Accessory: The Scarab Beetle Series: #4 (The Academy) (37 page)

“You mock, but I’ve studied psychology,” he said. “It helps when dealing with bad guys. Kind of helps when dealing with love, too.”

I shoved the blanket away from my face, needing to breathe again, and rolled over, pushing him off of me. “I screwed up,” I said. “Damage done. Too late to talk about the past right now.”

“You’re right,” he said. “I just wanted the clear picture.” He crawled over me until he was sitting on my hips, his hands on either side of my shoulders to hold himself up. He looked down at me, the gold flecks now brilliant with the light from the room. I glared back at him. “You’re not the only one who’s been through hell, Kayli. You’re never going to make any of this right waiting in the wings for one of them to bully you into a relationship, and then never really committing to that person when the time comes.”

“Again, too late,” I said. “I’ve screwed it up with them. And they might just break up the team because of this.”

“You give yourself too much credit.” He sighed and then dipped his head lower until I was nose to nose with him. “And you’ve forgotten one piece of this puzzle.”

“What?”

“Me,” he said. His eyes dipped down until he looked at my lips and then he refocused on my eyes. “I was chasing you, too.”

I hadn’t forgotten at all. I just assumed he’d hate me now. “And now you’re going to walk out?” I asked. “Now that you know what I’ve done?”

“What a sore attitude,” he said. “Kayli, your fire is what I’m attracted to. Do I need to lie to you again to get that back? You’ve been...mopey. What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t
know
,” I said in a long, exasperated moan. I tried to push him off of me again, but he wouldn’t budge and I didn’t have the strength to keep trying. He sat on my hips and backed himself up so he was sitting up and out of reach. I pulled a pillow over my face and moaned into it. “Maybe I am still sick. I keep getting those cramps. And the nausea this morning. Maybe the new stress brought it all back.” I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I’d been a sleepy wreck for so long, and once I was back in the real world, I hadn’t felt like me at all. Marc had called me depressed. The other boys seemed really worried to.

I hadn’t noticed, but then, maybe I should be concerned. Was something wrong with me?

“Let’s take away some of that stress then,” he said. “Did I ask you for a commitment?”

“No.”

“Did you ask me?”

“No.”

“So between you and me, we’re not in a committed relationship yet. Now, I’m not really interested in anyone else at the moment. You take up too much of my time and I’m pretty obsessive once I’ve got my mind set on a person.”

I grunted under the pillow.

He tugged the pillow from me, putting it aside and gazing down at my face. “Hey,” he said. “I know you’re not feeling well, but I want to make sure you’re listening.”

I pouted. I was listening, I just wasn’t sure I wanted to hear any more. I didn’t deserve anyone being nice to me right now.

“I don’t have hard feelings about you flirting with the other guys. And it isn’t right for me to anyway, because we haven’t agreed on an exclusive relationship, and I’m not exactly around you enough to get to that point. What I’m looking for with you, it takes time. That’s part of making a foundation, of building a relationship in the first place.”

“So you don’t hate me?”

“Sweetheart, I hate seeing you sick. I hate that you’re so miserable. I’d kill all those bastards for making you feel like this. I’m seriously wondering if they are real friends if they won’t even admit to each other what’s going on between them.”

I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t exactly up front, either.”

“Weren’t you?” he asked. “Did you agree to an exclusive relationship? Did you say, ‘Hey, Axel Toma, you and I like each other and I’d like to date you and only you and I’d like for you to date only me. Can we make this agreement?’ Then after, did you inform the others of your exclusive relationship and then continue to flirt? No. You didn’t.”

“That’s not how it works,” I said.

“It’s exactly how it works.” He bent over me, hovering again over my face. “Kayli, if you didn’t ask for a commitment, and they get mad at each other and you over assuming exclusivity even though you’ve never agreed to it, then that’s their issue, not yours. They may be great people, they may be smart and have taken care of you, but they’re human.”

“I know that.”

“So why are you acting like this is all your fault? As far as I can tell, there’s at least two in a relationship. In this case, there’s...what four of them? They are just as guilty.”

“They did want to talk about relationships,” I said. “Axel tried to talk me into it. I might have let him assume he and I were heading that direction. I just avoided saying yes directly; I haven’t really pursued any of them. They all came to me.”

“But you’ve never agreed to be exclusive with any of them,” he said. “Or have you?”

“I don’t think I did.”

“Then you never did,” he said. “If you did, you’d know. And you’d be able to tell me you were dating Axel or Frank or Bob or whoever. Avoiding the topic isn’t making a commitment.”

I blew a long breath out from between my lips. Maybe that was true, but I wasn’t sure Axel would see it that way. I wasn’t sure Marc or Raven or even Brandon would, either. Mostly because I hadn’t said a flat out no to a relationship, and in some cases, I let them make assumptions.

But I was having trouble sorting it out. The muscle relaxer was doing a number on my brain, making it foggy, sleepy. “This is just such a bad time to get in the middle of this.”

“There’s never a good time,” he said. He climbed off me and turned until he was sitting up against the bed, his knees up. He put his arms on his knees, propping them up. “So they’re just going to have to get over themselves, aren’t they? You have the right to say, ‘Guys, I’m not interested in a commitment right now, but I appreciate your company.’ They can be okay with that or they can be not okay and walk away, but they don’t have the right to make assumptions and then act like it’s your fault when they’re wrong.”

Feeling weird with him sitting like that, I pulled myself up until I was sitting up next to him. Because of the bed, I rolled into him a little. Could he be right? “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“I don’t want to sound sexist,” he said, tilting his head toward me, “but lots of women have the habit of taking on all the responsibility if a relationship doesn’t go well. You, Kayli Winchester, are a smart girl. You keep your heart closed off a bit, but I think deep down, you want a relationship, with who, I don’t know. I’m going come out and say I just hope it’ll be with me in the end.”

I rolled my eyes, unable to hide the smirk from my face. I elbowed him in the arm. “After this, you might be the only one left.”

“Can’t say I don’t like the sound of that.” He put his arm around my shoulders and rolled me toward him, kissing my forehead. “That’s not what I want, though.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t want to be your last resort,” he said. “You barely even know me. We always end up fighting or you call me in at the last minute to save your pretty self. Well, here I am, finally able to talk to you. The real you. The real Kayli I’ve been dying to get to know. Literally. Did you hear I was shot? In the leg? It was by this really hot girl. And then the boat exploded. I could have died.”

This caused an even bigger smile, and it almost hurt because I was trying so hard not to smile. “Don’t even start.”

“You’re the one who crashed my party, sugar. You started this whole thing, not me.” He pressed his lips to my forehead again, kissing it, and then he held on to me tight around the shoulders in a hug. “No, sweetie, I don’t want to be your last option. Eventually, I’m hoping you’ll want me because you actually like me. I want to be your first choice.”

I huffed. I wished I could say he was. At the moment, I did really like him. I appreciated that with him, I now felt free, in a way. He was telling me it was okay to be confused, and he openly said he still liked me.

“Until that’s the case, I’m not asking for a commitment. What I’d like to see right now though is your fire back. Kayli doesn’t just let people walk all over her. She drives their expensive new sports car into the mud and blows up the house. I’m starting to think that’s how she shows her affection.”

I put my head back against the headboard and giggled until my laughter turned into a tired sigh. I really was feeling drained now. It was hard to believe not long ago I’d been so angry with him, and even shot him, and now here I was opening myself up to him…and he was still here. Not a lot of guys would do that. Blake was different. “I’m not sure what I’m going to say to them.”

“Right now, nothing,” he said. He kissed my cheek and then started pulling away. He tugged at my arm to get me to lie back down. “Just relax here. Sleep and get your energy back. I bet a lot of this is stress. If you’ve been off your feet for weeks, your energy levels are going to be zapped quicker. We’ll have to ease you back in slowly. Maybe it was my fault. I shouldn’t have let you take the lead so soon.”

“Don’t I have to be somewhere?” I asked. “Make appearances?”

“You’ve done enough for now. Everyone on this ship is scouting out their rooms, setting schedules for massages and reserving seats for movie and dinner times. I want you to sleep, because I want you ready for dinner, if you’re able.” He checked his watch. “It’s a little after noon now. Dinner’s at six, I think.”

“What’s at dinner?”

“We’re going to be seated with Nightingale.” He relaxed on his side next to me on the bed, propping his head up so he could look down at me. “But don’t worry about that right now. I’m going to wait here with you while you sleep, though I might have Avery come in and stay by you if I need to go. Unless your friends can stop squabbling long enough to calm down.”

I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I still blamed myself. I could have settled this weeks ago if I’d just did as Axel wanted and told them all I was dating him. Or Marc. Or if I’d ignored Raven’s advice and said something about us. Or Brandon.

Or Blake. He was right, though. I needed more time with him to build a relationship. It was true that I’d held back a lot. I’d started to open up around the others, but I needed the freedom to do so without worrying about their jealousy. If I told them and they didn’t want to wait, then wasn’t that an answer for me?

I swallowed. My heart cracked. Why did I feel like I was giving up so much if I admitted to being with one of them? And why did I have to be pulled in so many different directions?

I needed to tell them. They needed to know, because we couldn’t continue on this way.

And then there was Nightingale and the other CEOs Blake and I had to check out. Narrowing down this list wasn’t going to be easy. I only hoped Ethan wasn’t aware of what was going on with Axel and his team, or we’d risk losing his confidence.

I closed my eyes, listening to Blake’s watch tick on his arm, to the vent overhead piping in a lukewarm breeze, and to the silence...the lack of other boys in this room.

And every moment they didn’t come back in and talk to me, it felt like they were quietly telling me they did not want to rectify this situation. That they’d rather avoid me.

TURN A KAYLI INTO KITTY

I
woke with arms around me. I turned, expecting Blake but when my eyes fluttered open, I jumped, spotting Corey. Or Brandon. Uh oh, which one?

Whoever it was, was sleeping, but then when I shifted to sit up, he stirred. Sleepy eyes opened, and for a moment, I couldn’t figure out which one it was, lacking the friendly cheerfulness or sadness that would tell me which brother was beside me.

His eyes focused and a friendly glint appeared. The corner of his mouth lifted up, and he smiled. “Hey,” Corey said quietly. “You okay?”

I wasn’t sure. I rubbed my face, trying to smooth out the creases the pillow caused on my cheeks. I combed my hair with my fingers, finding a few tangles. The small porthole window was dim with an orange glow. I wasn’t sure if it was dark and there were lights from the ship shining in it or if it was twilight.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with how useless I’d become. I was sleeping on the job. I’d lost probably all faith from my team members. What was I doing here taking a nap? I should be checking out the bad guys. I should be busy, too busy to let this relationship thing even be an issue. Maybe I’d bury myself in the work, and simply ignore it all, until this was all over, and then just walk away.

That was pretty mopey and negative. Had I always thought like this?

Corey sat up next to me. The black T-shirt he wore was wrinkled. It looked a little big on him. I wondered if it was Raven’s. He circled my wrist with his hand, pulling it away from my face. “Kayli,” he said quietly. “What’s wrong?”

At least it was Corey who was here and not the others. “How mad are they?” I asked, my voice a whisper, thick with sleep.

His gentle smile faltered. “I don’t know,” he said. “Axel tried to tell us...” He sighed and shook his head. The friendly glow in his beautiful cerulean eyes faded. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this right now.”

The conversation with Blake spilled from my mouth, before I even realized. “Several of them have been flirting with me,” I said. “I wish they wouldn’t gang up on Axel. No one’s asked specifically for a commitment. They can’t just get mad at each other because no one was talking about it.”

His lips twitched and he let go of my wrist, sliding his palm until he pressed it to mine, holding onto my hand. “Is that what you think is going on?”

I bit my lower lip, studying his face. “Why?” I asked. “Was there something else?” What else could it be?

Corey didn’t reply at first. He gazed at my face, and shook his head slowly. Then he squeezed my hand. “Kayli--”

The door rattled and then opened. Instinct had me ducking, cowering but with fists ready. A reaction from getting kidnapped, I was getting just as paranoid as the guys. Corey got up on his knees on the bed, blocking me a little.