Across the Line (In The Zone) (18 page)

Chapter Thirty

Calder sat on the bed, trying to check out of his hotel room. He liked using the TV remote control whenever possible because that way he didn’t have to stand in line downstairs. The team bus was due to leave in fifteen minutes. Plenty of time to brush his teeth, throw his toothbrush in his bag and head downstairs.

His phone rang and he saw his mom’s picture on the screen.

“Hi, Mom. What’s up?”

“Calder, honey. I just saw the news. Is Becca all right?”

He stood up with a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Why wouldn’t she be all right? What news?”

“Oh, sweetheart. There was a fire last night.”

“
What?
”

“There weren’t any injuries, but from what I saw, the entire building where her restaurant was is ruined.”

“Why didn’t she call me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she’s in shock. Maybe she’s dealing with the fire department or something. I would have called her myself, but the only number I have is the one for the restaurant.”

“Mom, I’ll get back to you. Thanks for letting me know about the fire.”

Calder speed-dialed Becca.

“Pick up. Pick up.” He paced at the foot of the bed.

“Hi,” she said.

“Are you okay?” He tried to sound concerned, but he was mostly pissed off.

“You heard,” she said, sounding tired.

“My mother just called wondering how you were. Imagine how surprised I was when I found out your fucking restaurant and apartment got burned to a crisp last night. And the reason I was surprised? Because
no one told me.
Why didn’t you call? Shit. Fuck.” He took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

It didn’t work.

“Look, Becks. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be yelling at you, but damn it.
Damn it
, you should have called me.”

He heard a shuddering sob and realized she was crying.

Fuck
. Now he really felt like an asshole.

“Oh, Becks. I’m sorry. God,
I’m sorry
. Please stop crying.”

She didn’t. He heard literal gut-wrenching sobs on the other end. Then she hung up on him. He cursed. He looked at the time. He cursed again. Fuck fuck fuck. He had to be downstairs in five.

Quickly, he picked up the room phone and called the front desk. He got put on hold. When it rained, it poured. He fought back the urge to rip the phone out of the wall and hurl it against the wall.

When the desk jockey answered, Calder checked out as quickly as he could. Then, he grabbed his bag and raced downstairs. He only just made it to the bus. Their team services person, Melinda, gave him the evil eye.

“I was just about to call you,” she said, then turned to the driver. “We’re good to go.”

He walked back and took the seat behind Hart.

“I was getting worried,” Hart said, turning in his seat. “Thought you might be passed out next to the toilet.”

“Very funny. I was actually talking to Becca. Her place burned down last night.”

Hart gaped at him. “What? Her café or her apartment?”

“Both. She lived above the restaurant.”

“Holy fuck. She’s okay, right?”

“Physically, yes. Emotionally, she’s a basket case.” He looked around the bus and felt a hot wave of frustration. “I shouldn’t be here. I should be on a plane to New York right now.”

He started to get up, but Hart stopped him. “Don’t even think about it. We have to play the Oilers tomorrow.”

“It’s preseason,” Calder argued, but he didn’t get up again.

“And you’re on Marchand’s shit list right now. I don’t know the guy that well yet, but my last coach wasn’t the most forgiving man on the planet.”

The doors hissed as they closed and the bus pulled away from the curb. He calculated about fifteen minutes to the airport, fifteen minutes until he could go somewhere more private.

Screw that. He needed to talk to her now.

“Hi,” she said again.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was a dick.”

“Good to hear you finally admit the truth,” Alex said and got some laughter.

“Can it,” Hart ordered, half rising from his seat to address the bus. “His girlfriend was almost killed last night.”

“Oh, fuck,” Alex said. “Sorry, man. What happened?”

There were murmurs of sympathy all around. Calder hunched over and plugged his free ear in a futile attempt to create a bubble of privacy while Hart filled the team in.

“Was that Alex? And Hart?”

“Yes.”

“I wasn’t almost killed. I wasn’t in any danger at all. I was at Savannah’s. I’m still at Savannah’s. She let me stay here last night.”

“God bless Savannah.”

“She said I can stay with her as long as I need to.”

“And my parents would say the same thing. My mom’s worried sick.”

“That’s really sweet.”

“I’m worried too. Are you okay? What’s the status of Cups and your apartment?”

“Everything’s gone.” Her voice hitched, and he braced himself for more crying. He could still hear the echoes of her sobs in his head. They hurt him worse than any injury he’d ever received playing hockey.

“You have insurance, I hope.”

She sniffed, but didn’t start crying. “Yes. Everything’s covered. But they said there’s a possibility of arson.”

“Arson?”

She sighed. “Yes. They still need to investigate, but they seemed pretty certain.”

“They don’t think you did it, do they?”

“No. I don’t think so. I don’t see how they could, but it makes me wonder, who would have set the building on fire on purpose?”

“What can I do?” he asked. “I can’t come until Wednesday at the earliest. No wait, I could leave right after the Edmonton game tomorrow.”

Hart elbowed him. “No, you can’t. We host the Rangers on Thursday.”

“I’ll catch a red-eye out of Edmonton, spend time with her Wednesday and fly back late that same night.”

“Calder, don’t,” Becca said. “I’m fine, really. I’m in control. There’s nothing you can do.”

I
can be there for you.
I
can hold you if you have to cry again.
Even though it would tear him up inside, he’d do it.

“I don’t care. I’m coming. Just for moral support.”

Chapter Thirty-One

Two days later, Becca closed her eyes and soaked up the comfort of Calder’s arms around her. She buried her face in his neck and breathed in his scent and let that wash over her too. Even though she felt the tears gathering, she would not cry again. That wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t bring her beautiful restaurant back. It wouldn’t get her a place to live. She had no time for crying. It was too embarrassing, especially since they were standing in the middle of the airport.

She hated crying, and she hated crying in front of people even more. That was the reason she’d hung up on Calder on Monday. When she allowed herself to get all psychoanalytic about it, she recognized there was something wrong with her. Everybody cried once in a while. It wasn’t a big deal. No one above the age of twelve probably gave a shit one way or the other. But Becca liked being in control and crying meant she was overwhelmed and hopeless. Crying was what you did when there was nothing constructive left to do.

“I told you not to come.”

“I know.”

“But I’m glad you did.” She hugged him harder and fought the tears back like a demon. She didn’t understand why she was on the verge of falling apart with Calder, but when her sisters called, she’d been in complete control of her emotions. It wasn’t as if they were going to do anything to help anyway.

She took a deep breath and pulled back. “Do you have luggage?”

“Nah. Just this.” His carry-on sat at his feet. “Are you hungry? Want to get breakfast?”

“Sure.”

They grabbed some food at a diner. Becca got pigs in a blanket and Calder ordered the largest combo they offered. While they ate, she asked after Hart and Jeremy, Alex, Tim and Erin.

“They all send their best wishes. The whole team does. If they could, I swear, they’d all fly out here, grab a hammer and help you rebuild. Is there anything left at all?” he asked.

“Nothing. It’s all either burned or ruined from the smoke and water.”

“Do they know where it started?”

“They haven’t said yet. It’s probably going to be a week before their official report, but my insurance company said the city’s investigation doesn’t really matter because they’re required to conduct an independent investigation.”

“Seems like double the work.”

“Exactly. But red tape is red tape.”

“In the meantime, they’re going to pay the rent on whatever apartment you find, right? I can help you do that while I’m here. It shouldn’t be that hard.”

The insurance company wasn’t going to do any such thing because she didn’t have renter’s insurance. She’d never thought it necessary because she didn’t own anything valuable, except for what was in the café. The only insurance she’d maintained was on the café, and because arson was suspected, she’d been told not to expect any reimbursement for months, perhaps even a year. But she didn’t want to bother Calder with any of that. He was proud of her for having built her own business without any help and she didn’t want his vision of her competence diminished by this. It was stupid, but she really could handle all of her problems and she wanted as little help as she could get away with.

“If it’s okay,” she said, “I’d like to just spend some time with you and forget about the fire and everything for a day.”

His expression softened and he went from gung-ho “let’s get it done” to “whatever you want, baby. I just want to make you happy.”

“Okay. If you want to just hang out, that’s what we’ll do. In fact, this is perfect because I didn’t get a room at the Statler.”

“You didn’t?” That was their normal routine. He’d come to visit so often, the staff knew him.

“I decided we needed a change of scenery.”

Turned out, he rented a cottage on Cayuga Lake. It was a quaint, four-bedroom vacation rental, fully furnished with a dock and a tranquil view, nestled smack-dab in the middle of nature and as secluded as Shangri-la. The master bedroom had a wooden deck attached to it, with lounge chairs that faced the lake.

“I love it,” she said after they’d settled in. They stood on the deck. Birds sang and the soft breeze rustled the tree branches. If she listened hard, she could also hear the water gently lapping against the dock. The rhythmic sound was so soothing. She felt more relaxed with every minute that passed by.

“So, you’re good to go here for two weeks.”

She turned to him in shock. “What? You can’t stay two weeks. The regular season is starting. You have games and commitments.”

“
I
can’t stay, but you can. Have some friends up for the weekend. Forget about the fire and everything. Enjoy yourself. I bet Savannah and Oliver would love it. Or your shopping friends, the ones who hooked you up with the red dress and stuff.”

She took his face in her hands and kissed him. “I’ll pay you back.”

“I don’t want you to pay me back.”

“I’m going to anyway.”

Her kisses of gratitude turned into something more. They usually had crazy, clothes-flinging, headboard-banging sex after they’d been separated for a while, but not today. Today, he took it slow. Very slow. He kissed her over and over, her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, her neck. He pulled the band off her ponytail so he could thread his hands through her hair. He did that all the time and it felt so good. It always relaxed her. His low murmurs and warm hands lulled her into a drowsy, sexy, floaty state.

He started to go back inside, but she shook her head. “Let’s stay out here.”

He looked around. The place was secluded enough. They had lots of trees for cover, plus they were on the second floor.

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

She undressed, looking around again to make sure they wouldn’t be putting on a show for anyone. When he came back, he gazed at her so longingly, she felt her cheeks get hot.

“Stop staring at me,” she said, resisting the urge to cover herself.

“I can’t help it,” he said. “Sometimes my eyes go rogue and I can’t control them. This is one of those times. Here, you can stare at me back.” He put a condom and a towel on the lounge chair and unfastened his shorts, pulled off his T-shirt.

His body was so beautiful she did stare. Every time she looked at the sculpted muscle, the lean lines, she couldn’t quite believe he belonged to her. He was so confident and aggressive on the ice. He would charge other players and slam them into the boards hard enough to make the glass thunder. He had no problem throwing off his gloves and hammering an opponent in the face with his powerful fist. And yet, here today, he was being achingly careful with her. It was a side of him she’d not seen before. She’d seen him sexy and hungry, playful, intense, but this tender warmth, this heartfelt consideration was new.

He laid her gently on the cushion and smiled at her as she reached up, slid a hand into his hair and pulled him down for a kiss. Again, he explored her mouth with his lips and tongue. She reveled in the weight of him, the sensation of skin against skin. When he closed his mouth over her nipple, she arched. He flicked the tip with his tongue, circled it, sucked. Desire flared when he nipped, then soothed with a brush of his lips. He spent a little more time there before giving the other breast the same attention and by the time she was done, they were both breathing harder.

“Now, Calder. I want you.”

He lifted his head. His expression was one of quiet hunger. She knew the feeling. She was ready. She wanted him inside her, a part of her. She wanted to take everything and anything he wanted to give. It was always like this. The knowledge that they had limited time always made her feel greedy.

After he’d rolled on the protection, she parted her legs and he moved between her thighs. This was what she needed, she realized. She’d lost practically everything, but she still had Calder. Cups could be rebuilt. She’d get a new place to live, new clothes, but Calder was an irreplaceable part of her life now.

She loved him.

As he eased into her, he caught her gaze and the eye contact was so intense, she was forced to break it or blurt out that she loved him, and she couldn’t do that. God, no. If she said it now, after the fire and everything, he’d probably end up saying it back out of pity and that was the last thing she wanted. When, or if, he said he loved her, she wanted it to be real, not forced.

She closed her eyes. A deep sound of pleasure rumbled in his chest as he moved in and out. He kissed her again, softly, tenderly, and her heart swelled with emotion. When he buried his face in her neck, she sighed and moved her hips against his. In the distance she could hear kids laughing, probably down by the lake. A boat motored by. Birds warbled, hidden in the trees, and a sense of peace such as she’d never known settled over her. This was, she realized, real bliss. This was making love, not having sex. For the first time in her life, she was making love and, shockingly, that understanding combined with the feeling of him on her and inside her, brought her to a climax. It wasn’t a screaming, thrashing, nuclear-bomb-blast orgasm. It was deep and satisfyingly subtle.

She bit her lip and shuddered and he glanced at her in surprise. “Did you—did you just come?”

She nodded.

He paused. “I wasn’t even trying that hard.”

She smiled. “
That’s
how good you are.”

He smiled back. “When you’re right, you’re right.” He started to move again. “Women often spontaneously fall to their knees in ecstasy when I walk by.”

She pressed her lips together. “Do they?” She rubbed her leg against his flank. “With great power comes great responsibility, you know.”

“I know that, and with discipline I’ve learned to control the effect I have on the masses.”

“Decent of you.”

“I thought so.”

They grinned at each other. “How ’bout you get on top? I want my hands free.”

“Okay.”

They switched positions. He ratcheted the lounge chair up to a fairly steep angle and she straddled him.

When he slid back inside, he groaned. “That is so good.” He settled his hands on her hips as she rocked against him. “So good. So good.”

He cupped her breasts and toyed with her nipples, then put a hand on her back and pulled her forward so he could latch on again. The pleasure was exquisite. The gentle suction, the increasingly forceful thrusts, made her moan. The sensations built. A sheen of sweat formed on her skin and her breath came harder. His hands squeezed and kneaded her breasts. Instead of rubbing her nipples, he pinched and rolled them. Sharp spikes of pleasure shot through her. He got traction with his feet on the chaise and started increasing the force and tempo of their movements. She braced her hands on his shoulders and threw her head back. Each thrust sharpened the need, increased the tension. She thought back to that first time in her apartment when his knee had been hurt. They’d had to be so careful and tentative.

He wasn’t hindered by any weakness now. He was all power and determination. His expression grew fierce. The tendons in his neck tightened and his body strained for a release he wouldn’t allow. Not yet. She knew he wouldn’t let himself go until she came again. She looked into his eyes and felt tears again. She kept her lips sealed to prevent those three words from escaping. But she thought them.
I
love you
,
Calder.
I
love you.
She said them with her body.
I
love you.
She scattered them on his cheeks and forehead and mouth when she kissed him.
I
need you.
I
love you.
You mean so much to me.

It only took two or three more thrusts and she was there. She was coming, and this time it forced a cry from her throat. A moment later, he arched up, a punishing grip on her hips as he emptied himself into her.

“Oh God, Becca. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He lifted her slightly and slammed into her again. Groaned. Did it again. She smiled with satisfaction as he shuddered through his climax.

He let go of her hips. “Did I hurt you?” He rubbed his thumbs over her skin in a gentle massage.

“No. No, I feel great.” She caressed his shoulders, loving the feel of his sleek muscles.

“Man, that was amazing. Really intense. Did it feel different to you?”

He steadied her as they disengaged. “A little,” she said, thinking
a
lot.

He cleaned himself up. “Maybe it was because we’re outdoors, in nature. Like wild animals. Mating.” He growled and nipped her earlobe.

“Is the animal hungry?” She stood and stretched.

“Of course he is. The animal is always hungry.” He wrapped his arms around her and nibbled at her shoulder. “The animal thinks they passed a grocery store on the way up.”

“The animal is right. I saw it too. How about I try a new lettuce cup recipe out on you?”

“Ha. You know the answer to that question. I’ll eat anything you make.”

“Tex-Mex sound good?”

“Hell, yeah.”

“Okay. If you let me go, I’ll make a list of what we need.”

He tightened his grip on her. “I’m never letting you go.”

Something in his voice made her freeze.
Make light of it.
Pretend it was a joke.
“Well, if the animal wants Tex-Mex...”

He caught her gaze. “Becks. I mean it.”

“Mean what?”

She glanced away, and in a move that should have been cheesy but wasn’t, he touched her jaw and lightly guided her head back until she was looking at him again. “I—” This time,
he
looked away, exhaling. “I, um, you know...shit. This is hard.” He took a step away, rubbing his hands on his thighs nervously.

She waited, hoping.

“I love you, okay?” he said. “I’m in love with you.” The words tumbled out on top of each other in a rush.

“You don’t have to sound so angry about it.”

He pushed his fingers through his hair and exhaled hard again. “I’m not angry. It’s just...I never said that to anyone before.”

“Really?” Becca smiled, shocked. “Never? You’ve never ever told a woman you loved her? I’m the first one?”

“Yes, you’re the first one. But, let’s not make a big deal about it, okay? Shit.” He went to the balcony and put both hands on the railing. The muscles in his back were taut.