Acres, Natalie - Sex Junkie [Cowboy Addiction 1](Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) (7 page)

“If that’s all you can give, I understand.” She was tortured then, conflicted by the endless emotions running rampant in all different directions. She was mad at Grant for insinuating sex was like some dirty deed, almost a form of corporal punishment.

She was indeed hurt. Grant and Blake clearly wanted her, but they refused to give her the understanding she desired most. She was confused about the love element as well.

Could they love her if they participated in a threesome arrangement? What kind of man shared a woman with another man if he truly loved the woman in his bed? Before she became carried away with analyzing the situation, she decided Blake and Grant held for her what she’d once felt for them—an unselfish love, an unconditional love, a love fated to remain forever strong.

Morgan saw that in them anyway. Unfortunately, she was uncertain of her own feelings. She was unable to get in touch with her emotions. Meth robbed her of the ability to feel love or extend the kind of compassion someone in love would easily share with a person they professed to care about.

“Come here,” Grant said, a guttural edge in his voice. “I want you to go in the bathroom and shower. When you come back to us, present yourself in the proper manner. Then, we’ll treat you like you’re our woman. That is, if you’re a good girl. Okay?”

“If you mention Kilo again, you’ll be punished. Do you understand?” Blake asked.

“Why are you being so mean?” she asked. “I can’t help it that my mind plays tricks on me. I thought Kilo was here.”

“You can control your thoughts. Train your brain, Morgan. Realize Kilo will never be in the same room with you again,” Grant said firmly. “You’re over the worst part. Still, you’ll have clips and images from past delusions. Depending on the severity of those and how much you welcomed evil forces into your life in the past, those will vary. Unfortunately, we can’t do anything about those, and you’re on your own there, but there’s a way you can help yourself, and we expect your full compliance.

“When you start hallucinating, I want you to tell yourself it’s a dream or your imagination. I want you to close your eyes and remember us. Think of the love you and I once shared. Think of how much you used to love Blake. Hold fast to the memories, Morgan. The good times may be the only thing you can cling to in the trying days ahead.”

“You don’t understand,” she muttered.

“I grasp all I care to,” Grant said coolly. “Go get cleaned up like I told you. When you come back, you address us properly. Your training begins now. Are we clear?”

“Yes,” she said, leaving the bed and storming away.

“Wait,” Grant demanded.

She stopped in her tracks.

“Turn around.”

“What?”

“Walk back over here like a lady rather than a spoiled child not getting her way.”

She pursed her lips but followed the request anyway.

He sat on the edge of the bed and patted his knee. “Bend.”

Her nipples immediately throbbed when she realized what he had in mind. “I don’t want to.”

“Five licks are headed your way. Defy me again, you’ll get ten more.”

“You told me to get in the shower. You wanted me to get cleaned up! Why am I being punished?”

“Ten more,” Grant quickly informed her. “And you know why. I don’t put up with a sassy woman. Understood?”

She immediately curved her body over his legs, anticipating her spanking. She typically enjoyed a smack or two, but fifteen licks? Good Lord. Her skinny ass didn’t have enough cushion for that kind of discipline.

Grant jerked her pants down as soon as she sprawled out over his legs. She gasped as his fingers raked across her skin. “You’ve lost too much weight,” he said gently, patting her right cheek.

“I can’t help it.”

“Yes, you can,” Blake told her in the distance. “Now that you’re off the drugs, we’ll make sure you eat.”

Grant gave her five hard slaps.

“Ouch!” she screamed, twisting around to stare at him.

“I didn’t promise to be gentle.” A second later, he added. “Arch your back. Place your hands on the floor.”

As if she were a machine following orders, she obeyed his request, foregoing another round of verbal banter in order to enjoy the exquisite punishment she was due. The burn was remarkable, but she wasn’t about to tell him. She’d forgotten how much she enjoyed the heated sensations, the electrifying way sharp shards of sheer pleasure zipped down her spine and tickled her pussy.

Without a doubt, she deserved this spanking. The more brutal the better. Maybe Grant could spank some sense into her. Maybe then she’d remember exactly what she’d been missing.

“Relax,” Grant said, pinching her. His nails bit into her flesh and she cried out as he deliberately twisted her taut skin.

“Silence,” he ordered abruptly. “I don’t want to hear whining. You have ten additional licks on the way.”

As if she didn’t know how to count. Unfortunately, she’d forgotten how Grant spanked. When he used erotic spankings for disciplinary action, he gave repetitive smacks and they burned like hell. Each time his palm plopped against her ass, the resonating sound alerted them all.

Grant Fowler didn’t issue love pats. When his sub needed chastisement, he literally tanned her hide.

Morgan bucked against each and every strike, savoring the reconnection, the memory in the making as Grant’s hand fell against her ass. If he meant to lay down the law, his palm reminded her she wasn’t above reproach. She was flawed, imperfect.

It was then when she found complete acceptance. She still needed a Dom’s guidance, training, and supervision. She would be fortunate enough to have two Doms invested in her instead of one.

Morgan became submissive to their expectations in that moment. Grant and Blake expected her to behave like the woman she once was, and she couldn’t wait to submit to them again.

Chapter Six

Blake watched her shower. After she’d been so defiant, they didn’t trust her. What if she tried to leave? After seeing the way Morgan’s delusions affected her, Blake realized he and Grant were up against a power stronger than the two of them put together.

“Will you join me?” she called out, opening the foggy shower door in an attempt to seduce him.

Her small breasts were full. Water cascaded over her pretty, ripe nipples, and he growled when she used her forefinger to motion him inside.

In the past, just catching a glimpse of her body would’ve been his undoing. Now, it would take a little more, not because he wasn’t attracted to her, but because he was more concerned about her well-being.

“I can’t reach my back,” she complained.

He walked over to the shower. “Turn around,” he rasped, reaching for the soap but refusing to strip and join her.

She bit down on her forefinger and gave her bottom a good shake as she followed his request. “Are you sure you don’t want to come in here with me?”

He eyed her red behind. Grant’s palm was clearly imprinted on her left cheek. “No,” he said. “Not yet.”

“Your loss.”

“I imagine it is,” he said, taking the washcloth she offered him. He rubbed the soap back and forth over the cloth. Then, he caressed her back, washing her from left to right. She was so thin now. Once a curvaceous beauty queen, Morgan’s weight loss was staggering.

His fingers traced the lines and curves of her body. Once soft and pampered, her skin possessed dry and rough splotches, definite signs of her prolonged drug use.

“Hmm, that feels so nice,” she said, tilting her head to the side and flashing a wide smile.

Blake released a sigh of relief. Morgan was one of the lucky ones. She still had every tooth in her head and remarkably, they weren’t cracked, chipped, or damaged, something typically found in meth users.

“Do you still enjoy touching me?”

“Of course,” he whispered, watching his hand glide over her frail body.

He wanted to ask her what had driven her original experimentation. Why had she chosen to do drugs? Was she torn between two lovers? Had he and Grant added too much stress to her life? Was she unable to cope with the added pressure of loving two men? If so, how could she handle loving them both now?

As he stared down at her thin hips and skeletal form, his mind revisited better days. A long time ago, he’d promised to love her. He’d given her his word. He’d always be there for her.

Even though they’d never exchanged vows, after he loved and lost her, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind. One day he planned to ask for Morgan’s hand in marriage. He had planned to make Morgan Keesling his wife.

She faced him all of a sudden and his eyes fell to her sunken belly. “You’re so skinny, Morgan.” He framed her face and kissed her lightly upon the lips. “So fragile.”

“I won’t break,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her hard nipples pressed through his shirt and she enticed him, grinding against him.

He moistened his lips then. Regardless of her size, she was still the sexiest woman alive.

Blake had always liked her wet look. When she wore her hair long, the damp strands clung to her breasts and there was an incredibly sensual look about her. Now, her short hair gave her a slick, sophisticated appearance. She resembled a runway model, one with very little meat on her bones, but she appeared as graceful and elegant as those who strutted down the catwalk.

“I love you,” he said, his eyes meeting hers. “I’ve never loved anyone else. I never even thought I was close to falling in love with someone else. You’ve held my heart since I gave it to you all those years ago.”

“I know,” she said softly, looking away. “I’m sorry I wasn’t worthy of your love.”

“Morgan, we all make mistakes.”

“I didn’t just trip or stumble along the way, Blake. I took a tumble into a world I may never be able to leave. What I’ve done, what I’ve seen will stay with me for the rest of my life,” she said, ducking her head under the shower nozzle.

Blake considered the way she made the admission. She stated the obvious in a matter-of-fact tone as if she put everything out there on the table and said, “Mull this over and get back to me,” but her eyes told a different story. She had regrets. She understood what she’d lost, and what she certainly stood to gain if she’d change.

Apparently, she wasn’t as confident as she’d been earlier in the day. Blake could tell Morgan wasn’t sure how long she would stay drug-free.

“And you think others haven’t made mistakes?” He tilted her chin toward his when she stepped away from the water again. “Morgan, there’s nothing we can’t overcome together. You have a strong support system. You will beat this addiction. I believe that. You need to have faith in yourself.”

“I don’t know, Blake. Things are so screwed up now.”

“How?” As if he didn’t know. Hell, he could make a list.

“Like us, for instance. Things are different between us now.”

He would agree with that. In fact, he’d be the first to admit, if he could turn back time, he’d lock his fingers around the minute hand and refuse to acknowledge the stroke of a new hour, the dawn of another day.

“So people change. Who’s to say our relationship won’t be stronger?”

“Or more satisfying?”

“I’m not talking about sex.”

“I am,” she assured him, her fingers raking across her nipples as she playfully inched toward him.

He was painstakingly aware of Morgan’s fidgeting and the way she’d avoided acknowledging her own feelings for him, if she still possessed them. “Why won’t you tell me you love me, too? I know you do. I see it in your eyes.”

“Blake, I don’t know what you expect from me. It’s as if you walked into the house today and expected to pick up exactly where you and I left off.”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”

“No. To my knowledge I’ve never had a threesome.”

“I know that.” A beat later he said, “There you go changing the subject again. Morgan, you can say it’s too early or you can pretend the old love doesn’t exist anymore. You can play this any way you want, but I know you haven’t forgotten the way you loved me. You haven’t forgotten the love you shared with Grant. If you can’t tell me how you feel, at some point, talk to Grant. Let him know what’s going on in your head. Tell him what’s on your heart.”

He considered that possibility then. What if Morgan loved Grant but didn’t have enough room in her heart to love them both? As quickly as the thought entered his mind, the notion vanished. Morgan would remember the love they’d shared. He had to believe that otherwise his effort to save her would prove more challenging.

She shrugged, brushing him off with that flip attitude of hers.

“You’re afraid. You think one or both of us will walk away.”

“No,” she replied.

“Are you scared of loving us again?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m afraid I’ll use you and then I’ll leave you.”

He studied her face. She was as serious then as she’d ever been. Her brutal honesty shocked him. She certainly knew herself better than he understood her. In fact, what did he really know about Morgan at all now?