Across the Miles (The Not So Bad Boys of Rock #1) (13 page)

If it hadn’t been for Jade, I would have probably locked myself in my room for a month, or worked myself to death. It was a loss I had never fully gotten over. How can you get over losing someone you loved, especially when that someone was the first person to show you any form of affection? Through much support, and sheer determination, I pressed on and worked hard to achieve the dream that Devon and I had shared together. Although it had been four years, a part of him was still with me, and I hadn’t been with a man intimately since. Now there was Sebastian, and even though we had only known one another for a short time, I felt like he wanted to care for me in the same way. It was both comforting and painful all at the same time.

Large raindrops brought me
back to reality, coming down hard and fast, almost out of nowhere. I ran to the
house, not sure how long I had been out there, but when I made it to the landing I was aware that I had been crying, and suddenly, I was thankful that the raindrops might mask my tears. Lord knows I had shared enough of my tale of woe, why make him feel any more pity for me. He wasn’t anywhere in sight when I walked through the door, but I heard him, he was playing the piano and singing softly. I crept through the house slowly, making my way upstairs to the shower to rinse off the sand. I slipped into some yoga shorts and a tank before settling into one of the luxurious sofas in the man cave. I reached for my iPad, opening up my reading app, and tried to lose myself in a book. I must have lost track of how long I was there, and when I looked up I saw that the sky had gotten darker, and the rain was still coming down in large volumes.

“Hey.” I opened my eyes to find Sebastian leaning over me, smiling a heart-melting smile when our eyes connected. “Are you okay? You sort of disappeared on me.” He sat down on the edge of the sofa.

“Sorry, I just needed some time alone; it’s been a crazy week.”

“Am I scaring you, pushing you too much? I don’t mean to do that. I just feel a connection between us, one like I haven’t felt with anyone for a very long time. I guess its nice to know that someone can make me feel alive again.” His eyes found mine, and soon I was lost in the sea of blue, the color that had filled my dreams every night since I set foot in this house, and the color that I am sure will haunt me every night after I return home, away from him and all that he has to offer.

“Have you ever been in love?” He asked softly.

I didn’t hesitate to respond, given the memories still fresh in my mind. “Yes, I was once. Engaged actually. We
were young and in love. We were going to conquer the food industry together.”

“What happened?” He twisted his face to meet mine, finding fresh tears. “I’m sorry; you don’t have to answer that.” He looked away, giving me some privacy as I attempted to pull myself together, to no avail.

“He died in a car accident. He died before I could tell him I was ready to marry him,” I rubbed mindlessly at the scar on my hand.

Sebastian~

The bottom just fell out from under me, if I hadn’t already been sitting down I would have collapsed. Here we were, two people that had survived tragic losses, drawn together by another near tragedy. I look at her and am in awe of her. I mean, how much pain can one person be expected to bear in life? This poor girl has been through hell and back since childhood. I thought her upbringing was horrible, but now, hearing that she lost the love of her life in a car accident when she was only twenty-one, there weren’t enough words of comfort to offer. The only thing I could do was share my own story and hope she would feel comforted.

“Brooke, I…” I was at a complete loss for words, the irony was too much.

“Don’t, it’s okay. It was four years ago, I can talk about it now, it’s not easy, but I can talk. When I look back at that time of my life I often wonder, if I had it to do all again, would I do anything different. Would I have said yes when he first proposed, or even the second time? Hell, I don’t know.”

“How many times did he propose?”

“Officially? Three times. I was just never ready, I
thought we were too young. He was supposed to pick me up from the restaurant that night; I was planning to tell him I would marry him when we got home. I had it all planned out too.” She closed her eyes, as if replaying it over in her mind. “But he was late, which was unlike him, he was always early. I started walking to the apartment, figuring he would just meet me there once he realized I wasn’t at the restaurant. I saw the flashing lights and the crumpled cars. I knew immediately it was Devon, but what I couldn’t understand was why no one was helping him. I could see him in the car; it was upside down, and he was slumped over. I ran to him and crawled under the car; I cut myself pretty badly trying to reach his seatbelt.” She rubbed mindlessly over the area behind her left thumb. So, that was how she had gotten the scar. Her eyes met mine, and though her words were shaky, her eyes were clear and dry, as if there were no tears left to cry. “When they told me he was dead I didn’t believe them. If it wouldn’t have been for my friend Jade and my work at the restaurant, I don’t know what would have become of me. Everyone has a breaking point, you know, and after all of the other crap I had been through,” she shook her head and grimaced, “I honestly thought I deserved a break. Devon was my one chance at happiness, and he was taken away from me, just like everything else in my life. My mother had always warned me not to fall in love. She always said look out for yourself, and you won’t get hurt. Well, I’m here to tell you that is bullshit. You get hurt no matter what.”

“It can make you bitter, can’t it?” I asked, not offering pity because I knew that wasn’t what she needed.

“What’s that?” her face scrunched up.

“Losing someone you love. Someone that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. Someone you
trusted and leaned on.” I sat up, my shoulder touching hers as we both leaned into the back of the sofa..

“So you’ve been in love before? Was she your fiancé, Charlotte was it?”

“Yes, it was Charlotte, and it was a long time ago, but we were never engaged. She was just someone that I assumed would always be there. She died in a car accident two years ago. I was driving.” I picked up her hand and started nervously playing with it, surprised that she didn’t pull away. “I was young and foolish, untouchable you know. We had been out on a drive, taking a trip to Sonoma to tour the wineries. We started talking about the future; she thought we would get married and start a family. I wasn’t ready for that, I was selfish, I wanted to keep dating but, I was in a rock band, I wasn’t ready to settle down. I was going to keep playing my music and conquer the world. We argued about it; she cried, and I got mad. I told her that marriage would always be there, and if we just kept doing what we were doing everything would work out in the end. I was wrong. We were supposed to go to my parent’s house that weekend; she was going to meet them for the first time. Anyway, while we were arguing I got distracted and crossed over the median into oncoming traffic. I swerved the car hard to the right and I guess I must have rammed it too hard because the car flipped, and an oncoming car slammed into the passenger side, killing her instantly.” I turned away from her, unwilling to let her see the moisture forming in my eyes.

She came at me, throwing her small arms around me, sobbing softly. “Oh my gosh Sebastian, I am so sorry. I had no idea that happened to you. Why didn’t any of this get leaked out to the media?”

“My lawyers and public relations team covered it up; I
had been injured in the crash, so they played the distraught lover bit.”

“Not much of a stretch, I’m sure you were completely devastated. I can’t imagine how different things would have been if I had been in the wreck with Devon and survived. I supposed I would have felt guilty, unworthy of living.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I felt,” I whispered, my body shook involuntarily, and she clung to me tighter as if trying to absorb the tremors and take on my pain. “I shut down emotionally, fell into denial. We went on tour, and I performed every night as if nothing had happened. I wrote some of the best music of my life.” I slumped back against the comfort of the plush sofa cushion, half hoping it would somehow swallow me up. Baring my soul to another human being had never been this easy, yet I hated that she would see me for who I truly am. “When the tour was over, and we returned home, I was forced to come face to face with everything that had happened. I crashed hard into a life full of drinking and drugs for the next year until Dek knocked some sense into me.”

“He gave you some good advice?”

“No, he gave me a bloody nose and lip. As I said, he knocked some sense into me. He helped me see that what I was doing was not only destroying myself, but also my family and the band. He told me that I had to get off my path of self-destruction, or I was out of the band. Four months ago I checked into rehab and spent ninety days turning my life around. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m slowly getting there.” I shrugged, studying her face for a response.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” she whispered. “I guess we’re both two wounded souls that need healing. It’s no wonder we get along so well.” She laughed softly; I felt
her body shaking against mine as she let go and laughed heartily, after a while it was hard to keep a straight face and soon I joined in. Laughter felt good, like a soothing balm after we had just made ourselves vulnerable.

“Hey, would you sing something to me?” she asked timidly.

“What? Like right now?”

“Well, yeah, I mean your voice is typically what I listen to when I’m sad. I think this qualifies as a sad moment.” She smiled sweetly, as if I needed further convincing. Honestly, she didn’t need to beg, I would have done just about anything she asked.

“What do you want to hear?”

“My favorite is “Heart is on Fire”, I love the chorus, you can just sing that if you want.”

She snuggled close to me; her arm splayed loosely across my stomach, her head resting on my chest. My heart clenched at her proximity, it felt so right. I started with the chorus. I love this song too. I wrote it not long after the band got together; it became our first single, and it hit number one immediately, helping our album go platinum in record time.

Taking a chance as we walk on a wire

Never let go until your heart is on fire
.

Erasing the emptiness, like a hit man for hire

Never let go until your heart is on fire
.

Take me now, take me as I am

Made a vow, sticking to our plan
.

Consumed by the rage, we give in to desire

Never let go until your heart is on fire
.

Flames touch our toes as we try to get higher

Never let go until your heart is on fire
.

When I finished, I looked down, and she was staring dreamily at me, for some reason it made me shy. I have
performed for thousands of fans and never once have I felt this way afterward. Something about the way she looked at me made my skin tingle all over.

“That was nice, I love your voice.” She lifted her chin, looking me square in the eye. “Sebastian, I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through all of that. It makes me feel better knowing that you’re not alone, you have your family and the band. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.”

“I’m sorry that you had to go through your loss alone; that breaks my heart.” Our hands clasped together, as if an outward showing of our deep connection. “I’m always here for you if you ever need to talk about it.”

“Thank you, that means a lot. I have my friend Jade that I can always talk to; she was there for me through it all. But unless that person has gone through a similar experience they can’t grasp the devastation that you feel.” Her thumb fidgeted nervously over my hand, spinning in small circles absentmindedly. “You know what hurts the most, after all this time?”

I shook my head, silently mouthing the word no.

“Sometimes I find myself remembering our relationship, what it was like between us, and I ask myself if I ever truly loved him the way that I thought I did. You know, now that I am older and standing on the other side. Is that wrong?”

“No. I don’t think it’s wrong. Maybe that is just your way of coping. You were young Brooke; I’m sure you loved him very much.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

I lay down on the sofa, pulling her next to me, so that her back was to my front.

“What are we doing?”

“I just want to lay here with you like this. Let’s just be
still in the moment, is that okay?” I prayed like hell that it would be because, right now, I wanted nothing more than to let my desires take over and make love to her, but based on what we had both just shared, I knew that it wasn’t the time. She wasn’t ready for that kind of connection. So instead, this is what I had to offer. I needed to hold her close and bury my face in her almond scented hair. Before long, both of us drifted off while the rain continued to beat out a soft rhythm on the window. A song that seemed to play only for us, filling the space with a melody, when there were no words to offer.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Sebastian~

My phone woke me up way too early on Thursday morning; it was Dek, and a call at this hour could only mean one thing.

“Hey sleepyhead, are you through playing house yet? We’ve got some music to make.” He sounded way too wired for this time of morning.

“Dek, do you have any idea what time it is man? Why are you calling me so early?” I yawned, hoping he would take the hint and say goodbye.

“Dude, we haven’t spent nearly enough time in the studio and we’ve got that tour coming up in two months. Come on, we need to meet up this morning. I’m ready to roll now, just say the word, and I am there.”

“Man are you wired up on something? You have way too much energy.” Normally I would welcome an early call to meet up at the studio, but Brooke was leaving in a couple of days, and I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. Maybe I could convince her to come with me and hang out while I played, she would have fun with
Natalie. Those two had gotten along well, having spent a few hours together shopping for some clothes for Brooke; she only had a few items with her when she made it to L.A.