at
times like this.

“You have to believe me now. I never did
anything to hurt you. You should have let me explain earlier. All
this lost time….” He sat up, stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I
love you. God, it feels good to say that again.”

Her hands shook. She clutched her legs harder
to hide the telltale sign of her panic.

“Come here. Let me show you just how much I
adore you.” He massaged her neck.

She peered at him over her shoulder, but
averted her gaze before he saw too much. “Um, yeah. I mean, I have
to—”

She gave up trying to make a coherent
sentence, dropping her head back to her upraised knees. All the
words she could say to end that sentence ran through her head. Get
out. Leave. Stay.

Too much. Too fast
.

Would her dad really have kept them apart?
Could he have gone so far as to threaten Joseph’s job? Maybe
even…his life? No way. She couldn’t believe it, couldn’t trust
Joseph.

“What’s wrong?” He stopped massaging and
tightened his grip on her shoulders. “Why won’t you look at
me?”

She straightened, took a deep breath, and
faced him, purposely making eye contact. “This was great. Really. A
great way to end everything. You know? Now we can look back fondly,
instead of with pain.”

“Look back? End things?” He stared, not
moving. If not for the grinding of his teeth, she’d have thought he
turned into a statue. His face turned red, and she cringed. “That’s
all this is to you? A goodbye fuck? I tell you I love you, and you
send me on my way?”

Her eyes filled with tears. She hugged her
chest, feeling exposed and inappropriately naked. “Yes, of course.
We were both horny. We used each other to fix it. What else would
it have been?”

She ignored the tugging of her heart. Ignored
its screams about what an idiot she was. She’d listened before.
What had it gotten her? Nowhere good.

“Oh, yeah. Of course. How foolish of me to
have thought you might feel something else.” He shoved off the bed,
stomped to the trashcan, chucked the condom in it, and tugged on
his jeans before storming into the bathroom. When he came out a
minute later, he looked even angrier than before. “You’re worse
than I’ll ever be. You
thought
I hurt you, but at least I
didn’t seek to rip you apart. You refuse to listen to reason, won’t
acknowledge the truth, and do it all without the tiniest bit of
remorse. Do you even have a heart inside that cold chest of
yours?”

Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she
swallowed past the lump in her throat. He didn’t get it. Didn’t
understand she couldn’t risk loving him again—couldn’t allow him in
her life, only to break her heart once more. “I didn’t—”

“I never should have taken this assignment.
Never should have allowed your dad to talk me into it. Now, I’m
stuck in this room with you, and I can’t do anything about it.” The
last word ended on a shout.

When he threw the bin containing his
belongings across the room, she flinched. He glared at all the
clothes he’d spilled out on the floor. She followed his gaze,
gulping in a deep breath as she laid eyes on all of the things
she’d deemed worthy enough to save. Scattered memories on the
floor—taunting her feelings without remorse.

“Joseph, I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry if
you’re—”

“Oh, stop it. You got what you wanted,” he
sneered. He crammed his shoes on and yanked his shirt over his
head. “You stay here. I’m going to get a phone. Quite frankly, I
don’t want to be near you right now.”

She shot to her feet. “I thought I needed to
stay with you.”

He checked his weapon, pivoting to her. His
gaze traveled down every inch of her naked body. He paled and swung
away from her, his shoulders hunched. “Not right now. You’re in
more danger from me than any damn Cartel.” He opened the door and
stepped out into the hallway. Without facing her, he turned his
head to snarl, “And put your damn clothes on.”

The door banged closed behind him, and Eva
collapsed to the bed. Oh God, what had she done? She hadn’t wanted
to hurt him. She didn’t want to love him, either.

The idea of opening her heart to him, after
she’d discovered just how horrible it could feel when he broke it,
seemed too much for her. What if she allowed herself to care and he
decided she was more trouble than she was worth, or grew sick of
her temper and stubbornness? What if he left her for good after he
realized she didn’t deserve him?

No. She couldn’t do it. She was right to push
him away. To end things and save herself from more pain.

Why, then, did it hurt so much?

Joseph leaned against the door, drawing in a
shaky breath. He couldn’t believe after he’d made her listen to the
truth, after he’d told her he loved her, that she’d told him she’d
had fun and said goodbye.

What the fuck did she mean, anyway?

One didn’t pour their heart into another’s
hands only to turn to say, “Well, I had fun, but I never really
want to be with you again.” Did they? He damn well didn’t. He’d
given himself to her in every way possible, and she’d rejected it
all. She should have just shot him in the heart—it would have hurt
a heck of a lot less.

He sighed, rubbing his neck. No, really, the
whole thing reeked of unfairness. His treatment of her. Her blasé
reaction to his confession. It all…well, it sucked. Yet, he would
have sworn he’d seen
something
in her eyes while he’d made
love to her, leading him to believe she’d felt more than base lust.
Apparently, it had been put there by his own desire to have her
love him, his own need to hold her until they turned old and
gray.

Pain squeezed his heart, demanding he lash
out at something. Anything. He needed to blow off some damn steam,
or he would combust. She’d had an itch. He’d scratched it. Now, she
wanted to move on. He damn well didn’t, but he couldn’t force her
to have feelings for him. Couldn’t make her trust him or even want
to trust him.

He’d been trying his damn best to get her to
listen to him, and now that she had, it hadn’t changed a thing. He
couldn’t blame her father this time, either. The anger lay solely
at her feet. He didn’t like it one little fucking bit.

Helplessness didn’t sit well inside him. He
never liked being out of control of his life, hated allowing
someone the power to hurt him. He’d given too much to her, not to
mention too much of himself. Time for that to change. Time to
revert to his old way of life before Eva—not allowing anyone inside
his brain. Or his heart.

Grunting, he stomped down the hallway and out
of the hotel. He needed to hurry. Angry at her or not, he would
still keep her safe from anything or anyone threatening her.

***

Eva stood under the water, allowing the
shower to wash away the evidence of her lapse in judgment. She
didn’t know what felt worse. The fact he’d never cheated on her and
she’d refused him the chance to explain his side of the story to
her, or maybe that she still didn’t trust him. For over a month,
she’d thought him a lying, two-faced scumbag. How could she flip a
switch in her mind, believing he spoke the truth? What man wouldn’t
lie when asked if he’d cheated?

But he hadn’t defended himself. Now, all this
time had been lost between them, and he expected her to pick back
up where they’d left off. As if nothing had happened. Had her
father really done all the things Joseph accused him of? It
wouldn’t be too difficult to imagine him doing it. But even knowing
of Joseph’s supposed innocence, she couldn’t commit to him. Could
she?

Without warning, the shower curtain was
yanked back. Eva screamed and spun to face her intruder, soapy arm
held out at chest level—what would she kill the man with,
bubbles?—only to find Joseph staring at her with hooded eyes. He
stepped into the shower, clothes and all, pressing her into the
corner until he stood so close their noses touched.

“You say you don’t love me. You lie,” he
accused, his voice raw.

She shook her head, swallowing hard. “No, I
never said I didn’t love you.” Water dripped into her eyes, but she
did not look away from his face. She couldn’t lie. Not to him. “I
only said I didn’t know what to do.”

His brow furrowed. “Why not? I told you I’d
never been unfaithful. I told you I loved you. What the hell do you
want from me?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. She trembled
in his arms, clinging to him while trying not to get lost in his
hypnotic eyes. But she failed. Boy, did she fail. “I don’t know
what I want anymore.”

“I damn well know what you want. I’m right
here. You want sex without attachment? Fine. Don’t come crying to
me when you realize you lost the man you loved—again.” He peeled
off his wet shirt, tossing it out of the shower. His pants
followed, and she noticed he’d set his gun on the counter beside
the sink—within easy reach—before climbing inside the shower with
her. Did he ever lose his cool, not plan ahead for unforeseen
circumstances? “I’ll be your toy to use as you please, but once
this is over…so are we.”

“Joseph, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Too late.” He fondled her breasts and
nibbled on her earlobe. “But it won’t stop me from fucking you
until I leave.”

“Don’t be so vulgar.”

He bit her neck, and she moaned. Lifting her,
he caressed her knee while he wrapped her legs around his hips. He
entered her in one smooth thrust, and she threw her head back. The
cold tile pressed against her skin while the hot water washed over
her and Joseph.

He panted, plunging inside her again. “It’s
what you wanted, isn’t it? We won’t make love, we’ll just have
fun.” He withdrew again before driving back in. “Just like you
thought we were before.”

He reached down, caressing her above where
their bodies joined, while continuing to tantalize her with his
motions. She dug her nails into his back, moved to kiss him, but he
avoided her lips, instead burying his nose in her wet hair.

“Kiss me,” she said, pulling his face to
hers.

Slapping his hand over the lever, he shut off
the water. Joseph carried her, dripping wet, out of the bathroom
and into the bedroom. They fell on top of the bedspread, never
breaking their intimate contact. With his hands now free, he
caressed her breasts again while he leaned down to take her nipple
into his mouth. When he began his slow movements inside her once
more, she arched her back, rocking her hips in blatant
invitation.

“Harder,” she groaned.

He looked at her, not grinning and kissing
her like he usually would have. He increased his tempo until they
both panted and moaned, sweat intermingling with the wetness from
their shower. He licked his thumb and caressed her clitoris until
she exploded against his fingers. Thrusting once, twice more, he
withdrew from her to spill himself on the sheets.

She reached up to pull him down on the
mattress with her, but he hopped out of her reach, and her hands
flailed in the air. Striding into the bathroom, he shut the door
and latched the lock, the sound echoing through the room like a
gunshot. Eva flinched, sensing the bolted door symbolized his
feelings for her. They were now behind lock and key—away from
her.

While she contemplated the closed door, she
realized he hadn’t kissed her.

Not even once.

***

Joseph leaned against the cold porcelain
sink, his breath coming fast and hard. He didn’t know what had come
over him. When he’d returned to the room to find her missing, he’d
panicked. What if she’d gotten angry and left him in a fit of fury?
What if the Cartel had come in the short five minutes he’d been
gone?

Just when he’d been about to leave, gun in
his hand, he’d heard the shower running. He’d rushed into the
room—eager to find her alive and well. He’d seen that, indeed, and
much more. His cock had hardened when he saw her. Sure, she’d
broken his heart, rejecting his love without a second thought. Even
so, his body demanded more.

He’d locked the door, placed his gun on the
counter by the sink, and climbed in with her. In one split second,
he’d gone from mad to maddened with desire for her. She wanted him.
He didn’t need to look at her erect nipples to know how much. He’d
give her what she wanted. Sure, why not? They’d have sex, not make
love. Simple enough, right?

He’d done it like the hookers did. No kisses,
no love. Just a good lay. He’d accomplished keeping himself
distanced, managing to hold a tight control over his emotions. Now,
however, anger at her refusal give him her love ate at him while he
mopped up the excess water off the floor and turned on the faucet.
Time for a real shower.

Yeah, he’d remained cool. Calm.
Collected.

But why the hell did it have to be so
hard?

***

Eva dressed, crawled under the covers, and
pulled them up to her chin. She didn’t want to be naked in front of
him again. Didn’t want to seem as if she taunted him into
submission by using her body.