Accidentally Catty (3 page)

Ingrid’s head bobbed in furious confirmation, the multicolors of her hair in pink and stripes of green, flashing painfully before Katie’s sensitive eyes. “Yes. Like a sailor. She said she wants to talk to you, the person who’s experiencing the paranormal phenomenon. So that’s you, Boss, the paranormal-ee.”

Apparently, that would be her. Katie eyed the phone with huge amounts of skepticism when Ingrid put it back to her ear, listened for a moment, then said, “Ohhh. I’m sorry I said you weren’t very ladylike.” She paused. “Absolutely. I swear I’ll be more respectful in the future.” There was another pause as a worried look flitted across Ingrid’s face. “Look, lady! What do you want, a major organ?” Ingrid stopped short, her face going from mildly agitated to complete disbelief. “What do you mean an organ’s useless to you?” There was another hitch in her breath, and then she said, “I’m sorry I asked, and I already apologized!” More silence and then, “Sorry, sorry, sorry. You’re right. I’m just a little edgy right now. Okay, so here’s my boss. Her name’s Katherine Woods. Dr. Katherine Woods. Noooo, no, no, no. She’s a veterinarian—like DVM, not a doctor-doctor.”

Katie frowned at the irony of Ingrid’s statement. Funny, her mother had said the same thing when she’d told her parents she was going to veterinary school. Looking back now, proctology didn’t seem at all as boring as it had when she was twenty. In fact, a field of hairy, white butts wouldn’t at all upset her right now.

Ingrid practically threw the phone at her, backing away with wide eyes. “The lady, and I do mean
lady
, wants to talk to you.” In her rush to get away from Katie as though she’d contract the cooties just by virtue of osmosis, she bumped into the examining table, letting out a horrified squeak she attempted to hide by covering her mouth with her hand.

Katie’s sigh didn’t come out like the sighs of old. It sounded more like a low grumble. And it was resonant, if nothing else. Resonant and rumbly-tumbly. “Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Katherine Woods.Yes, it’s true. I’m experiencing something, though I can’t, with any amount of certainty, say it’s of a
paranormal
nature.” The fight to keep her professional decorum intact was punctured with fractured stabs of sheer terror.

“Can, too,” her intern Kaih chimed in with bored disinterest from his desk in the corner. “I was raised by people who talk about this stuff all the time, Doc, but I didn’t ever believe it until now. You got a problem, Dr. Swims in the River of Denial.” His eyes zeroed in on her with a critical glance. “A
big
one.”

Katie waved him off with a shake of her head while she listened to the list of symptoms the woman on the other end rambled off. “Did you say blood?” She blanched, fighting back the turn of her overly sensitive stomach. “No. I don’t want to drink blood. And might I add, though I’m not a medical doctor of the human variety, certainly drinking another’s blood can’t be good for your immune system.”

Now she, too, was pacing, hot and uncomfortable in her heavy sweater with the organdy lace around the cuffs—even with the big hole in it right under her breasts. “No. Forgive me. I didn’t mean to lecture or declare I know any such thing about being a fuc . . . a vampire. Call it a hazard of my profession to spew unwarranted advice. Please, continue.”

The next words out of the woman’s mouth made her stop cold in her tracks. Okay. This had gone from slim hope to decidedly certifiable. End conversation. She clicked off the phone, placing it at the edge of Kaih’s desk.

“Boss?” Ingrid asked. “What happened?”

“She asked me if I could shoot fireballs from my fingertips or,” Katie cleared her throat, “float like one of those big
fucking
balloons in the Macy’s parade. Then there was a bit of a scuffle on the other end—which I imagine had to do with her mother taking the phone from her. A mother I’m hoping had the common sense to ground her for life, so I hung up.”

Ingrid’s eyes took on that wide, terrified look again. “Oh, Dr. Woods! Why would you do that? Who else can we turn to for—for—help?”

Help. How odd that she was the one who needed the help, when typically, she was the helper. Physician, heal thyself. Or was that sentiment reserved for
real
doctors?

The harsh glare of the lights in examining room one, coupled with, well, with her issue, or issues, depending on how many hairs you wanted to split, began to make her head swim.

The world was falling away from her, right out from under her feet—or was she falling into it? She stumbled, tripping over Yancey, her office cat and one of many strays she’d collected over the years.

Ingrid ran to her side, reaching out to her, then snatching her hands back to shove them into the pockets of her oversized lab coat. Her petite frame came in and out of focus when she heard Kaih yell, “Ingrid! She’s going to hit that floor like a ton of bricks! Stop acting like she has the plague and grab her, you spaz!”

There was a loud shuffle of feet, the wheels of her examination table scurrying against the cold tile of the floor, and then there was the floor.

Cool and refreshing against her cheek.

Okay, so the crash to the floor and the subsequent bruising blow she took to her cheek wasn’t pleasant, but the black void of nothingness was A-okay.

“Oh, I’m so glad you came! Thank the universe you’re here!” Ingrid cried, her excited voice screaming through Katie’s ears.

Katie heard a door open and shut. She saw two pairs of shoes, completely different in fashion statements, pass before her eyes. One set, a ratty pair of red sneakers, the other, a high-end opentoed heel in classically basic black. She clung to the edge of the couch she felt beneath her and fought to keep her powers of observation focused.

There were strangers in the room. It wasn’t just that she clearly heard them, either. It was that she sensed them.
Smelled
them. And their scents couldn’t just be attributed to perfumes and body lotions. Literally, Katie noted their gender, the blood coursing through their veins, the odd mixture of the scent of a human and something else . . .

Next she filed away their gasps in the disbelief category of her brain, assessed them as incredulous, and really, if they were seeing what she thought they were seeing, incredulous was perfectly acceptable.

“This is the subject?” a woman with soothing tones and perfect diction asked.

“Ye—yes. That’s Dr. Woods,” Ingrid stammered.

“Well, duh, Wanda. Look at her. Of course
she’s
the subject,” a scathing, husky voice, one much like the one Katie had heard on the phone, chastised.

“Oh. My.” The sweeter of the two women exhaled the words.

Though her head swam and her limbs felt like tree trunks, Katie fought to sit up. Kaih rushed to her side, sliding to position her on the couch. “Doc, don’t get up. Take it nice and slow.”

“But the patient . . .” She shook her head. “I mean, you know the thing, uh,
cougar
, on the examining table. It
needs
me.” Duty first and all.

Kaih patted her arm. “Oh, it needs something, but you took a pretty hard fall. Stay put, and stop worrying. I gave it another couple of cc’s of that stuff you knocked it out with before. It’s sleeping like a baby.”

“Is that what we’re calling what we just saw in that room? I don’t know about you, but I ain’t never seen a
baby
like that,” the sarcastic woman from her earlier phone call remarked.

Brushing aside Kaih, Katie ran her good thumb over her eye. The thumb that wasn’t . . . Oh, Hail Mary. She stopped herself mid-thought. Determination made her grit her teeth. Sort of. Her teeth and the ability to grit them were a work in progress. A glance upward, one that allowed her a panoramic view of each woman’s pores, gave her the chance to give them the once-over. “Who are these people, Ingrid?”

Ingrid backed away, still in a state of perpetual horrification. She situated herself behind one of the most beautiful, enhanced by nothing but soap and water, dark-haired women she’d ever seen. “They’re the OOPS people. The people you talked to on the phone. They’re here to help.”

The other woman, dressed in simple clothes with a tailored, elegant cut, moved toward her with measured steps. Her face, not as exotic as the other woman’s, though just as lovely, had a Grace Kelly air to it. Cool, calm, serene. “I’m Wanda Jefferson. We’re from OOPS. Your receptionist told us you were experiencing a paranormal phenomenon. We can help.”

Short and to the point. Katie admired that. Yes. She was experiencing . . . Something paranormal? Not likely. “Thank you for coming. I know Ingrid asked you to come, but there’s obviously nothing you can do for me.” Though who
could
do something for her was out of her medical scope. “I hope we didn’t make you go out of your way.”

The dark-haired woman snorted, leaving the residual tremble of her tonsils ringing in Katie’s ears. “Lady, we drove three freakin’ hours to get here from the island. You live in a place right outta
Deliverance
, and you obviously got some shit goin’ down. Me and Wanda here, we’ve seen shit. We’ve lived shit. You need help with that shit. If we go home, your ass is as good as the
Titanic
.”

Katie’s eyes shuttered, her thoughts piecemeal.
“Titanic?”

“Sunk,” she replied. “Oh, and I’m Nina Statleon. I’d say it’s a pleasure, but I’m thinkin’ you feel anything but pleasurable right now.”

Katie nodded her head in agreement as she took in the irony of Nina’s T-shirt that read “Don’t Curse.” “The vampire, right? Wasn’t that what you called yourself on the phone?”

“That’s what
I am
, lady. I know, I know. I’ve been through this a time or two.You don’t believe. Hang on for a second, and I’ll make you a believer.”

Wanda reached out, snaring Nina’s slender arm in her long, tapered fingers. “Do. Not. I’m warning you, Nina.
Do. Not
.” Her jaw clamped shut so tight, a tic began to pulse.

Nina shrugged her off. “Don’t be such a tard, Wanda. If I don’t show her, then we’re gonna go a few rounds with the ‘oh, my God, I can’t believe it’ bullshit. I’m just not up to the game, dude. It’s the same old song. I’ve done it three solid times now, not counting myself. So I say we just get it on, let the weeping and wailing commence, and then get to the biz at hand, which is figuring out what the fuck happened to her.”

The rational doctor in Katie’s brain, the one who functioned like clockwork, considered a diagnosis of impulse control for the brunette Nina. The thwarted, freethinking side of her brain admired this woman’s foul mouth and direct nature.

But that still didn’t mean they could help.

Katie Woods didn’t need their particular brand of help.

She needed an orthopedic surgeon and maybe some maxillofacial tweakage.

“Dr. Woods?” Kaih’s soulful black eyes sought hers. “I’ll say it again, where I come from, you know, like my tribe, beliefs like these aren’t uncommon, but the one with the dark hair, uh, Nina,” he whispered low. “I have to be honest. She scares the shit out of me. Plus, she thinks she’s a vampire. Scared shitless plus vampire equals I wanna go home.”

“Hey, Runs with Mouth,” Nina poked Kaih’s burly arm. “You shoulda listened to your tribe. I am a vampire, and if you don’t shut your trap, I’ll show you exactly what that means without so much as a heads-up. Feel me?”

Wanda threw her hands up, her black purse sliding to the crook of her elbow. “Why, for the love of Jesus and all twelve, didn’t I ride with Casey and Marty? Oh, wait, I know. Because no one wants to spend three minutes in a car with you, let alone three hours. Nina! Back off or you’ll be on phone duty until your ears fall off. Now, don’t make me say it again—back up, and let me do the talking. Can your impatience this instant.”

Wanda knelt before Katie, placing a hand on her knee. It was warm, reassuring, allowing her to let at least two inches of her vertebrae relax. “I know all the crazy thoughts running through your head right now, Dr. Woods, but I promise you, we can help. As this unfolds, you’ll need people like us with experience in this phenomenon. I don’t mean the kind of experience someone who’s read a bunch of books on the subject or watched some paranormal movies has, but the kind of experience that can only be garnered by living it.”

Wanda’s pause, the one Katie regarded as a moment to allow her to let that information sink in, only served to re-create the tension in her spine. Clearly, this woman, though quieter, sweeter, all round less crass than the other, was in need of psychiatric attention, too.

Katie snatched her hand back, tucking it under her thigh, absorbing the cool leather of her office couch against her overheated skin. “You have to go.” Yes. They had to go. She was good at giving instructions. Surely these women would follow them if she used her doctor voice. All of her patients’ owners did . . .

Wanda’s slender shoulders lifted then slumped in a sigh of “she’d heard this before.” “Dr. Woods, you’re disoriented due to the changes in your body’s chemistry, and if we go, you’ll go through the rest of the changes alone.”

“There’s more?” Ingrid squeaked, still tucked behind Nina.

“Shit, yeah. This is nuthin’,” Nina said over her shoulder. “Wait. Didn’t you say that the doc’s incident happened earlier tonight?” she asked Ingrid.

Ingrid’s lower lip trembled, her face pale. “Yes, just after
it
happened.”

Nina shook her dark head in clear wonder. “Damn, that was fast. Usually takes at least twenty-four hours before shit starts happening.”

Ingrid’s breathing hitched. “So there might be more . . . uh, changes . . .”

Wanda nodded. “Yes, there could be more physical changes. Dr. Woods’s turn was the quickest I’ve ever seen. That could be due to her . . . um, species. But there’s also more in the way of emotional issues. So much more. Now, I think it’s time for some realism. I hate to do it, but being a doctor, I’d bet you’ve been trying to put this all into some kind of medical file in your brain. You’re a logical woman. That stands to reason due to your profession. However, what’s happened to you defies logic and the science you think you know. I’m going to give you that first dose of the unreal with me as your support. So I’ll need you to trust me just a little. Ingrid and Kaih can come with us, but I’d like it if you’d give me your hand and come with me.”